t-girl

I stood, surrounding, in a sea of people. We all moved as one, gently swaying one direction and then another. We looked like stalks of wheat during a summer breeze or sea grass rocking to the moon’s invisible pull. And the entire world was awash in sound. The most beautiful sound in the world. My hands were in the air as I swayed and I felt a spiritual, almost religious, connection to the music that set us swaying. Because, while I was just a tiny part of a larger group, my attention (everyone’s attention) was focused on the center. Towards our Goddess. In that moment, I felt transcendent, like nothing in the world mattered but the music speaking to my soul.



I guess other people in the audience thought differently. To them, it may just have been a concert. Something to do on a Friday night in a mid-sized city with nothing else really going on. In fact, the singer was just the opening act. She’d sing for an hour then someone else would come along and sing for two. But for me, it was the most important and uplifting experience of my life.



At the time I was 19 years old and a sophomore in college. The woman singing on stage was 28 years old, her name was Young-Mi and she had been my idol from the time she was 18. I found a clip of her singing on the internet. She was already a pretty big deal in South Korea but her song was in English. Her music was K-Pop, you know Korean pop music. Most of the people in the U.S. know about Gangnam Style or maybe Rain, but K-Pop is even bigger than that. There are a bunch of absolutely beautiful and talented female artists in addition to those boys. It is almost surprising they don’t have a bigger following here in America. And Young-Mi was the best. She has the most amazing videos, most of them in English. She is a great dancer, I mean one of the best dancers. And her videos are fun and the songs are really catchy. If you can hear one without humming along, you are not human.



And Young-Mi is absolutely the most beautiful and the most talented woman on Earth. I could write pages and pages about her various songs and they way they’ve made my life better. I mean, the content is usually pretty light, that is the nature of pop music. But you can just tell by the way she sings and the quality of her songs that she really has the soul of an artist. As for beauty, I can’t say enough. She has the perfect, ovular face with big brown eyes and the longest eye lashes I have ever seen. Her nose is small and perfectly symmetrical. Her cheeks are high and full and her lips are thick and pink. She has the most incredibly long, straight black hair. She was a short woman, around 5’4 and very thin. She had pretty big breasts for an Asian woman, a perfect stomach, and voluptuous hips, and a bit of a bubble butt. From the first time I saw her, I knew that I wanted to look exactly like her, she was perfect.



The song ended and I clapped wildly, like I had for every other song. She smiled at the crowd.



“Thank you all for coming and listening to me. You have all been so amazing,” she said in her delicate voice. I could hear her voice whenever I closed my eyes. I’d seen every interview she’d ever given, but it was so amazing to hear it in real life. “I have time for one more song, you’ve been wonderful!” I let out a groan, other people just clapped politely. I couldn’t believe it was almost over, I felt like I’d just gotten there. I heard a man standing next to me say something to his friend. I was a little annoyed that he was speaking while she was speaking, but I overheard what he was saying.



“Yeah, my girlfriend ran back to get me a beer. I told her it was the least she could do for dragging me to this thing. Although, I have to admit this…Young, whatever… this chick. I have to admit, she is pretty fucking hot,” he said and his buddy started to laugh.



“Dude!” his friend said, but couldn’t finish from laughing



“What?” He asked. His friend laughed once more, and then managed to speak.



“Dude, I was talking to my girlfriend about Young-Mi, she told me, that chick has a dick!” he said laughing again, “And you think she’s hot!” The guy looked on the stage.



“No fucking way! That chick?!”



“I swear to God, I looked it up, she was born a dude,” the guy said. Well there was that as well. And I didn’t like the way it felt like they were making fun of her. I looked over at them acidly.



“She is a transwoman,” I spat, “please be quiet, I want to hear her sing.” The guys looked at me and laughed again. Then one guys, the one who had “outed” Young-Mi to his friend, got wide eyed and I saw him look back and forth between me and the stage.



“Woah honey, you kind of look like her,” he said to me and then laughed harder, “No offense.”



“None taken,” I said, feeling absolutely steamed. Luckily, the music built to a deafening level and I turned my eyes back to the stage and watched Young-Mi singing one of my favorite songs. Suddenly, whatever discomfort I felt with those men melted away. That was the way I always felt, whenever I heard her music I didn’t feel weird or out of place.



It was difficult, I’d always known I would grow up to be a woman, even if my parents told me I was a boy. And when I’d discovered Young-Mi, I learned that I could not only grow up to be a woman, I could grow up to be a beautiful, famous, and brilliant woman. She was honest about her genetic make-up, she was fiercely resistant to any transphobia, and she kept a sense of humor. She was the absolute perfect role model for a girl like me. I wanted to BE her. She was the person who gave me the courage to demand that my parents begin giving me hormones when I was 10 and kept at them until they finally broke down and did it when I was 12. They still didn’t accept me for who I was, but they knew they couldn’t stop it. And she was the one who kept me going through high school and even now, into college. She was the most important influence on my life.



To honor her, and to try to make myself as beautiful as possible, I’d tried to make myself as much like her as possible. The jerks at the concert weren’t lying; I did look a lot like Young-Mi. I had to wear contacts, so I wore the ones that made my eyes the same shade as hers (mine are naturally a less brilliant shade of brown, almost gray). I cut my hair to look like her hair and wore lipstick the same color as her lips. I used makeup to accentuate my cheekbones to give myself the same elegant look as her. I saved up my money and got breast implants and butt implants to make myself look like her. And I worked out constantly so I’d have the same flat stomach and thin legs as her. I put a picture of her in the corner of my mirror so that I could check myself against her each morning. I couldn’t help that I was a little shorter than her at 5’3, but other than that I was pretty close. The guy was trying to make a joke about my appearance, but I took it as a compliment. Anyway, it likely meant his friend thought I was hot.



I was thinking about this when suddenly a person ran into me from behind. I was off-balance from swaying to the music and landed on my knees. At first I thought it was the men from before, I’d had my share of tormentors in the past. I knew how they operated. I rolled over and looked at the person who’d knocked me down at my favorite part of the song! But it wasn’t one of the men from before. It was a young woman, a little older than me. She looked frazzled. The song came to an end, there was polite applause and the lights went on. I looked around to see if anyone was laughing at me. When bad things happened, people laughed at me. But no one seemed to notice. Even the guys from before were walking away while the roadies started moving Young-Mi’s stuff off the stage for the main act.



“I am so sorry,” the woman said, as soon as she could be heard. She stood up quickly then extended her arm down. I was still a little mad that she’d made me miss the end of the song, but I took her hand and she helped me up, “Hey I really didn’t mean to do that, I have got like a thousand things to do and…:”



“It’s okay,” I said, turning to look, trying to catch one more glance of my idol before she walked off the stage, but she was already gone. Dejected, I hung my head while the woman continued to speak at me.



“Oh hey!” She said suddenly, “You look a lot like Young-Mi!” That brightened me a little I looked up at her.



“I’m her biggest fan,” I said softly. The woman clapped and smiled.



“Did you come here just for her? Were you going to stay for the next act?” she asked. I found her behavior odd, but her good-natured interest in me put me at ease. I answered her questions.



“Yes, I’ve been wanting to see her for ten years. I was just going to leave now,” I said honestly.



“No!” she said, “No she is absolutely going to flip when she sees you!” the woman said and I was confused, she hadn’t seen me. She was already off stage.



“What?” I asked, feeling confused. The woman didn’t seem to notice what I was saying. She looked over her shoulder at the stage.



“My name is Sarah. I am her Young-Mi’s assistant,” she said. I felt a simmering resentment for her. Had I known such a position was even possible, I would have been trying to get it for the last two years. She extended her hand again and I shook it. “Sometimes she gets a little bit down at these shows in the U.S. It is tough on her, not being a star. I mean, she is so big in Korea and in South America. So what do you think?” she asked. She looked at me quizzically, like she was expecting an answer. I sputtered for a minute.



“Yeah, I can never figure out why she is not more popular…” I said uneasily. I didn’t like the idea of Young-Mi being upset. Sarah laughed sweetly.



“No, I mean do you want to cheer her up? Go meet her?” Sarah said. I felt light-headed. I had fantasized about just this moment from the time I was 9 years old. Someone, somehow, finding out that I needed to meet Young-Mi and then setting up a meeting. I felt so dizzy I almost toppled over.



“I…uh…”



“Oh hey it is cool if you don’t want to,” Sarah said, raising her hands to let me know there was no pressure. I sputtered again and she started to turn around.



“NO!” I yelled, almost too loud. She turned back, “I really, really, really want to meet her.” Sarah laughed and took my hand.



