This is a sequel to the story “Kate Middleton Needs a Proper Fuck.”

DISCLAIMER: The following contains extreme subject matter and utter absurdity. If you are looking for something purely erotic, a quick stroke story, or are a member of the British Royal Family, or are easily offended, you might want to move on.

Thanks to everyone who read the last installment.

Special thanks to Signore Calcio for inspiration.


Infuriated, Kate stormed out of the study and into an adjacent room, slamming the door behind her. Clutching her phone, her hand shaking with rage, she nearly punched the “Pippa” speed dial icon.

“Hiya!” Pippa answered with a giggle.

“So I guess you couldn’t be bothered to tell me William was to be joining us!?” Kate screamed.

“Did he really?” Pippa asked, sarcastically, still giggling.

“Yes, he did! Why on Earth did you text him!?”

“Listen, babes, I knew one of two things would happen. Either he’d go mental, divorce you, and you’d get to go back to partying with me, or he’d be totally randy and jump in, which’d spice up you lots’ sex life. It was a win/win situation, really.”

Kate didn’t respond, knowing Pippa was right. What a twisted bitch but evil genius she was, Kate thought.

“So which was it?” Pippa asked, slyly.

Kate still didn’t answer.

“He joined in, didn’t he?!”

“Yes…” Kate murmured.

“Hahaha! I knew it! He did the same thing back in Uni when he caught a mate of mine cheating on him. He hasn’t changed much over time, I guess. How was it, at least? I hope he didn’t prematurely ejaculate and ruin it.”

“No, actually I sucked him off and he lasted nearly five minutes! It was brilliant! Best sex I ever had with him.”

“Now was I right or was I right? You two just needed a little nudge in the right direction. What happened afterwords? Was he raging?”

“Not at all. Said he had a laugh. Said he’s open to more fun like this.”

“See, babes?! Maybe this’ll be a whole new world of fun for you two! You can thank me in a fortnight when we see each other.”

“In a fortnight?

“You forgot already? We’re supposed to do that thing at the high school!”

“Oh, that’s right. Okay…”

“Maybe we can go out later that night, too. Have a laugh, like old times. I fancy you buying me a pint after all I’ve done for your marriage.” “You bloody bitch! I’ll buy you two!”

“See ya then, babes.”

“Ta, Pips.”

After her conversation with Pippa and after finally getting some good dick, Kate felt much better. Nice, too, was that she didn’t see William for the next few days. It was good to have some time apart from him. Strangely, though, no one told her he’d be away. She wondered if he went on holiday without her. However, when she asked around, none of her servants seemed to know where he was.

A couple nights later, she was starting to get worried and was about to call his nan or brother, but then, as she lay in bed, reading the latest “Twilight” book, she heard the door to her bedroom fly open, slamming into the wall with a thud.

Prince William emerged from the doorway, reeking of alcohol. One of his eyes was slightly shut and the other was bloodshot.

“William, where have you been?” Kate enquired, concerned.

“Shut the fuck up, you bloody tart!!!” William shouted at her. He then stumbled into the toilet and flung the door shut. Kate suddenly heard all sorts of crashing and breaking sounds. About a minute or two later he came out, stark naked, holding her dildo. Kate was speechless.

“So what’s this, love?!!” William yelled.

“That’s… Oh you know what that is! Why were you in my cupboards?!” Kate yelled back, visibly upset.

“Pray tell, what is it exactly that you do with this contraption?” William asked, inspecting the instrument.

“I think you well know.” Kate shot back, crossing her arms and pouting, concurrently embarrassed and angry.

“Why don’t you show me!” William commanded.

“What?” Kate asked, stunned.

“Show me how you use it!” William screamed and threw the dildo at Kate. Kate ducked to her right, averting a direct hit. The dildo landed only inches from her head.

“Oh, you want to see, do you?” Kate asked, grabbing hold of the dildo, all of a sudden turned on by William’s domineering attitude.

“That’s right! Show me how you use it, you fucking tart!”

“You want me to fuck myself with this dildo for you?”

“Yeah, I do! Now go on and fucking do it, you stupid bitch!”

Kate had never seen him like this. She’d never even seen him pissed. Usually he only had a glass of wine or two, but he never got pissed or spoke to her in such a way. Initially his invasion of her privacy and name calling had offended her, but now it was making her hot, being degraded in such a way. Kate flashed William a naughty smile, pulled up her white satin nightgown, slipped off her red cotton g-string, and drove the dildo up inside her pussy, slowly.

