Author Notes:

The Perspectives Series was created as a study of how our perception of people and events is largely influenced by our point of view. As you read the distinct stories of these characters, and become more invested in their lives, your perception of them and their situations will likely change.

There are four novels in this collection, with the first volume being split into two distinct parts:

Volume One: Jess (Part One, Part Two)

Volume Two: Martin

Volume Three: Jill

Volume Four: Teresa

Together, these stories are about the intertwined journey of several ordinary people as they struggle through relationships, personal revelations, conflict, and unplanned life events. The characters are purely fictional, but familiar, nonetheless.

This was my first attempt at writing some years ago. My writing style has evolved somewhat since, as I’ve established a distinct style and cadence. Rather than rewriting these volumes, I’ve decided to just dust them off and release them as they were written. It’s not my best work, but the stories are interesting enough, I think.

Categorizing these stories for Literotica has been difficult because they span everything from mild BDSM, to Exhibitionism/Voyeur; from Anal, to Erotic Couplings, and Romance. I’ve tried to place each story appropriately, as best I could. In addition, these volumes do not have to be read in any particular order, nor is it necessary to read all of them. They are standalone novels/novellas.

Perspectives Series: Jess – Part One is best described as very mild, amateur, BDSM. It is the story of how a young couple experiments with power exchange, and mild bondage to discover themselves, and develop a once-in-a-lifetime relationship. It is a love story.

Warning: Bondage, D/s play, anal, exhibitionism, swapping, brief F/F.

As always, I hope you enjoy these tales. Feel free to comment, and/or send feedback. And, thanks for all your support!



“My name is Jessica. Most people call me Jessie.”

“Jessie, it’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m a little nervous; I’ve never done this before. I’m not even sure why I’m here or what I want to get out of this. What…er, or where do we start?”

“Why don’t you just start with what brought you here.”

“Um, hmmmm, what brought me here? I know this sounds crazy, but I’m not sure. I mean, I didn’t mean I’m crazy. You know, crazy like different.”

“I understand what you mean. Just take a deep breath, sit back, and relax. Would you like some tea? I’m going to have some.”

“That sounds good, actually.”

“Are you from around here, Jessie?”

“No, I’m originally from the Dallas area. I moved here about 5 years ago.”

“Really? Where about in Dallas?”

“Oh, I lived all over the place. I lived in Carrollton, off Greenville Avenue, and then on Skillman for awhile. I lived with a girlfriend out in Scurry for about 4 months. That was way out in the country. Then I moved to Mesquite for about a year or so. I last lived in the Flower Mound/Lewisville area. So, all over, really.”

“My college roommate lives in Plano and my brother lives in Cleburne, outside of Fort Worth.”

“I’ve been through Cleburne. Nice town. Have you been there?”

“No, I haven’t. Our family functions are usually at our parent’s house.”

“Well, I assume you’ve been to Plano, then…right?”

“Oh, yeah. Right after college I visited Tina a lot. I considered moving there.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I met someone here that I really liked, and decided to get married and stay.”

“That’s nice…”

“You look sad. Have you recently become separated from a loved one?”

“Yeah. Separated…really separated…miles apart, in fact. This isn’t going to be easy for me to talk about. I’ve been having a hard time getting through the days without crying. Last Saturday I didn’t even get out of bed. That’s why I called your office on Monday. I think I may be depressed.”

“Have you ever felt this way before?”

“No. Never, in fact.”

“So, you haven’t seen any other doctors for depression?”


“Are you presently taking any medications — either for depression or for any other reason?”

“I’m on birth control, but that’s it.”

“Any illicit drug use?”

“No. Not since High School, anyway.”

“Is your fear of depression why you called this office?”

“Yes, mostly.”

“Before we get too far along, I want to be sure you understand my focus. What I’m getting at is, there are dozens of therapists in town that work with depression, specifically. Although I can certainly work with you and refer you if necessary, my specialty is sex therapy. It’s perfectly fine either way; I just want to be sure we are clear as to what I do, so there aren’t any misunderstandings. Are there other reasons for your wanting to talk to me?”

“Um…I, uh…yes.”

“OK. There’s no rush to jump to it. You’d be surprised how many people set up appointments and then freak out when they find out that they aren’t talking to a Psychiatrist who can prescribe Prozac.”

“Oh, no…I don’t want to be on Prozac if I can help it.”

“OK, well, back to depression…When you’re lying in bed, how far down do your thoughts go? For example, do you think you’ll find someone else? Do you blame yourself? Do you think about ending your own life? Where do your thoughts generally go when you are having your worst day?”

“I blame myself for a lot of things. I don’t know…like that there is something wrong with me. I have some problems. I don’t ever think of committing suicide or anything like that, but I really can’t see myself with anyone else the rest of my life. These thoughts make me the saddest.”

“Those thoughts would make most people sad. You’re a young, attractive woman. What makes you think you won’t find another partner?”

“I’ve sort of learned some things about myself that I don’t understand, and I’m trying to get a grip on that. I also have some control issues, I think. And that makes it difficult for me to find the right guy.”

“What kind of issues?”

“Well, I have absolutely NO desire to control other people and the absolute need to control everything about me. So, if you do something that affects my environment, it will bother me. I’m so extreme about it, and this is what is affecting me. On the other hand, I fantasize about giving over that control to someone else, and when I have in the past, the experience is life-changing. It’s sort of this dichotomy. I don’t know how to allow myself to give up this one need in order to achieve what I know is a better thing for me.”

“I’m not following you.”

“It’s hard to explain because I don’t understand it, myself. So…I’ve never been married and I’ve had a lot of relationships. They all start out great, you know. Awkward first date, second and third go better. The sex is good at first because it’s new, and you are totally anticipating it before it happens. But then it becomes stale real fast. Not just the sex, but the whole thing. Something goes very wrong for me, even though there is no one thing I can point to that is bad. You know what I mean? He’s a perfect gentleman, he says and does all the right things but something is missing. He doesn’t challenge me in any way. He doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all. I can go through this ritual with my eyes closed. Until recently, I thought every relationship was going to be this way.

“I think now that I was really looking for someone to take charge, and no one was willing to. At least not anyone I was dating. It’s so easy to look right past the things that are most important and focus on the things that don’t really matter. I used to think that stability, honesty, loyalty and stuff like that were important when really it was something more primal. Now I think we can boil this whole thing down to something way simpler. And it’s funny; I can totally spot other submissives when I see them. It’s not one thing, or a combination of specific behaviors, but more of a total look about them. But every one I have met is suppressing their tendency and it makes me sad.

“I don’t know if I am sadder for them or for me. They have no idea what type of life is possible. I know. I guess what I’m getting at is that I need help trying to give up control. Do you think you can help me with that?”

“I’m not sure. Control is tricky. It’s an illusion, really.”

“Control is tricky, yeah, so I’ve heard.”

“Maybe this isn’t about control at all. You’ve given me a lot to digest. I want to key in on the label you’ve tagged yourself with, submissive in relation to control. You seem to relate the two concepts.”


“In these fantasies you’re referring to — what control is taken from you in them? Is it your ability to move, speak, see, make decisions…help me understand what you don’t control?”

“Ummm, well…decisions, I guess. I am not able to decide what happens to me next. Usually what I want to happen, happens; but I have to wait for it. Most of the time, it’s that teasing that really sends me into a frenzy.”

“So these are mostly sexual fantasies?”

“Starting out, they are, but then they evolve into an entire lifestyle.”

“I want to explore that more later…let’s get back to control. In your fantasy, the end result is the same…you get what you want, right?”

“Well, yeah. It’s my fantasy, so in the end, I get what I want.”

“And you have no role in that, whatsoever?”

“No, well, yes…I guess so. What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you at least somewhat responsible for manipulating the situation so that the end result is pleasing to you?”


“So, in effect, you are actually controlling what happens to you, right? I mean, you probably very meticulously choose the characters in your fantasy…maybe faceless strangers, or someone you’ve seen in a magazine, and they do to you exactly what you want them to, while you maintain the illusion of having no control.”

“This line of reasoning is great when we talk about fantasies, but what about real life?”

“Living out fantasies, you mean?”

“What if I were to tell you that I’ve lived this life, and it was better than any fantasy I had ever had?”

“I would say: Good for you, then what’s the problem?”

“He’s gone. And now I don’t know how to get that feeling back, how to allow myself to be challenged again.”

“Maybe you should tell me more about him. What is his name, for starters?”

“Simon. His name is Simon.”

Chapter One

I first met Simon at a grocery store of all places. It was a very unlikely place to start for us. I stand barely over 5 feet tall, and I couldn’t reach the artichoke hearts on the top shelf. This brand was apparently popular this particular week, and there were only a few left on the back of the shelf. It’s one of the few times that being vertically-challenged will bother me. My back was to him as he reached over me and grabbed the jar I was trying so laboriously to reach.

He was a tall man, obviously; around 6 feet tall, with dirty blonde, wavy hair. He was athletically built and attractive, but not the sort you would find on the cover of a magazine. His most striking feature was his grayish-colored eyes. They weren’t quite blue, but not hazel, either. They had a kindness about them.

I think I spoke first, feeling a little sheepish, and then thankful that he was there to rescue me. I stammered something barely audible, and tried to be a little amusing. I don’t remember exactly what I said, probably something like, I was afraid my arm was going to stretch longer than the other one. It was a silly thing to say, but I was instantly attracted to this stranger, and so I was instantly nervous.

A tiny smirk curled the corners of his mouth in response to my attempt at humor. He held the artichokes in his hand, rolling the jar in his palm, not surrendering them immediately.

“What are you willing to give me for this item?”

The question was simple, I suppose, but shockingly flirtatious in a way, so I played along.

“My immediate answer is $1.89. I didn’t come prepared to negotiate.”

To this, he laughed out loud and placed the jar in my shopping cart. As quickly as he walked up, he strolled away. I stood there for a moment, not sure how to interpret this exchange. I’m pretty analytical so I could spend hours just mulling over a simple exchange like this one.

I thought that would be the last of my chance encounter with this stranger, but in the checkout line, he showed up again, standing behind me. Without a word, he reached into my cart, and pulled out a can of black olives. He quickly disappeared down to aisle 4 and returned with a different brand, placing it back into my cart.

“This one is better. Try it.”

“Thanks. I will.”

“I want to see you again, so I need your phone number.”

I didn’t even notice that he didn’t ask, he just matter-of-fact told me. Without much hesitation, I blurted it out.

That was pretty out-of-character for me, because I don’t usually accept dates with men I don’t know. There’s just too much to risk. Most of the time, I meet guys through mutual friendships. That time was different; something strange was beginning to come over me. I didn’t know what it was at the time. I do now.

“My name is Simon, by the way. It is nice meeting you. I will call you tomorrow.”

Chapter 2

I didn’t think he would call. These things may happen to extremely attractive women, but they never happen to me. And especially not on a Tuesday at the grocery store.

I couldn’t stop thinking about our exchange. How strange was it, that I just gave him my phone number like that? What is it about him that affected me right away?

In my mind, he went from being mildly attractive to the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid eyes on. I couldn’t begin to understand what had happened. I finally gave up on the mental twenty-questions I was playing with myself because he wasn’t going to call, anyway.

He did call, nonetheless…on Wednesday just as he said he would. Our conversation was longer that time, but not terribly personal. I found out he was a Structural Engineer at a Design/Build firm in mid-town. I had no idea what he actually did, but I suspected he gave me the information so I could check it out for accuracy, and so I did. That gave me some comfort that I wasn’t going out with some unemployed serial killer.

We made plans for dinner on Friday. Rather than meeting at the restaurant, he insisted on coming by my apartment and picking me up. That isn’t a usual practice for me. I preferred to play it safe and drive my own vehicle. His voice, or the way he assumed control, just gave me the courage to waylay my fears. In fact, he never even mentioned where we were going. I was going on a lot of faith.

He arrived promptly at 7. He didn’t come inside, but waited on the landing for me. After I locked the door, he reached past me and checked it to make sure it was closed all the way. I remember thinking that was such a caring gesture. Without hesitation, he wrapped both arms around me, gave me a kiss on the left cheek and a huge, lingering hug. It was one of those very comforting hugs you receive from old friends. It made me feel instantly at ease. Then he escorted me to his Volvo S40 by placing his hand on the small of my back and opening the car door for me.

Once inside, he checked my seatbelt. Not by asking me if it was on, but by sliding his hand toward my hip and pulling gently on the straps near the buckle.

All of his attentiveness was beginning to act like a drug on me. I couldn’t recall the last time someone actually spent that much time focusing on me. In fact, I’m not sure any man ever has.

The conversation in the car was of nothing about work or anything trivial. He began by talking about a local event of recent media attention, delving into it with an understanding that I couldn’t fathom. His observations of the morning news accounts were positively insightful. I felt inadequate as a conversationalist, and this was an area that I liked to pride myself in.

I wasn’t just becoming aware of my own inadequacies; I was also beginning to realize that this was no ordinary man. Most men wouldn’t notice if you changed your hair color to purple, but Simon paid attention.

At every turn in the road, I could feel myself searching both sides of the street trying to guess which place we might be going to. I know he noticed it, in fact, I think he noticed everything. He began to grin every time he turned, and I wondered if he wasn’t going the long way around just to keep me guessing. He never told me where we were going and I never asked.

We arrived at a place I’d never been before. It was called Bluestem. I had never heard of it. The choices were limited and a bit confusing to me. After examining the menu for some time, Simon leaned toward me.

“I suggest the Striploin. It is exceptional.”

I agreed to his suggestion and with that, he relieved me of my menu. He ordered for both of us, choosing an appetizer, a salad, and a delightful Cabernet that was perfect. That three course meal plus dessert was going to take us hours to complete. I wasn’t expecting that type of commitment on the first date. This was very risky for him to commit to so much time on a first outing, I thought.

I’ve dated a few times, or maybe a few hundred times, but who’s counting, and so I am quite skilled at steering the conversation on the first date to all about him. It has been my experience that the more men talk about themselves, the better my chances for a second date. And I so wanted a second date with Simon.

But he was mastering this conversation, and it was about me: my work, my habits, my friends, family, pets, interests. It was exhausting, and by the end of the night, I knew almost nothing about him. How did that happen? I wondered.

He walked me up to my door and swiftly kissed me on the cheek. There wasn’t any nervous waiting to negotiate the good-night terms, as I put it. Simple and quick. He waited while I unlocked my door, and insisted on waiting there until I had completed a full safety check of my apartment.

His last words to me were, “I will call you tomorrow morning.”

Chapter 3

Tomorrow came, and he called at 10:30am. I thought that was pretty early after a first date, but I wasn’t complaining. It was Saturday, and he confessed that he already had plans to go to a party at a friend’s house. I thought that would be the end of it, but then he said the most surprising thing.

“I’ll pick you up at 8. This will be an excellent chance for you to meet some of my friends.”

I was dying at the chance to find out more about this mystery gem I had stumbled on. I was sure to uncover some deep, dark secret that would ruin it for me, but it was better to find out then than later.

I’m not sure where the rest of the day went. It was a blur. I labored over what to wear and finally settled on a wrap-around blouse and skirt. I had to go out and buy the skirt. I barely ate anything all day. I was practically in a trance at the nail salon that I popped-in unexpectedly.

Simon was prompt in arrival again, and the same ritual was followed as the night before. The charm was still working for me, and I had to admit I was really starting to like the guy.

The party was a fair size by most standards. There were probably fifty people there, mingling about the living area of a very beautiful home in fashionable Mission Hills. There was a vast age range, of around 25 to 55. Mostly upper-middle class business people and artistic-types, mixed with an occasional workout junkie. Lots of couples, or dating singles, I wasn’t sure.

Simon introduced me to several people, and when I was comfortably talking with a couple of ladies, he excused himself to join a group of guys across the room. I noticed him watching me dutifully through the crowd and it made me feel very secure.

The ladies, however, had very little information. I pumped them for tidbits about Simon; who he dates, what he’s like. They told me that he is a monogamous dater, meaning he only dates one woman at a time. That seemed promising. Other than that, the details were very vague. They said neither he, nor his previous dates, discussed their relationship openly, and so they had very little idea of why he hasn’t settled down or what kind of lover he might be. I sensed that one of the girls, Teresa, was holding something back, but I couldn’t be sure. Her manner was aloof, in general, so it was difficult to tell.

My disappointment in the lack of information must have shown because Simon was by my side again. This time he escorted me across the room where we could talk privately. He leaned in and whispered in my ear.

“So what have you learned about me so far?”

I giggled a little nervously from embarrassment, and just as I was about to open my mouth to say something, he pressed his lips to mine in what would be the deepest, most passionate kiss. His tongue was probing inside my mouth boldly and intrusively. His left arm supported my back while his right hand rested on my neck, holding my face to his. My knees literally failed me, and the sensation throughout my entire body was electrifying. I completely forgot there was a party going on around us. This was the kind of kiss one expects during extremely passionate lovemaking. It wasn’t the usual kiss.

He pulled away slowly, remaining a few inches from my face and gazed into my eyes for what seemed like a very long time. He didn’t say a word; he just looked into my eyes. I could feel my breath quicken. If he would have stared one minute more, I don’t know what I would’ve done. The lack of food, the wine, and the kiss, were a little more than I had bargained for, and I thought I might just faint right then and there.

But just then, he stopped and sat me down on the loveseat behind us. He placed his arm around me and settled me into that comfortable spot in the crook of his arm.

“I guess I should start by telling you more about myself.”

He talked very freely about his past relationships, his friends, family and interests. I listened intently, waiting to uncover some big secret, or inconsistency in his story, or some personality flaw. His most recent girlfriend was Sarah. It sounded like they just weren’t a good match — no big drama or anything. If he held anything back, it wasn’t obvious. He had such an open way about him that it would be difficult not to trust him. I was relieved that there weren’t any big skeletons in his closet. Oddly, I found myself wanting to please him.