“Follow me,” she said, “She will be back stage relaxing in her dressing room.” I followed Sarah but my head was completely in the clouds. I was going to meet Young-Mi! What would I say? What would she say? Would she like me? Would she be even more beautiful in person? I didn’t even notice as we passed through hallways and walked down stairs. I was completely inside of my head. Finally we reached a closed door with “Young-Mi” temporarily stenciled on it. My heart was beating like a hummingbird. I felt like I might keel over. This was really happening! Sarah knocked on the door.



“Yes?” A voice ask. ‘A voice’ what am I saying, THE voice, the Goddess spoke. I could hear her through the door. I was just a few feet away from Young-Mi.



“It’s Sarah, I ran into a fan out on the arena floor. I think you’ll want to meet her,” Sarah said and then gave me a big smile. I couldn’t contain myself, I smiled and jumped up and down.



“Of course, send her in,” Young-Mi said. Sarah opened the door and motioned for me to walk in. Very slowly, I walked into the dressing room. It was cramped little dressing room. One side wall had a big green couch. On the far wall it had just a table, a mirror, and a chair. But sitting in that chair was Young-Mi! She looked stunning close up. Her hair was shining and her face looked serene, beautiful. She was wearing a little white robe and I could see her sparkling blue dress and a thong lying on the floor in heap. The robe was only cinched loosely, her cleavage was clearly visible. I was intensely aware that Young-Mi was not wearing anything under her robe! She brushed some hair out of her face languidly and smiled.



“Hello, so nice to meet you!” she said with such utter sincerity. I moved towards her and took her hand. I had her hand in mine! Her skin felt so soft that I held it slightly too long. She had a sort of embarrassed look on her face and I dropped her hand.



“So…So good to meet you too,” I said, realizing that Young-Mi was hearing my voice!



“Doesn’t she look like you?” Sarah asked from the doorway. Young-Mi looked at me and smiled.



“I don’t know,” she said, “She looks younger. And prettier.” I couldn’t control my smile. Now I knew I was younger than, but not nearly as pretty as, her. But she said I was pretty!



“Oh you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I am your absolute biggest fan,” I managed to say and Young-Mi laughed.



“I see why Sarah brought you,” she said. Then she looked over my shoulder at Sarah, “Thanks for bringing her here. Go ahead out and watch the rest of the show, you don’t need to stay here and baby-sit us. Just put whatever else you brought over on the counter.” Sarah didn’t speak, just nodded, set down a bunch of papers, and then walked out of the room. She closed the door behind me. Now I was alone in a room with my hero. It was just too perfect!



“Would you like something to drink?” Young-Mi asked me, pointing to her mini-fridge. My mouth felt dry, but I didn’t want to bother her, so I shook my head.



“I’ve wanted to look like you since I was 9 years old,” I blurted out. I had planned out, in detail, long conversations I would have with Young-Mi if I ever got the chance, but those ideas were out the window. I was too overcome. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I noticed each little movement that she made. She seemed not to take much notice of what I said but kept smiling. She spoke back gently.



“So what is your name?” she asked. It was apparent she realized that I was not capable of starting a normal conversation. But I was very proud of my next answer.



“Young-hee,” I said. She looked at me quizzically. She was sitting in a chair and she crossed her legs at the knee and leaned forward towards where I was standing.



“A Korean name huh?” she asked looking me over, “A very pretty name. I didn’t think you looked Korean.”



“I’m not!” I said, my words spilling out I was so proud, “My mom is Japanese-American and my dad is from Argentina. I took my name because it sounded like yours.” It was something I had decided on early in my transition to womanhood. A way to honor Young-Mi. A Korean name that sounded almost identical her name. I don’t know what I expected her to do. But her brow just sort of furrowed and she titled her head to the side. She wasn’t smiling anymore.



“What did your name used to be?” she asked. I blushed heavily and looked down at my feet. I wasn’t anything before I was Young-hee, before I was a human monument to my Goddess. But I couldn’t lie.



“Ignacio,” I said uncomfortably. I heard Young-Mi cluck her tongue.



“Are you a girl like me?” she asked I was still bowing down, my eyes closed. But I felt a sudden pressure on my chin. My eyes flew open and Young-Mi tilted my chin up so I was looking at her. She was so gentle. She raised her eyebrows inquisitively.



“Yes,” I said, smiling, “You made me think it was okay to be a girl like you. I named myself after you.” It was what I had always wanted to say to her. If nothing else, I wanted to say that. I saw tears welling in her eyes.



“Young-hee,” she said, “You make me want to keep going, to keep being a singer.” And I felt a sudden wave of euphoria wash over me. I felt tears in my eyes as well. This was absolutely perfect. Young-mi pointed over towards the couch and I sat down on it, she sat down next to me. Right next to me, our knees were touching.



‘Young-Mi,” I said, “I have imagined meeting you a thousand times. I know everything about you…” I started telling her all of things about me. All of the ways that she had helped me through the hard times in my life, how she was still helping me with hard times in my life. I told about things that I knew that happened in her life and how they had affected me. The whole time she looked at me and nodded. Occasionally she would say something, but usually she would just let me talk. We spoke for almost twenty minutes. She looked so beautiful. Her body was so perfect. I just wished that I was even more like her. I was sitting next to her on the couch, looking directly into her beautiful eyes while I spoke. I saw her interest in me. It was divine. I felt myself leaning in closer to her, trying to sink into her eyes. And I kept talking about her. Telling her everything I loved about her.



Finally, I said, “I just know, when it is all over, when I am just like you and everything that used to be me is gone, then I will finally be happy.” I saw her tilt her head to the side. Suddenly, I felt an uncontrollable her urge to show her how much I loved her. She was the midwife who’d birthed me into the world. A second mother. How could I show her how important she was to me? I knew I was saying all the things I wanted to say, but I wanted her to feel what I feel. I didn’t really think, I just acted. I leaned forward quickly and pressed my lips against hers. Her lips were softly, velvety. My own lips sort of sunk into hers. It was magical. But she did not move. I opened my eyes and saw that her eyes were open. Finally, she put her hands on my shoulders and gently, but forcefully, pushed me away.



“Young-hee! You can’t do that!” she said. And suddenly I realized what I had done. I felt so ashamed of myself. I had no intention of forcing myself on her. What the Hell was I thinking? I should have kissed her cheek or hugged her. I had never had erotic thoughts about her. Had I? That wasn’t the kind of love I wanted to show. Now she was going to hate me. I felt my face turn red, “I know I am a celebrity of sorts, and I know that you are my fan, but there are boundaries. We need to have a talk.”



“I know, I am sorry,” I said quickly, “I was just so excited to see you.” She nodded but looked stern.



“I know sweetheart,” she said soothingly, and I felt a little bit better, “But it is more than just…just you kissing me.” She looked at me as though she was trying to see if I understood. I did not.



“What do you mean?” She sighed and sat back in the couch and crossed her arms over her breasts. She didn’t look annoyed, but she stared at me appraisingly. I felt uncomfortable. This had turned out terribly. I’d never felt so awful in my entire life. But finally, the tortuous silence ended and she spoke.



“Why did you say that you wanted to turn into me?” she asked cautiously.



“It’s just, nothing ever goes right for me and it just…you are so perfect. You are so perfect and happy. I am just so tired of my life. I want your life,” I stammered, saying things out loud I had hardly ever consciously thought about. I thought back to my tormentors: people in school, people in my neighborhood, my parents. I knew that Young-Mi didn’t know any of them and would never need to. All those people had reasons to hate me, but if I could become Young-Mi, then I people would love me. And I would love me too.



“You are not me and you are never going to be me,” Young-Mi said, almost coldly. Her sudden change in tone threw me off balance. I felt a sharp stab in my stomach. I looked up at her beautiful eyes but didn’t see any tenderness, just determination. This was my worst fear ever! She was offended that I wanted to be like her.



“Yes, but…” I started, feeling the tears already start to fall from my eyes. She cut me off.



“There is only one Young-Mi one Earth. You are looking at her. You can’t replicate me, you can’t make a Young-Mi 2.0,” she said. For a moment, I thought that maybe she thought I wanted to replace her! Like I was stalking her or something so I could upstage her.



“No, I don’t want to replace you, I just want to honor you!” I begged. I grabbed for Young-Mi’s hand to make her believe I was telling the truth, but she pulled back from me. I moved back, like she was going to strike me. She stared at me again, looking icy.

“I am not a Goddess!” She yelled at me suddenly and my blood ran cold. How did she know about the way I thought about her, “I am not to be worshipped.”



“But…” I started. Then she spoke, not yelling at me now, but almost a whisper. I stopped speaking and listened to her.



