Before I start I want to thank Catheath, for being my editor, consultant, muse and friend. She is kind and patient with her help and guidance. Even her criticisms make me feel good.

This is why these stories are dedicated to her. She is a warm, wonderful and very beautiful young woman. Again, thank you Catheath.

This story is a first for the old Baron, writing from the female point of view. I hope that it works. Please let me know.

Be warned…as usual the story goes on for a long while before you get to any erotic scenes, but I believe that it will be worth it. Again, let me know.

I should mention that in working on the female orgasm I read “My Take on Writing a Female Orgasm,” by Redhairedandfriendly. It is an excellent article.

Chapter 1

I slowly walked toward the gate. The gate that would take me to the airplane, which would take me far from this, the most wonderful city in the world. The plane that would take me back to Santa Fe, back to the University, back to the classrooms and the students, back to the Convent of St. Mary.

I stopped and turned around. He was standing there watching me. I took one step toward him and then rushed back into his arms. He held me tight and kissed me. I tried to melt into his arms, to become one with him…forever.

“Last call for Flight 451 to Santa Fe International Airport,” came over the PA System. The clerk then said, without the aid of the PA, “Ma’am If you want to get this plane, you better go now.”

We broke apart and he gave me a sad smile and said, “I love you, Carol.” I quietly said, “I love you, Zack.” I looked into his eyes and said, “In answer to your question of Wednesday morning…YES my love…yes…I’ll marry you.” I turned and ran through the closing gate and walked to the plane. The stewardess who closed the door was walking behind me and said, “It’s not easy leaving him, is it?”

I gave her a smile and said. “One of the hardest things I have ever done.”

“I know what you mean, but you will be back together soon, I know it.”

“Yes, we will.”

I found my seat and after stowing my carryon bag under it, seeing that the tray table was secure and ensuring that my seat was in an upright position, I put my head back, closed my eyes and thought about how things became so crazy…so wonderful.

It’s funny, usually at this point, the storyteller says something like, “Where should I start?” or “I’m not sure where this all began.” But, I don’t have that problem. I know exactly where this started.

Around seven years ago, I was standing in a classroom in St. Steven’s High School, in a rather tough section of Baltimore. This was my first teaching assignment, fresh out of MIT with a degree in mathematics. I had recently taken my final vows in the Order of St. Benedict. I was a nun and now a high school teacher. Truth be known, I wanted to be a nun, but I would have rather been somewhere else. Teaching a bunch of tough high school seniors was not exactly what I wanted to do.

But, I had taken the vow of obedience so when the Mother Provincial said, “Carol, You will be going to St. Steven’s in Baltimore.” I said “Yes, Mother.”

St. Steven’s also had the Christian Brothers de La Salle (the French Christian Brothers) teaching there. Like us, their mission was to teach the sons and daughters of the poor and working class. They were a tough bunch of Brothers, they didn’t take any guff, but the kids absolutely loved them.

Now, I wouldn’t want you to think that we Nuns were a bunch of pushovers. We “Bennies” could be just as tough as the “Frenchies.” And the kids liked us too, as much as the Brothers? Yea I think so. Where they could be more physically intimidating, with us nuns it was by force of will.

It was the first day of classes and I was in my homeroom. I was standing by the window looking out when I heard someone walk into the room. I was told that Zachary Miller would be the first one in. His mother drops him off early, as she had to be at work in the office of a nearby factory.

I turned and saw a handsome young man walking into the classroom. He was about six feet tall with light brown hair and light blue eyes. He was well built, with broad shoulders, a thin waist and a light easy gait. I could imagine that he could have his pick of the girls here at St. Steven’s, in fact, probably anywhere.

I smiled and said, “Good morning, I’m Sister Carol. You must be Zachary. I was told that you are usually the first student to arrive.”

He stared at me. His blue eyes were as big as saucers. His jaw dropped and he walked right into a desk, which crashed to the floor with Zachary falling over it and his books flying all over.

I quickly ran over to it and helped him off of the desk. He was stammering, trying to put some words together. Seeing that he was okay, I sat in one of the desks and laughingly asked, “My goodness, Zachary. Do I look that frightening that you fall over desks trying to get away?”

