A Sick and Twisted Christmas Present.

To Luba, I hope you enjoy my twisted little alternative reality “fan-fic”,

Hugs, Cuddles, and Brutal Ravages…Timmah.

Writers Note: I had intended to write this as a private gift to someone, who I shall call Luba. Needless to say, I decided not to let these stories mothball. I see this as reclamation of my loving efforts on behalf of someone I’m no longer writing for. Some of the names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

I also know that much of this shit is going to mean like nothing to you unless you waste your lives with the dorky hobby of LARP.

For those of you who aren’t World of Darkness Dorks, here is a brief lexicon.

Vampires are arranged into clans, each with their different powers, appearances, and points of view.

Nosferatu AKA Nossies, Fuglies, Sewer Rats: Ugly vampires who live in large underground sewer systems.

Toreador: Pretty Vampires who hate the Nosferatu, and get are quintessential “Art Fags.”

Gangrel: Wild Vampires that have the ability to change their shape, and tend to live in the wild places of the world.

Warrens: What the Nosferatu call their underground homes.

Masquerade: A system of deceptions, political strong arming, and magical hoo-dioo that Vampires use to make Humanity as a whole believe vampires are just myth.

If it wouldn’t have given him away, Theo would have swore under his breath. He was too good at what he did to do that.

It didn’t mean it was easy…

That motherfucking Ernie. Ernie, another Nosferatu was infamous for having a flimsy career, and an even limper reputation…especially with his fellow Nos. Yet again, Ernie had ended up sinking a huge deal. Ernie, former Primogen of Stockton, Ernie, the guy that couldn’t sell a boat to a drowning man. It should have been an easy deal, but Ernie, who had these silly delusions of competence. Of course, also being Ernie, he insisted that he handle this.

“Primogen” Ernie of Stockton (What a fucking joke. Being Primogen of Stockton was kind of like bragging about being at the head of your special ed class. All he had to do was show up for Primogen Meetings, not say overly stupid things and stick up for newbie Nosferatu.) He often failed the former, which Theo had little issue with– everyone who was in Stockton was an idiot as far as Theo was concerned. The latter actually affected the whole clan of Nosferatu. It’s not the younger Fuglies fault that Ernie was incompetent..but since Theo wasn’t willing to be, well, anything in Stockton, he felt obligated to still help up those burned by Ernie’s failures.

That stupid bitch of a Keeper’s assistant claimed to have pinched a Nosferatu breaking the Masquerade. No good, of course. But by that, she meant she used supernatural sight to catch him climbing into a manhole. Of course, she ended up pushing Ernie into having the young Nosling staked, and held.

Fuck! Was it too much to ask that Ernie point out the obvious? Apparently Ernie couldn’t have told this opportunistic peanut-gallery bitch that it’s not breaking the Masquerade if she has to use supernatural powers to see him. Considering human beings DON’T have the ability to do that…but that didn’t stop that prick-sandwich Father Luciano from using this to pinch Ernie.

Of course, a major boon was gonna be owed, or that Nosling was just going to sit there in the motherfucking Tremere Laboratory…the Nosling couldn’t pay a Major boon, he was barely acknowledged, and Ernie was hemming and hawing. He picks this issue to drive a bargain with…this time to fucking deliberate. Theo could have broken his fucking neck.

Taking over the debt, Theo wanted to pay it off immediately. Having someone like Luciano hold a favor over your head wasn’t good. He had to get rid of it- What did that motherfucking priest want?

Someone to get some dirt on Shanghai Rooster, Archon. That itself wasn’t that hard…but it had to be something concrete, something to blackmail him with.

That meant finding his Haven/s, setting up surveillance, exploiting weaknesses via his contacts and people he cared about.

Fucking Motherfucking Cocksuck Sonofabitch.

The last time he had spent out in Gangrel woods was with this turd-nugget called Alburtus or something stupid. Curious about what was going on out in the Gangrel woods, Theo had received a tip from some Brujah what was going on, and Theo wanted to confirm…trying to make a deal with the young man. Alt was currently Primogen in Sacramento, and Theo didn’t know him too well but for seeing him in passing. Theo was blunt, too blunt some would say. Hard to be subtle when you have a stutter as broken as a thief’s promise.

Needless to say, Alby started blustering to Theo, and in return, Theo made Alby’s Beast his bitch by using his supernatural mastery over Vampiric nature.

