weed

Fine- I admit it! I’m an Avril Lavigne fan. I don’t really like all her songs, but some are pretty good. And of course she’s gorgeous. So when she came to an HMV in Ottawa for a signing, I showed up early.



Me and a thousand other wide-eyed teens had gathered with albums and posters for her to sign. This was some years ago and she’d just done a photo shoot for Maxim. Both she and I would have been in our 20s at the time. I don’t consider myself a pervert, but I’ll admit that for the past decade or so, I’d fantasized about her having a shaved pussy, modeling it for me, and us making love and going out together (and it doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to know that the same thing was on about a billion other guys’ minds.)



I knew it was a long shot, but I’d prepared her a love note. Would she even accept it when I tried to hand it to her when she signed my poster of her? I doubted it. I guessed she probably fought off stalkers and whatnot daily, what with her looks and her fame. But it was worth a shot.



After hours of waiting amidst the screaming crush of teens and the eerie self-consciousness imposing TV cameras which one could never be sure were on or off, it was my turn to go get her autograph. The guards let me through and I scampered up to the smiling talented singer hottie toting in front of me like an idiot the CD jacket of her second album, ‘Under My Skin’ for her to sign.



‘Hi!’ she said beautifully.



‘Hey,’ I stammered handing her the CD jacket, ‘Could you make it out to Jack, please?’



‘Sure. Hey man, are those real tattoos?’ she asked referring to the seven black stylized tears I have tattooed on my face coming down from my eyes.



‘Yes. Hey, can I give you something to read later, please?’ I said as I handed her the tiny folded note.



‘…Ok, I can make an exception for a guy with tattooed tears!’ She accepted my note and handed me back the CD jacket on which she’d written in neon pink paint-marker, ‘To Jack From Avril XXX.’ She’d dotted the ‘i’ with a cute sexy little heart. My heart was awash with joy as I thanked her and left the signing table.



***



Later back in her hotel room, Avril Ramona Lavigne unfolded my note and read:



‘Hi Avril! I’m Jack. Thanks so much for reading this letter. Don’t worry- I’m not a stalker! I’ve been your fan since Let Go and I think you’re just amazing and totally F-ing hot! Like so many others, I’ve always been able to relate to your music, and it feels in a strange way like we’ve been growing up together through the years. I know you probably hear this kind of thing from fans every day, and you deserve it! But anyway, if you’ll be in the city for any amount of time, please get in touch with me at…



Love, -Jack xxxooo



***



I was utterly and completely blown away when she actually called me late that evening!



‘Hey, Jack?’



‘Yes. Who’s this?’



‘It’s Avril. I read your little letter and I just wanted to say thanks for giving it to me.’



I started hyperventilating so bad with excitement I could hardly answer, but I managed, ‘Yeah? Well you’re welcome, Avril!’



‘So like, I’m not leaving till tomorrow morning, and I don’t have anything to do tonight, and I was wondering if you’d like to do something together or something.’



(Hiroshima of my heart!!) ‘Sure, ok!’ I was faint and panting wildly with excitement, careful to keep my phone’s receiver from picking up my frantic near-wheezing lest she think me a complete freak.



‘Cool! So like, I don’t know Ottawa that well, can you suggest a place?’



I somehow managed to give her the name of a nice restaurant I knew and arranged to meet her there in an hour, without barfing. I ended the call, flung my hands up and dropped to my knees- ‘Hiroshima!!!’ I yelled at the top of my lungs. My friends and the rest of the people around me in the crowded mall where I’d been all stopped and stared at me in disgust and disbelief.



I raced home and contrived my utmost to dress in something that looked un-contrived. I meditated for ten minutes to still my about-to-bust heart, splashed on cologne, and raced to the restaurant, stopping only to withdraw some cash from an ATM on the way.



I met her there. She had to weirdly, yet totally understandably, cover her facial features until we were alone at a secluded table to avoid the Paparazzi and their equivalent. We passed a wonderful evening and I could not believe my lucky stars when she invited me back to her hotel room!



***



Back at her hotel room we sat down on the huge soft luxurious king-sized bed.



‘Don’t be surprised if you see yourself in the tabloids tomorrow,’ she advised cynically.



‘Alright, thanks for the heads up.’