“Do you think I am always happy?” she asked? She brushed her beautiful long hair out of her eyes and looked at me.



“Well…” I said, thrown off by the sudden change in question.



“I am most assuredly not,” she explain, still very softly. I looked at her and the iciness was gone, replaced by innocence and vulnerability, “I work very hard, only occasionally sincerely enjoying my work. I travel constantly, which makes me irritable and tired. And…my personal relationships are not good. I do not speak to either of my parents or anyone else in my family. I see my close friends far too rarely. And as for my love life…” she said. She looked at me searchingly. I stayed completely quiet. It was like she was appraising whether to tell me more. I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. Finally, she decided to speak on, “My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. How can I be happy today Young-hee?”



“But…But…” I sputtered, I was absolutely shocked. My eyes were wide and my mouth was agape.



“You didn’t know I had a boyfriend Young-hee?” Young-Mi asked me sternly. I couldn’t speak, I just shook my head, “don’t you read all the articles about me in magazines and check my website and my Facebook page?” she asked.



“Every day!” I said, almost like I was pleading with her to forgive my ignorance.



“Maybe what you see in those magazines isn’t all there is to me,” She said quietly, with compassion in her voice. “Maybe I had a boyfriend. An American TV actor who loved me but was ashamed that he loved me. Maybe we kept our relationship secret. And maybe he left me because he said he wanted someone who did have the ‘baggage’ I had. Maybe when he said baggage he looked between my legs. Do you think I would be happy in that situation?” She stared at me intently, her eyes glistening a bit. I didn’t believe any of it, how could I?



“But that couldn’t happen to you! First, you are so pretty, no one would ever dump you. And you are so proud of being a transwoman. You wouldn’t let someone treat you that way,” I said, reaching over and placing my hand on her knee.



“The Young-Mi in the magazines, she wouldn’t do that. She is the Goddess. But that Young-Mi isn’t real. She is an advertisement to sell music. The real woman is just as lonely and scared and confused as everyone else,” She said. And suddenly, what she said made sense. I don’t know, I looked at her a little differently. This was a person sitting in front of me.



“I am sorry your boyfriend left,” I said with sympathy and she smiled and rubbed the top of my hand. I couldn’t help but suddenly feel differently about her. She seemed so…normal. I didn’t love her music, or her, any less. I just felt different now.



“You are right,” she said, “I shouldn’t let anyone treat me that way. It is better that we are not together.” She was quiet for a moment, looking down at her bare feet and thinking. Then she took my hand and squeezed it once. She sighed and looked at me. “But sometimes it’s hard to know you deserve better.”



“Yes,” I said.



“You know,” she said, “Young-hee I am really glad that I have made a positive impact on your life. I am glad that I helped give you the strength you needed to be the person you wanted to be.” She was staring intently into my eyes now, making sure that she said everything clearly, “But that is the most important thing. I didn’t make you become a beautiful woman. I helped. A little. It was your strength that made you the woman you are now. I’ve met a lot of girls like you (none so pretty, don’t get jealous) and they want to give me all this credit. You are an amazing person, you shouldn’t want to change into me. There is only one me. You should be happy that you are Young-hee. Even if you could become me, you would not always be happy. Even famous (or almost famous) people have bad times in their life. If you are always trying to be a perfect version of me (and even I am not that), you will never be happy. You will want what is impossible.”



Suddenly, everything that she’d said to me started to make sense. She wasn’t angry at me for kissing her and she wasn’t somehow jealous of me. She was trying to knock some sense into me. And I thought it worked. I looked at her now, tears running down my cheeks, and I felt more love for her than before. But now it wasn’t love for the perfect transwoman I’d made it my mind, it was the actual Young-Mi. A busy, successful, and beautiful woman, who took time out of her day to tell me that I was special and that I was good just the way I was. That thought made me cry even harder. I felt Young-Mi’s arms wrap around me, holding me close.



I cried for a lot of reasons. I cried a little bit for the end of my Goddess, for the fact that she’d been turned real. But that was just a little bit. I cried because of all the pain I’d always felt at being unable to be perfect, at my displeasure with myself, and my inability to forgive myself for never being ideal. I cried because if Young-Mi was just a woman, like me, then I could achieve anything I wanted. Just like her. I cried tears of joy because Young-Mi saw through all of my insecurities and my attempts to hide myself, found the real source of my pain, and told me that it was okay to stop worrying about it.



“It is okay honey, everything is okay,” Young-Mi whispered into my ear. After a long while, I stopped crying. Young-Mi released me from the hug and pushed me back. She looked more beautiful than ever, and I knew she would always be my idol.



“I am sorry,” I said, finally knowing why I was sorry, but Young-Mi shook her head.



“Don’t be sorry, just think of this as the last step in becoming who you are. You are no longer an attempted Young-Mi part 2. You are Young-hee,” she said and I laughed, wiping the tears from my eyes.



“Thank you so much for letting me come talk to you. This has been so much… so much more than I had ever expected,” I said. I almost started to cry again, but she laughed sweetly.



“We barely spoke, you just told me everything about me!” Young-Mi said, “I knew all of that stuff already. Please, tell me about you! Tell me what makes Young-hee such a special person. And don’t say ‘nothing’ because you know that isn’t true. Why should I want to know you?” She spoke with such evident good spirit that I felt the heaviness lift from me. And I was excited. She wanted to know about me!



And so I talked. I spoke for a long time, telling her more about myself that I usually told anyone. Now, unlike before when I’d been talking about her, Young-Mi interrupted me often. She asked questions, she laughed, and sighed. She was fully engaged in the conversation. And it was a conversation now, a dialogue amongst equals. I told her about my family, about school, about past loves, about my favorite books, and my love of drawing.



“Oh you can draw?” she asked, “That is such an amazing skill. I have never been any good.”



“I have been thinking about going into design,” I explained, “Oh wait!” I said. I reached down into my purse and grabbed a piece of paper. I had sketched something at lunch that day and put it into my purse. I’d been so excited about meeting Young-Mi that I’d drawn a picture of her, singing on stage. I took it out and handed it to Young-Mi.



“Oh my God, you’re so good!” she said, her tone different now. Before she’d been praising me like a teacher praises a student, now she admired my picture like I was a real artist.



“It is yours,” I said. She looked up at me and smiled. She pressed the picture to her chest and then set it down gently on the table.



“Thank you, it is lovely,” she said, “And see, you are such an interesting person. And it has nothing to do with me. You are just special.” I felt tears again.



“Thank you,” I said, my words choking.



“And now,” she said changing her tone and scooting closer to me on the couch, “I just have one more thing to explain to you.” I realized that this meant our time was running short. I was sad, I wanted to stay longer. I felt like we were old friends.



“What is that?”



“Well, when you tried to run away from yourself and tried to explain how you wanted to become me, you gave me a little kiss,” she said and I blushed, “And for your troubles you got a stern talking to, did you not?”



“Yes,” I said abashed. I looked down and my feet embarrassed. Young-Mi reached over and gently took my chin in her hand, tilting my face up towards hers.



“Well, now we’ve had a long conversation where you explained what makes YOU so special. Don’t you think you deserve a reward?” I tilted my head to the side and furrowed my brow.



“I don’t know what you mean,” I explained. Young-Mi did not speak. Instead she closed her eyes and leaned forward kiss me on the mouth. Now it was my turn to freeze! I felt Young-Mi’s soft, warm lips pressed against my own. Her skin was so smooth. I felt her tongue glide along my lower lip, and her teeth nibble gently. For a moment she just kissed me. Then, when she saw that I did not react, she kissed my cheek and then pressed her lips close against my ear. I closed my eyes as I listened to her whisper.



“A little girl that wants to be a princess sits in her room, reads magazines, and sighs. Maybe she kisses a poster of her prince charming. A woman who is confident in herself seizes the things she wants and makes her desires into reality. Which are you?” Young-Mi hissed into my ear. As she whispered, the shock of her kiss was wearing off. I suddenly realized that the most beautiful woman on Earth was kissing me. A childish wish to thank Young-Mi for being my idol was gone. I wanted to kiss her again, but this time I wanted the kiss because I wanted her, I wanted the woman sitting next to me.



I turned my head quickly and pressed my lips against hers. This time, both of us were prepared for the kiss. My tongue pushed into Young-Mi’s mouth, tasting her tongue and sliding along her teeth. She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned into me, pushing me back onto the couch and driving her tongue into my mouth. Her kisses were hot and passionate. She smelled delightful.