William laughed at first as Kate fucked herself with the dildo but then started getting hard and began stroking at his skinny cock. Seeing William wank, Kate got into it, too, suddenly feeling even more horny and picking up the pace, fucking herself harder and harder with the dildo.

“Ahh, you fucking slag! You fucking slag!” William kept muttering as he wanked.

“Oww, yeah..” Kate moaned, now really getting into it, gyrating and squirming, her pussy soaking wet.

William walked over to Kate, cock in hand. At first she thought he might stick his cock in her mouth like he did a few days before, but instead, he began ejaculating, shooting ribbons of pearly warm love juice all over her face.

She’d shagged plenty of blokes but never had anyone come on her face. Posh girls of her stature generally aren’t treated in such fashion. But she had to admit to herself, she fancied it. She got off on his hot sticky jizz squirting all on her and she closed her eyes as his spunk ran down her cheeks and suddenly had a massive orgasm herself.

After coming, William called her a “fucking tart” again (which seemed to be his new name for her). Then he collapsed into bed, in the opposite direction of Kate, his smelly feet kicking into her pillows, and quickly passed out, snoring loudly. Kate lay back, pulled out the dildo, and left it on the nightstand next to her. She licked his salty cum off her face, slipped her knickers back on, and returned to reading her book, almost as if nothing happened. Although she felt violated and kind of like a whore, she had to admit to herself that she enjoyed it.

Next morning Kate awoke to an empty bed. She stretched out her arms, yawned, got up and went over to the loo. The door was almost closed, but not all the way shut. She’d paid no mind, though, not thinking anything was amiss, but upon opening the door she was shocked to see William wearing a pair of her pink slippers and otherwise naked, with her dildo sticking halfway out of his arse, standing over the bathroom sink, masturbating to a picture of his mother, Princess Diana.

“Oh my God!!!” Kate shrieked.

“Don’t you knock, you fucking tart!?” William screamed at her.

Kate stepped back slowly, in horror of the scene. William, red faced and unshaven, eyes still bloodshot and crooked like last night, grabbed her left arm and shoved her face first into the wall. She felt him mash the picture he’d been masturbating to against the back of her head and then felt him wrap one of her large hair scrunchies around the picture and over her mouth, both gagging her and holding the picture in place on the back of her head.

Kate didn’t put up a struggle, but William wrestled her into a half-nelson and hiked up the back of her nightgown. Next thing Kate knew, William’s slippery cock snaked up in between her bumcheeks and plowed up into her arsehole.

William laughed hysterically and pumped into her arse at breakneck speed, with all the strength his tiny cock could muster, yelling over and over again, “oh mum!”

Kate always fancied a rough bumshag but wasn’t sure she wanted William shagging her up the arse whilst staring at a picture of his dead mum. Especially not a picture of his dead mum that was tied onto the back of her head. Still though, at least William was taking a sexual interest in her, which made her happy.

Kate tried to use her free arm to caress William, to let him know it was okay, but William caught it, twisted it back, and put her into a full nelson. He looked down at his cock sliding into her arse, and smiled at the sight of her light brownish shit all over it. He then closed his eyes, enjoying the tremendously pleasurable sensation of his dick stabbing into Kate’s tight, hot arsehole, and imagined that he was somewhere in his favourite castle in Scotland, giving his mum a good shag in the bum. How he’d always fancied her bum, ever since he could remember…

“Time for an enema, mum!” William cooed into Kate’s ear, before shooting up her arsehole full of spunk.

“Erraph!!” Kate mumbled into her gag, enjoying the feeling of his hot cum shooting up into her arse, which was always her favourite part of a bumshag.

Letting Kate loose and tearing off his mum’s picture from the back of her head, William wiped his dick clean of her shit with her nightgown. Then he grabbed a fistful of Kate’s hair and sternly warned her, “Not a word of this to anyone, yeah?!”

Kate nodded and tried to smile at him, but William turned his head quickly and muttered, “Now go wash yourself up, you fucking tart!” and pushed her down to the floor and stuck her shit-covered dildo in her mouth. He then hurriedly went back to the sink, brushed his big buckteeth, and skipped out of the loo, singing a Motorhead song.

Perhaps this was his way of getting back at her, attacking her like this, Kate thought, struggling up to her feet and sucking on the dildo like a lollipop, enjoying its shitty taste. She figured maybe it was a one time thing. However, that turned out not to be the case.