His eyes got even bigger, if that was possible, and he stuttered, “No, no, no, Sister you’re not frightening…not at all.”

“Just hideous, huh?” I said with a smile.

“No Sister, you’re not hideous, you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seeeeeeeennnnnnn.”

I don’t know who was more surprised to hear that. When he realized what he said he turned a deeper red and stammered, “No…no I…I…I didn’t mean that…”

I couldn’t help teasing him. “Then I’m not beautiful.”

“Oh God…Oh no…I didn’t mean that…you are, but I ‘m not supposed to tell…”

My heart went out to him and I placed my hand on his shoulder and said, “I’ll tell you what Zachary, why don’t you take your books and go out side and then come back in and we will act like this never happened. We will start all over again.”

He got up, picked his books up and as he walked toward the door, I softly said, “Thank you, Zachary. No one has ever told me that before.”

“Then everybody around here must be blind.” Was all he said as he walked to the door and went out.

I had expected him to just walk out and come right back in. But he didn’t. The classroom slowly filled, but no Zachary. Some of the other students commented on his absence. I was beginning to think that maybe he was too embarrassed to come back. Had I teased him too much?

Just before the bell rang, Zachary walked into the room ever so slowly. One of the young men said, “Hey Zack, where you been?”

It was like he didn’t hear that. He was looking at me. In keeping with our charade, I said, “I’m Sister Carol, I will be your homeroom teacher this year. And you are?”

He started to stutter again and said, “I’m Zack, no no, I’m Zachary…Zachary…ah Zachary Miller.”

“Well Zachary Zachary Zachary Miller, I think that I will just call you Zachary, if you don’t mind, it’s a bit easier that way,” I said with a laugh.

The class picked up on that and started laughing and one group, who I later learned were on the swimming team, started to chant, “Zachary Zachary Zachary… Zachary Zachary Zachary.”

I put my foot down and stopped that right away. But, as he walked down the aisle, I couldn’t help saying, “Be careful, Zachary. Don’t trip over the desk.” He turned a bit red and took his seat.

I spent the homeroom time telling the class that I had just graduated from MIT and that I had just taken my final vows and that they were my very first class. That they were my first class made more of an impression than anything else. One of the girls yelled out, “Hey that makes us your Firsts.”

The rest of the class picked up on that and from that moment they called themselves “The Firsts.”

The homeroom class was also my religion class, however, Zachary was also in my Advanced Placement Calculus and Trigonometry classes. He was a good student, and a great one in Calculus and Trig. He seemed to understand everything I said.

He could be a bit of a tease, and would clown around at times, but never in an annoying or a hurtful way. He was a good-natured young man.

I soon became conscious of the fact that he had a crush on me. At times I would catch him staring at me. When I did he would quickly look away. I found that it wasn’t unpleasant to have this handsome young man admire me.

I did realize that he wasn’t much younger than me. He was around eighteen years old and I had just turned twenty-one. But it wasn’t the age difference that made the separation, it was the difference in authority. I was the teacher and a nun and he was the student.

The year flew by. I was thrilled when Zachary received a scholarship to Stanford University in California. He credited me with getting it for him. I had written a letter of recommendation. I didn’t think that a letter from a teacher who only had a semester of experience with a student had much weight, but he thought it did.

Zachary finished the year as the salutatorian and he received the Calculus medal, I had no input in that, but I wasn’t surprised as he had a perfect mark. He lost out to Mary Beth, the Valedictorian by only a half a point. He wasn’t bothered by that at all. His only comment was, “Hey, I like Mary Beth, she’s smart and a real nice girl.”

On the last day of classes, my homeroom met in our classroom after school. They presented me with a crystal sculpture that was engraved with “To the worlds GREATEST teacher. Thank you for being our teacher, mentor and especially our friend. Love your very first class…The Firsts. It was dated the last day of class.

I couldn’t thank them enough. As they slowly left I shook their hands and gave hugs to the girls. The last one to leave was Zachary. He took my hand in his and smiled at me. “Sister, I wanted to thank you for all that you did for me. And I don’t just mean the letter.”