Getting Alby to take him to the place, he had the sheer gall to ask Theo if he was a good fighter. With that, and his transparent body language, Theo knew he was gonna get jumped. Alby was as easy to read as a neon sign.

Alby was strong, but Theo was much stronger. Driven into a Frenzy because Alby couldn’t control his Beast anymore, he tried to kill the Nosferatu. Theo could have easily murdered Alby- very easily, if he had chosen to take chunks out of the Gangrel by biting him. His fists did incredible amounts of damage, but the Gangrel had tough skin. Theo was fast as well as strong. It was a damn close fight. He held Alby’s unconscious body. Theo made a quick stop to his home in the Warrens to sew up his entrails so they wouldn’t spill out inconveniently.

It was a very real threat…showing up with Alby all wounded. His Clanmates could have just murdered him, but Theo tried to do the right thing (and ballsy thing)…and returned Alby to them, sparing his life. Unther, the leader of the Gangrel at the time that cocksucking piece of Germanic shit- refused to teach Theo the ability to shift his shape. Unther had lied and said that nobody outside of Clan Gangrel was taught the ability. Theo knew of at least 5 people off the top of his head that had been taught, but Unther refused, saying it was for his safety. Alby was there too, trying to twist things up, hoping that Theo would lose his cool so he could get his Clan to murder him.

So much for Gangrel straightforwardness and honor. Give them a few years trying to weasel back into the Camarilla and they were as bad as Neonate Ventrue. Theo could understand the need to play dirty to win, to get ahead. All Nosferatu did, and if they didn’t they were kept underground where they could apply their chosen trade in a way that wouldn’t conflict with their morals.

Gangrel. All he got from them was a pain in the ass. They often had no information worth stealing, and tromping through the woods with a gimpy leg wasn’t Theo’s idea of a good time.

What did that have to do with him being out in the woods, stalking the freshly Embraced childe of Archon Rooster?

It made Theo grouchy, and he didn’t have any outlet for it. He just stewed in it.

He was in the Bay area again. The first time he had been there, in recent history, he had been there, was to help the city of San Francisco fight off another Demonic Scourge of Stupidly Large proportions. Compared to the bullshit he was dealing with as Sheriff of Sacramento, this was a fucking vacation.

Hidden or not, he was going around in circles, if this had been a city, or the Underhome, he could have found his way easily, but this was the forest. Theo had been raised in a rural area, but decades upon decades of Unlife stuck underground living in places and with things no sane biologist would consider “natural” twisted him up, it was hard to find his bearings.

The way this night was going, he was going to end up being eaten by a pack of Lupines, then thrown up again. Fuck you Ernie.

He carefully dug out his cell phone from it’s customary pocket…the Embrace had cursed him with a kind of leprosy, and his nerves for the most part,were dead. Theo had to be very careful where he placed things, or he’d end up jostling them. The grimy phone glowed dimly, just enough to see faint outlines but not enough to give him away. It was almost 2 am, and he couldn’t burn much more time on this if he wanted to get back to the familiar haven of the Amador Warrens. Even worse still, was the idea that he be caught in these damnable woods and have to pray he wouldn’t be found as he slept under concealed shelter.

It was then he heard it…the woods had grown quiet…and Theo stood, favoring his stronger leg, perfectly still.

From just about fifteen feet away, slumped against a tree, he heard something most strange. Ears used to quickly sorting the din of bland party banter to pluck the juicy secrets and embarrassments in a crowded gather, to the tell-tale tick of of a methane line about to blow.

A young woman, no older than 25…probably younger.

Sneaking up carefully and circling around, minding the line of sight, blending in, even with his superior powers of Obfuscation (invisiblity for the great unwashed), he did not need to risk being careless.

Wracking sobs were carried through the misty forest, distorted by the cold, heavy mist. She was mumbling incoherently. It brought back uncomfortable memories. He knew that sound…he had made that sound before. It was…this girl was a target, an objective- nothing more. Sometimes, when Theo saw people when they think they’re alone, they think they’re safe, that they have privacy. The ugly, gnarled old vampire had seen people at their best and at their worst. Usually, it was at their worst. Just another reason to become hardened and cynical. On rare occasions, Theo felt empathy for the people he spied on. Sometimes, even guilt. It was part of the job though- that made it easier.