‘You know there are forums on the internet about whether or not my pussy is shaved??’ Avril laughed as she lit up a joint. ‘Fucking ridiculous!’



I smiled and she passed me the joint. I refrained from mentioning the dozens of fake Photoshopped images I’d downloaded of her naked, her head carefully blended onto the body of numerous naked babes with shaved pussies in a variety of lewd actions and postures.



I looked over at her; she was truly stunning. Her hair was freshly bleached a blinding platinum blonde with several streaks of hot pink running through it. Her eyes were like sparkling wells amidst dark forests of lashes and purple glitter eye shadow. Her skin was pale as milk. Her lips full and glossy pink.



‘You wanna see a new outfit that I got today?’



‘Ok!’ I smiled and passed her the joint back.



‘Just a sec,’ and she darted into the other room and out of sight. She returned in about thirty seconds topless to hand me back the joint. *Boobs!* My cock started swelling quickly in my pants. She smiled at me and quickly left the room again. She has such a bright, sexy smile…



I took off my jacket and shoes and made myself comfortable as I waited for her to come back. In five or so minutes she came back. She had on glossy pink thigh-high lace-up boots with four inch platforms and heels… fuck-me boots- and not a stitch else!



Certain online forums would have been rapturous to learn that her pussy was indeed completely shaved, smooth as porcelain, white-hot and cute as all-shit. She was smoking another joint that she’d lit up and laughing at my reaction which must have been saucer-eyes, mouth agape, complete muscle rigidity, and rapidly growing erection in my pants.



She turned around a few times modeling herself for me; she has a bum like heaven, titties like soft white honey-pears with raspberry nipples.



I immediately sucked long and hard on what was left of the joint in my hand, singing my fingertips, in a desperate attempt to intoxicate myself sufficiently to deal with this overwhelmingly sexy situation I suddenly found myself in. Her sexy, blinding beauty was shining in my face like a sun, threatening to drive me mad.



‘Wow…’ I croaked, my lungs full of marijuana smoke, and the naked shaved-pussied famous pop singer just laughed musically.



‘Relax bro,’ she said casually. ‘Lemme help you out of those threads,’ she offered, seductively coming up to me and nonchalantly whipping her hair out of her eyes with a little jerk of her head, as women will compulsively do.



With a friendly lustful smile, she helped me get undressed, and we were suddenly both naked on the huge comfortable hotel bet, except for her thigh-high glossy pink hooker-boots.



*I’M SITTING HERE NAKED WITH AVRIL LAVIGNE!!!*



‘So what do you think?’ she asked indicating the boots.



‘Nice,’ was all I could manage. ”Fuck?” I said touching the sexy little tattoo that she had on her ribs.



‘Fuck yeah!!’ answered Avril Lavigne.



‘I like it, Avril,’ I said indicating her tattoo. ‘I fucking want you,’ and I licked and kissed her little tattoo of the word Fuck. She licked her hand which meandered down to my nearly fully hard cock and began slowly jerking it off as I licked and kissed her small breasts and nipples.



She moaned softly as my fingers found their way along her boots and thighs and onto her smooth shaved girlhood. She was already wet. Quite fucking wet. I gently caressed her pussy and we kissed, out tongues enfolding and spasming round each other inside our mouths pressed together. Her moaning got gradually louder and louder as her smooth cunt became wetter and wetter as she jerked my hardening shaft faster and faster and I fingered her pussy keeping pace.



Just then she broke away from our kiss, moved herself down the bed, and took my hard dick into her famous, hot wet young mouth and began sucking my cock.



*AVRIL LAVIGNE IS SUCKING MY FUCKING DICK!!!*



‘Suck my cock, Avril!’ I managed.



She sucked my balls and jerked the shaft, sucked the shaft and worked the balls, licked the whole package, then sucked my cock hard like it was the straw in a thick vanilla milkshake.



‘Fuck me, baby!’ she urged suddenly, and crawled up on top of me straddling my waist and guiding my hard dick straight into her tight, hot, slobbering wet pussy.



‘Oooh!’ she moaned as her smooth pussy slid all the way down my cock-shaft to my balls. ‘Fuck yeah!!!’ she cried, and began fucking me from on top like that.