Chapter 4

Just as on previous dates, Simon walked me to the door and waited until he knew I was safe. He kissed me again, this time on the lips, but I was disappointed that it was not the same deep kiss as back at the party. I was so aroused after he left, and my first impulse was to go get my vibrator, but something stopped me. The anticipation, while almost painful, was also very exciting, and I wanted to hold onto it for him. I hoped he wouldn’t wait long.

Sunday morning he called again, right at 10:30am and told me he would pick me up around noon. He instructed me to wear a casual dress. Where are we going?

At first I thought it was presumptuous of him to think I had nothing going on, but I didn’t want to argue, and besides, if I would’ve had plans, I would have canceled them. As I was getting ready for our date, I could feel my labia swelling and I wondered if he would notice my attentive nipples. He seemed to notice everything. I was already imagining what it would feel like for him to be inside me and I hadn’t known him a week, yet. But I couldn’t even think about it for very long without becoming so aroused I could hardly walk. I have to try and put that out of my mind for now.

I put on one of my favorite sundresses, coupled with a light sweater. The dress is a very flattering design with a floral print, and I’ve always thought it made me look especially feminine. I’ve been sort of a tomboy my whole life and have always preferred a comfortable pair of blue jeans and tee shirt, to dresses. But this guy made me feel very much like a girl, and so dressing up on this occasion felt more like my pleasure to do so, than fulfilling a request.

He took me to the Botanical Gardens where we spread a blanket and ate a light picnic lunch — mostly fruit. It wasn’t anything very fancy, but the thoughtfulness and romantic nature of it was working on me. I had a hard time hiding the fact that I was aroused, and I’m sure he noticed. Our conversations were becoming easier and less rehearsed, as they sometimes feel on dates. We had a lot in common in our thoughts and views, and I could really feel us becoming friends.

The day was beautiful and warm, and many people were about, strolling the grounds, anxious to be out of doors after the long winter. The nearest walkway was about 20 yards away from our blanket. This sidewalk connected the main house and restaurant with a nice walkway through the blooming azaleas. Most people didn’t give us much notice. There were other picnickers, and so many more interesting things to look at in the gardens surrounding the lawns.

It seemed that we had a lot more in common than we knew. We discovered that we both had lived in Dallas. We didn’t know any of the same people, but we could relate to late nights and early mornings in Deep Ellum, favorite restaurants along lower Greenville Avenue and of course, Campisi’s. We share a love for Texans that you can only have if you’ve lived there. I found myself talking about my desire to move back there and raise a family, before I even realized what implications that might have on our relationship. He didn’t react much to my confession, but I sensed that he shared the same vision.

Our conversation broke long enough for us to breathe deeply the aroma, and feel the sun on our faces. I remember letting my head tilt back to face the sun with my eyes closed, and then without provocation or warning, I felt a touch on my breast. It startled me a bit and made me feel a little uncomfortable. After all, we were in public. I was propped on my elbows so my immediate reaction of brushing it away was not possible. I looked quickly around to the passers-by but no one seemed to notice. His hand lingered there as my eyes shot toward his. He caressed for just another moment while looking directly at me and then he withdrew his hand. My nipples were now very noticeably at attention. I thought I would feel embarrassed, but instead I was more aroused than ever. True, it made me feel uncomfortable, but that was somehow fueling my arousal.

We left shortly after that. On the way home, he produced a gift from the backseat of the car. I hadn’t noticed it there before. It was a plain box in a department store bag. He asked me to open it later.

I was again disappointed to receive the standard kiss on the lips on my doorstep. I knew there was a lot more passion there and so I couldn’t imagine why he was holding back. The suspense was positively sublime. Once again, I decided to harness that energy I felt inside rather than giving in. It was a little easier with my diversion — a present. I eagerly opened it to find a simple white blouse. It’s the kind of wardrobe staple every woman should have. I couldn’t imagine the significance.

Simon called me at work the next day. I was relieved. The work day was heading from bad to worse, and I desperately needed a diversion. I swear he could hear it in my voice. We seemed to have that kind of connection. His words were very reassuring, he told me not to worry; that I wouldn’t have to make a single decision after work. There was just something so calming about his words.

He instructed me to put on that new blouse he bought for me along with the skirt I wore on our first date. I had to think about it for a moment; I barely remembered what I wore. It was a blue skirt that came just above my knee. Nothing very fancy, I thought. He had one last instruction…I wasn’t allowed to wear any undergarments: no bra, no camisole, no panties or hosiery. I think I held my breath as I agreed to do so over the phone. This is going to be the night, I can feel it. It wouldn’t be a moment too soon, either. I didn’t know how much more delicious suspense I could take.

I raced home after work and put on the clothes he requested. The material in the blouse was sheerer than I had planned and it was possible in brighter light to see my areolas through the blouse. I wanted to disobey his wishes and go put something on underneath, but I was afraid the evening wouldn’t turn out as I had planned. If I don’t get laid soon, I might start slaying small animals in the street — I swear. I felt that sexually tense.

I obeyed his wishes and wore exactly what he told me to wear, while I secretly wished for a dark restaurant.

This time upon arrival, Simon entered my apartment. His smile lit up his entire face as he told me how beautiful I looked, and how sexy. He leaned in and very sensuously kissed me. His probing tongue was almost more than I could handle, and the throbbing between my thighs was painful. He quickly retreated though and told me that we had to hurry because we had reservations. Reservations?! That meant one immutable truth — a crowd! My nervousness managed to grow as he expertly maneuvered the vehicle through traffic, toward God knows where. Please, please, please let it be a dark restaurant.

I would not get my wish. The Oak Room was a very lively, bright restaurant. We were seated at a booth, but rather than sitting next to me, as he had done on our previous dine-out occasion, he sat across from me. I suspect it was to get a better view of my erect nipples through that sheer white blouse. He quickly ordered wine for both of us and the warm liquid had a welcome, relaxing affect on me. He also ordered my food for me without asking. This was becoming a ritual that I enjoyed — no decisions after a long day of endless decisions at work.

We were just having our normal conversation before our food arrived, until he leaned forward and lowered his voice.

“You really look beautiful tonight. Unfasten another button for me, won’t you?”

Now I just knew he could tell this was making me uncomfortable, and he could also see, quite obviously through the blouse, that it was exciting me. I unbuttoned as he wished. This forced me to sit back. The gap in the opening would surely render my breasts completely exposed if I slumped even slightly forward, so in order to maintain my last bit of dignity, I pressed my shoulders to the back of the seat. He was pleased at my new posture and never stopped smiling throughout the rest of dinner. Every time someone took a second glance, I noticed immediately and my self-conscious response seemed to make Simon’s smile widen.

Back at home, Simon entered my apartment and performed the security inspection, himself. We had purchased a bottle of wine on the way home, and I was in the kitchen opening it when he had finished his inspection. He stood close behind me and began massaging my neck and shoulders. He was extremely skilled at it, and I thought I must remember to ask him where he learned to massage so well. But not now…I don’t want to ruin the mood.

His hands ran down my arms and the movement pulled apart the blouse enough to expose my breasts. He slid his hands forward and finished unbuttoning the blouse as he continued pressing his body against my back. The blouse fell off my shoulders but remained wedged between our bodies, hanging on only by the sleeves.

He continued massaging my neck, my shoulders, arms and back. I realized that there were open curtains in front of me, and I sensed that increased the pleasure for him. My apartment was on the second floor and I didn’t know any of my neighbors, but the mental picture of how this would look from a voyeur’s standpoint was intriguing to me. I was quickly reminded that I wasn’t wearing panties by the wetness beginning to run down my thighs. Oh, God! Could I be that wet?

His hands found their way to my hard nipples and he alternated from caressing to tweaking them. My breathing was shallow and bated. I started to tremble and I couldn’t tell if it was because I was nervous or about to cum. I wanted him so badly I could cry. He ran his hand over mine and had to pry it off the edge of the counter. As he rubbed my knuckles with his thumb, he led my hand to the glass of wine in front of me. I had a hard time swallowing that sip of wine. My throat was so constricted and dry. The break helped me to gain some composure and he started talking. This time it was like before — it was about ordinary stuff: the events of the day, his friend’s new house, new tires for the S40. He turned me to face him and then he leaned back against the refrigerator a couple of feet away. I forgot that my blouse was still hanging on by the cuffs, and that I was completely exposed from the waist, up. It was the most natural thing in the world, but not sexual at all. This is heading in the wrong direction!

I tried to step closer to him, to press my naked upper body against him, but he patiently guided me back to the counter. He was neither pushing me away, nor was he pulling me near. I was so confused.

The last thing he said to me before exiting was very memorable, though.

“Thank you for your patience. I need you to hold on for just one more day, can you do that for me?”

He took my face into his hands and looked into my eyes. I knew exactly what he meant. Shit!

Chapter 5

Exactly as requested, I behaved myself and did not relieve the pressure building up inside of me. The tenseness caused me to snap at two of the Account Reps in the office for being complete idiots. I couldn’t begin to explain my emotional roller coaster.

Simon called to let me know that he would be bringing dinner over with him. I was delighted to hear we would be dining-in because I had been having improper thoughts about him all day. On the other hand, this is really going to be the night, isn’t it? Suddenly I felt very light-headed.

He arrived early, around 6:45pm with Thai takeout. The butterflies in my stomach prevented me from eating very much. After he finished his plate, he leaned forward and kissed me gently, but expertly. His kisses were perfect — gentle but commanding in a way that made me weak. As he was gathering the empty containers and plates, he asked me to go into my bedroom and wait for him. More accurately, he instructed me to do so.

I sat down on my bed and my mind started racing. Should I undress or stay dressed, turn off the lamp, keep it on, lie down, sit up? I wanted to get it right but I was so nervous or anxious…or something. He appeared in the doorway a moment later.

“I was hoping you hadn’t started undressing without me.”


“I want you to slowly take off your clothing.”

I immediately felt uncomfortable and vulnerable, but I never once considered not complying. In fact, I was getting even more aroused by his tone.

When I leaned down to remove my shoes, he disappeared for a moment into my closet. He produced a scarf that had been hanging on a belt rack. Simon never took his eyes off of me while I undressed.

Soon I was completely naked and feeling a little unsure of myself, sitting on the edge of my bed. He walked up to me, parting my knees with his legs and cupped my face in his hands. Ever so gently, he began kissing my lips, each cheek, my eyelids, and forehead. He then moved to my earlobes and neck. My eyes closed and I relaxed back onto the bed. I had anticipated and fantasized about being with him, it felt like I was dreaming.

Every inch of my skin was super-sensitive to his touch. I was starting to tremble slightly with anticipation. I know that if I purposefully tried to breathe that shallow again, there is no way I could stay conscious; there were times when I think I stopped breathing, entirely.

Simon lifted my arms above my head and ran his hands up my arms toward my wrists. He gently caressed my hands and wrists and then slipped one end of the scarf over my left hand first and then my right. In moments, my upper limbs were bound together. He moved me fully onto the bed so my legs were no longer dangling off the side, and then he stepped back for a moment as if to contemplate his work of art.

He leaned in and gently pressed his hands on my inner thighs until my legs parted. Running his hands down toward my knees, he pulled my thighs even farther apart and upward so that my knees were bent. I was now completely exposed and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was very pleased.

Again, he stepped back to admire the view.

“You have never looked so beautiful, Jess. You really are stunning! Don’t move.”

He reached into his pocket and produced his cell phone. He drew it closer to my sex and I finally realized what he was going to do. He was taking a picture of me: a close-up of my wet, exposed flesh.

I’ve never allowed anyone to take photographs of me naked and I wanted to protest, but I couldn’t speak. In fact, I could hardly breathe. The anticipation of this moment had brought me so close to orgasm. I just knew the next time he touched me, it would all be over for me.

He pocketed the cell phone and leaned down until I could feel his warm breath caressing my gaping slit. His tongue was like an electric shock when it finally touched me. First, he slowly circled my swollen clit and then he brushed by it, playfully. One moment his tongue was soft and warm, and the next, it was hard and forceful. Those beautiful gray eyes looked into mine while he continued to work my clit with his tongue and lips. At last, he wrapped his lips completely around it and I could feel the sensation rushing through my body, down my spine and right out between my legs. My back arched and then my entire body began to spasm. It was the most powerful orgasm of my life.

He rolled me onto my side, rubbing my back and caressing my thighs and buttocks. It was only then that I noticed that he was still completely dressed. I sat up, and with my bound wrists, I began to unbuckle his belt. He grabbed my hands and laid me back onto the bed, wrists overhead. I couldn’t help it, I began pleading.

“Please, PLEASE…I’ll do anything you ask.”

“Anything?” He asked.

“Oh, I swear…ANYTHING!”

I couldn’t believe this was coming from my mouth. For a moment it was like I was outside my body looking back at a figure I didn’t recognize. It sounded somewhat like my voice, but these words weren’t ones I had used ever in my life.

He froze and looked into my eyes. With a very earnest expression, he stared at me for what seemed like a lifetime. The piercing intensity of his gaze made me tremble, and I knew he considered what I said very seriously.

His whisper cut through the silence like a razor.

“We’ll see about that.”

Chapter 6

I was disappointed when Simon told me that he had a client dinner Wednesday evening and wouldn’t be able to see me. He had left me in such a vulnerable state the night before. His last words before climbing out of bed sent chills down my spine.

For the first time I began to think about where the relationship was going. I mean, this wasn’t the usual dating situation for me, and I was just starting to realize I wasn’t in control….at all. I couldn’t imagine what was next. The thoughts that raced through my mind scared the hell out of me one second, and then in the next, they aroused me. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so alive.

Colors seemed more brilliant, my lunchtime deli sandwich that I’d been ordering for the past two years somehow tasted better. Everyone in the office was friendlier. I had a whole different perspective about everything. It felt like someone just gave me 20/20 vision after being near-sighted for a very long time.

My apartment felt very empty that evening and I was lonely — not just alone, but really lonely. I didn’t know what to do with myself and so I spent a long time just sitting and staring at the television thinking about Simon.

During commercials I would shut my eyes to more clearly conjure up an image of his face. I could feel his stare stripping me down until I felt completely exposed to him. In this most vulnerable state, was where I kept daring myself to go. It was as close to addiction as I’d ever been. So absolutely consumed by the thought of surrendering to him, I could think of little else.

When my phone rang late Wednesday night, I jumped up to get it. I was hungry for his voice and I longed to see him. I could tell from his tone that he was exhausted.


~Hey, sweetie, how are you?

“I’m OK. How are you?”

~It was a long day for me. Did you miss me?

“More than I can express.” I had to confess.

~I’ve missed you, too. Tomorrow I have to work late, but I’ll be over around 9 to tuck you into bed.

“Uh, OK.”

~Do you have other plans?

“NO, not at all. Tomorrow night will be perfect.”

~OK. I’ll see you then.

It wasn’t perfect. It was a disaster, but I was afraid he was going to change his mind if I complained about it. After all, it isn’t like he can just change his whole work life just so he can spend all his time with me.

My mind kept wandering at work; I couldn’t think of anything except him all day long. Nine O’clock couldn’t come quick enough for me.

The wait was worth the greeting. He let himself in the front door, ran up to me and picked me up into his arms. We kissed, and hugged, and laughed, and talked. Like old friends getting together for the first time in years. Could that much have happened in one day? I was giddy with excitement, and all the crazy fears I had in my head were gone. What is a normal relationship anyway?

Simon left that night with nothing more than a long, goodnight kiss at the door. The sexual break was good for me because it gave me some evidence of what I wanted to believe: this wasn’t just a casual fling.

The weekend was approaching and that meant no work, no distractions, nothing but Simon. How I longed to be lost in his world.

Chapter 7

Thank God it’s Friday. My cell phone alerted me to a text message. It was from Simon. He didn’t usually text me but I was excited nonetheless to hear from him. The text read: White blouse, short skirt of your choice, heels, and nothing else. 7 pm.

Game on. I could feel the dull throbbing between my thighs again. His instructions had such an effect on me. Just then, unexpectedly, my phone rang.

“I was just thinking about you”, I teased.

~I’m looking at a picture of you right now.

I’d almost forgotten about the picture — he only had one of me. I felt my cheeks begin to flush as I pictured him staring at my pussy on his laptop in his office. Full-blown, blushing red and wet, right there on a flat screen in corporate mid-town. I could picture his piercing eyes and the growing hard-on in his pants.

~I can’t wait to see you tonight, baby. Don’t forget.

Long after I hung up the phone I could still hear his husky voice. I don’t know where the next two hours went, but at around 3, I just gave up and went home. I couldn’t stand the agony in the office. At least at home I could pace back and forth, clean the house, and run laps around the coffee table — something to relieve the tension. In my office I just felt like a caged animal.

At 7pm, Simon walked in. He looked particularly handsome in a navy blue button-down and blue jeans. His kiss was passionate, and it was obvious that he missed me during the day as much as I missed him. His hand immediately slipped into my blouse and cupped my breast. I gasped. Not so much because it was shocking or unexpected, but because it was just so familiar and felt so right…and because I nearly came.

We went back to Bluestem for dinner. It felt good to go somewhere both familiar and particularly ours. This was, after all, the site of our first date, and exactly one week later. It seemed odd to me that it had only been one week. It felt like a month, or a year.