I couldn’t even wrap my head around the fact that this Young-Mi was kissing me! I just let my body take over. And my body knew exactly what to do. My hands reached down behind her and I squeezed her toned butt through her thick cotton robe. She moaned into my mouth as my fingers grasped at her body. She kissed my harder and wrapped her arms tighter around my neck.



Suddenly she moved her back from around my neck and then stood up quickly. I looked at her confused. But she stood in the middle of the dressing room and stared at me with lupine fierceness. She quickly untied the robe, but held it closed.



“Young-hee, you know now that I am not just a performer but a person. And while Goddess’ don’t have needs, women do. Don’t get me wrong Young-hee,” she said casually, “I am still a performer, I like that you adore me. But I want it on my terms. So I helped you. Now you help me. Tell me, am I beautiful?”



“Yes!” I panted. My cheeks were flushed and I felt my nipples hard against my dress. I’d never been so aroused in my life. I realized now that Young-Mi was a woman who’d just been dumped. She’d helped me so much, now I could help her. Make her feel beautiful the way I knew she was.



“Do you want me to take my robe off?” She asked.



“Please take it off,” I said. I was going to see what Young-Mi’s beautiful body looked like! She nodded and then dramatically threw open her robe.



“Do you like my body?” she asked. What a ridiculous question. Young-Mi’s body was more beautiful I’d thought possible. Her skin was smooth and evenly colored. Her breasts were perfectly symmetrical and still up high and gravity-defying on her chest. Her nipples were somewhat large and long, a delectable brown color. Her arms were slim, as was her stomach. Her hips flared very noticeably but she had slim, delicate legs. And in all that femininity, standing up proudly (and shaved bare) between her legs was a small tanned cock. It was about 5 and a half inches long, but surprisingly thick. She was uncircumcised and her balls were smooth and large. She shook her hips a bit, letting her cock bounce a bit.



“Am I everything you thought I’d be when you imagined me?”



“No,” I said suddenly, realizing it was true, “You are so much better. You are REAL!” I said. Young-Mi seemed very happy when I said that. It was clear I’d passed this last test.



“Good baby,” Young-Mi said smiling, “come get it,” She said. I was off the couch in a shot. I ran to the middle of the small room and dropped down on my knees in front of Young-Mi. But I wasn’t praying to her like a Goddess anymore, I had a new idea.



I’d never sucked a cock before. I’d never even been this close to a cock other than my own before. Young-Mi was standing with her hands on her hips looking at me but not pressuring. I looked at her cock. The skin was smooth and look taut around her hard dick. The tip was wider than the rest of the cock. Her balls were very large and hung low on her body. They were completely bare of hair and looked very girly. I reached forward and gently lifted her balls with my hand. She gasped as I felt their weight and heat. I slide my hand up her cock feeling the taut skin and the hard flesh underneath. I felt Young-Mi’s body tremble lightly. I applied a little pressure, pulling her cock down so it was pointed right at my mouth. My heart was beating. Was this just a dream?



I looked up at Young-Mi’s face. She was looking down at me and smiling. Her breasts were rising a falling quickly too. I realized she was just as excited as I was. I looked back at her cock and opened my mouth. I saw the little opening in the tip of Young-Mi’s cock. I stuck out my tongue and pushed it forward. I felt the tip of my tongue press against the tip of her cock. I circled my tongue around the tip, poking it gently into the hole. She moaned loudly. Her skin tasted smooth and salty, a little drip of pre-cum dripped onto my tongue. I moved my mouth forward around the tip of her cock, closing my lips around it. But I kept my tongue swirling around the tip of her cock. I felt my own cock pressing against the inside of my dress.



My eyes were closed but I felt Young-Mi’s hand against the back of my head. I smiled around her cock, now she wanted something of me! I was happy to oblige. Wetting the skin of her cock with my wet tongue I slowly allowed her dick to slide into my mouth. Like I said, I’d never sucked a cock before and I’d never had mine sucked. I had no idea what I supposed to do. I just swirled my tongue under her cock, rubbing her pulsing urethra. She seemed to like it.



Slowly I worked the cock deeper and deeper into my mouth. Finally, I felt Young-Mi’s scrotum against my chin. Her cock tickled my throat and I felt my eyes watering. I choked a little and my mouth filled with thick spit. I swirled my spit around in my mouth and started to bob my head back and forth on Young-Mi’s cock. Young-Mi moaned loudly and I knew I was on the right track. I moved slowly but consistently and I keep strong, wet pressure on Young-Mi’s urethra. While I continued to suck her cock, I moved my hands up to her balls. I felt my fingers sink into her scrotum and let her balls slip in between my fingers. I squeezed gently.



She was very close, it didn’t take very long. A few minutes after I first put her cock into my mouth I felt Young-Mi’s body go rigid. She raised up on the tips of her toes, driving the cock hard into my throat. She let out a high pitched scream, her hand pressing hard on the back of my head. Suddenly, I felt her cock expand in my mouth. She shivered. Then my mouth started to fill with hot, salty liquid.



Big globs of Young-Mi’s sperm shot into my mouth in a series of big bursts. There was just so much! The first bit seemed to fill up my entire mouth. And while I tasted it, the scent filled my nose. But then a second spurt came, filling my cheeks with Young-Mi’s cum. By the time her cock stopped shooting sperm into my mouth it was dripping out of my mouth and down my chin and neck. Young-Mi pulled her cock out of my mouth. A string of sperm connected my lips to the tip of her cock. I looked up at Young-Mi’s face. She was panting and her cheeks were flushed and she looked gorgeous. She was smiling at me.



I still had Young-Mi’s sperm in my mouth. I swished it around in my mouth, squeezing it between my teeth and mixing it with my saliva. I’d tasted my own sperm before, but Young-Mi’s was so much better. It was salty and sweet at the same time. And I had a little bit of Young-Mi in my mouth, her sexual essence. That feeling made my cock so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of my dress. I swished the cum once more and then swallowed it down. Now a part of Young-Mi was a part of me, deep down in my stomach. I wouldn’t ever become her, but there would always be some of her inside of me.



“Taste good?” She asked shaking me out of my reverie. I looked back at her and she laughed, it was clear I’d been savoring her cum for a long time.



“It was delicious,” I said. Young-Mi laughed and then she leaned over at her waist. I though she was going to kiss me but instead she stuck out her tongue. She licked my throat and my chin, sucking her own hot cum off my body. She stood back up straight and I saw a little bubble of sperm still on her lips.



“You’re right,” she said, licking the drop off, “Not too bad.” I shivered because the sight of Young-Mi licking her own sperm was so intense. Young-Mi giggled at me and then put her hand on my shoulder. For a second she just left it there. Then she pushed me. I was off balance and I let a little yelp out when I fell backwards onto the floor.



I landed on my back and my legs were spread open. When I’d fallen my dress had ridden up and I blushed when I saw that the way I was laying now, my cock was sticking out, up over the hem of my dress and against my belly. It was a little longer than Young-Mi’s, about six and a half inches, but not as wide. My balls were smaller too. Like Young-Mi, I was completely clean shaven.



Young-Mi looked at my cock with a sexy look in her eyes. I didn’t move, I just stared at her. Slowly she walked in between my legs, sort of slinking. Then she dropped down onto her knees in between my legs. I could feel her skin against mine and her eyes stayed glued to my cock. She reached forward and grabbed the top of my dress. It was just sort of a big tube, my dress, held up by my breasts. I wasn’t wearing anything underneath the dress (it takes something extraordinary to give me an erection; I don’t even worry about it. Only the fact that I was with Young-Mi made me hard). She slipped her fingers into the dress and pulled down. Now my entire dress was scrunched up above my hips and below my breasts. My breasts, pretty big for a girl like me, were exposed.



“Ohh, such pretty titties!” Young-Mi cooed. I blushed. But soon her hands were all over my breasts. She squeezed at my flesh and played with my short brown nipples. Her fingers were strong but gentle and I arched my back and moaned while she played. While she was playing with my breasts, she also moved her dainty little knee farther and farther between my legs. She didn’t knee me in the balls, but she put her knee right up against the base of my penis. While I writhed on the floor her knee gently pressured the base of my cock, giving me a lovely sensation to go with my breasts. Her cock bobbed in front of her while she moved, still hard despite cumming.



Just as this was starting to feel really good, I watched as Young-Mi reached over onto the table next to us. She kept one hand on my breasts while the other one fumbled for something. In a moment, she came back with a hair brush in her hand. She kept one hand on my breasts and her knee on my cock while she flipped the hair brush around. The handle of the brush was made of a very smooth plastic and was rounded at the bottom. I watched her put the phallic object up to her mouth and open it. In a second, the brush was plunged all the way into Young-Mi’s throat. I watched her choke and her eyes watched. She moved the brush in and out of her throat a couple of times, the hairbrush was dripping with her spit. My cock felt like it was going to burst and I grinded harder on Young-Mi’s knee.