I gripped her ripe round ass as she rode me, which was a delight beyond description…



*AVRIL LAVIGNE’S ASS! MY COCK IS INSIDE AVRIL LAVIGNE’S PUSSY, AND I’M GRABBING HER ASS!!!*



We switched positions and I spread wide apart her yielding legs by the boots and ate her out till she came hard. Then I moved up and slid my dick deep back up her lovely young cunt. She held her legs open wide, knees bent slightly as I fucked her, her hands up behind her head. I caressed her boobs as I fucked her and she eventually came hard a second time.



*AVRIL LAVIGNE IS CUMMING ON MY FUCKING COCK!!!*



Then into doggy we moved and my balls slapped her smooth wet mons veneris with my every thrust up her awesome hot hole. Under her breath at first but gradually getting a little louder, she started singing as I fucked her pussy, ‘You make me so hot! Make me wanna drop! You’re so ridiculous! I can barely stop!…’ and as cheesy as it was, I joined her and we finished singing the chorus together as I fucked her cunt, ‘I can hardly breath! You make me wanna scream! You’re so fabulous! You’re so good to me! Baby, baby!…’ We giggled orgasmically and slightly stoned as I rammed my dick up her hot tight wet young pussy repeatedly.



She arched her back like a pro and spread her ass-cheeks apart for my viewing pleasure as I fucked her cunt. Her asshole was a lovely brown, unbleached, amidst her deliciously pale white bum. I ventured to tease it slightly with a finger as I probed her pink depths with my lucky fucking cock. Her asshole was well lubed up by her own pussy juices, so I ventured to slide a finger right up inside…



‘Oh yes! Finger my ass, Jack!’ she urged, so I added a second finger. And a third. And a fourth!



‘I want your cock up my ass! Fuck my ass!’ she said desperately after some time. ‘Cum up my ass, Jack!’ she begged, and who was I not to oblige a famous pop superstar?



Nearly hyperventilating with excitement, I pulled out and slowly shifted my dick to her brown hole. I managed to press just the tip inside of her tight bum, and it was already nearly making me cum.



‘Oh, fuck yeah! Push your cock all the way up my ass!’



I held her bum in my hands and slowly pressed my cock inch by blissful inch all the way up her hot tight lubed up shit-hole. Surreal heaven!!!



*MY COCK IS BALLS-DEEP UP AVRIL LAVIGNE’S ASSHOLE!!!*



‘Fuck!!!’ she cried as my dick sank in to its base. ‘Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!’ she moaned as she shook and came hard a third time, her sweet pussy gushing all over the bed.



I slid my lucky fucking cock in and out of her hot tight fucking shitter not even five dozen times before blasting a huge load of my fucking mayonnaise deep up the gorgeous celebrity bitch’s hot tight fucking bum.



‘I’m cumming up your ass, Avril!!’ I wailed in triumph, my vision gone suddenly white in sheer ecstasy.



‘Yes! Cum up my ass!!’ she urged desperately, fucking her ass back up against my cumming dick for emphasis.



I shook and came some more up her ass, my whole body dripping with sweat, until my orgasm finally subsided. I stayed up her ass for a minute or so before finally pulling out with a fart from her sweaty bum.



Avril giggled, kissed me with tongue, and rolled over to get another joint from beside the bed, which she lit up.



‘That was hot,’ she stated between drags.



‘You’re tellin me…’ I barely managed.



We smoked pot together for a while in silence. She leaned over, buried her face in my neck, and began sucking my neck really hard. I smiled as I realized she was giving me a hicky. AVRIL LAVIGNE’S GIVING ME A HICKEY! (Fuck yeah!!)



‘There. Now you can tell your friends who gave that to you!’ she teased. I looked at her and we both laughed. I kissed her cheek.



We both felt so good, and were so high. At last she asked me, ‘Is this for real?’



‘I donno. I guess it is. Is what for real, Avril?’



After a very long pause she told me, ‘I’m gonna write a song about this. You watch; you’ll see. I’m not sure exactly how it’ll go yet, of course. But I’ll be thinking about you, Jack, when I write it. …Wait and see.’ Little did I know she actually would…



We smoked weed some more in silence. Then she said, ‘Let’s have sex again!’ Which we did five times, before falling into a blissful sleep in each others’ arms.

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