I was strangely comfortable wearing my white blouse with no bra. I didn’t think much about it, even when I took notice of the stares. Simon sat close beside me and ordered the same food lineup for both of us as before. He never seemed to take his eyes off me and when he slipped his hand into my blouse at the table, I didn’t seem to notice at first. Our waiter, Jim returned with our wine and coughed nervously when Simon failed to remove his hand from my blouse, and continued to caress me in front of him. I couldn’t make eye contact with Jim, I was just too embarrassed. I tried to cover Simon’s hand with my arm but this made Simon even more determined. His hand was in plain sight of anyone passing by. My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I felt hot all over.

Simon withdrew his hand from my blouse. As quickly as it began, it was over. Our food soon arrived and we continued normally, except that I felt a sense of urgency. The embarrassment really intensified my arousal, and I couldn’t eat my meal fast enough.

Just before entering the apartment, I felt almost panicked. Should I try to undress him again? Should I undress myself? My head was spinning.

“Just relax, baby. I’ll take care of everything.”

I couldn’t imagine how he could tell what I was feeling. Or maybe he just got lucky. Either way, his soothing words were instantly comforting and I could feel myself relax at the thought of him taking charge.

Simon sat down on the sofa and smiled a little wicked grin.

“What?” I asked.

“I want you to do something for me.”

“Well, you’ve never been shy before…out with it…what do you want?” I asked playfully.

“I want you to dance for me.”

“Dance? Are you kidding me?”

He stopped smiling. “No.”


I could feel myself get tense. Clearly I didn’t understand the request because I wasn’t dancing there long before he said, “Strip off your clothes.”

I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling. I think the nervousness was getting the better of me. He wasn’t amused and when all my clothes were lying on the floor, he pulled me onto his lap and began vigorously massaging my breasts. Simon had never been even the least bit aggressive with me, and it started to make me feel uncomfortable.

“Unbutton my jeans…Now pull out my cock.”

This was the first time I’d actually seen him exposed. It was nice. Not too huge, not too small. It was more slender and long than bulky and wide. And it was hard, and erect. He watched me examine it with my eyes. He then placed his hand on my neck like he had several times before when he kissed me, but this time he directed my face to his lap. I began licking and kissing his head but that wasn’t what he wanted. He held his hard dick with one hand toward my mouth, and grabbed my hair with his other hand. He then more forcefully applied pressure, until his cock was sinking deep into my mouth, and down my throat. I found it difficult not to gag.

He pulled me back away by my hair and tilted my face upward until we were looking directly at one another. His stern gaze told me what I needed to know. Don’t question, and always take him seriously, or there will be consequences.

He released my hair and smiled. I read his suggestion and began sliding my hands up and down his hard shaft. I attacked the head of his cock with my mouth and tongue as if I was starving and this was the only food available. I was whipping myself into a frenzy of stroking and sucking; I hardly noticed when Simon laid his head back on the sofa and began to moan. His hips were moving with the motion, and it was obvious he was close to exploding.

He came partly in my mouth, and partly on my cheek and chin. I wore his cum proudly, as I felt completely victorious, and very near to orgasm, myself. I wiped my chin clean with my finger — scooping all the cum inside my mouth. I continued my housekeeping by licking every drop from the head of his penis, and sucking every remnant from my own fingers. Simon watched me intently as though inspecting my work, and this made me try even harder.

He assisted me onto my feet and caressed my knees lovingly, first with his hands and then with his kisses. I began to tremble with anticipation. He was so close to my extremely wet pussy. My scent must’ve been strong from where he was sitting and the wetness obvious as even my thighs were soaked. I wanted so much for him to please me again, and I couldn’t have been more obvious about it.

He gently placed his hands on my waist and stood up. He was still partly stiff but not hard like before. He moved his hands to my shoulders, rubbing them and caressing my neck. All the while, he was looking into my eyes in quiet deliberation. His hands began to apply pressure onto my shoulders, queuing me to kneel. I did so swiftly and obediently. He touched my inner thighs with his feet, and in doing so, I spread my knees as far apart as I could get them. Touching my upper arms with gentle pressure guided them to rest behind my back with my wrists crossing behind me. My head tilted back to look at him.

It was at this moment that it happened. I let all the stresses of the outside world go. Nothing mattered outside of that room, and there was no reason to be afraid or ashamed of anything, anymore. My mind was free of doubt and guilt; I can only describe the feeling as being intensely, utterly and unconditionally at peace. I was completely surrendering to him.

As he watched me in silence, he must’ve understood my transformation. His dick began to grow harder, and his breathing was heavy. His mouth must’ve gone dry as I could see him struggling to swallow while his chest heaved. I’d never seen him quite like that and the sight was almost more than I could bear. He became more intensely aroused as he gazed down at me in silence.

My mind cleared, and I didn’t wonder what was next or question or even hope. I just waited there. I only wanted to please him. To return this gift of completeness he had given me.

Simon lifted me to my feet and held me close to him. He stroked my hair for a moment, and gently kissed my forehead. This is just the beginning.

Chapter 8

Simon and I walked into the bedroom as though we were completing some ritualistic act. It felt a lot like we were walking down the aisle toward an altar with sincere reverence. Simon finished undressing and exhibited a half-smile when he noticed my scarf on top of my nightstand. It was a reminder to me of a very wonderful night in that very room. He snatched it up, and before he could say anything, I just instinctively placed my arms above my head. He tied me to the bed this time and ran his hands down to my chest. He first dragged every finger across my hard nipples, and then flicked them with his tongue: Back and forth, rotating between them.

He then sat back and began stroking his hard-on while he stared at my moist, hard nipples. He was engorged, and I wanted to take him into my mouth. I’m not usually that anxious to give head but something had changed in me and I wanted to just please him in whatever way he wanted. I feared that he might just finish the job himself and leave me there in agonizing pain but he didn’t.

He slid between my legs on the bed. The suspense was killing me, and I wanted to just move my hips to force him inside me, but the restraints stopped me. His wicked little grin gave him away. It was apparent that he was enjoying the teasing even more than I was.

“Please?” I whispered in a barely-audible, husky voice.

“I didn’t hear you”, he teased.


He chuckled for a couple of moments. “Please what?”

I’m actually pretty comfortable using somewhat lewd language. Maybe it’s because I’d grown up and worked around men my entire life. My girlfriends would go as far as to call me vulgar. But it’s an entirely different story when the situation is intimate. I’d always had a little problem talking dirty in bed.

I squirmed a bit before answering.

“Please make love to me.”

His quizzical expression made me instantly realize that I had chosen the wrong words.

“Make love to you? Are you sure that’s what you want? I think you want something a bit different.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“Fuck me.”

“You forgot to say the magic word.”

“I’m sorry. Please fuck me?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure. Please, pleasefuck me!”

In one swift motion, he slid inside me. It wasn’t difficult to do — I was incredibly wet and very ready to receive him. I gasped, and with his next thrust, began my journey to an orgasm. He only pumped a couple more times and I was there. He wasn’t finished, however, and continued to drive harder and faster. His eyes never left mine, and his constant stare made me feel very vulnerable. I didn’t think it would be possible, but I came a second time before he finally came.

My arms were aching from the overhead position but I didn’t care. I laid there breathing hard, spent and exhausted. Simon released me from the bed but left the scarf tied around my left wrist.

That was the first night that Simon slept over.

Waking up in the morning in his arms was heavenly, and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I secretly hoped he would tie me up and keep me here in his safe, secret world all day.

I wasn’t awake long when I realized that nature was calling — right on time as usual. I began to slip out of the sheets when his hand grabbed my wrist and squeezed it, holding me in place.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m just running to the bathroom, babe.”

His grip remained tight but he didn’t say anything, he just laid there with his eyes closed like he was asleep.

“May I please go to the bathroom?”

With that, he let go of my wrist.

At work, and in my personal life, I am the boss. I’ve always been a natural leader and my strong-willed, sharp business sense coupled with my quick wit has always rendered me in positions of influence. I make a thousand decisions daily, and direct the business that affects multi-million-dollar deals.

So, where is this coming from? How can it be acceptable for me to have to ask to use my own bathroom? It wasn’t only acceptable that he demanded that of me, I would have been disappointed if he hadn’t.

There were so many questions, and no answers. It was just too complicated to think about that early in the morning, on a Saturday.

When I returned, Simon was lying on his back, awake. I snuggled in next to him, under his arm, and began kissing his neck. He didn’t move and made no indication that this was pleasing to him. In fact, he seemed to not notice — he was deep in thought, staring at the ceiling. In past relationships, this is where I would turn on the female wiles and pout. I didn’t dare do that with Simon.

He finally rolled onto his side and looked me directly in the eyes. He just stared at me for a long time. At first, I feared he was upset about my oversight earlier. Surely he would give a rookie a break; this was all so new to me. But then I realized that wasn’t it at all. His stare had an amazing way of bringing me back to our special place — one not connected with reality for me.

He began stroking my face, and his gentleness sent a warmth through my body. I felt like I had the night before on the floor, completely at his mercy. He smiled and looking into my eyes, he gently whispered, “I know.”

I can’t describe the vulnerability I felt, the absolute intimacy we shared. I can only guess that’s why I said what I did.

“Do you know that I would do anything for you?”

With a quiet confidence, he answered simply, “Yes.”

My wish was going to come true. Simon once again tethered me to the bed. The excitement was beginning to build inside me, when he got up out of bed and went to the bathroom. I waited and listened. Several moments later, the shower started running.

Twenty minutes later, the bathroom door opened and Simon was dressed, wearing all of his clothes. He must’ve taken them in there with him without my noticing. I was confused and a little shocked. What is happening?

“I’ve got to run a couple of errands, but I’ll bring you breakfast first. Would you like a bagel?”


He pecked me on the cheek and left the apartment swiftly. I was left stunned at what just happened. At first the silence was deafening, and then I started to relax and allow my senses to absorb the surroundings.

It’s amazing how much you hear when you are lying perfectly still. The wind outside was blowing gently; I could hear the glass of the window shake slightly as it gusted past. Barely audible was the sound of a television or a radio — I couldn’t tell which. The birds chirped outside, several different tunes, but I couldn’t identify the species. What is that squeaking noise? Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak…sounds like a ceiling fan, maybe. Must be from the downstairs apartment. Silence…squeak, squeak, squeak…silence, squeak, silence…what could that be? I pondered it for probably 5 minutes before I figured out that it must be a hamster or a gerbil on one of those wheels. Do gerbils still exist? How many years since I’ve seen a gerbil? Do the people downstairs really own a rodent? I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. Unfortunately, it sauntered right down Office Avenue. I was replaying in my mind a conference call I had on Friday when I was yanked back to my bedroom by the sound of a click at the front door. For a brief moment, I felt terrified. What if it isn’t Simon? I held my breath.

A moment later, Simon popped his head in the door to show me it was him and hold up a bag from the store. I released my breath. I could hear him in the kitchen. I wish I would’ve had a chance to clean better. I could hear him rifling through the drawers. I finally came to the conclusion that if that was going to be the one thing that humiliated me most that day, then that would be a real feat.

Simon assisted me in eating breakfast while tied-up. I assumed he would untie me and that would be the end of the game, but I was wrong. Dead wrong.

It was kind of fun and romantic eating bagels in bed together. Simon began to talk about how he needed to go to his house and get a few things, run by the store, and get the oil changed in the Volvo. I became aware that there was no we in his list of errands, only I. I started to feel a little panicky inside. I’ve never had a very good poker face, and so I know my widening eyes were a clear sign of my disapproval of this plan.

He read my face perfectly. With a very smug expression on his face, he leaned close to my ear and spoke.

“You said you would do anything for me.”

I held my breath for a moment. It’s true, I did say that but I meant anything, you-know, sexual. And I said it in the heat of passion and um…I don’t know… I was running out of excuses in my head. It didn’t matter, because he wasn’t looking for a response. He left before I could form the objection.

I looked at the bedside clock. It read 10:30.

I laid there and thought about work for awhile, and then I tried to figure out what was on the neighbor’s television. It was no use, the sound was too faint. I decided to play a game to occupy my mind: Name species of birds starting with “A” all the way to “Z”. Albatross, Bluebird, Canary, Dodo, Egret, Finch, Goldfinch…or is that the same as Finch? Um, OK…goose, hummingbird, I, what begins with I? I can’t think of anything. Oh, this is ridiculous.

The sounds of the birds were amusing for a little while, then they began to annoy me…and would that STUPID rodent please SHUT UP and GO TO SLEEP?! I became aware of the dull throbbing in my lower back. I don’t think you’re supposed to lie like this all day long. How long has it been…11:03….SHIT! Only 30 minutes.

I decided that I needed to do something about my back, so I rolled over onto my side. Ah, that feels much better.

I suddenly woke up when I nearly pulled a muscle trying to put my arm by my side. Roll over…clock…1:14pm. I started to whine to myself. Click-click…the door. His car must’ve been what woke me. I was giddy with excitement. I couldn’t wait to see him…Simon, Simon, Simon…please be Simon. Not only did I have to go to the bathroom, but I was thirsty, and aching, and I hated to admit it, but lonely without him.

He appeared in the doorway, smiling. My entire face lit up and I struggled to free myself. He laughed out loud and then jumped into bed playfully. He quickly untied me. I started to jump up to the restroom but quickly remembered to ask his permission first. He naturally allowed me to go, and I returned to a completely nude Simon on my bed.

“Oh, this is a nice surprise!” I gushed.

I stood there waiting for his instruction. I didn’t want to do anything wrong.

“Come here beside me and lay on the bed, face down.”

I obeyed. He began rubbing my back and upper arms and shoulders. I really needed the attention. My muscles didn’t like being tied up like that.

Occasionally, I could feel his semi-hard penis rubbing against my back and buttocks and I started to get turned-on. He produced some oil and continued massaging my back very slowly and deliberately. I could feel his dick growing harder, and I started to breathe heavier, as I always do when becoming aroused. His massages started going lower to my buttocks and upper thighs. He parted my legs and teased my pussy with his fingers to let me know that he could. I started to moan and thrust my hips a little into the sheets. I could feel the swelling begin, followed by the wetness.

Just to make sure, he ran his fingers down my buttocks and slid them into my pussy. They glided very easily in and out.

“Does that feel good?”

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Yes, what?”

I knew I had one chance to overcome my silly discomfort and get this right.

“Yes, your fingers feel good inside my pussy.”

“Mmmm, nice!”

I started bucking harder. I really wanted more, and I was hoping he would ask. He withdrew his fingers and I held my breath. I felt a cold sensation of liquid being poured onto my buttocks — more oil. He massaged both sides of my ass and then pulled my cheeks apart to expose my hole. I could feel the oil running down to the opening.

This has always been off limits. I had managed to remain a virgin back there and I really liked it that way. I lay very still, hoping he would move on. Instead, he began massaging the sensitive ring with his fingers. I instantly tensed-up, and I could feel my body start to break into a cold sweat. I didn’t know what to do, my breathing started to quicken, and my pulse was racing.

Simon rolled me onto my back. His cock was rock hard. It was obvious what it would take to please him, and this was his way of showing me what I needed to be prepared to do. What anything might mean. He was teaching me.

He entered my pussy swiftly and fucked me hard, thrusting faster and faster. He was so deep inside, I started to squeal. He pulled out and turned me onto my hands and knees and entered from behind. His intensity built and my entire body started to tremble, almost uncontrollably. He made a deep animal-like noise when he came, and withdrew almost immediately afterward. I hadn’t even caught my breath when he spoke.

“Go take a shower and get dressed, babe. I brought us some lunch and I’m sure you are ready to get out of here, aren’t you?”

I couldn’t even respond.

Chapter 9

The rest of that day was pretty normal, really. We ate lunch, ran to the grocery store, talked about dinner, the weather, the houses we passed, all kinds of random stuff like that. If you would have passed us on the street, you would have sworn that we were a married couple. I felt so at ease with him. I could tell him anything about me, say anything at all, and he would embrace it without judgment.

Before retiring to the safe haven of my apartment, we walked through the complex and down the street, around the block and back. It felt good to get out for awhile. Spring was just starting to settle in and I was so tired of winter. The weatherman was promising cooler weather for the rest of the week though, and so we thought we’d better get out while it was nice.

I liked the feeling of walking into the apartment with him. I could get used to this. We got into a little water fight in the kitchen after I accidentally splashed him with the condensation from a glass of ice. That ended in him body-slamming me onto the sofa. After recovering from the laughter, Simon leaned in to kiss me. His kisses were gentle at first, but then began to build in intensity. He slipped his hands under my shirt and slid my top over my head. I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. It was customary for me to go braless on the weekends.

Simon proceeded to take off my jeans. I wasn’t wearing any panties, either. This was not customary for me, but was something I did to please him. I looked in his eyes for approval. He smiled and pressed his body against mine.

“I like that. I would like that all the time from now on.”

I just nodded.

We laid there for a long time, kissing and talking. He remained fully dressed and I, undressed. Finally it was time to eat dinner. Simon got up, walked into the kitchen and started pulling out the groceries we bought, poured us some wine, and started making dinner. It wasn’t the romantic scene you picture of a gourmet cook, whipping up a recipe from scratch or anything like that. He put the frozen lasagna in the oven and mixed the salad while I sat on the sofa, completely nude.

“Is there anything I can do to help you, sweetheart?” I asked.

“Nope. All under control.”

We ate dinner at the dining table. It felt strange sitting at a dining table with no clothes on. Simon seemed in a particularly good mood and smiled throughout dinner. By the time we walked into the bedroom to go to sleep, I was starting to feel comfortable being nude. I didn’t usually wander about the place without clothes, so that was pretty much my first exposure to feeling comfortable in my own skin.

That evening, and well into the morning, Simon made love to me. It was the first time for us. It seemed the more I began to understand myself, and the more I loved myself, the more I felt for Simon. I don’t know how it was connected, but it was.