I leaned over and gave him a small hug. “Thank you, Zachary.”

He looked at me with a question on his eyes. “For being you,” I laughed “And for falling over desks.”

He reddened a little and squeezed my hand. As he walked out of the classroom he turned his head and said in a soft voice, “I haven’t changed my mind about what I told you that first day.”

Then, he was gone out into the hall, I was a bit surprised that he said that. I smiled and as I turned and I walked back to my desk, I saw one of those yellow sticky notes on the crystal. I looked closely. The note was placed just above the engraving. There was an arrow pointing between the words “GREATEST” and “teacher” in a very precise printing it said, “And most beautiful.”

My eyes filled with tears. I quickly wiped them, took my sculpture, with the note still attached and went to my car and back to the convent.

At the commencement ceremony, Zachary gave his speech after Mary Beth. As he approached the podium he looked at me and smiled. I was smiling, my favorite student was up there giving a speech.

I felt so proud. To be truthful, I really don’t remember what he talked about. I was far to engrossed in just watching him. His facial expressions, his gestures, his eyes and how they would quickly look away when they met mine.

The speech must have been good because he did receive resounding applause, especially from the Swimming Team. As he walked off of the stage, they started that chant, “Zachary Zachary Zachary… Zachary Zachary Zachary…”

After the ceremony ended, I went out to the school lobby, looking for him and his family. I saw him run to the stairway and knew where he was going. Up to the third floor to finish emptying his locker.

I took the elevator, as a teacher I could do that. As I walked down the hall, I heard a locker door slam open. He was so intent in getting everything out that he didn’t hear me walk up behind him.

I said, “I thought that I would find you here.”

He turned around and I continued, “I wanted to tell you just how proud of you I am. And I have a little something, for you. Just so you won’t forget me too soon.” I handed him a small box.

He took the box and as he started to open it, he mumbled, “I don’t need anything to remember you, sister.”

He opened the box. There was a small silver charm, in the shape of eyeglasses the old type that hooked to the nose; a pinz nez.

He looked up at me and I said, “Maybe these will help you to see things the way they are.”

He answered in a very soft voice, “Sister, I don’t need glasses to see things that way.”

I went on, “Well then, maybe they will keep you from tripping over desks at Stanford.”

“Since you won’t be there I won’t have to worry about being attacked by any desks at Stanford,” he said with a big grin.

“Zachary, you are incorrigible,” I laughed. I could feel my cheeks getting warm as I blushed. I leaned over and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. “I wish you the best of luck, but the way you work, you won’t need any. You’ll make your own.”

He stood there looking at me with those big blue eyes, his mouth was moving but no sounds came out. Then we heard his fathers voice from the stairs, “Zack, lets get going, we have reservations for seven.”

He walked into the hall and said, “Oh, Sister, I was hoping that I would see you. I really want to thank you for all you did for Zack. That letter was absolutely wonderful…but just who were you writing about?”

I could see where Zack got his teasing from. I laughed and said, “I was writing about one of my favorite students.”

Mr. Miller was smiling, “Well since you are a nun, I won’t comment on your choice of favorites.”

I shook their hands and said good-bye and as I walked away, I heard Mr. Miller. “Hey Zack, come back to the world of the living. Wow, you really have a thing for her, don’t you?”

I turned the corner but stopped to listen. Yes I was eavesdropping. I couldn’t help myself.

“Zack, she is a nun. You shouldn’t think about her like that. But, I can see what you see in her. She’s a lovely woman.” He said in a soft understanding voice.

“Au, Dad, it ain’t like that. I like her, but I know that she is a nun. But, I can dream can’t I?”

Mr. Miller laughed, “Zack, you’re too much like your old man than is healthy. But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

Zack said, “I know, thanks Dad.”

I heard them walk down the hall. I slowly walked to the faculty parking lot. I had tears in my eyes. I would miss that boy, I would miss him a lot. Did the teacher have a crush on her student? I guess I did. I wiped my eyes, steeled myself and drove to my cell in the Mother House.