Three weeks had passed since I last saw Terra – the night that my own mother had caught us in bed together. That night was one of the hardest I’ve ever been through. After my mom ran out of my room, Terra and I started cleaning ourselves up and getting dressed. This wasn’t exactly how I had pictured “coming out” to my parents, and, being unprepared for it, I was overcome with an incredible sense of shame. Seeing how shocked and repulsed my mom was hit me pretty hard. But, that was nothing compared to how my father took it. I was re-buckling my belt when I heard him yell from downstairs.



“What do you mean she’s a boy?!” He was so angry. His voice shattered the near silence that had taken over the house, and my hand started shaking a little. Things got pretty heavy after that. I helped Terra sneak out the back door. She asked me to come with her, but I had to stay. I figured there was no use in me running from it. So, I kissed her goodbye, watched her drive away and slowly walked back into the house.



I saw a very ugly side of my father that night. Things were said. The words “queer” and “fag” were thrown around like parade candy, but I got through it. Honestly, I didn’t listen to most of what my dad was saying. I just thought of Terra the whole time to bear through it. The next three weeks were tense. Whenever my mom talked to me, she spoke as if I was recently diagnosed with some unfortunate sickness; like I wouldn’t have slept with Terra if not for a sudden breakout of gayness. She told me she was praying for me a lot. That infuriated me. On the flip side, my dad didn’t really speak to me at all. He sure as hell drank though.



By the time mid-June came around, I had actually become comfortable with the situation at home. That false sense of shame I had felt right after being discovered had dissipated rather quickly, and I soon adopted a “fuck-what-you-think” attitude towards my parents. If they couldn’t deal with it, that was their problem. As for me, I hadn’t seen my girlfriend in three weeks, and really wanted to get back to living my life.



So, I asked Terra if I might come visit her. She was more than happy to agree, and even offered to pick me up. A few days later, I packed a bag, told my parents I was staying at a friend’s house and took a walk three blocks down the street to a park. When I got there, there was an incredibly attractive girl wearing tiny shorts, a tank top and large sunglasses, sitting on the trunk of her car, waiting for me. When she saw me, Terra climbed down, ran towards me and jumped up, wrapping her legs around me. Her tongue was in my mouth quickly. Guess I wasn’t the only one who thought it had been too long.



I threw my bag into the car and climbed into the passenger seat. Then we were quickly off. I was going to spend the weekend at Terra’s house in the city. Well, the suburbs technically, but everything is a city when you live in a small town like me. I was very excited to spend some time with Terra. Very. Excited. Before we even reached the highway, I had reached down Terra’s pants, pulled out her fat cock, and was sucking her off while she drove.



‘Just like old times,’ I thought. ‘Terra and I on a road trip…. Terra’s dick filling my mouth….’ Yep. It was a good trip.



We arrived at Terra’s place around 5:00. It was a very nice house. Her dad did something with real estate. I’m not sure exactly what he did, but he sure made enough money to keep him happy. I met Terra’s parents right away. They were definitely different than my parents. I guess that’s obvious since they had a t-girl daughter who was only 19 living with them. They really took a liking to me right away. It was nice being around such open-minded people.



We all had dinner together. Neither of Terra’s parents was especially good at cooking, so we ordered out. While we ate, I was bombarded with questions about myself. They really wanted to know everything about me – where I grew up, what I was studying in college, what my favorite flavor of ice cream was, the list went on and on. It was about halfway through the meal and nearly two thousand questions later when I realized that they didn’t know about what had happened at my house when Terra had come to visit.



Apparently, Terra had not driven straight home that night. She had stayed with a friend for the rest of the weekend so her parents wouldn’t ask why she had come home early. I don’t know why she kept it from her parents, but I was grateful for it. I didn’t want her parents taking any pity on me or anything. That would just make it awkward.



After dinner, Terra and I went up to her room for a little while. Her parents were letting us sleep in the same room, something my parents would find unfathomable. Terra was going to take me to a party at a friend’s place in the city. So, after about an hour of Terra getting ready and deciding what to wear, we left for the party. Terra ended up wearing some tight jeans and a black top. Her outfit showed off her curvy hips, making her look very sexy. I couldn’t help checking out her ass every chance I got.



The party was great. It was at a house that two of Terra’s friends shared together. They were both 23, so it was a slightly older crowd than I was used to. I’m pretty sure Terra and I were the youngest people there. Despite that, everyone I met was very nice. They all knew Terra, and they had all heard about me, apparently. Everyone I met would say, “Oh, so yooooou’re Matt. I’ve been dying to meet you.” It was nice to know that Terra had talked to her friends about me. I think I literally felt warm and fuzzy inside.



Then a strange thought occurred to me. All of these people I was meeting were friends of Terra’s. They all must have known that Terra was a t-girl. That meant that they all knew that I was having sex with a t-girl. For a second, I instinctively panicked. But, then I realized that none of them cared. All of them knew, and none of them cared. I had never felt like this. Here, I didn’t have to hide the fact that my girlfriend had a dick. I was accepted. I suddenly felt extremely relaxed; like a tremendous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.



“Your friends are great,” I said to Terra. She smiled and gave me a quick kiss.



After spending so much time at my parent’s house, it was great to unwind, have a few drinks, and just hang out. The party was in a large basement which had been furnished with several couches and large rugs all over the floor. There were people playing drinking games, an impromptu dance floor and several large coolers full of ice and drinks. It was like I was back on campus again.



A few hours into the party, I had a good buzz going. Terra and I had claimed a spot on one of the couches. I was finishing off my fifth beer, and Terra was sipping on some vodka drink while sitting on my lap. I playfully moved my hips up against her ass and she subtly grinded against my crotch. Jesus, I was so fucking horny. I just wanted to get her alone and devour her. I was just about to stand up to get another beer when two more of Terra’s girlfriends approached us.



“Terra!” screeched one of them excitedly. “How are you?!”



“I’m great,” said Terra. “You sound drunk.”



“I am drunk!” She suddenly took notice of me. “Oh my God! Is this Matt?!”



“Hi,” I said, reaching out to shake her hand. She grabbed it with both of her hands and shook it a little too much.



“Oh my God! I am so excited to finally meet you!”



“Matt, this is Laura and her girlfriend Erin,” said Terra. Cool, I thought. I had never met lesbians before. They were both very attractive girls, and, as horny as I was, I immediately gave them a thorough once-over. Laura, the excited one, was about 5’8″ with blonde hair. She had an excellent pair of hefty but natural-looking tits and some thick thighs. Her girlfriend, who had yet to say anything, was a sharp contrast. She had a petite yet toned body with light brown hair. Her breasts were small, but she had a wonderfully shaped ass. It actually reminded me quite a lot of Terra’s juicy, round butt. I’m not ashamed to admit that I imagined Terra’s friends going at it in my mind less than a minute after meeting them.



Both of them pulled up chairs and sat with us. They made great company. Laura was extremely talkative, but she was funny. Erin seemed to be a bit shy, but she smiled and laughed at jokes with us. The four of us hung out for the remainder of the party.



Around 2:30, Laura got a text that made her really excited.



“Ooooo, looks like the after party is at Brian’s place,” she said in a strangely insinuating way. “And, Katie is already there. Erin, you feeling up for it?” Erin smiled and nodded yes. Then Laura turned to Terra and me. “How about you two? You want to come?” I looked at Terra to see if she wanted to go. She seemed to be looking at me the same way.



“Uuummmm….” said Terra.



“Uhhh, yeah. Sure,” I said.



“Awesome!” said Laura. “Katie’s already there, so let’s just go now. We’ll get a cab.” Laura and Erin stood up and walked upstairs to call a cab. After they were out of earshot, Terra pulled me close to say something to me.



“Matt, I don’t know if we should go,” she said.



“What? Why not?”



“Well….” Terra started, hesitant to say. “After parties at Brian’s aren’t exactly your typical after party. They tend to get… a little wild.” Terra paused and looked at me to see if I understood what she was getting at. I didn’t. “As in… hardcore wild.”



“You make it sound like we just got invited to an orgy or something,” I said, laughing. Terra silently stared back at me for a few seconds. “….Did we?”



“Kind of. Yes,” said Terra. “We don’t have to go if that makes you uncomfortable.”



“Holy shit,” I said. “Wait. Does this mean you’ve done this sort of thing before?”



“Well… yeah, you know? I mean, not since we started dating, but yeah. Does…. Are you ok with that?”