Sunday is a depressing day because it is the day before Monday. That meant that Simon would go back to his world, and to work, and so would I. I wanted to be a good companion, but I felt weepy and sad. Simon didn’t ask me what was wrong; he didn’t have to. He didn’t put up with it for very long, either. I’d say I got to sulk for about 5 minutes in bed in the morning. He wasn’t angry or displeased exactly. He didn’t act put-out, he just matter-of-factly began training.

Simon instructed me to roll over on my stomach, and then told me to get on my elbows and knees. He had me scoot up toward the headboard and then tied me to it. He left the bedroom and I could hear him rummaging through the kitchen drawers. He appeared with an extension cord and the cord for the electric griddle. Each knee was tethered to the side board with one of those cords. The cords weren’t very long and so my knees were spread wide apart.

Simon stood there for a few minutes looking at me from behind. He massaged my rump firmly and for a moment I thought he might spank it. He didn’t do anything or say anything. He left the bedroom and I could hear him turn on the television. He changed the stations until he settled on a soccer game.

I stayed in that position for several hours, I think. I don’t know how long soccer games are, and I couldn’t see the clock, so I have no real idea. I could hear Simon’s heavy, steady breathing at some point, and so I know he napped for some of it.

I was pretty irritated at first. I was already in a bad mood and my situation wasn’t helping at all. I screamed loudly in my head, cussing under my breath, and grinding my teeth. I tried to pull the headboard enough to bang it against the wall, but I couldn’t. I think you could describe what was happening as a temper tantrum. I continued that for awhile, and then I started to feel sorry for myself and began whining in my head. I wanted to whimper out loud, and I almost let one out, but thought the better of it. This went on for over an hour at least.

It is incredibly tiring to carry on like that. I don’t know how long it took, but eventually I just gave in. I quit feeling mad, sad, sorry, and sulky. I cleared my mind of all the bad thoughts, and I began to imagine what I looked like from behind. Every sensitive opening was in plain view. I closed my eyes and visualized Simon’s face the night before, when he rolled me over after pouring oil on me and massaging my anal opening. He was so hard, and his eyes were piercing. And then after that, he felt so big inside me…

I was starting to get excited, really excited. My pussy began to throb and my clit must’ve been enormous. I started to move my hips by arching and rounding my back. I was hoping to stimulate myself enough to gain some relief from my new uncomfortable situation. I was completely engrossed in what I was doing when I thought I heard something. I couldn’t see the door from my position. I stopped and held my breath for a moment. Something had changed…no tvand no heavy breathing, either. Oh shit, is he behind me right now, watching?

I froze, and my breathing became shallow so I could listen intently for clues. The seconds felt like hours.

The suspense was shattered with the broken silence.

“I see you’ve changed your attitude.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak a word.

I could just picture him leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed, staring at my ass. I didn’t even feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I was highly aroused and once again, willing to do just about anything.

He stood there for a while longer before approaching. My breathing quickened and my hips involuntarily started moving again. I wanted him to touch me, even though I was sure it would make me instantly cum. I craned my head to the right, he was barely in view. He looked me directly in the eye. It was that stare, again. I couldn’t look away — it fueled my excitement to that point of no return: where you have to finish or you might hurt someone.

Without taking his eyes off mine, he began to slip off his socks. He very slowly removed his jeans and jockeys. I didn’t want to sever my gaze, but it broke when he slipped his shirt over his head. I took the opportunity to catch a glimpse of his erection. It proudly stood outward, and the sight of it was just enough to make the wetness from my pussy run down my thigh. He began stroking his proud cock while I looked on, running his hands expertly up and down the length of his shaft, pinching harder as he approached the head. His strokes quickened. He approached me in time to come on my neck and cheek. The sight was overwhelming and I thought I would come just then, but I didn’t. Shit! Shit! SHIT!

I had to give myself a little pep talk. I closed my eyes and started talking to myself. Stay calm. Relax. RELAX! I was brought back to reality by a touch on the thigh. Simon had taken notice of my wet thighs. He was caressing the wetness with his finger. He leaned toward me and slid his wet finger into my mouth. I sucked and licked his finger like it was his dick. I wanted him badly. He let out a small chuckle and removed his finger from my mouth.

He then slid his finger inside me again, pulling it out and rubbing the wetness on my clit. He applied pressure on the head of my clit and wiggled it slightly, producing the feeling of a vibrator. I began to moan. He watched me thoughtfully.

“Do you like that?”

“Yes, very much.” I managed to get out between heavy breaths.

“What about this?”

He shifted his fingers back a little and moved them back and forth and together like scissors, squeezing my clit between them.

I let out a cry, “GOD YES!”

He slowed his movement, slipped his fingers inside again, pulling out more of my juices and spreading them around my clit. He then slid one finger inside with one remaining on my clit. He began to wiggle the inside finger so that he was rubbing right against that wonderful spot. The movement was enough to allow his other finger to massage my clit. My reaction to this move wasn’t as powerful as the others. It felt amazing but not like the last one.

He once again returned to the direct clitoris stimulation.

“Tell me when you are just about to come.” He ordered.

It didn’t take long.

“Oh, God, baby…here I come, I’m coming…” I gasped in a breathless tone. The feeling was so powerful; I screamed out and nearly broke the headboard from the force of my body spasm.

I lay there bowing, looking more like I was worshipping the headboard than anything else. I felt him untie my knees and my wrists but I hardly moved. I allowed my butt to fall to my ankles, resting my stomach on the bed. I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I felt panicked for a moment. I was afraid Simon had left. He hadn’t left; he was sitting next to me in bed, reading a book. Without looking up from his book, he stroked my hair.

“It’s getting late, baby. You slept for some time.”

“Oh, no! I wasted the day with you, didn’t I? I was so stupid. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not necessary to be sorry.”

I looked up at him and he glanced over at me. I was thankful for his guidance and his patience with me. I will never waste time again.

I was excused to go clean my face and use the facilities. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer to my next question.

“Are you staying?”

“I thought I might. This wouldn’t be a good time to be apart. I’ll stop by my house in the morning to dress for work and pick up a few items.”

I squealed and hugged him, nearly knocking his book from his hands. I wasn’t sure what he meant about being apart, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was that he was staying.

Chapter 10

We began to develop our own unique routine.

Every day I came home from work and undressed. If there was an outfit on the bed waiting for me, I put it on (no undergarments.) If there wasn’t an outfit on the bed, I remained nude. I never knew our plans, nor did I care. I was becoming used to taking things in stride, and taking my lead from him.

Simon usually called me after lunch to see what I had eaten and then he decided on dinner. I became devoted to his every desire in a way that I didn’t understand. He never outlined specific rules, but I became aware of what pleased him and made certain not to stray from that routine.

For example, I wouldn’t cross my legs or put my legs together while sitting. My thighs would remain parted at all times. In the apartment, if I was dressed, I would hike up my skirt before I sat down. I almost never wore pants or jeans at night, any longer. My collection of short and mid-length skirts had grown. I’m not sure if this was as much about a specific preference of his, or about the general sense of feeling feminine. And the more feminine I felt, the more sexually aroused I seemed to be. It was like we fit perfectly into these roles and the reaction to it was instinctual, in a way. I can’t describe it.

If at any time, he wished to touch me on any part of my body, I did not impede his advances. This wasn’t terribly difficult as long as we were in the apartment. I got in trouble a lot at first for flinching in restaurants and bars while he slipped his hand up my skirt to finger me at the table.

Eventually, I cared very little of what people thought of me or of us. There was something wonderfully liberating about that. Over the next few months my self-confidence grew healthily.

The two parts of my life were still very separate. My work life had begun to thrive. I was promoted from a district position to one supporting the entire region. I regularly received large bonuses and performance awards, and eventually I knew I would be ready to buy a house. But I wasn’t ready to shake-up our terrific situation.

Simon and I had stayed together nearly every night since we met. We had our own particular routine and our own very special, very intimate relationship. We usually chose to stay at my place because it was smaller. His house had 3 bedrooms, around 2,500 square feet, I think. It wasn’t huge by most standards but it was too big for us.

One day, Simon called the house (my apartment) to let me know he was detained at work. I was in the shower so the answering machine got it. At the end of the message, he said, “I’ll be home as soon as I can. I love you, baby.”

As I replayed the message, I sat there trying to examine my feelings.

He had never actually said those words to me. Sitting there, it dawned on me…I’d known he loved me all along. And I’d loved him from that first week I knew him. I know he knows that.

It also dawned on me all the times I’d said things I wasn’t ready to say. Even times when I was sincere about what I said, but the meaning to someone else was entirely different. I started laughing at how little we invested in those three simple words — so much so, that he would leave them on an answering machine.

I erased the message.

Chapter 11

Those first six months were blissful. Each night was a new experience in intimacy for me. A couple of events stand out in my memory as being significant.

Around the third week of May, Simon’s best friend, Martin had a house-warming party. He moved into his new home just before I met Simon. Martin and Simon had grown up together in a suburb of New Jersey but they both went to college at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. The decision to go there instead of in Newark was largely Martin’s, and it had a lot to do with the late night re-runs of Dallas on cable.

In truth, Simon agreed to it because he wanted to get out of New Jersey and experience life elsewhere. He grew to love Dallas for the friendly people and gorgeous coeds, but by the end of his senior year, he was ready to move on again. This time it would be Simon who chose the destination.

Simon’s degree was in Civil Engineering while Martin’s specialty was Electrical Engineering. Civil Engineers were heavily sought after, and so it was no surprise when Simon was approached by a Kansas City firm before graduating from SMU. Martin wasn’t as fortunate, and remained in Dallas for another 2 months before moving into Simon’s house in Lenexa, KS, a suburb of Kansas City. Simon changed jobs and had since worked at three different firms around KC.

Martin took a completely different route and secured a position as a loan officer. He was very good at it, according to Simon. So good, in fact, that he started his own mortgage brokerage firm. His financial success was apparent.

He had moved out of Simon’s house some years back and bought his own home in Overland Park, very near Simon’s. He just sold that house and bought a small mansion in a Northland subdivision. The home had been for sale for over a year and was about to be repossessed by the bank when Martin picked it up for a mere $932,000. The home would be worth over $1.5 million dollars.

Martin’s wealth didn’t seem to bother Simon at all. The way Simon spoke of Martin, I felt he pitied him more than he envied him.

Simon described the home to me on the way to the party. He had helped Martin and Teresa get settled. The most stunning feature of the home was the outdoor private patio area. It featured a heated, zero horizon pool, outdoor oven and grill, fireplace, built-in flat screen TV, and large planters of flowers and trees lining the massive wall that surrounded it. The house sat on a hill, so this area was completely hidden from the street and from the neighbor’s view. According to Martin, the patio area had been featured in Architectural Digest a few years earlier, when it was first constructed.

I wondered at why Martin had decided on a party in May when it was still too chilly for swimming. The real nature of the party and the guests attending gave me my answer.

It took us nearly 30 minutes to get to Martin’s home. We were greeted at the door by Teresa. I had met Teresa on my second date with Simon. She was the one who told me that Simon was a monogamous dater. I hadn’t heard that term before, I remembered, but I recall that it made me very hopeful.

Teresa was striking. She had long, dark brown hair and green eyes. She stood maybe around 5’7 or so, but it was hard to really know because she always wore heels. Her body was fantastic, with long, slender limbs and a delicate, elongated neck. She seemed to float when she walked, and I found myself casting several coveting glances her direction as she mingled throughout the crowd. I wasn’t attracted to her, exactly, but more attracted to the overall feminine look she had.

Although Teresa was the live-in girlfriend to Simon’s best friend, she wasn’t as friendly as you would expect. She had a distant way about her and you got the clear impression that she was just going through the motions with Martin. One time, after Teresa had walked past us, Simon started to say something to me in my ear but stopped. I wondered what was on his mind, but I didn’t ask.

There was one other couple there that I recognized from the earlier party. Actually, I recognized her but not him. Jill was lively, and by far the friendliest of Simon’s friends. She made me laugh out loud and I could just talk to her for hours. She had reddish hair and the personality to match. I felt instantly at ease with her. I wasn’t sure how Simon and Martin knew her, exactly.

Simon stayed by my side the entire evening. He whispered to me that most of these people were business associates of Martin’s and that a couple of the introductions that evening were crucial to Martin’s future ventures. At one point, I spied Martin talking with a couple of gentlemen away from the rest of the crowd. I have been involved in enough business deals to recognize one when I see it. From what I could observe, it was going well — both parties were engrossed in conversation and Martin began to stand taller, indicating he was pleased with the progress. You learn to read body language like that when you work in sales.

After two hours, the party had thinned significantly and Martin’s would-be-business-partners were gone. Martin turned his attention to Simon and I, and we walked through the house on an official tour. Simon hadn’t seen the house all put-together, and that was my first visit.

We were in the basement while the remaining guests were in the kitchen, upstairs. Martin’s cell phone rang and upon reading the caller ID, he excused himself to answer it. I suspected it was regarding the recent business proposition he was working on. Simon slid behind me with his arms around my upper body so we could look in the same direction at the same time. We were talking about the layout of the room, what we would do differently. Very casually, as Simon was accustomed to doing, he slid his hand into my blouse and onto my breast and began fondling it. He kept talking about the room and surveying it, and when we pivoted around to look back toward the bar area, Martin was staring at us. He kept talking on the phone and he didn’t look surprised or phased, he almost seemed to be looking through us.

The gesture started out as being very non-sexual, but intimate. When I became aware that Martin could see what Simon was doing, it changed for me. This made me feel uncomfortable, and discomfort had become synonymous with arousal for me. Martin continued talking on the phone but quit pacing around, and instead, remained fixed on our position.

Simon could sense my arousal and so he played along. He lifted my skirt with his left hand and started stimulating my clit while fixing his gaze on Martin. I also had a fixed gaze on Martin and the sight of him watching me was titillating. Simon had become even more skilled at bringing me to orgasm by that time. As I had become more comfortable talking about how I felt and what I liked, Simon was learning, too. As I recall, Simon and I hadn’t had sex that week, and so it was very easy for him to expertly lead me to orgasm. I came violently while looking directly into Martin’s eyes.

Martin was still on the phone and Simon didn’t say a word. He pointed my shoulders squarely at the door to the bathroom and lifted my skirt to pat me on my bare bottom. I trotted off to the restroom.

When I emerged from the room, Martin was off the phone and was engaged in conversation with Simon. I couldn’t make-out exactly what they were saying until I got a little closer. They were talking about Martin’s business deal. From what I could tell, they were well into the conversation.

As I stood there with them, my mind began to wander. What is going through Simon’s mind? Is this his way of saying to Martin, ‘you may have all this, but you don’t have Jess’? Does he derive pleasure from his best friend seeing him please his girlfriend? Is this the first time he’s done that? Oooooh, the last question was almost just too much to think about. They did go to college together, and I bet there were some wild nights.

I finally just decided that the truth is this: We may never know what goes on in someone else’s mind. Even in the head of someone so close to us.

Martin continued the tour and acted like the whole thing never happened. By the time we got upstairs, I just started laughing incredulously to myself and then partly out loud.

A few more people had left and there was only one other couple remaining, saying their goodbyes to Teresa at the door as we topped the staircase.

The four of us walked into the living room and sat down. It was the first time I got a good look at it. The entire party had congregated in the living room, making it impossible to get a good look at the place. Martin settled into an oversized chair and spread his legs for Teresa to sit in front of him. Martin and Simon carried the conversation, talking mostly about business. Martin’s hand rested easily on Teresa’s inner thigh and I thought I noticed him moving his hand up her skirt a few times. He fondled the pendant on her necklace, but I couldn’t see what it was from where I was sitting. Teresa only spoke when spoken to.

On the way home, Simon and I talked about Martin and Teresa, the party, and the business deal. If all went well, Martin would be investing in a shoe company of sorts. It didn’t sound like a good deal to me but it wasn’t my money, and I didn’t really know much about it, nor did I care. Simon’s manner of discussing Martin and Teresa was very detached, like they were distant acquaintances and not close friends. He never really said that he didn’t like Teresa, but I got that impression. Or more accurately, I got the impression that he didn’t respect Teresa.

The second significant event in our lives those first few months was more personal for me. Simon and I spent a lot of time becoming more intimate. Part of that intimacy included feeling completely open to his touch. I had already proven, I felt, that I was comfortable around both strangers and friends (Martin, anyway). But my boundary was with parts of my body. I was still very nervous about anal sex of any kind.

At first, I wanted to dismiss this as just one of those fantasies all guys have that they’ve picked up from porn flicks. I didn’t think it was that important to Simon, and eventually I came to know that the act, itself wasn’t. What was important to Simon was my commitment to complete intimacy with him. Simon felt that as long as I had boundaries, so our relationship would have boundaries. I truly didn’t want that, but I needed help and guidance in that area.

So I did what any intelligent adult would do. I searched the internet. Google produced a list of good anal sex resources and I learned great tips. Lubrication was the big key to success and you just can’t have too much. Starting out yourself with one finger, and then two, was another tip. There were health tips, cleanliness advice, toy recommendations, the list was endless. Many of the women reported having the most powerful orgasms of their life during anal sex. This was of particular interest to me, as I had not imagined this might actually be enjoyable for me. The possibility of pain was first and foremost on my mind. I felt I was ready to do something to try.

Simon and I talked about it. I told him what I had learned and that I really, really wanted to share that with him, give myself to him in that way, but I was afraid. At that point, I was at least willing to think about it some more, and to keep talking to him about it; fully realizing that it might take me a long time to get over my own prejudices. My lack of commitment to the idea was not pleasing to Simon, but I think he looked at it as another opportunity to guide me in the right direction. I think it really disturbed him how much I was upsetting myself over it.