For the next fortnight, she stopped seeing William around the palace. Other than official functions, she’d never see him during the day. She had no idea where he’d go, but he’d always come back home at night, drunk, and had now turned his anal attacks into a nightly ritual.

It would always start out the same. He’d kick open the door to their bedroom, call her a “fucking tart” and then proceed to flip her over, slap a picture of his mum on her head, and fuck her up the arse rudely. Every once in a while his bumshaggings even ended with a donkey punch.

At first this all bothered Kate a bit, because William treated it as if he were raping her, when in fact, she fancied the rough bumshags (and donkey punches, too). The masochist in her enjoyed the pain and humiliation of it all, although she wasn’t sure about the mum pics. Still, she didn’t say anything, since he had caught her cheating, and hey, at least he was doing more than his old tired missionary shags. And somehow with sodomy he didn’t prematurely ejaculate, so Kate didn’t want to complain.

Kate did worry, however, that maybe her pussy had gotten loose and that’s why he’d no interest in her vagina anymore or that maybe he’d become a poof. Whatever it was, she decided to start doing some vaginal tightening exercises just in case. Especially, too, since she was about to see Pippa.


She and Pippa met in the small hours of morning for breakfast. When the servants left the room, Kate told her about what William had been doing.

“Sounds like he’s possessed by a daemon!” Pippa said, chuckling, whilst sipping her Earl Grey tea.

“The bumshags I don’t mind. But the mum pics are a tad creepy, don’t you think?” Kate asked with one eyebrow raised.

“Well, yeah, I guess. But every bloke has his thing. So he wanted to shag his mum? Plenty of blokes do, and if every bloke’s mum looked like Di, I’m sure even more would. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

“You don’t?”

“No, babes. Just be glad he’s shagging your bum rotten. Now I do think you probably need more than that, though. That lovely pussy of yours must be terribly lonely.”

“Now that you mention it…” Kate snickered.

Kate and Pippa locked eyes. Pippa knew something was up.

“What’s that look for?” Pippa asked.

Kate sprang up from her seat and shut and locked the door to the breakfast room so no one could get in.

“I think you owe me something for what you’ve done to William.”

“Oh do you? Like what, might I ask?”

Kate approached Pippa slowly and seductively. She yanked down and off her knickers and handed them to Pippa, then combed her fingers through Pippa’s hair.

“Let’s be a bit naughty…” Kate whispered.

“I fancy being naughty…” Pippa replied.

Kate took a seat on Pippa’s lap and the two kissed deeply. Pippa really was a brilliant kisser, Kate thought, as their tongues twisted around together in playful circles. Kate then inched up her skirt, stood up, sat on the table and spread her legs apart, revealing her bare, hairy, and pungently musky smelling pussy.

“My fanny sure is lonely, sis…” Kate said, in a breathy voice. “I remember how well you tended to it back in Uni…”

Pippa smiled, pulled her hair away from her forehead, and commenced to stick her face between Kate’s legs and exuberantly licked and sucked at her sister’s throbbing clit, whilst at the same time reaching down into her own skirt, under her lace knickers, so she could finger herself.

“Ohh…” Kate moaned, her hands full of Pippa’s soft hair, as she caressed Pippa’s head whilst Pippa’s tongue tickled and darted along the entirety of Kate’s enlarged, pulsating clitoris. And with each electrical touch of Pippa’s tongue, Kate tensed up.

With all her vaginal muscles constricting, Kate’s body began to feel hot, very hot, like as though it was in flames, and her moans became increasingly louder. She started bucking her pelvis, ground her pussy into Pippa’s face, and finally let loose a heavy flowing, squirting orgasm, which Pippa took in the mouth, slurping up and swallowing every bit of ’till the very last drop.

“My, my!!! I shoulda remembered you were a squirter!” Pippa laughed and wiped her mouth with the tablecloth. “That one’s on the house, babes. Next time you’re going down on me.”

“No worries, Pips. Been far too long since we’ve done this.”

“It has. But I reckon it’s the first time we’ve done it without blokes around. Reckon we’re turning into lesbians?”

“I don’t know. You always did seem to fancy practising your kissing with me a wee bit too much…”

The two laughed, hugged, and Pippa cupped her hands on Kate’s cheeks, brought her face to hers, and the two had a long French kiss.

“Mmm, my pussy tastes good…” Kate joked after their lips broke apart. Pippa snickered and nodded in agreement.

Then they cleaned themselves up and stepped out to a black Rolls Royce limo, which was waiting to take them to the nearby high school.