“Yeah,” I said, and was a little surprised to discover that that was the truth. “It’s just a little new for me. Kind of still taking it all in.”



“So, does this mean you want to do it?” I thought it over for a few seconds. I was entirely out of my element, but I finally said,



“OK. Let’s do it.” Terra smiled and we went upstairs after Laura and Erin. About ten minutes later, we all piled into a taxi and headed for Brian’s place. I was excited, but, at the same time, thought I might have an anxiety attack.



Terra sat in the front seat, leaving me in the back with Laura and Erin. Laura sat in the middle, next to me. After a few minutes, Laura leaned over to me and said,



“I assume Terra told you what type of party this is?” There was something very seductive in her voice.



“Yeah,” I said. I was a bit short on words at that moment.



“Good,” said Laura, and she gently placed her hand on the inside of my thigh. It stayed there for the rest of the ride, slowly moving back and forth, inches from my crotch. So, she doesn’t just go for girls then, I thought. I brought back up that image of Laura and Erin going at it from earlier and added myself to the picture. Then I realized that that was basically what I might have been getting myself into already.



Soon, we pulled up to a very nice looking apartment building. We had to be buzzed in at the front door, and then we took an elevator up to the tenth floor. As we walked down the hall, I could feel every muscle in my body tense up with anticipation. Everything seemed to be happening very fast. We stopped in front of a door and Laura knocked on it. A few seconds later, a girl answered and let us in.



“Katie!” said Laura, and they hugged each other.



“Hi, everybody,” said Katie.



“Hey, Katie,” said Terra. “This is Matt.” I said hello and shook her hand. Katie turned back to Terra.



“Cute,” said Katie and winked. “Come in. Brian’s in the living room.” Katie turned around and walked us into the living room. Katie was wearing an extremely skimpy dress that left very little to the imagination. My first impression of her was that she was a bit of a whore. It turned out that I was right, but she really was a sweet girl. She always stood in a way that showed off her big, fake tits while still pushing out her round ass. Her ass was pretty incredible actually. I don’t know how something so big could be so perfectly round. It seemed to defy physics, but I sure as hell wasn’t complaining.



The apartment we were in was very large and clearly was decorated by somebody who had never stepped foot in a Kmart in their life. Brian must be pretty well off, I thought. We walked into the living room and I finally got a look at Brian. Katie walked across the room and joined him sitting on a couch. To my surprise, he was only about twenty-four. With how nice the apartment was, I imagined him to be some creepy, graying fifty year old. But, instead, he was young with jet-black hair.



Right away, there was something I didn’t like about him. Maybe it was because he kind of looked like some stereotypical yuppie straight out of the eighties. Maybe it was because I started wondering if he and Terra had ever had sex. Why is it that I wasn’t bothered by the fact that Terra had possibly fucked every other person in the room, but the idea of her fucking another guy was tearing me apart?



“Ah, there you all are,” said Brian. “You can fix yourself a drink in the kitchen; whatever you like. But, if you don’t mind, I’ve waited all night, so I’m starting things right now.” Katie laughed and straddled him on the couch. Brian shoved his face into her sizable cleavage then kissed his way up to her lips. ‘Wow,’ I thought, ‘things kind of just start up like that.’



“Typical,” said Laura. “He never has had any patience.” Laura and Erin walked over to a different couch than Brian and Katie and sat together. Laura pulled Erin towards her and they started kissing passionately. Very quickly, Erin had a handful of Laura’s big tits. I looked at Terra, half expecting her to tell me what to do. She looked back at me in a way that asked, “What do you want to do?”



“I think I might need another drink,” I said. Terra and I went into the kitchen and found Brian’s liquor – top shelf stuff, of course. I poured myself a Crown and Coke. Terra said she was still doing ok from the drinks at the party, so she just sipped on a glass of water. I must have looked very nervous, taking large gulps of my drink a little too quickly.



“Hey,” said Terra tenderly. “You sure you want to do this? If you’d rather just go back to my place, we can do that.” I didn’t say anything because I genuinely wasn’t sure at that moment. There was a small silence for a few seconds. Then Terra just said, “Matt.” I turned and looked at her. She looked back at me, then leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. Suddenly, I wasn’t nervous anymore. I downed the last of my drink and left the empty glass on the counter.



“Ok, I’m ready,” I said. Terra and I walked back into the living room. We had only been gone for about five minutes, but it was a very different room that we entered. Katie and Brian were both completely naked. She was down on her knees between his legs giving him a blowjob. I took a moment to admire her naked body. Her big ass was sitting on top of her feet tucked underneath her, and she was really working Brian’s cock in and out of her mouth, bobbing up and down using only her neck.



Things were warming up on the other couch as well. Erin and Laura were down to their underwear. Erin was wearing a white bra with a matching lacey thong, but Laura was down to just her purple bra. Laura was watching Katie and Brian, and Erin was down between Laura’s legs, sucking on her dick.



Wait. What?



I blinked several times to make sure I was seeing this correctly. I was right. Erin was between Laura’s legs with a mouthful of Laura’s cock. Laura turned to look at Terra and me. She noticed me looking down at her big dick and smiled. I couldn’t believe I didn’t know she was a t-girl until just then. She did have a very nice looking dick; not as big as Terra’s, but still rather big with bulging veins. Laura did have bigger balls than Terra. In fact, her balls were huge. I had never been particularly turned on by balls before, but looking at Laura’s made me want to suck on them. She continued to stare back at me while moving Erin’s head up and down with her hands. Laura wasn’t the only one to notice us enter.



Across the room, I heard Brian say, “Katie, why don’t you go see what Terra’s new guy can do.” Katie stopped blowing Brian and stood up. Then she turned around and started walking over to me. The surprises continued to come. Hanging between Katie’s legs was a small cock. ‘Jesus, does everybody here have a dick?’ I thought.



At least it was easy to see why Katie was so passable as a girl – she had a tiny fucking cock. This thing couldn’t have been more than two inches. She walked across the room, stopping right in front of me. There was a wicked smile on her face, and she was just radiating sexuality.



“Do you mind if I borrow him for a little bit?” Katie said to Terra.



“Be my guest,” said Terra with a smile. Terra winked at me and stepped aside. Katie grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up over my head. She looked over my abs and chest and licked her lips. I don’t have a very muscular body, but I suppose I’m pretty lean. I mean, I had never considered my body all that sexy. But, what the hell do I know anyways?



“Erin! Bring that pussy over here,” said Brian. Erin giggled a little. She took Laura’s cock out of her mouth and stood up. Then she quickly took off her bra and panties. As it turns out, Erin really was a girl. ‘Strange,’ I thought. ‘One of the girls I thought was a lesbian turns out to be the straightest one in the room.’ Well, I suppose that was true. Sexuality seemed to be taking some strange turns in that living room.



Erin joined Brian on his couch. He lay down on his back and had Erin climb on top of him, sitting on his face. Her soft ass cheeks hid Brian from the chin up and he started eating her pussy.



“So,” Katie said to me. “You’ve been sucking Terra’s dick for quite a while now?”



“Uhhh, yeah,” I said nervously. Katie laughed. I think she found my nervousness cute.



“Good,” she said. “Then you won’t have any problem taking on my little bitch-dick.” Katie put a hand on the top of my head and started pushing me down. I got down on my knees in front of her, staring at the soft, tiny dick less than a foot from me. I glanced to the side and saw that Terra and Laura were both watching, waiting for me to suck it. Laura was slowly stroking the length of her cock in anticipation. I made eye contact with Terra. I found myself wanting to suck Katie, but still needed that last ok from Terra. She nodded at me, letting me know she really was alright with it. That’s all that I needed.



I turned back to Katie, opened my mouth and took her soft dick between my lips. I started sucking the entire shaft in my mouth. Katie moaned as my tongue circled around the head. I was so used to Terra’s monster of a cock filling my mouth that this was no problem for me. Even with Katie’s entire shaft in my mouth, she wasn’t even close to reaching my throat. So, after a while, I decided I would try something.



I opened my mouth even wider, grabbed Katie’s shaved balls in my hand and put them in my mouth as well. Katie gasped in surprise. I used my tongue to lick the underside of her balls as I sucked her entire package in my mouth.



“Holy shit,” Katie said. “Terra, your boyfriend is… ambitious.” Terra and Laura both laughed.



“Terra,” I heard Laura say, “why don’t you come over here and give me some of that big dick?” Terra moved over to Laura and stood in front of her on the couch. Laura reached up and started unbuttoning Terra’s pants. She slid her jeans down to her ankles, releasing Terra’s giant cock. I hadn’t realized that Terra wasn’t wearing any underwear that night. Laura remained sitting on the couch and started sucking on Terra’s cock. I could hear Laura’s lips smacking as she sucked. She must have been an expert at sucking cock because Terra was getting hard very quickly. But, when Terra was about ¾ erect, Laura stopped sucking.