“I’m in no hurry — I can wait as long as it takes for you. But I have to tell you that you’re not going to solve this by intellectualizing it. You can’t think your way through a major step like this, you have to ease into it, feel it.”

His words were absolutely true and he said them very matter-of-factly, as if I should just be able to perform this simple task.

Finally he said, “You know everything you need to know.”

I thought about those words for a long time, ‘I know everything I need to know.’ What do I know about this? What one thing has to exist for this to work? Is it desire? Willingness? Relaxation? I wasn’t sure.

It was perplexing me. I was having trouble coming up with answers on my own. Simon pulled through for me, as usual.

One Saturday afternoon, Simon brought a gym bag into the bedroom and placed it on the floor. He bent me over the footboard of the bed and tied me to the posts. He tied my ankles to the legs of the footboard. Then he began unpacking the gym bag so I could see the contents. There were three separate brands of lubricants, an anal plug, an anal vibrator, a douche, and a string of balls in varying sizes. My eyes widened as he placed each item on the bed for me to see. Lastly, he produced a blindfold and placed it over my eyes.

My heart began to race. What is he planning for me? He first touched me on my back and I flinched. I guess I was so tense that it startled me. I could hear him leave the room.

About five minutes later, Simon returned. He touched me on the same spot on my back and I didn’t flinch that time. He started rubbing my back, and as his hands approached my buttocks, I began to tense. He immediately withdrew and left the room.

Another 5 minutes passed, and he started with the same spot on my back, working his way to my buttocks and massaging them. Each time I tensed up in any way, he left the room. He gradually worked his way up to administering lubricant to my behind and by the time he got to massaging my well-lubricated hole, I was more aroused than frightened.

He took off the blindfold and released my wrists and ankles. He had used none of the tools on the bed except the lubricant.

“Do you know what it is, now? The thing that you already know.”

I knew it immediately. Trust. That was it. I just needed to trust him.

“Trust?! Trust is all I need to know?”

I looked to him for approval of my epiphany. His smile lit up his whole face as he leaned in to kiss me.

Knowing the answer was the easy part. Next I had to feel it.

Chapter 12

When something is hanging over your head as needing to be done, you can think of little else until you complete the task. I think I had become obsessed with this one thing. Simon and I talked about it a lot and the more we talked, the more comfortable I began to feel. I think Simon wanted the whole act to be over with, mainly to stop my obsessing. He never grew impatient in any way, but I sensed that he felt a bit guilty about how it was affecting me.

One evening during the week, Simon and I were in bed in what started out as a pretty ordinary lovemaking session. I was stroking Simon’s cock, licking and sucking the head of his beautiful erection, when he leaned back to pull the drawer of the nightstand open to fetch some lubricant, and an anal plug. He generously applied lubricant to the end of the plug and then to his own ass. He handed me the plug and guided my hand to inserting it into him. His cock grew harder than I had ever seen it. I started pumping the plug in and out, while I took most of his engorged dick into my mouth. He came instantly, letting out a cry. I withdrew the plug while he lay there trying to recover. He was totally spent. I’d never seen him quite like that before.

It was a turning point for me. I was lying there, unsatisfied, and suddenly wishing he had done that to me.

A few days later, we were in bed again and much like before, while I was giving him head, he leaned back and produced the same two items. This time, before he could get the gel out of the tube, I spoke.

“May I please be allowed to experience that this time?”

Part of me couldn’t believe my ears, and the other part was hoping he would accommodate.

Instead of lubricating the tip of the anal plug, Simon lubricated his finger. He pulled me up onto his chest and tipped me forward so I was on my hands and knees, dangling over his face. He began licking my pussy. He was so skilled at it. At the same time, he began massaging my anal opening. I was getting very close to coming. Just before I started what I call my final approach, Simon inserted his finger into my ass. It felt wonderful, and I spread my legs wider apart to indicate my delight. He added a second finger and continued probing until I shuddered in orgasm.

He repeated this many times over the next several weeks, alternating his fingers with the plug. I became increasingly more comfortable with it until I started actually leaving the lubricant out on top of the nightstand to speed things up. My orgasms were growing in intensity each time and I was becoming highly motivated to advance to the next step.

I felt like this man had been plenty patient with me, and now all I wanted to do was please him. I wanted to make the words I spoke a couple of months earlier be true — I would do anything for this man. I wanted to give this gift to him. I wanted…

I received special instructions one morning in a note on the kitchen counter: Use the douche in the drawer this morning before work. Your outfit for tonight is on the sofa.

That was confusing. The first instruction clearly indicated that he intended for that night to be the night. The second indicated we were going out. I started thinking about eating a large dinner and what that might mean, and how much time that would take. I was doing it again…thinking through everything instead of just trusting him. I decided to let all the questions go, and just relax into the anticipation of the evening with an open mind.

Simon arrived early but I was already dressed and ready to go. I was particularly amorous and was acting a bit like a cat in heat toward him, rubbing myself against his chest and kissing his neck. He chuckled at my advances.

The exchange between us slowly began to change its tone as Simon unbuttoned my blouse. He slid the blouse down my arms and left it there so that it bound my limbs toward my back. I arched my back to proudly display my hard nipples. He ran his fingers across them and leaned down and took each one into his mouth. He then stood upright again and pressed down on my shoulders until I was kneeling. He started to make a motion to unbutton his pants but then stopped.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

He went out the front door and I could hear his car door open and shut. He returned with a box. It looked like a jewelry box; the kind that might hold a watch or something like that. I watched intently as he placed it on the coffee table. I then returned my eyes to his, allowing my head to drop backward.

Simon then unfastened his pants and removed them, along with his underwear, socks and shoes. He stood there nude from the waist, down. His penis was immensely engorged with blood. It was red, hard and huge. I wondered how long he had been like that; how many times he had thought about our upcoming evening together. The day had been a blur to me. I could think of little else.

He leaned forward, allowing me to take his cock into my mouth. My lips slid down and up his shaft a few times, and then he stepped backward, withdrawing it from me entirely. Simon reached down and cupped his hand under my chin to raise me to my feet. He picked up his pants and carefully laid them on the nearby barstool. He then unbuttoned my cuffs and removed my blouse, shaking it out a bit and then hanging it on another barstool with much care. He did the same with his shirt and my skirt. His actions were very deliberate, as though he had planned each one with precision.

We were standing nude in the living room. Simon guided my arms around his neck and drew me closer, carefully positioning his erect penis upward between us. He gazed down at me, running his fingers through my hair, caressing my neck. I stroked his hair lovingly, paying close attention to every wavy curl as my fingers explored. I could feel it washing over me — that incredible feeling of complete abandon. My body relaxed and my breathing became deeper. My lips instinctively parted and my head fell backward.

Simon’s lips mouthed something but no sound followed. I thought he mouthed the word, beautiful. He started to breathe deeper as he kissed me passionately. His lips were pressed hard against mine, and his sense of urgency was so primal. He slowed himself down and kissed me gently and lovingly on my lips, cheeks, neck, ears, and forehead. He would do this for a few minutes and then change back into a frenzied, hard and forceful kiss. His excitement was fueling my arousal. Each time he probed my mouth with his tongue, I began grinding my hips and rubbing my body against his. My inner thighs had become soaking wet.

Simon finally stopped and took my hand in his. He led me into the bedroom. I stood next to the bed while he pulled the bedspread, blanket and sheets all the way down to the foot of the bed and laid one pillow at an angle at the corner of the bed. He patted the pillow, signaling me to lie down.

I lied on my back and he joined me, pressing his body against mine. The anticipation was incredible. Simon turned to me and whispered.

“Tell me what you’re thinking and feeling right now.”

I took a moment to think about it.

“I’m excited or nervous, I can’t tell which. I’m wetter than I’ve ever been in my life.”

With that, he slid his hand down between my legs. He smiled, withdrew his hand, and then looked at me, wanting more.

“I don’t know how to describe this feeling. I feel completely open, vulnerable, but not frightened. I’m, I don’t know, warm inside like I’m completely safe — almost like I used to feel when I was in my mother’s arms as a child.” I thought for a few seconds before continuing.

“I have this need inside me to please you. I want to give myself to you completely. Does that make sense?”

Simon had this look on his face that was both incredulous, and a little sad. He wanted to understand. Or maybe he wanted to feel what I was feeling. I wasn’t sure. He stared at me a long time in silence while his breathing began to deepen. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his chest rising and falling. His intensity was building again and he shut his eyes for a moment and let out a groan. Whatever he was thinking, it was about to drive him to orgasm with me following close behind.

He positioned himself over me and I spread my legs. He slid very easily into me and slowly rocked in and out, gliding freely, but deliberately inside me. He came very shortly and remained inside me, laying there. He continued to move his hips slightly to maintain a rhythm. I could feel him grow softer, but I was amazed that he never really got completely soft. I felt so close to him, the intimacy we shared was so overwhelming for me. I had never experienced anything like that before.

I really wanted to do something special for him. I wanted to share something of myself that I had not shared with anyone else. I finally blurted out what was on my mind.

“I want to open myself completely to you. Please take me from behind.”

I was having difficulty forming the right words to communicate that I wanted him to fuck me in the ass. The words sounded so vulgar in my head, and the act meant so much more to me. I looked him in the eye for guidance on whether or not to try to more directly express what I wanted to give him. I could feel him grow harder inside me when I spoke, and he pressed his lips to mine to stop me from speaking another word.

Simon slid out of me and I instantly regretted him doing so. I hated the empty feeling. He rolled me onto my side so that my back was against him, and held me close, cupping my breast in his hand. He kissed my neck, and the throbbing in my pussy was unbearable. I was trembling with anticipation. He slid his hand down between my butt cheeks and massaged my anal opening. At one point, he reached for the gel lubricant and I felt his fingers sliding into my ass. I groaned and arched my back. I wanted him so badly. My head and upper body slid across the bed so that my buttocks were in a better position for him to penetrate me. He didn’t. I was seriously considering begging. The teasing was driving me insane.

He pulled his pillow out from under his head and swiftly placed it in front of my stomach. He rolled me onto my stomach over the pillow. This placed my hind in an elevated position and just about sent me into an orgasm.

Simon positioned himself behind me. He started rubbing the head of his cock on my hole, in little circles. My hips began to move slightly and my back arched to further present myself to him. He began to slide inside, very slowly. It felt like a fraction of an inch at a time. My heart was pounding out of my chest; my entire body broke into a sweat. He slid further, and I could feel my muscles tighten to push him out. This enabled him to slide even easier until he was completely inside me. The throbbing in my pussy was violent; I was so close to orgasm. Simon could feel it, too. He slowly glided in and out a couple more times and I couldn’t stand it any longer. I could feel the sensation coming from somewhere near my stomach, traveling down toward my pussy. My clit felt like it was exploding. The orgasm was violent.

That’s all it took for Simon. He pumped twice very hard, and then unloaded every drop of his cum into me. He yelled out as he did so, and then nearly collapsed onto my back, resting his head between my shoulder blades. I could feel his entire body shaking. The experience was as intense for him as it was for me.

He slid out of me and just let his whole body lay on mine. When our breathing returned to normal, Simon whispered in my ear.

“I have a present for you.”

After we cleaned up and got the bed back in order, Simon brought in the box he had placed on the coffee table.

“This is for you. It is symbolic of our bond, and I hope you’ll wear it always.”

I opened the box to find a necklace. It was an elegant silver chain with a pendant. The pendant was a key, and the head of the key was a diamond. It was very unique.

Holding it up, I said, “Oh, baby…it’s beautiful.”

Simon took it from my hands and ceremoniously placed it around my neck. The key rested high on my neck. It would remain in plain view regardless of my outfit, I decided. I fondled it with my fingers.

“I had it custom-made. You won’t find another exactly like it. I hope that it always reminds you of the special connection we share, and of my commitment to you.”

Simon and I had never talked about commitment, exactly…At least not in the traditional sense. We talked about the future some. I wasn’t seeing anyone else and I knew he wasn’t seeing anyone else, either. It was obvious that we were deeply in love, even though we never said it. I had never felt more committed to anyone in my life.

Chapter 13

Our relationship remained very intimate for awhile, but then it began to fall into a more non-sexual, rote pattern. The more mundane side of routine. Routine is very comfortable because you always know what to expect. I like routine, but I began to yearn for the excitement I used to feel when I felt uncomfortable. Simon knew it without asking.

Spring was back upon us, marking our one-year anniversary. I don’t know if it was the season or the milestone that began to stir our restlessness.

Martin invited us over for dinner one Friday night in early June. It was only the second time for me to step into his home. Simon and I had dined with Martin on a couple of occasions at a restaurant, Teresa conspicuously missing, but always having a good excuse. Simon also met Martin many times for happy hour without me.

Teresa’s welcome was uncharacteristically friendly when she greeted me at the door. In fact, she warmly embraced me, and then kissed me on the lips. I do have girlfriends with whom I have kissed in this manner. I have the kind of personality that seems to just draw that behavior. I wouldn’t have noticed, except that my first impression of Teresa was one of distant-politeness.

When she retreated from the hug, I noticed her necklace. It was a key very similar to mine, but with an emerald instead of a diamond. I stared at it, speechless. I was confused and looked around to Simon for answers. With my eyes, I asked him, what does this mean? I didn’t dare ask aloud. Teresa’s voice brought my eyes back to her.

“Hey, are you thirsty…how ’bout some wine?”

I could tell Teresa had started drinking before we arrived, but that wasn’t what I was thinking about at that moment. My mind was racing. My necklace meant something very personal to me, and it was not something I shared with Teresa. It couldn’t be a coincidence. I mean, how many women wear keys around their necks?

I tried to hide my shock and just reciprocate Teresa’s enthusiasm for drinking and socializing. I don’t know what it is about me, but I always try to make everyone feel comfortable no matter how I might be feeling, myself.

They opened a bottle of wine, and I found myself drinking faster than usual. I do that when I’m trying to either settle my nerves or stop my mind from racing.

When Martin and Teresa went into the kitchen for the final preparation, Simon turned to me and began to speak quietly and quickly.

“In many ways, the meaning is similar. Teresa is submissive to Martin. What it means to them personally may be slightly different. It has no bearing on our commitment. Think of it like an engagement ring. The meaning is private even though the symbolism is universal.”

He slipped his hand up my skirt and stroked my thighs gently. “Now be a good girl for me and don’t ask any more questions.”

His tone was blatantly condescending and this served as a warning that if I didn’t let it go, there would be consequences that most likely would leave me exposed to his friends.

Teresa and Martin returned with platters in hand and we rose from the living room to sit at the dining room table. Teresa had cooked the meal and it was wonderful. She and I cleared the table, but she wouldn’t allow me to assist her with the dishes. “I’ll do them tomorrow”, she said. “We need to get back to the guys.”

We moved out onto the patio after dinner. The patio lighting danced on the pool water with every ripple, inviting us to join in. The evening was warm enough for a dip, but Simon and I didn’t bring our suits. I guess that was bad planning on our part. Another bottle of wine later and it was Teresa who made the first move. In hind sight, it was most likely Martin who prompted her to do so, of course.

She stood up and walked over to me, and offered me her hand so I could stand. I did so.

“Let’s go sit on the edge of the pool and dangle our legs in the water.”

I followed her lead, still holding her hand. We walked around the edge until we were facing the guys and then chose a spot and sat down. The pool was heated and felt great. We were far enough away from the men to give them some privacy in conversation. If they talked low enough, we couldn’t hear what they were saying. They took advantage of it, and I have no idea what exchange was going on between them. Simon’s body language betrayed him a bit, and I could tell that he was not comfortable at times with what Martin was saying to him.

Teresa cupped the pool water in her hands and released it over her thighs so that her legs were completely wet. She repeated the procedure on my thighs. The wine had made me a bit giddy and I started to giggle a little when the water tickled my legs. Teresa started giggling, too and before you knew it, we were leaning against each other laughing…at nothing.

The guys stopped talking and watched our display. Some things are just so girl-like I can’t imagine guys could relate in any way to it. We silenced our laughter when we noticed them staring. At least, we tried to. It’s like in church, when you get a funny thought in your head but you’re not supposed to laugh. The harder you try not to, the more you can’t control your laughter. We were busting out again in a couple of seconds. Teresa buried her head on my shoulder to muffle her laughter and I did the same on her shoulder. Finally, we began to gain a little composure.

Teresa whispered in my ear, “Let’s go swimming. Do you want to?”

“You mean skinny-dip?”

“Yeah, why not?!”

I couldn’t think of a reason. The wine pretty much took care of any inhibition I might have felt. Teresa certainly didn’t have a problem with it because she didn’t waste any time taking off her top to expose her breasts. The night air made her nipples stand erect and I couldn’t help but admire how beautiful they were.

My gaze shifted to Simon’s who was looking directly at me. I began to unbutton my blouse slowly while watching him. I wanted to make sure he was perfectly okay with what I was doing. He nodded at me to indicate his permission, and I finished removing my blouse by sliding it over my head. Teresa removed her skirt by unzipping it and pulling it over her head, and I followed suit with mine. We slipped off the edge of the pool and into the warm water. It caressed my skin all over and I was enjoying it, immensely. Teresa started to play, first by taunting me with splashes, and then by going under water and brushing past me. It was impossible to see her under the water and the anticipation of her bumping into me made me giggle even more. Then she would pop-up next to me blowing bubbles on the way up. The sensation was terrific.

We settled down and sat on the stair so that our breasts were just beneath the surface. Teresa made the first move by sliding her hand over to my waist and up to my breast. I looked at her. Her eyes were mischievous. I joined in her naughty game and started tweaking her nipple with my fingers. We did all of this under the supervision of the guys, not really knowing if they could see what we were doing or not.