When they got to the school, the head teacher, a bald, wrinkly, stocky little man, with coke bottle glasses and strong resemblance to the character “Uncle Junior” from the “Sopranos,” greeted them with over-zealous handshakes, standing far too close to them for comfort. His breath smelled something rotten and his teeth were decayed and purplish. After making painful small talk with him for a few minutes, the girls were whisked over to a stage, where they made a brief appearance presenting awards to groups of honours students who’d made record marks on their A-Levels.

Afterwards, backstage, Pippa whispered to Kate that she had some coke and asked her if she fancied snorting a couple lines before the next boring school thing they had to endure. Kate nodded enthusiastically, and they asked the head teacher where the loo was. The head teacher pointed them in an eastern direction, and they set off, but soon got lost in the large school’s labyrinth-like corridors, finally ending up at what looked like a locker room at the top of a stairwell.

“Well, I guess this’ll due.” Pippa said, slightly out of breath after climbing the stairs.

“I think these are the gents’ locker rooms, though…” Kate said, also slightly wheezing from the stairs.

“You’re right, it is the gents’. Hmmm, maybe we went the right way after all!” Pippa replied, with a naughty grin.

“I don’t know…” Kate said, reluctantly.

“I know…” Pippa replied, grabbing Kate by the arm and dragging her inside.

At first, the girls didn’t see anything other than a bunch of closed lockers and a few empty benches. They proceeded to walk into and around the locker room and soon noticed the sound of showers coming from a distance. Following the sound of the running water, they happened upon the shower room, which was just past the lockers and loos. Inside the shower room were five 18 year old athletes, likely wrestlers or members of the row team. All were muscular, with especially developed upper bodies, i.e., bulging pecs, lats, and biceps. All had sculpted legs and glutes, too, and all were very well-endowed.

“Hiya boys!” Pippa yelled out to them, in a playful voice. “My sister and I were wondering if you lot could help with something.” Both Pippa and Kate were smiling devilishly.

The lads looked shocked at first to see two beautiful birds at the entrance of their shower room. One even covered up his large penis with his soapy hands. However, the birds’ smiles quickly put the boys at ease.

“What is it you need assistance with, love?” Enquired the tallest of the group, a Scandinavian looking, blond haired blue-eyed lad of about 6’5.

“My sister and I were wondering which of us has the tighter pussy. Think you lot could help us figure it out?” Pippa asked, taking off her blouse and kicking off her heels.

The lads broke into nervous laughter, looking at each other as if they’d just seen aliens land on Earth.

“This isn’t a put on, is it?” Asked the shortest of the bunch, a muscular Pakistani of about 5’7.

“Is this a put on?” Pippa asked Kate, before wrapping her arms around her waist, French-kissing her, and hoisting down her skirt and knickers. Soon enough, the girls completely undressed each other in between kisses, then entered into the steamy hot shower room.

Kate got between the tall blond and the Pakistani, kissing the blond whilst the Pakistani stood behind her, rubbing his hard, stubby but thick cock around in her arse crease. Kate bent over, grabbed his stubby cock in her hand and shoved it into her pussy. She used her other hand to stroke at the blond’s massive, nearly 10 inch unit, and soon started sucking on the tip of it, whilst the Pakistani clapped at her bum, his head titled back, eyes closed as he shagged her slowly from behind.

Pippa had gotten sandwiched between two of the three other lads, all of whom looked like younger versions of David Beckham. The two wasted no time in double penetrating her. One stood behind her and poked his cock in her arse, whilst the other stood in front of her, holding up one of her shapely legs, fucking her pussy. The third one Pippa reached out and wanked.

When the bloke fucking Pippa in the pussy came, rather quickly and hard, Pippa screamed out that it was time to play a game and pushed the bloke in back of her out of her arse. The Pakistani then came in Kate, also quite fast and hard, and Kate broke away from him and the blond and walked over to Pippa.

“Okay, boys. It’s time to play, ‘who’s got the tighter pussy.’” Pippa said, in a school teacher-ish way. “My sister and I are going to stand against the wall and you three are going to take turns shagging us both. You other two are going to get hard again and shag the one of us you didn’t shag before. Then you’ll have a vote on who’s got the tightest pussy. Fair enough?”

The boys speechlessly nodded.

“Geez, Pips, we’ve not done this in ages. The most we did it with back in Uni was three blokes. Think we can handle five?” Kate whispered.

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June 2018
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