Theo’s eyes were used to the darkness, used to the light-starved catacombs and sewers- though there was no moon in the sky, it was a starry night, bright out here in the thin mountain air outside of the bay- more than enough ambient glow to see the form of a shapely young woman, and even the stream of dark tears down dusky cheeks. Blood, she was crying blood…

“Why…why, why why, why…?” She muttered…”Why won’t…he. What’s wrong with me? Why did he do this to me…if…Fuck!”

It wasn’t hard to know who she was talking about. Just like her Sire, to fucking embrace a kid and then abandon her. Not even in the way that Theo had heard about Gangrel doing…hunting and stalking their children, if they were unsuitable, just killing them or abandoning the hunt…leaving them alone to fend for herself. This was different…

In the Nosferatu Clan- whose numbers were more than any Topside Vampire could even fathom, there was a more nurturing attitude after the painful agony of the Embrace took. The Embrace is what turned a human being into a vampire, and amongst Nosferatu, the doubly-cursed, it broke the strongest of bodies, and warped the most beautiful of flesh and usually as a result, the mind. Even the strongest, most confident of people found their egos under great strain. At first, the vampire feels great, strong…powerful. King of the world, even, if he had to be trapped underground with locked away with these twisted freakish monsters. After a few days, sometimes less, sometimes more- it happened…it was different for every Nosferatu…but always the same. Pain, incredible pain and agony as bones would warm, skin would boil and blister, hair would fall out in great clumps. Sometimes, even, useless appendages would grow and dangle from warped frames, limp reminders of how they would never be what they were ever again.

Gangrel were a different case. Starting out looking just as any other vampire would, these feral monsters would eventually warp themselves gradually. A frenzy would cause them to become closer to their Beasts, and fur, claws, wings and even stranger mutations would emerge.

This one was suffering, this little Gangrel girl, all out here alone in the woods. Well, she was alone, as far as she was concerned.

Theo had plans. He was to follow this sad little thing, this pretty little vampire, back to her Home. From there he would search through her records, ferret out any useable data she might have, if he had the chance, maybe even set up little cameras or a tap line to send her Internet correspondence and records to a proxy node where Theo could trace it later.

Instead of going home, she sobbed and she sobbed. Theo just sat, watching- patiently waiting.

A broken heart was a hard thing to see, even for a vampire that had broken arms, blackmailed other vampires, blustered, intimidated and cajoled others. Some could say that Theo was a bad person, and, truly, they would be right. He cared about his clan of fellow freaks, and did what he needed to do to help them, even when his own clan, did not understand the sometimes very brutal things Theo had to do.

Squatting in front of her, Theo watched, like some kind of Gargoyle without a building to perch on listening to her mewl and cry.

This self-pity would have continued on for perhaps another half-hour or so if the dance of watch-and-wait hadn’t been interrupted.

“THEO, THEO, ARE YOU THERE? I found some other…”Ernie’s voice crackled from his phone, Theo must have accidentally un-muted it when he had checked the time.

Quick as a whip, Theo clamped his hand down, and smashing the phone into a thousand plastic and metal shards…Theo grunted in rage, tamping down on his Beast, less from the pain of his gnarled, stoney fist crushing his leg, but more than getting made. He fucking hated getting made!

“Wha-” She looked straight at him. Just in case he was caught, he didn’t dress as he normally did, finding a rather blasé suit of clothing, stuff suitable for trekking in the woods, lose, a cast-away shirt, shoes with decent grip…It was impossible for anyone without the gift of Supernatural Sight to see the mangled, putrescent mess that was Theo’s ruined face.

Her grief and sorrow turned into embarrassment at being caught in such a vulnerable space. She stood up, and in her anger, she was beautiful…and her eyes glowing red, she was dangerous.

“Who the fuck are you…Why are you spying on me you creep?” Her voice was ragged and angry. There was fear there too…

Theo was gauging the situation…with his game leg, he couldn’t flee. What if she pressed him into a fight? He did not feel like spending another good week doing nothing but healing from having his guts spilled.

“Who the fuck are you? Answer me. Don’t you know who the fuck my Daddy is? Don’t you know that he’s important?” As Theo just stood there watching, not scared, not backing away, this strange, forgettable looking man, she sounded less and less sure.

The Nosferatu just stared at her…looking deep within her eyes. His Beast did not like being cajoled…but he exerted his will to keep himself in check.