“Can we do that one position?” Laura asked Terra. “You know which one I’m talking about.” Terra smiled back at her and they both took off the rest of their clothes. Then Terra did something I had never seen her do before. Laura got down on the ground on all fours with her ass sticking up in the air. Terra stood with her legs on either side of Laura, as if she was about to mount her ass… except, Terra was facing the wrong way. She grabbed a bottle of lube (Terra always had one in her purse) and spread a large amount on her cock. Terra then squatted down and pushed her mostly-hard cock down between her legs. She lined up her cock, aiming for Laura’s asshole, and began forcing her way in.



Laura had a little trouble at first, but was quickly able to relax her ass to accept Terra’s girth. Terra slowly slid in until she was nearly balls deep in Laura’s butt. Then, very carefully, Terra began to bend over towards the ground. I was a bit lost as to what was even happening, to tell you the truth. Then, when Terra reached the ground on all fours, I finally realized what she was doing. Terra was now ass to ass with Laura. Her cock was facing backwards between her legs, chaining the two sexy t-girls together. Once they were both in position, Terra and Laura began moving back and forth, slapping their soft cheeks together, fucking ass to ass.



I could only watch out of the corner of my eye, but it was still an incredible sight to see. I intensified my sucking on Katie’s cock as I tried my best to watch. After a lengthy time in my mouth, Katie was finally becoming hard, so I released her balls and concentrated on her tiny, hard shaft. Katie put her middle finger in her mouth and sucked on it, getting it slick with her saliva. Then she reached behind her and slipped her finger into her ass. She started fingering herself while I sucked hard on her little dick.



“Oh, fuck yeah,” said Katie as her finger penetrated her asshole. “Suck my little clitty. Suck it hard while I fuck my ass.” She was really fingering herself hard now. She was all the way up to her first knuckle and was slamming her finger very quickly into herself. Her big cheeks shook violently as her frenzied hand split them apart.



The moaning filling the room by this time was pretty intense. Erin, the petite, shy girl, was practically screaming, still on top of Brian’s face, and Terra and Laura were sensually sighing together with Terra’s big cock between them. With on last loud “uuunnngh,” Terra pulled herself all the way out of Laura. Laura collapsed forward onto her stomach, her asshole winking from the gaping that Terra’s cock had just given it. Terra turned around, bent over to Laura’s face and kissed her.



“I’m going to go help your girlfriend cum,” said Terra. Then she stood up and moved over to Erin and Brian. While Brian continued to eat Erin’s pussy, Terra positioned herself behind Erin and shoved her face into her ass. Erin shifted her hips a little so Brian’s tongue concentrated on her clit, while allowing Terra to stick her tongue into her asshole. Erin’s mouth immediately shot open in pleasure.



Laura got up and moved over to Katie and me. She watched me suck Katie off and stroked herself until she was hard.



“Is it Laura’s turn?” Katie said.



“Take your pants off,” Laura said to me. I obediently obeyed, quickly stripping the rest of my clothes off. “Get down on all fours,” Laura said. I liked the way she was speaking to me. It reminded me of the first time Terra had fucked me. Maybe I was just a sucker for a dominant girl with a big cock. Either way, I got down on all fours like she told me to, my ass exposed and vulnerable.



“You too, you fucking slut,” Laura said to Katie, slapping her hard on her thick ass. Katie giggled and got down beside me in the same position. With one hand, Laura stroked herself to keep her big dick hard, while she lubed up Katie and me with the other. Then Laura straddled my ass, keeping her feet flat on the ground. She squatted down a little and bent forward at the waist until I could feel her large tits pressing against my back. I don’t know how she had such big tits that looked and felt so natural. It seemed impossible, but I wasn’t one to complain. They felt great. Laura leaned down to me and quietly said,



“I’ve been wanting to fuck your ass since I first saw you at the party.” Her breathing was strained and I could tell that she was incredibly turned on. I felt the tip of her penis press against my hole and slowly penetrate me. My ass had been getting pretty used to this by then and it accepted Laura’s cock with general ease. With one long, steady push, Laura had most of her cock in my ass. She slid about half of it back out and pushed herself back in, this time burying the entirety of herself in me. I sighed at the sensation as Laura slowly increased her humping.



Laura’s was the second dick I ever took up the ass. I had only ever been fucked by Terra before, so it was strange to suddenly have this other cock inside of me. It was different, not just in size, but in the overall feeling. It’s hard to describe exactly; sort of like the sensation of stepping off an airplane into another state. In many ways it’s the same, but there’s something inherently different about it.



As far as size goes, Laura couldn’t compete with Terra. But, she was still rather large – a full inch bigger than me at least. She had started fucking me at a nice pace, and I was thoroughly enjoying it. I could feel a couple particularly large veins in her shaft as they slid in and out of my ass, and her balls…. Like I said, I’ve never been turned on by balls, but Laura’s were something special. I could feel the heavy things slapping against me, and it was really getting me hot.



“Fuck yeah,” I heard Laura mutter. “Take it in that little fuck-hole. Ooooh God. You’re so fucking tight.” Laura gripped my waist and started fucking me harder. Then suddenly a little harder. ‘Oh, shit,’ I thought. ‘This bitch isn’t fucking around.’ Soon, she was practically slamming herself into me. Her thighs slapped against my ass, filling the room with the sound of us fucking. But, then it quickly stopped. She pulled all the way out of my ass and didn’t stick it back in.



I looked behind me to see what was going on. Laura had pulled out of me and quickly moved behind Katie. I turned my head straight to the side and watched Katie’s face as Laura forcefully shoved her cock into Katie’s asshole. Her balls slapped against Katie’s big butt with one hard thrust. I was shocked at how hard Laura had entered her. Aside from a small wince, though, Katie barely reacted.



What I didn’t know at the time was that Katie’s ass was thoroughly used. An incredibly submissive girl, Katie had been getting fucked hard for many years, and her asshole had become stretched wide. She had the kind of asshole that you could look at and just tell that she loved buttfucking. Apparently, she couldn’t even cum without something in her ass. Terra once told me that Katie could even fist herself.



Laura immediately began pounding Katie, driving her face down into the carpet. Katie was loving it, talking dirty to Laura, begging for more. It was quite a sight. I felt myself getting hard just being so close to something like that. I watched Katie’s big butt shake under the force of Laura’s hips and lost myself in the hypnotic effect it had on me.



But, I was quickly brought back by the sound of Erin cumming on the other side of the room. She started bucking her hips wildly, basically fucking Brian’s face. Terra wasn’t licking her ass anymore, but instead had replaced her tongue with her middle finger. Erin’s high pitched squeals lasted a long time and her legs shook beyond her control. Terra wrapped her arms around her to keep her from falling over, soothingly kissing her neck.



Just then I felt a hand on my back and Laura shoved herself back into me. She continued right where she had left off, roughly fucking my ass. Brian, Erin, and Terra untangled themselves and sat together on their couch, watching Laura, Katie, and me. Erin was still recuperating from her recent orgasm and slowly stroked Terra’s cock while they sat. I thought Brian might join us and start fucking Katie, but he just sat on the couch and stroked himself. Terra told me later that he liked to watch.



This continued for a little while. Laura moved back and forth between Katie and I a few times while the other three sat on the couch, watching. Then Terra stood up and walked over to us. Erin had been stroking her the entire time and she was sporting a massive erection sticking out in front of her. Laura was fucking Katie at the time, but she stopped when she saw Terra approaching. Terra got Katie up onto her feet and kissed her hard on the lips, grabbing a handful of both of her ass cheeks.



“Matt, stand up,” said Terra, and I did. “How would you like to fuck this ass?” Terra gave Katie’s ass a slap. Without waiting for me to answer, Katie bent straight over at the waist, her ass staring right at me. I took position behind her and Terra moved in front of her, quickly stuffing Katie’s face with her cock. Katie slurped on Terra’s dick loudly. I looked down at Katie’s ass, still gaping from the relentless pounding Laura had given her. I lubed up my cock and entered her.



I slid in easily, and began thrusting in and out of her. I thought that fucking Katie might not be as satisfying because of how loose she seemed, but Katie knew a few tricks. Once I was all the way inside her, her ass seemed to tighten around my cock a little. She must have practiced this a lot because it was the perfect tightness.