It felt good to be a little naughty. I didn’t know what Simon might think of it, and so I felt like I was breaking the rules. That feeling started to make me feel uncomfortable, in the aroused sort of way. Oh, how I’ve missed this feeling! It wasn’t like I didn’t have orgasms regularly with Simon; it was just that they weren’t predicated on that first time kind of feeling.

Teresa slid off the step and turned toward me so that we could fully massage each other’s breasts. She rubbed her chest against mine and I spread my thighs so she could stand between them and get closer. I couldn’t help but to ask Simon’s permission with my eyes. It was just the natural thing for me to do, and completely subconscious. He once again nodded his approval and rotated his chair slightly so he didn’t have to twist his head to continue watching.

I really started to get into it when I saw this. Anything that pleased Simon turned me on, tremendously.

It was my turn to make the next move. I twirled Teresa around so her back was to me and then pulled us both up onto the higher step. Her beautiful breasts were now in full view of the men. I kissed her neck while running my fingers over her erect nipples. Every few seconds or so I would look up at Simon. His expression was that of amusement mostly, but I did catch him shifting in his seat and repositioning his jeans. I assumed this was because he was growing harder and needed to readjust himself.

Teresa was enjoying the attention; she closed her eyes and arched her back. She started moaning and squirming about. Her enthusiasm was great for my confidence. I slid my hand down in the water and found her perfectly clean-shaven pussy. She spread her legs farther apart, allowing me to slide my finger between her lips and play with her clit. It was hard and swollen. Her moans grew more intense and she lay back onto me until my back was pressing hard against the edge of the pool.

Simon fixated his gaze on me, I noticed. He seemed intent on watching my expression rather than on what Teresa was doing. Martin was sitting on the other side of the patio table, so I couldn’t see his face very clearly. I did notice that he leaned in to say something to Simon a couple of times.

The cool night air was beginning to make both Teresa and I shiver. Our hot little exchange was going to have to end very soon as we both couldn’t take the cold air on our wet bodies. Simon walked over to us with towels in hand. Our shaking was apparent even from across the pool.

Teresa excused herself to go inside to the restroom, and Martin followed her into the house. Simon rubbed my arms to warm me and assisted in drying me off, especially my thighs and legs. I enjoyed the attention from him; it always made me feel cared-for.

“Baby, go get your clothes on so we can get inside out of the cool air.”

I ran around the pool and slipped on my clothes. I picked up Teresa’s top and skirt and brought them with me.

Once inside, I excused myself to visit the ladies room. Down the hallway, there was one room on the right side before the restroom. It was Martin’s office, and it had double French doors that had been closed every time I’d passed them. I wouldn’t have taken any notice of the room except that the doors were open this time and so my eyes drew into the room. Around the side of the desk were Martin and Teresa. Still nude, she was bent over the desk and he was fucking her from behind. Martin was in a perfect position to look me directly in the eye and didn’t slow a single beat when he saw me pause. Ordinarily, I would’ve continued walking but I sensed that this show was for my benefit, so I simply stopped and continued watching.

I wasn’t positive which entry point he was using, but I suspect it was Teresa’s anal opening by her body position. Her hair was hanging down the side of her face so she couldn’t see me, and I had no idea if she knew I was standing there watching. My presence was enough for Martin to come. He took two very hard strokes, ramming his hips into Teresa with alarming force while making animal noises and growling, ‘yes, Yes, YES!

I noticed that Teresa did not share in his delight. She remained quiet and still, and it was plainly obvious that she did not have an orgasm. This wasn’t the same girl who was about to orgasm in the pool just 10 minutes earlier.

I quietly slipped into the bathroom, gently shutting the door. I didn’t want Teresa to know what I had just witnessed. She may notice that someone is in the restroom when she comes out of the office, but she won’t know how much I saw. I just didn’t want her to know, I don’t know why.

Back in the living room, Simon and I curled up together in an oversized chair. Martin was fixing himself a drink by the time I returned. About 20 minutes later, Teresa returned, wearing a long shirt that could be a dress, or a swimsuit cover-up. She sat next to Martin but there was not much affection between them. I studied her expression and manner carefully to try to read what she was thinking. I don’t think she knew I watched her get fucked in the office. I do think she was either embarrassed about the pool scene or was somehow afraid to get too friendly again. The distant Teresa was definitely back.

Thankfully, Simon was ready to go, and so we said our goodbyes. Martin didn’t say a word about the little show.

In the car, I was just about to tell Simon about Martin and Teresa when Simon unbuckled my seatbelt. He placed his right hand on my neck behind my head and pulled my head toward his lap. I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. He was erect and I picked up his very clear sign. I began licking and sucking, taking him into my mouth. I don’t know how he managed to continue driving when he came. I felt the car slow way down. We were on a side street near my apartment and there weren’t many other vehicles on the road. I swallowed dutifully and tucked his semi-hard penis back into his jeans and partially zipped them up. I returned to my seat and Simon reminded me to put my seat belt on. He wasn’t so concerned about my safety 15 minutes ago.

The sex that night was fantastic. Simon was positively on fire. We did just about everything, including what had become my very favorite; anal penetration. We didn’t do that as often because Simon couldn’t last as long. Simon came twice in bed, and that was after he came in the car.

Lying in bed in the dark before falling asleep was the first chance we had gotten to talk.

Simon began, “If things had been different, how far would you have gone with Teresa?”

“That depends on you. How far would you have wanted me to go?”

“I’m not sure. Are you attracted to her?”

“Um, sort of, I guess. No, that’s not true…I wouldn’t say I’m attracted to her. If you want me to be with her while you watch, I will do it for you.”

Simon didn’t reply.

“OH, I almost forgot…when I went to the bathroom, Martin was fucking Teresa in his office with the door open.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. Let me guess, she wasn’t enjoying it much.”

“You got that right. I couldn’t see her face but she didn’t move or make a sound.”

“Some things never change. Martin first started dating Teresa when he was living in my house in Lenexa. He used to forget to shut the door all the time. He is a bit of a voyeur, himself and he also gets off to people watching. Teresa allows it.

“She isn’t anything like you. She is a willing participant in Martin’s life because he has money. Martin is a little rough with women. He doesn’t respect them, in general.”

“So tell me about the key necklace.” I had to ask.

“There isn’t anything to tell. It is, for me, exactly what I described…a symbol of my commitment to you. What it means to Martin, or anyone else, doesn’t really matter. I knew that if I ever found a true submissive, I would ask her to wear a key around her neck. It’s a symbol, that’s all.”

I laid there in silence, pondering what he had said. I knew he wasn’t telling me everything, but I also sensed that it didn’t matter.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the word, submissive. I had never considered myself submissive. The word just didn’t fit with my personality. I didn’t like the label, and I hated the images it conjured up in my mind. But I was also becoming aware of this different side of me. Simon had been guiding me toward understanding things about myself that I hadn’t dared to even recognize. It seemed that ever since I’d met Simon and he awoke these feelings in me, I’d been walking around with a permanent clitoral hard-on.

The only explanation that I could think of, was that I must be more comfortable being that way. I can’t complain about how much stress it has taken off of me not making any decisions after work. I’ve certainly adapted to our lifestyle pretty well, and I do love my little lessons. I suppose I just need to get over the label.

“How did you know I was this way?”

He paused for thought before he spoke.

“It was a lot of little things that you did. I knew for sure at our picnic, when you allowed me to touch your breast in public.”

“Oh, I remember that. I had no idea what was happening to me. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before, have you?”

“I’ve never been with anyone like you, Jess. I am so overwhelmed by your ability to lose yourself in our lovemaking, and how you just commit fully to me. It’s just…I don’t know, beautiful.”

He whispered the last sentence and I could tell he was about to fall asleep. My mind was working overtime. I’d just discovered I was submissive and this was an idea I had to get used to. I realized that even though he seemed to accept me, understand me, and to read my thoughts at times, he wasn’t capable of feeling what I was feeling. I thought about this for a long time, until I finally drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 14

Over the next several days, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was clearly uncomfortable with the word, submissive. I felt I had come to accept our lifestyle and embrace it before Simon labeled me the way he did. Simon could tell something wasn’t quite right.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

I wasn’t positive I knew what he was talking about. I mean, it really was disturbing to be with someone who was that in tune with your every emotion.

“About what has been bothering you these past few days.” He said, flatly.

I thought about it for a few minutes. I didn’t know where to start, or how to approach the subject.

“I’m kinda in real, um, unfamiliar territory here. This…our relationship is very different. I feel different, and act different, than in past relationships.”

“In what way?” Simon was genuinely curious and interested in hearing what I had to say.

“Well, I…uh…we have done some things that I never thought I’d do, and I’ve sort of changed in some ways. And that’s okay. I’m not upset about that, and I wouldn’t change a thing…I just am struggling with this whole idea of being submissive.”

“What part of being submissive? Is it the lifestyle or the label?”

“It has to be the word because I adore our life together. I can’t get certain images out of my mind when I hear that word.”

“I know what you’re talking about. Like someone who is a masochist. You’re not masochistic, Jess and I’m not sadistic.” Simon started chuckling to himself. “Well, maybe a little.”

I didn’t see the humor, and the more serious I was about it, the more Simon started to laugh.

“I can buy whips and wear black leather outfits if you want.”

“Stop it, Simon! I’m serious.”

“Okay, okay…I’ll quit. You know, you worry about the silliest things. When I called you submissive the other day it was to indicate that you are more comfortable when I take charge and lead. And when you really let go and submit…” He used hand gestures to visually represent quotation marks. “…you are so at peace with yourself. That is someone who is a true submissive. If you can’t handle the word, then use another word for it. Clearly you haven’t spent much time in church.”

Simon and I had managed to avoid the topic of religion. I don’t know how. We talked about everything under the sun.

“What does the church have to do with this?”

“Try and read the bible without noticing that the women in there are all submissive. Try to get through one sermon without hearing the underlying message that the good wife should submit to her husband. Even wedding vows are slanted in that way. Haven’t you noticed that?”

I thought about it for a few seconds.

“Huh! I guess you’re right. Is there something you’re not telling me about yourself? Do you sneak off to church and I don’t know about it?”

“No. I was raised Catholic and attended church as a kid, but that’s not why I’m the way I am, really. I happen to be turned on by femininity. You know, girls who look and act like girls. It’s hard to be feminine without being somewhat submissive. I don’t know when it became so popular for ladies to dress like men, but it’s a real turn-off for me.”

I smiled as my mind began to wander to our first dates. I wondered if I hadn’t worn a skirt on that first date, would Simon have bothered to call me the next day.

“I do have a lot more skirts in my closet now.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. As a matter of fact, I do feel sexier when I’m wearing a skirt or a dress.”

“See what I mean?” Simon grinned.

He pulled me close to him and kissed me on the neck and earlobe. I put my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, but you made me like this.”

I could feel Simon’s body stiffen as I spoke those words. His mood seemed to change but he didn’t say anything. I looked into his eyes; He remained silent. I tried to figure out what was bothering him. Either he didn’t agree with my assessment or he didn’t want to take that responsibility. I couldn’t tell.

“What’s wrong, Simon?”


That was it. Our conversation ended quickly. Simon pulled away from me and changed the subject to dinner.

Later that night, I thought about it for a long time. I had this feeling that he was pulling away just a little. In all my past love affairs, this sign always seemed to indicate that we were about to break-up or get engaged. Simon never mentioned marriage, even though we talked about being committed to each other. But there had been plenty of perfect opportunities for him to pop the question. And he never did.

I started to think that maybe we had become too close for his comfort level. I tried to recall how much he had told me about the length of his past relationships. I couldn’t remember him telling me how long he dated Sarah, or his girlfriend in college. There were others, but those were the two longest, I thought.

I couldn’t help but worry that he might be feeling the need to get out or to flee. I didn’t have any evidence that he was thinking about it, so I was able to reassure myself that I was just reacting to the blahs. You know, that time in the relationship when you are just going through the motions.

Chapter 15

Although summer was upon us, it felt like it was taking forever to arrive and get settled. We had a warm spell early on, and then back to cooler temperatures. The winters were getting longer every year, it seemed for me. I found myself checking the weather in Dallas a lot. When Simon suggested a beach trip in celebration of my upcoming birthday, I didn’t even hesitate to respond. I couldn’t pack quick enough.

He had received an e-mail notification about a last-minute great deal at a Riviera Maya resort called Desire. It was a couples-only resort, which is a little different than an adults-only resort. I likened it to Hedonism II, but was quickly corrected. It was, however, a clothing-optional resort.

Any nervousness I felt over the fact that I may be strolling down a beach of nude people didn’t faze me compared with my need to get to a warmer climate. Besides, I had only 10 days to think about it before our plane left. I went to my gym and started reserving tanning times for the next week so my skin wouldn’t just burn and fall off the first day.

The time flew by as I was constantly busy shopping for clothing and making last-minute arrangements at work. The trip was a much needed vacation.

I honestly don’t know what it is about a vacation that just seems to free-up your mind. Is it being in another country? Is it the sun and sand? Maybe it’s just being away from work. I don’t know the answer for sure, but I do know that the feeling is very real.

We practically ran to our room and changed into our swimsuits. There was only maybe three hours of sunlight left when we arrived, and we didn’t want to waste a minute. True to the brochures, clothing was optional. Some couples were completely clothed, some women were topless, and some couples were completely nude. My nude beach etiquette was probably a little out of line as I did stare a little too long at the nude ones, I’m sure.

We settled into a couple of lounge chairs and Simon pulled out the sunscreen. It was afternoon, but the sun was still very strong and we didn’t want to chance getting burned our first time out. Simon, being the ever-attentive mate he was, started rubbing lotion on my back and arms. He reached around my sides and massaged lotion onto my stomach. Then he very matter-of-factly untied my top, pulling it away in one motion. The feeling of air and daylight hitting my breasts was indescribable. If it were acceptable, I would walk around like this all the time. I honestly don’t know how guys can stand to wear shirts half the time when they don’t have to.

Simon paused to get another handful of lotion and I took that opportunity to spin around and lay down on my lounge chair. I couldn’t resist the chance to proudly present my attentive nipples to anyone watching, but especially to Simon’s waiting hands. As he moved his hands over my breasts, my nipples grew even harder and the sight of them standing erect in the sunshine aroused me immensely. I arched my back and looked wickedly into Simon’s eyes, smiling.

He just chuckled and shook his head.

“You’re taking to this a lot faster than I thought you would.”

“I know…I shouldn’t have had those Bloody Marys on the plane.”

“No, no…no regrets allowed here.”

The drinks helped me to quickly get over what would be my first big hurdle — being topless in public. I could see by Simon’s expression, that he wasn’t going to be happy until he found my limit and pushed it. This was the same game he played with me when we first started dating, and I remember that I walked around in a constant state of arousal because of it. I don’t know if it was the teasing involved, or the danger in getting caught, discovered, or seen, but it was definitely a game I liked to participate in.

Simon continued to tweak my nipples while grinning and looking at me. He didn’t lean down to kiss me; this might block someone’s view of his hands on my breasts. I didn’t shy away from his challenge and even moaned and arched my back to add to the show. It was my own little impish way of challenging him to go farther, and Simon didn’t back down from the challenge. In fact, it was almost scary how much it drove him to go farther; I knew that when I pushed him like that, I was playing with fire.

His expression changed. Something within him seemed to switch from playful, to serious, in one heartbeat. My body must’ve instinctively sensed the danger, because my heart started racing. Other physiological changes began to take shape as well for me. The instantaneous electrical pulse straight to my clit, in response to his body language, was a reaction I couldn’t begin to comprehend.

Simon ran his hands down my sides and pulled my swimsuit bottom down to my ankles. I began to wiggle my ankles out of them but he stopped me. There was something far naughtier-looking about clothes being half-off, than being all the way off your body, and tucked away purposefully. He slid my feet toward me so that my knees were bent. He sat there staring at me for a moment, and then got up and sat in his own lounger. He never took his eyes off my legs, as if he was daring me to straighten them.

Now I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable. I imagined what I looked like to others, and as the thought came to my mind, my eyes began darting around. I had forgotten briefly that we were in public. Suddenly, I was completely aware that I was nude, with my swimsuit bottoms wrapped around my ankles like a bad little girl. Meanwhile, Simon was sitting next to me completely covered, in control and smiling. He had won in so many ways.

Not only did he manage to find my limit so quickly, he also managed to get me to feel the uncontrollable urge to submit to him completely. I don’t pretend to understand how it happened, but I do know that it was more stimulating than any single act of lovemaking, or foreplay, I’d ever experienced. My erect nipples were a dead giveaway to Simon, and no amount of acting could cover-up what was happening inside me.

Simon finished slathering his own body, and then rotated his chair so that he was facing me directly. He lathered up his hands one last time and slipped his palm between my legs to make sure that my sex was covered. He let out a small chuckle when his finger dipped slightly into my opening, where he could feel that I was soaking wet. I stayed in that position, despite the onlookers and the waiter.

Simon kept his suit on, but I could tell he was hard the entire day. Occasionally, he would stroke himself through his trunks absent-mindedly while glancing at my pussy lips. I just grew wetter and wetter, watching him. We really needed this vacation.

The sun set much quicker than expected, and it reminded us just how hungry we both were. Simon reached down to my swimsuit bottoms and pulled them up over me. He sat down next to me on my lounger and kissed me hard. I had sobered up from the flight and from my little escapade, and now I was more thoughtful about my actions. My response to his hard kiss was responsive, but not overly wanton. I wanted him like never before, but I knew he was going to make me wait. That much I gathered from our past experiences.

Simon showered, and then I showered. When I came out, my clothes were laid out on the bed for me. Simon was missing, but I just continued to get ready and dressed. The skirt was a wrap-around mini and the top was a halter variety, light green and very sheer. After the beach, this was hardly embarrassing. I was just finishing up my hair when Simon returned, drinks in hand. We touched glasses and toasted to “our coming adventures”, as Simon put it.