She got up in his face…and he was about to say something, to calm her, to apologize…to do something…he wasn’t afraid of her per se…he just didn’t want to hurt her.Not knowing why he did this himself, he reached out to her, his stammering mouth unable to find the words…and brushed a tear from her cheek.

It was then, she raked his upper chest with claws. Fucking Gangrel and their claws! he didn’t expect it, he should of. It was a glancing blow, not really much of a wound, even with those damnable claws, but pain blossomed in his chest.

She looked as if she might strike him again, with a quickness that surprised the young Gangrel, he lashed out and gripped her clawed hand. She inhaled sharply, while he wasn’t gripping that hard, he could have broken the thin bones of her wrist very easily by grinding with his powerful hand.

Pinning her arm behind her back, she cried out in surprise, and fear.

“St-st-stop it!” He hissed, his stutter making his admonishing sound more like a staccato of gunshots…

“Get the fuck off me! HELP! HE-”

Theo couldn’t have that. He clamped his hand over her mouth…she didn’t need to breath, but it would shut her up. Theo’s mind was racing now…he didn’t know what to do. She didn’t really know who he was…but he couldn’t have her yelling like this, or they would alert Rangers from the nearby station…who knows what else? Other monsters than Vampires have been known to stalk the woods at night.

She was thrashing about and he had her clamped down tightly, his meaty paw over her mouth. The vampire tripped, falling on top of her, she was struggling like a landed fish, writhing…she swiped at his face with a free hand, almost taking out an eye.

Growled, he pressed her down so hard into the soft dirt that it created a deep furrow in the earth. Their struggles eventually caused it to churn up loose dirt, pebbles and pine needles as she screamed and cried and moaned around his hand…the last embers of her anger turning into fear.

“So strong…so incredibly strong!” Thought the She-Gangrel- that unbeknownst to Theo was known as Zajika,”What the fuck does he want, who is he?”

Theo wasn’t sure what he wanted either, like with Alby, this would have been easy if he was intending just to stake her, or to bite her into Final Death…he didn’t want that…but he couldn’t…

“Yo-yo-you almost took m-mm-my Eye…F-f-uck..” He growled…He was in a quandary, let her mouth go and let her scream and maybe face her fangs….but those claws were dangerous, and very precise…

His Beast rose again, thrashing at the bars and chains that Theo kept it contained with was warping…he had to find some way to chann…

Again, her free hand went to slash at him, and burning the Blood that powered his twisted, powerful frame allowed him to move much faster than her eye could see.

“St-st-ay still you!”

She screamed into his hand…”WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT?!?!?!?”

“Sh-sh-shut up…Yo-you CUNT!”

Something about that word was like a slap in her face…the raw fury in his voice…the hoarse bestial fury in his eyes…His Beast swallowed hers, and she wilted…she was quelled, without will…submissive.

Theo, however, was not satisfied…The struggle had torn his clothes…and his Beast needed to do something to mark this…to make this bitch fucking mind.

Blood burned within him he snapped, he flipped her over

Gangrel had been such a pain in his ass for so long, it was time to be a pain in the ass of one of theirs.

“Petty? Sure.” Theo considered,”Satisfying? fuck yeah!

She moaned…Something in that moan made him burn…some part of himself that he hadn’t felt in so very long. Theo, well- he hadn’t felt anything in so long, and he didn’t know why. Maybe it was the thrill of combat, maybe it was something in the misty night air- he could feel now. Theo could feel her heat, her warmth. With one pull, he tore her expensive skirt from her body, snapping it like a flimsy rubber band, and her ass was full and lush- exposed to his hungry eyes. Even Undeath had not stolen her beauty.

Theo lived in shit…everything for him was a struggle, from talking to walking to just surviving. He had learn a lot, but seeing her there, his hand wrapped around her neck pressing her face into the earth, those mewling sobs he had listened to for a almost an hour bubbled where the earth muffled her face.

“Y-y-ou like h-h-hitting people!” He hissed into her ear, the her body writhing underneath his iron grip, “How d-d-do you like this?”

He took his hand, tough as leather and cast iron, and smacked her exposed ass, watching in wonder as the flesh rippled and shuddered, and she cried out…Great wracking sobs.

Theo’s hand created a smacking cadence on her ass cheeks, the pops and snaps of her resilient flesh..her cries turned to whimpers.

Again and again he smacked her ass, and even in the moonlight, he could see the ruddy red as her blood surfaced to heal the damage. She was surprisingly human looking.

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