I looked up from Katie’s ass and saw that Terra was slowly thrusting in and out of her mouth. I had never double teamed a girl before, least of all with my own girlfriend. I liked the feeling. Every time I thrust into Katie it felt like I was pushing her farther onto Terra’s cock; almost like I was using Katie’s mouth to fuck Terra. This encouraged me to fuck her harder.



I suddenly realized that I had lost track of the others as I had gotten pretty caught up in Terra and I skewering Katie together. I looked to my side to see what they were up to. Brian was still sitting on the couch, jerking himself. It kind of made me uneasy knowing that he was watching.



Laura and Erin had joined back up and found a spot on the floor. Watching them at first, I was confused as to why Erin seemed to be dry humping Laura’s ass. I had missed it, but Erin had grabbed a strap-on dildo from her purse. She had one of those strapless strap-ons where a girl puts one end inside herself. I think they’re called feeldoes. Anyway, Erin was now going to town on Laura’s ass while Laura was stroking a rock hard erection.



I had definitely pegged Erin as the shy, submissive type, but now I was watching her talk dirty to Laura and fuck her ass with a dildo. Every preconception I had had that night seemed to have been crushed. I turned my attention back to Terra and Katie. Terra made eye contact with me.



“Switch?” she said.



“What?” I said. Katie suddenly stood up, taking both cocks out of her holes, turned around, and bent over again. She took my cock into her mouth and Terra started fucking her up the ass, smiling from the sensation.



I looked down at Katie as she wantonly sucked my cock, which had just recently been fucking her ass. That seemed to only make her want to suck it all the more. Katie definitely was a slut, but that didn’t make her mouth feel any less amazing. Terra was fucking her nice and hard from the other side. I could feel Katie jolt a little with every thrust from Terra’s big dick. I watched Terra as she thrust her hips into Katie again and again. Terra noticed I was watching and our eyes met.



We stared at each other and continued to fuck Katie from both ends. Terra’s breathing was becoming heavy. She looked like she might cum at any second. I was beginning to feel close to cumming as well. Our eyes never looked away from each other’s. We both began fucking Katie harder, Terra deep in her ass and me fucking her face.



I leaned forward and Terra followed suit. We met in the middle. I grabbed the back of Terra’s head with one hand and pulled her lips to mine. We kissed each other as if we were making up for the three weeks apart with a single act. Our tongues ravished each other, neither wanting to let the other one leave. We nearly forgot about poor Katie underneath us as we thrust wildly into her. Katie made a few garbled pleas, but we continued to fuck her.



Then, nearly simultaneously, Terra and I were cumming. We both thrust as deep as we could, my balls resting on Katie’s lips, Terra buried to the hilt in her ass. We moaned into each other’s opened mouths and filled Katie with our hot cum. I shot my load straight down her throat as Terra filled her ass.



We both came for what seemed like an extraordinary long time. When we finished, I suddenly became aware of Katie choking on my cock underneath us. I quickly pulled my cock out of her mouth and she gasped for air. I felt very guilty about how we had just fucked her. She collapsed onto the floor, sweaty and tired.



“That… was so… fucking… hot,” gasped Katie. Well, that sure helped the guilt. I looked up from her just in time to see Terra wrap her body around me and begin savagely making out with me. I lost my balance from the surprise of it, and we both fell to the floor. We continued to kiss and grope each other for quite some time, ignoring the others in the room.



Even though both of us had just cum, we were both very turned on. For nearly six minutes, we were tangled in each other. I don’t even remember if either of our cocks went soft after we came. I just remember looking down after we stopped making out and realizing that we were both fully hard.



Terra and I looked around the room to see what the others were doing. Katie was passed out, lying on her side where she had collapsed earlier. A stream of Terra’s cum was leaking down her big ass towards the carpet. I had never seen someone as oversexed as she was. Laura and Erin were still in the same spot as before. Laura was still down on all fours taking the dildo from Erin. Except, Brian had finally jumped into the mix. He was on his back underneath Laura in a sixty-nine position. He was craning his neck upwards to suck on Laura’s cock while she had lowered her own head down onto his.



I watched as Laura released Brian’s cock for a second. ‘Yep,’ I thought. ‘It’s smaller than mine.’ The morale booster I got from that was very nice.



“Looks like we’re both still hard,” said Terra. “They say it’s bad luck to leave an orgy with a hard cock. You want to jump back in there?”



“Fuck yeah,” I said.



“Good,” she said. “I’ve been staring at Erin’s ass all night. I think I’m going to go have a piece of it.” Terra smiled and moved over behind Erin. Erin stopped thrusting into Laura so Terra could get her cock in her ass. I watched as Erin’s asshole stretched to its limit. Her face strained as Terra pushed into her, but it was clearly pleasurable to her. About halfway in, Terra stopped. It seemed that was all that Erin could take. Her ass was insanely tight around Terra’s cock. She did make a hell of an effort to take more though.



Terra’s cock was now in Erin, whose dildo was in Laura, whose cock was in Brian’s mouth, whose cock was back in Laura’s mouth. It was a true train of sin in front of me. It also presented a problem for me. I wasn’t really sure where I should go. I knelt down next to them, deciding what to do. I considered just adding onto the train and getting behind Terra, but I thought that might make it too complicated as far as thrusting goes.



My second thought was to stand over Laura and have Erin suck my cock. I was just about to stand up and do that, though, when I felt a hand start to jerk me off. At first, I thought it was Laura, but then I realized that I was on the wrong end for her to even do that. I looked down and realized that Brian had actually reached up and was stroking my cock.



I will admit that there was a moment when I considered just letting it happen. I had always wanted to know for sure if I was gay. I was dating a t-girl, after all. I did let her fuck me with her giant cock. I did suck her off and swallow her cum. But, only three seconds after I realized that Brian was stroking my dick, I wanted it to stop. I just couldn’t be aroused by a man doing something like that with me.



However, I had no idea how to deal with this problem. I’m sort of a non-confrontational person by nature, and I definitely didn’t want to piss off Brian by rejecting him. He was the host, after all. And…. (Jesus, a guy had his hand around my cock and I was thinking about manners.) So, instead of just slapping his hand away, I basically just stayed there with an uncomfortable look on my face. However, Terra and Erin both saw what was happening, and Terra, knowing I wasn’t liking it, decided to spare me some discomfort. I saw her whisper something into Erin’s ear and Erin nodded as if she understood.



Erin then tapped Laura on the shoulder and got her to look back at her. Through some strange non-verbal communication, Erin told Laura what she was going to do. It was like watching a S.W.A.T. team communicate. I didn’t know what was going on, but they seemed to understand it. Laura went back to sucking on Brian. Then Erin thrust into Laura strongly, causing Laura’s hips to move forward and her cock to go deep into Brian’s mouth. He gagged on it and released my cock so that he could push Laura up off of him a little. As soon as he let go of me, Erin quickly wrapped her hand around my cock and took over stroking me.



After he stopped gagging, Brian reached for my cock again, but, when he found that Erin’s hand had replaced his, he put it back on Laura’s hip, none the wiser about the girls’ plan. My jaw fell open in astonishment. Such an intricately thought out plan just to get a guy to stop jerking me without directly asking him to. I felt like it was definitely an overly complicated way to go about doing something that could have been accomplished by me just growing a pair, but it was fun to watch it all happen; like a weird, sexual Rube Goldberg machine.



Erin winked at me and pumped away at my cock. Her soft hand felt wonderful sliding up and down my shaft. She would sometimes stop just under the head and give a few quick jerks, working the sensitive area. Watching everyone was turning me on greatly. I knew it wouldn’t take as long for me to cum as it did last time.



“Stand up,” Erin said to me. I did as she asked and she continued to jerk my cock. Then she had me move closer to her and she took me into her mouth. She sucked me for a little while, then went back to just using her hand again. She continued alternating like that at odd intervals. I was pretty impressed at Erin’s motor skills considering she was still fucking Laura with a dildo and taking Terra up her ass.



Brian was the first of us to cum. It came as a bit of a surprise to Laura since he gave no warning. She tried her best to swallow it all, but some if it leaked out of her lips and streamed down her chin. Laura came shortly after. Brian released her cock just as she was cumming and she covered his chest with a huge load. Brian and Laura climbed off of each other and cleared out of the way.



Laura returned though, taking the dildo out of Erin. It slid out of her with a slurp. Erin’s hot cunt was dripping wet. Laura shoved her face into Erin’s pussy and began eating her out. She really seemed to like that, because she started moaning louder and stroking me harder. She even pushed back into Terra harder. Erin took me into her mouth one more time and sucked on my cock like a fucking machine.



“Oh God! I’m going to cum!” I said. Erin took me out of her mouth and pumped my dick fast in her fist.

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