Dinner was interesting. It was our first experience at the buffet so we sampled a lot of different food. We met another couple visiting from North Carolina and made small talk about their flight troubles and the weather, etc. Their names were Mike and Carly. Carly was short for Caroline. She adopted the nickname to avoid the obvious jokes about living in North Carolina.

They were roughly our age, maybe a little younger, and they were married. This was their third day in Mexico, so they had a lot to share about the tours, the service, the food, etc. They were an unusually attractive pair, I thought. He was bald with blue eyes, and she was blonde with blue eyes. They were particularly open and friendly and we hit it off with them immediately.

We retired onto the outside deck near the bar and continued drinking and talking until the wee hours of the morning. I didn’t even remember that we vowed to meet them on the beach at noon until Simon reminded me around 11 the next day.

When we arrived on the beach, both Carly and Mike were nude and sunbathing. Mike was face down, but sat up to greet us as we approached. Carly didn’t hesitate to hug me. The feeling of her pert little mounds against my chest was really very different than Teresa’s had been that night a few weeks before. That feels like a dream to me now.

Simon dropped his trunks as though he’d done it a thousand times. Nothing seemed to shake his confidence. It laid the groundwork for me to do the same. I was leaning over to lay out my towel when Simon leaned toward me and pulled my bottoms down. I looked at him knowingly as I stepped out of them. He then untied my top and tucked both pieces in our bag. I pretty quickly lay down on my lounger. For those few moments, I was painfully aware of being on complete display for our new friends. It was Simon’s little way of reminding me who was in charge.

Throughout the day, we ordered drinks and talked. I became completely unaware of being nude sitting there. Carly and I got up to go for a dip to cool off, and only then was I reminded of our lack of clothing. The air would hit the areas of my body that had been relatively sheltered, and I became aware of their exposure. The cool water felt wonderful as it brushed past my body. Simon and Mike joined us in the ocean. I couldn’t help but watch Mike as he approached. I would’ve averted my eyes sooner if I had thought about it more clearly. Simon could most definitely see what my eyes were fixated on.

I didn’t want to give Simon the wrong idea. I just hadn’t seen another man’s privates in quite a long time. I kept telling myself that I was just curious and that was all.

In the water, Simon stood behind me, and Mike behind Carly. Simon wasn’t shy about where his hands wandered on my body, and I noticed that Mike had no boundaries with Carly, either. They seemed to enjoy watching the other one tweak their mate’s nipples and run their hands between their legs. Neither Carly, nor I, were ashamed to show our arousal.

It was late afternoon and most of the sunbathers had retired for dinner. We walked up to the semi-private cabanas that were now empty, and lay down on the padded double loungers there. Mike and Carly were on one lounger, Carly’s back to Mike as he propped himself up on one elbow. We assumed the same position so that we were facing them. At first we just resumed conversation, but that didn’t last long.

Mike more or less changed the mood by pulling his wife’s leg over his leg, spreading her thighs to allow his fingers to probe her pussy. He then spread her lips exposing her clit for us to see. Carly started moaning and grinding her hips. The show was extremely sensual and I could feel my juices starting to flow as I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I could feel Simon grow harder against my back and I couldn’t help but to arch my back and rub my ass against it.

Mike continued to work on Carly’s clit, and judging from her sounds, she was very close to orgasm. The sounds she made were enough to drive me crazy. Apparently, Simon felt the same way because in one motion Simon positioned his extremely hard dick underneath me and slid up into my wet pussy. My cries joined with Carly’s in perfect harmony. Mike followed Simon’s move and fucked his wife furiously until they both came.

The next few minutes that followed should have been the most uncomfortable, but Carly spoke first.

“Now that’s what I call afternoon delight, don’t ya think?!”

“Amazing!” I found myself saying.

We laid there for awhile talking very openly and bluntly about how fantastic the sex had been. Our suits were still damp from our swim and so we opted to just wrap our towels around us for the walk back to the room. Mike and Carly were only one building over from us, so we arranged for them to stop by and knock on our door to go to dinner.

In the room alone, Simon started the conversation.

“So what do you think of Mike?”

“What do you mean? How?”

“Well, I noticed you looking at his cock when we were joining you for a swim. Do you want him?”

I hardly let him finish before I blurted out, “No! I don’t want him. I was just curious, and you know, it was something new to look at, but I want you, Simon.”

He laughed out loud and it was obvious that my reasoning wasn’t working on Simon. It didn’t help that Mike’s dick happened to be spectacular.

“I don’t mean, in place of me.”

He started to speak again but stopped and let that statement just hang in the air for a few moments.

I was beginning to realize what he was talking about. Simon allowed me to sit and think about it for a few minutes before he spoke.

“I would like to watch Mike fuck you.”

His directness was almost alarming, and it seemed to suck the air from my lungs for a moment. The fact of the matter was, I wanted to fuck Mike. From the moment he began playing with Carly on the lounger, I started wishing I were her. But the guilt I felt inside made me feel very conflicted.

Simon stepped in again, this time he took my face into his hands and kissed me gently on the lips. He ran his hands down my body and up again, caressing my skin lovingly. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear.

“I know how you feel about me, Jess. Let go of all the other crap you’re feeling right now. I’m not asking you to do this.”

With that, the decision wasn’t mine, anymore, and the pressure was off of me. My clit started to throb with great force and I suddenly felt very weak. Simon’s wish became my only desire, and I could think of little else while dressing for dinner.

Simon chose an outfit even more provocative than the night before for me to wear. I felt very sexy in my high heels and sheer, tight dress. I piled my hair up on my head and paid special attention to my make-up. When I walked out of the restroom for Simon’s inspection, he proudly smiled.

“You look gorgeous, baby!”

The suspense while waiting for them to arrive at our bungalow was torture for me. How is this going to unfold? What is Carly going to do? Will Simon fuck Carly? I didn’t ask him that. I didn’t know how far his fantasy went, and I didn’t know exactly how to bring it up with Simon; they were due to arrive any second.

The knock on the door finally came and Carly came bounding into our room to take a look around. I don’t know where she gets the energy, I swear. Mike leaned in and gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek. In reality, it was probably a normal kiss but it seemed to linger to me, as I took in his smell and feel. Carly pointed out the differences in the room styles quickly, and then proclaimed that she was both hungry, and could use a drink. We walked to the buffet, and dinner commenced.

Our conversation was more frank and open than before. Carly didn’t hesitate to share with us a cute little story about Mike’s last faux pas in bed, and Mike wasn’t at all embarrassed by it. It was really cute how comfortable they were with each other and with us. My eyes started surveying Mike’s appearance.

He was wearing a white shirt and khaki pants. His hairy, tan chest looked particularly inviting beneath the white linen and I closed my eyes for a brief second imagining what it might feel like against my face. Simon casually and inconspicuously directed my hand across his crotch so I could feel that he was growing harder. I kept my legs together with all my might so as not to allow any of my free-flowing juices to escape to the back of my dress.

It was still very unclear to me just how the whole thing was going to play out, but Simon didn’t seem at all disturbed or worried about it. I began to wonder if he had it already planned, but I couldn’t imagine how.

We got up from dinner and fetched one more round of drinks. We then began walking away from the lights and the people. When we reached the end of the walkway, with only sand ahead of us, I paused to remove my heels. It was Mike who came to my rescue, running his hands down my bare legs and lifting my feet up to remove my shoes. Simon released me so that I had to balance myself on Mike’s shoulders. Carly was a few paces ahead and squealed when she saw a land crab scurry to his hole in the sand. Simon ran up to her and they both started laughing and running toward the water to try to catch one.

Mike and I were alone as he removed my second shoe. My heart rate quickened. He stood up slowly and looked me in the eyes. His right hand ran down my back and onto my ass. He squeezed gently, caressing my bottom for a few moments while looking in my eyes. My lips parted and I let out a tiny cooing noise. Mike smiled and took my hand in his as we stepped onto the sandy beach. He continued to hold my heels in his left hand as we walked toward Simon and Carly.

I felt a little uncomfortable as we approached. They were sitting on the step by the cabanas we occupied earlier. Carly is a lot like me in that when she senses someone is uncomfortable, she tries her hardest to make them feel at ease.

“Just so you know, Jessie, Mike always starts by holding hands. Don’t let him fool you; he’ll be up your skirt in no time.”

I acted shocked at the prospect, dropped his hand and coyly said, “Is that true? Are you trying to seduce me?”

Carly giggled at my display, and this just fueled Mike’s reaction.

“I’m not trying to do anything.” Mike said with a sly grin on his face.

He then dropped my shoes, took my hand again, and spun me around so he was behind me with his arms around me.

“If I were going to seduce you, I might do something like this.”

With that, he slipped his hand into my dress and cupped my breast. I exhaled audibly. The combined feel of a strange hand, coupled with Simon’s obvious hard-on was so arousing. Mike was growing harder, too and he began to rub his cock against my butt. I arched my back and Mike took that as a cue to lift my dress. His fingers were now spreading my pussy lips like he had done earlier on Carly. He wasn’t as skilled as Simon at working my clit, but the fact that this was someone different, added to my arousal greatly.

We worked our way into the partially closed cabana and Carly slid in behind Mike, reaching around his sides. She unbuckled and unzipped his pants and ran them, and his underwear, down to his ankles, helping him step out of them completely. I could feel his hard cock against my bare ass. He was slightly thicker than Simon and not quite as long, but his head was magnificently large.

Carly knelt down in front of me and ran her tongue between my pussy lips to my clit. I can only imagine how swollen it must’ve been. She flicked it with her tongue and then sucked on it until my hips started thrusting toward her face. I was just beginning my orgasm when Mike slid inside me from behind. The sensation of that large head penetrating me at that moment, sent me into a very powerful orgasm. Carly stood up and stepped back as Mike lay me down on the mattress and began to really pound hard into me. I was so completely lost in the moment I nearly forgot to check on Simon. When I finally pulled myself up onto my elbows and looked over, he was about to come into his hand. His orgasm was violent, I could tell by his piercing eyes, and the fact that he had to lay down immediately afterward to regain the blood flow to his brain.

Mike lasted another second after Simon, his last couple of thrusts caused me to yell out in ecstasy. His cock was rock hard and felt so thick inside me.

Carly was the only one who didn’t benefit much from the exchange, and I suddenly felt bad for her. I reached out for her hand and when Mike withdrew, she came and lay down with me. She leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips and then whispered in my ear.

“Did you like that?”

I nodded and smiled. Carly pulled me closer and wrapped her arms around me. The only thing I could feel from her was genuine caring and loving. There was no jealousy or regret. I only needed one more affirmation that this was okay.

Simon finally sat up and brushed himself off. Mike was dressed, and I had pulled my dress back down so we were all pretty much pulled together. Simon walked over to Carly and I, and stroked my hair. He bent down and kissed me on the forehead.

We stayed out a little while longer and then retired to our separate bungalows. Once alone with Simon, I could feel the guilt. I didn’t want to admit it, but it was there. I started off for the shower right away but Simon stopped me.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to jump in the shower.”

“Hmmm…you don’t usually go straight to the shower. Do you have something to hide? Have you been with another man?” Simon began.

I was stunned and didn’t know what to say. Either he was playing a little game with me, or he had completely lost his mind. I froze for a moment and then sheepishly replied, “Um, no.”

Simon walked up to me and grabbed my arm abruptly.

“Spread your legs.” He commanded.

Then he reached down and slid his fingers up my wet pussy. He brought his fingers up to his face and said, “I smell another man’s cum.”

He took his wet fingers and ran them across my lips a couple of times and then applied pressure to force my mouth open so he could slide them in.

“Can you taste it?”

I nodded. Strangely, I could feel myself becoming aroused again. My breath quickened and I could feel my body begin to tremble.

“You’ve been a naughty girl, haven’t you?!”

I nodded and cast my eyes to the ground.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I’ve been a naughty girl,” I said, weakly.

“Lift up your dress and bend over that bed. Spread your legs.”

I obeyed swiftly.

Simon walked up behind me and started massaging my butt cheeks vigorously then he pulled his hand back and spanked me hard. I yelped and started to stand up, but he just shoved my head back down toward the mattress and whacked me again. The stinging sensation was like no spanking I remembered from my youth. I’d never had this done to me as an adult, and I certainly never imagined that it would add to my stimulation.

“I bet you like being filled with cum, don’t you, you bad girl?”

I nodded again, too afraid to say the wrong thing.

Simon leaned over to the nightstand. I didn’t look up to see what he retrieved but it was obvious in the next second that it was lubricant.

“Spread your butt cheeks.”

I reached around my back and pulled my cheeks apart.

“Wider.” He commanded.

I obliged, and then felt the cold liquid directly on my hole. My clit was throbbing by that time, and Simon could surely see my outer lips pulsating in my near-orgasmic state.

He unzipped his pants and dropped them to the floor. His cock was enormous, hard and red. He pressed his thumb against my anus just for a brief moment and then slid his rock hard dick into place.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard in the ass, and then fill you up, so you’ll have two men’s cum seeping from your holes. That’s what bad girls like, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I barely managed to say between breaths.

My body started to shake. Simon had never really entered me there when he was that engorged. We always prefaced our sessions with other sex first, so he was a little softer during penetration. This is either going to be the most painful lesson, or the most pleasurable experience ever.

Simon started to put pressure on my anal opening and the feeling was incredible. I started my orgasm as his head passed my sphincter muscle, and by the time he was buried inside me, I was screaming out loud in full orgasmic pleasure. His orgasm was forceful and his last thrust while he came, slammed me onto the bed. I nearly passed-out. I could feel my cheeks flush and the room went gray. I’m fairly certain my heart was about to pound out of my chest. For a moment, I seriously thought I might require medical assistance.

Simon withdrew, and I could feel wetness seeping from both openings. I lay there, not thinking about anything. My mind was blank.

Simon spoke first. “Are you alright, baby?”

I nodded, but didn’t trust myself to speak.

Simon curled up behind me and began stroking my hair while he talked.

“Today you’ve given so much of yourself to me. I don’t understand how you can do it, how you can be that unselfish and loving. You’re amazing, Jess.

“I wish I could describe how beautiful you looked with Mike inside you. It was so incredible! I had one of the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever had. Only to be topped by this one. I just can’t get enough of you.”

It took a few minutes for his words to take effect. His tone had changed so drastically. He spoke freely, and he sounded so completely happy. What just happened? It’s like I gave my penance, and now I don’t feel guilty anymore.

I felt more dedicated to giving myself to that man than ever before. How did he do that?

We talked until we fell asleep. We talked about the day, and how happy we were, and how perfect everything was between us.

The next day was sad because it was the day Mike and Carly were leaving. They had an afternoon flight so we ate breakfast together but the mood was very different. I hated to see our new friends go so soon. I was going to miss Carly immensely.

Simon and Mike shook hands and exchanged phone numbers, then they hugged. Carly hugged me and held me for a long time. We just swayed there for a few minutes. If we would’ve had one more night together, I think there would have been a few more firsts for me.

The rest of the vacation was both relaxing and rejuvenating. Our sex life had just received a huge boost, as our trust in one another deepened greatly. I felt like nothing could come between us.

Chapter 16

Vacation has a way of shielding you from work stress while you desperately struggle to catch-up. My wonderful memories of our trip kept me warm those first few days back in the office. Our second day back from Mexico marked my actual 32nd birthday. We pretty much celebrated my birthday the whole time we were in Mexico, so I insisted that Simon not make a big deal out of it. Anyway, there isn’t anything special about 32.

Simon didn’t get any breaks at all from work after we got back. His work was becoming more intrusive on our time, as his company was coming to rely on him more in the office. We weren’t even back from Mexico one week when Simon received notice that he was needed in Dubai for two weeks to meet with some Project Engineers.

I was shocked because Simon had not traveled without me since we met, and this would be our first time apart. I could understand that this opportunity to work on engineering marvels was a once-in-a-lifetime chance for him, but my heart ached at the thought of being without him for that long. I didn’t have very much time to think about it. Simon was on a flight a mere 6 days later.

Our trip was still fresh in my mind and this just made me miss him that much more. At first, I found myself wandering around the apartment nude, just as I would if he were there. I would lie on the bed with my eyes closed and run my hands up and down my body, caressing my nipples then sliding my hand between my legs. I would start by cupping my pussy in my hand, lightly caressing my outer lips. Then I would penetrate my outer lips and sink my fingers inside.

I fantasized about being at our resort. I could see Simon’s face when he came on the beach while watching Mike fuck me. I leaned over to the bedside table and fetched my rabbit vibrator. I slipped it inside me while allowing the vibrating ears to rest on my clit. As I relaxed into the images in my mind, I started to orgasm. When the spasms were over, and the after-shock in my clit settled down, I felt empty. Not alone, exactly. Just no feeling at all.

I tried to concentrate intently on work, but the nights were difficult. I finally asked my friend, Lisa if she wanted to go out for happy hour or dinner on Friday. She and I had been to lunch several times, but didn’t go out much at night since I’d been seeing Simon.

When Friday finally arrived, we met at Kona Grill at around 5:15. The place was buzzing with activity. I hadn’t realized how popular it had become in the last year. Our first couple of drinks went down fast. It was obvious I really needed the diversion. I don’t know how many drinks I had had, or how long we had been there, when I spotted Martin across the room. The place was packed, and I had to crane my neck to see who he was with. I was expecting to see him with business associates, so I was immensely surprised to spy a red-headed woman leaning in and passionately kissing him on the lips. When she pulled her face away, I could see that it was Jill.

I froze, and I guess I didn’t believe my eyes, because I continued staring, waiting for some other explanation. His next kiss involved his tongue; I could see it probing her mouth. I was absolutely certain that this was not an accidental, drunk kiss. They were intimately involved.

I wished I could call Simon right then. I couldn’t wait to tell him, but I would have to wait an entire week longer before I would have the chance. I tried to think back to Martin’s parties to search my memory for any signs that this was going on then, but I couldn’t think clearly. The alcohol was definitely having its effect on me.

I suddenly had a strong urge to leave the bar. I didn’t want to get caught by either Martin or Jill. Lisa had managed to switch to water at some point in the evening, and so she was designated the driver. I was thankful, because it got me out of the apartment, and my empty bed, for one entire night.

The next morning I woke up on Lisa’s sofa. My head was thick and throbbing, with a mild burning sensation coming from somewhere in my brain. I needed more sleep but my aching head wouldn’t let me go there. When I was able to focus on the coffee table a few feet away, I noticed ibuprofen and a bottle of water sitting there. God bless Lisa. I took 3 pills, drank most of the water, and lay back down.

My mind began to wander back to Jill and Martin. I remembered that Jill was escorted by different men the times I had seen her at Martin’s, and at other parties we attended. I never saw her at an event that Martin wasn’t at, but that could just have been a coincidence. I couldn’t remember seeing them together much. They talked, of course but nothing out of the ordinary.

I knew there was no way of figuring this out without Simon. I had something really interesting to ponder with him now. Sort of a little mystery to uncover.

I tried to figure out how I felt about it. I wasn’t a big fan of Teresa. She had her moments, but all in all, she wasn’t very easy to like. I also wasn’t sure how much I liked Martin. He was Simon’s best friend and so I tolerated him, but he was self-centered, and borderline arrogant at times. On the other hand, I really liked Jill. I couldn’t begin to understand why she would pick Martin to have a relationship with. The thought of them together started to make me feel a little nauseous. Thankfully, sleep found me.

I stayed on that sofa until Saturday evening. Lisa drove me to my car and I drove home from there. I was surprised to find a message on my machine from Simon.

~Hey, baby. How are you doing? I don’t even know what time it is there. I hope you’re doing okay and that you miss me. I miss you….

The rest of the message was filled with flight details and airport transportation arrangements. I had begged him to allow me to drive him to the airport and pick him up. I was so mad that I had missed his call. I left the apartment for one night and blew my chance to talk to him. Regret just seemed to weigh heavy on top of my hangover.

I could hardly drive fast enough to the airport the following Friday. Simon’s flight was delayed by 50 minutes and the wait felt like the longest of my life. He hardly looked liked himself when he walked through the door. Obviously tired, he looked much older in his face, and I immediately noticed that he was even darker tan than when he left. His hair seemed lighter blonde, too. He bent over to hug me and I thought he wouldn’t let go. We stood there for a long time, embracing. When he pulled away, he appeared to have been crying a bit.

This seemed a little out of character for Simon, but I passed it off as him being tired. We collected his bags and headed for the car. Our conversation was centered on his flights, the customs procedures, and things of that nature. In my excitement, I forgot all about Martin and Jill.

Simon slept for nearly two straight days. He was dehydrated and extremely tired from being in the magnified sun of Dubai. I waited on him hand-and-foot and hardly left his side, while making sure that I remained nude for his viewing pleasure. My efforts paid off. The next couple of days I called in sick to work and we just stayed in bed. The Simon I knew and loved soon returned, and it appeared as though our routine would pick up where it had left off.

Finally I remembered to mention my night out with Lisa.

“OH! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you this….while you were out of town, Lisa and I went out to Kona Grill and I saw Martin there with Jill. I mean, with Jill. I think they might be seeing each other.”

Simon replied in an even tone. “They are.”

“What?! Are he and Teresa broken up?”

“Not exactly.”

“Well, does Teresa know about Jill?”

“Uh, yes…I mean, probably she does. He’s been seeing Jill off and on for over two years.”

“What’s going on?”

“Martin’s relationship with Jill, and with Teresa, is a little complicated. I’m not sure I understand it. Teresa doesn’t care that Martin sees Jill as long as Teresa can continue to live in the house and spend Martin’s money. I even think that Martin is probably in love with Jill, but he doesn’t know it.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s bizarre! Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I don’t know. Because it’s too hard to explain, maybe. They do all kinds of things that are a little out there, if you know what I mean.”

“Like, what?”

“I don’t want to go into it right now. It’s just bizarre.”

Simon was usually so open about things to me but it was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about this. I wanted to press him, but I didn’t. He waited a couple of minutes and then out of the blue he matter-of-factly said, “I have to go back to Dubai next week.”

I was too stunned to respond. I just let the words hang in the air while I held my breath. It was clear to me at that point, that the conversation about Martin was just too meaningless for Simon to focus on with another trip on his mind.

While I sat there in silence, Simon walked over to his laptop case and produced an itinerary. The flight times were the same as before. He was going to be gone for three and a half weeks this time. My heart sank. Then I noticed something very odd. The date the reservations were made was June 17th. That was before we left for Mexico.

My mind began to race with all sorts of questions. How long has he known about these trips? How many more are planned? Why didn’t he tell me before? What is this all about?

A tear began to roll down my right cheek. Somehow my conscious mind was unwilling to completely accept what my brain was already processing. I felt numb throughout my entire body. I wanted to say something, but I struggled with the words. Simon waited patiently for me to speak.

“I don’t know what to say. These reservations were made over a month ago.”

Simon nodded weakly, “Yes, they were. I didn’t know how to tell you before our vacation.”

“Are there more flights to Dubai scheduled after this one?” I tried not to sound accusatory but it was difficult, given the fact that I beginning to feel a little betrayed.

“None right now.” He started to say more but stopped. I waited for him to continue for a few quiet moments, but he didn’t.

You could feel the wedge inching between us. It was awful. I felt hurt; he didn’t know how to fix it. Our safe little world had been breached. To me it felt like our perfect relationship had just hit its first real pothole. Maybe our relationship was never perfect to begin with, by most people’s standards. Our lifestyle was a little out of the ordinary, but it made both of us immensely happy. Hell, more than that. I was more active, productive, and successful in nearly every aspect of my life. It was all connected to this part of me that Simon had helped to bring out.

I wanted to get into a fight about it; to protest, somehow. I wanted to scream and cry out loud. That’s how I would have reacted before I met Simon. I would have poured all my energy into complaining about something that was out of my control. And when it was all over, nothing would be different. The end result would be the same…Simon would be leaving in a few short days.

I took a deep breath and just sat back. I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t concerned about the fact that he didn’t tell me, and I wouldn’t be able to mask my worrying about where this might be heading. I was hoping Simon would find some way to help me through the pain I was feeling.

“Are you okay, Jess?”

“Oh, I think I’m mostly just upset because I’m going to miss you, that’s all.” I lied.

Simon paused for a few seconds. He knew I was lying but he chose to ignore it.

“I need to go over to Martin’s house today and take care of some business.”

What business?! “Okay. When will you be back?”

“I’ll meet you back here around 6 or so.”

With that, Simon kissed me quickly and was out the door. It was possibly the most awkward exchange we’d ever had. Truth be told, I needed the time alone.

I sat on the floor with my head on the coffee table, bawling. It was that kind of crying that makes you wretch like you are about to throw-up. My thoughts were completely irrational: How did I get myself into this? Why am I so doomed to relationship failure? I blamed our Mexico escapades on his pulling away, even though the travel plans were made before we even met Mike and Carly. That was latent guilt trying to stake claim.

When I finally stopped sobbing, my thoughts became a little more rational. What kind of business did he have to take care of with Martin? Something more is going on that he isn’t telling me about. I debated about whether or not to ask him when he returned. The truth could be worse than what I know now, and I just don’t want to feel any worse than I already do.

The next few days before Simon’s departure, we spent working through the minutia of daily life. I barely held onto my sanity. Even though Simon did most of the work, our routine was placed on hold so he could handle the mundane tasks of stopping mail service, handling bills, etc. Our relationship had become what most people would call normal. We didn’t have sex. Neither of us felt like it. Simon was different in other ways, too. He wasn’t the take control man I fell in love with. He forced me to make decisions around the apartment. On our last full day together I tested him by jumping out of bed in the morning to go to the restroom; he didn’t say a word. I started to feel very sad and depressed.

I cried a lot that Thursday when he left. I wallowed in complete self-pity. After that day, I changed back into the way I was before I met Simon. I wore pants to work, shorts and jeans at home, and at night. I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted; sometimes skipping meals, altogether. My interactions at work were less disciplined, and some of my office relationships were beginning to suffer. I don’t think I noticed all that at the time.

Three and a half weeks was a long time apart. It was plenty of time to become clinically depressed, however, and plenty of time to screw-up nearly everything Simon loved about me.

Simon caught a cab to the apartment and arrived while I was at work. He wanted to surprise me, so he didn’t call. It ended up being Simon who was surprised. The apartment was a mess. I’d managed to keep up with the kitchen and bathroom, but the entire place was cluttered. Then there was the undeniable expression on his face when he saw me walk through the door.

I had gained a few pounds and lost my tan. My nails weren’t done and my clothes were frumpy. I was happy to see him, and I hugged him and kissed him immediately, but in that time apart, I had lost my sex drive completely. I missed Simon very much, but not in that way. He sensed the change immediately.

We didn’t talk about it right away. We ate dinner, watched some television, and then we talked about his work, how challenging it was, and how exciting it was to work with talented people. I didn’t feel like talking about my work situation, so Simon carried the conversation. In some ways it was difficult to listen to what he was saying. Finally, when we were about to undress for bed, Simon changed the topic.

“Can you take next week off, Jess?”

“I think so. Why?”

My question seemed to bother him. I don’t know if it was because he thought I was questioning him, or because I didn’t sound anxious to spend time with him. Time apart had created a wedge between us that was undeniable.

Simon’s face turned more serious and I could tell he was thinking hard about what to say or do next. He started breathing heavier and my heart rate quickened in response to his non-verbal cues. I very sheepishly began to undress. I had been sleeping in a t-shirt and panties since his departure, but I knew any indication toward that attire would not be acceptable. When I finished undressing, I quickly jumped under the covers. I was uncomfortable because I felt naked.

Simon hadn’t made a move toward undressing for bed. He stood bedside and continued to ponder while he watched my display. After I was safely under the covers, he walked into the closet and returned with a scarf in his hand. His actions were swift and deliberate. He yanked the covers down to the foot of the bed, leaving me completely exposed. Next, he climbed onto the bed, still fully dressed. Holding each end of the scarf and pulling it tightly, he forced it into my mouth like a gag and quickly tied the ends behind my head. It happened so fast, I didn’t have time to think or to react. I was shocked. He grabbed both my wrists with his hands and then placed both wrists in his right hand behind my neck. My knees instinctively bent and I squirmed to my side to protect my body from harm. His free hand deliberately slid between my now exposed butt cheeks and I straightened my legs back up and pressed my back and butt against the bed. With wide eyes and a heart pounding out of my chest, I froze. I could feel my body begin to tremble a little. Simon didn’t move. He held me in place while my mind began to process what was happening.

I looked into his eyes and I could see that he was no longer working out what he was going to do. He knew exactly what he wanted to do, and now he was just waiting to execute. His calm control started to have its effect on me. I could feel myself letting go of my need to control the situation. When I began to show less resistance, Simon rewarded me by stroking my face and pulling the strands of hair away from my eyes. Without breaking eye contact, his hand trailed down to my breast. He firmly massaged my right breast until my nipple grew hard and then he very abruptly tweaked it. I let out a tiny cry through my gag as my body twitched. His manner was distinctly serious rather than playful and as much as I trusted this man, I was a little fearful.

His hand ran down my stomach and to the outer lips of my pussy. My legs were clamped together. Simon’s lips pursed a bit and his expression turned flat. This was enough for me to part my legs swiftly. I knew he could force them apart if he wanted to; he didn’t have to prove that. He neither looked pleased nor displeased at my motion. He cupped my pussy in his hand and vigorously massaged it. He didn’t part my lips and expertly stimulate my clit as he had done so many times before. He wasn’t trying to please me. Instead, he forcefully penetrated my vagina with two fingers and began violently fucking me with his hand. I cried out as much as I could through the scarf, and I tried to free my hands to stop him, but he placed all his weight on top of me and held me in place. Then he held his hand still and wiggled his fingers right against my g-spot. At first I thought I would urinate right on him, and then I started to come despite myself. I shut my eyes and gritted my teeth.

On the one hand, I was mad he was doing that to me, and on the other hand, I really wanted to orgasm. I started to pump my pelvis to finish, but he swiftly withdrew his fingers. I began to whimper, begging him with my eyes to continue. Simon started to half-heartedly laugh at me in a very demeaning way. He leaned in close to my face and spoke in a low tone.

“I am going to let go of your wrists and untie your gag. You are not to utter a word unless spoken to, and you’re not going to move your hands or legs. Is that clear?”

I nodded.

Simon released me as promised, and the only thing keeping me in place was obedience. He relaxed his stare, daring me to disobey. I lay perfectly still. Simon undressed and stood there watching me. I could feel my nipples grow harder and my pussy get wetter. For the first time in weeks, I was becoming aroused. Simon noticed, and his arousal was evident. He stroked his hard dick while staring at me. My chest started to rise and fall rapidly with my quickening breath. I was whipping myself into a frenzy of desire.

Simon moved across the bed and positioned himself between my legs. He teased me mercilessly by running the tip of his cock up and down my wet lips, nearly penetrating a couple of times. He was in complete control and in no hurry, whatsoever. If I even made the slightest attempt to take matters into my own hands, he sat back on his heels and started stroking himself. He clearly indicated that he didn’t need my wet pussy to get off. I, however, needed him.

“Why should I fuck you?” He asked plainly.

I swallowed hard. “Um, because I’m so wet and hot. My pussy is throbbing. I want you more than anything right now. Please, Simon. Don’t make me beg. Please fuck me. Please.”

Simon didn’t move. He grinned slightly and continued stroking his dick.

“I’ve noticed you’ve changed a few things in my absence. I don’t like it.”

“I’m sorry…” Simon cut me off with a slap to my inner thigh.

“I didn’t tell you to speak, and I didn’t ask you a question.”

His words were stern but his tone was even. There was no emotion indicating he was angry. The slap didn’t hurt me; it was the sound of it that abruptly quieted me.

“Do you like yourself better in men’s clothing, living like a slob, and not caring for yourself at all?”

I shook my head, a little afraid to speak. Tears started to well up in my eyes. He was right. I hated myself that way.

“I don’t want to have to go through this, Jess. You are going to have to make up your mind to do some things for you, not me. I’m not always around.”

The tears fell backward onto my wrists and to the bed. I hadn’t just let him down, I had let myself down.

Simon leaned over me and kissed me gently on the lips. He started with little pecks and then he parted my lips with his tongue and more passionately began kissing me. I felt my whole body relax. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much I will always love him.

He pulled me up and over his body as he lay on his back. My arms were free and I grabbed his neck and completely lost myself in kissing. My legs were spread and straddling him. Simon reached down and positioned his cock and then pulled me down onto him. My vagina must’ve shrunk slightly because he felt much larger than before.

Simon let out a groan at the feel of my tight, wet pussy. His pleasure sent me into a wild frenzy. I sat up and lifted my knees so my feet were on the bed and I could control the motion up and down. As active as our sex life was, we had never done it like that before. It felt terrific at first. I could change where he rubbed against me with my body position. But I didn’t like being on top, being in control. I stopped moving and looked into Simon’s eyes. He knew exactly what was going on.

Simon sat up while I held onto his neck. He lifted me up and over onto my back and then thrust his hips hard into mine. I could feel his balls smack up against my ass at first, but then he grew harder and they drew up. He thrust deep inside me and the sensation came over me swiftly and violently. We came at very nearly the same time. I was maybe two strokes ahead of him.

I hooked my ankles around his back and clung to him tightly. Something inside my head was telling me that he was going away. And I didn’t want to let him go.

Chapter 17

It wasn’t terribly difficult to fall right back into our life together, especially with no work interruptions. However, Simon had higher expectations of my commitments to him than before. Even the smallest infractions were treated with severe punishment. I tried harder each day to stay out of trouble and finally, by the end of the week, I could get through an entire day without being cast to my knees. My abandon to his will was complete, and once again, I found myself walking around constantly aroused, content and completely free of stress.

I was on the floor about to pick up the newspaper one day when I heard his footsteps approaching from the bedroom. I sat back on my haunches, spread my knees and tilted my head back with my eyes shut. He walked up to me and touched my cheek. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. His head tilted slightly and he stared at me. This time he spoke.

“I can never understand you. I can predict what you will do, but I can’t feel it. It makes me sad in a way.”

His voice trailed off and his mind went elsewhere as his gaze drifted to the empty space above my head.

I turned my head and kissed his hand, still resting on my cheek. His eyes darted back to mine. He smiled and gently placed his hand beneath my chin. I rose to my feet and he then wrapped his arms around me and lovingly kissed me on my forehead.

I had sensed his emotional turmoil many times when he viewed me in that position. He had not fully expressed it to me verbally until that moment. Unlike Simon, I never knew what he was going to do most of the time. He constantly kept me guessing and a little off-center. His attention to my every detail made me feel so special. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I can’t relate at all to wanting to be in control.

Simon interrupted our hugging. “Are you up for a ride?”

We headed out across town toward Lenexa, and so I figured we were headed to his house. The turn into his subdivision confirmed it. From down the street I could see it in his yard. It was a For Sale sign. The Volvo came to a stop directly in front of the house where I also noticed the Sold sign across the top. I began sobbing in my hands. He didn’t have to say a word. When I finally looked up, I noticed that Simon was also in tears.

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June 2018
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