Life went on, the next time I saw Zack was the next June. He and a friend Marty, who had also been in my homeroom and was on the swim team, came back for a visit.

Zack looked wonderful, he was still in shape, still had the infectious, impish smile and the light easy laugh. But, there was a difference and it took a second before I realized just how much the last year had matured him.

I don’t know how long he had been standing outside my classroom before I noticed him. When I looked up he had the same look that he had on the first day of homeroom. “He still thinks that I am beautiful,” I thought to my self and a warm feeling seemed to flow through my body.

I smiled and he came into the room. I sort of giggled and said, “Watch for the desks, Zachary.”

He walked in a very exaggerated cautious way, as if working his way through a minefield. When he reached me he stopped and took both of my hands in his and said, “Sister Carol, my you’re a sight for sore eyes.”

I pushed him and said, “Zachary, you haven’t changed a bit.”

He smiled and said, “God, neither have you. You are lovel…” he stopped, then he gave a little laugh shook his head and said, “Sister, you look as lovely as ever.”

He was no longer the student. He had grown.

We stood there holding hands, talking about our year and then Marty came busting into the room. I let go of Zack’s hands and turned to welcome Marty. They left a short time later.

As I had just received my Masters Degree, I was sent to the mid-west, to Minneapolis, Minnesota to teach in one of our colleges and later to Los Angeles when I started to work on my doctorate. I didn’t see Zack for the next six years. During those years I lost all touch with him, but I did occasionally receive letters from one or two of the girls who had been one of the Firsts.

All they seemed to know about Zack is that he was still good looking and was in the Army. I never heard any more about him. But that didn’t mean that I never thought about him. I still had that crystal (I called it the ice berg) and that yellow sticky on it. The yellow paper wasn’t sticky any more and I used scotch tape to hold it on.

Zack had become a one of those warm wonderful memories that we treasure.

After receiving my Doctorate, I was sent to a small university just outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico. I was teaching subjects I loved, to students who wanted to learn. I had a couple of undergraduate classes and a few graduate classes. I was in heaven.

I was lucky enough to have a paper published in a rather prestigious journal and in March of the following year was asked to speak at a conference of mathematicians, in St. Louis. The people running the conference would be footing the bill for the flight and the hotel room, but I was on my own as far as meals went.

The money that was given to me by the order was more than enough to pay for my food, just as long as I didn’t eat out every night. I was comfortable with the situation. And I was very excited about giving my talk. I was also very nervous. I would be talking to people who knew my subject as well, if not better that I did and many who formulated postulates that I had worked with.

I arrived at the hotel on Sunday afternoon, as I was giving my talk on Monday morning they wanted me there on Sunday. After unpacking my bags, I went down to the lobby. I was going to go out for a walk, I had never been in St. Louis and wanted to see the city. I also thought as this was my first night here I could splurge and I would have dinner out.

As I walked through the lobby I saw what I thought was a familiar face. I looked closely and thought, “Oh my God, that’s Zack…that’s Zachary Miller.” He had really grown up. There walking through the lobby was not a young boy but a man. A very handsome and mature man. It seemed that he had a slight limp…but I didn’t pay attention.

I gawked. I was lucky that there were no tables or desks in front of me or I would have walked into it. Without thinking I blurted out, “Zachary Zachary Zachary Miller.”

He looked up at me and smiled. Then it was like he really saw who was talking to him. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. In an instant he became that eighteen-year-old boy in my homeroom at St. Steven’s.

He still thinks that I’m beautiful? The way he was looking at me really made me feel that way.

He took a couple of steps and then he stopped and looked all around. I thought that something was wrong and said, “Zack, is something wrong?”

He looked up at me and smiled that mischievous smile and said, “Just checking for loaded desks, can’t be too careful you know.”

I started to laugh and took both of his hands in mine and said, “Oh Zachary it’s so good to see you. But, what are you doing in St. Louis?”

“I’m here at the Maritime Symposium, I’m giving a talk tomorrow in the early afternoon. The organizers wanted me here tonight. So here I am. But, what are you doing in St. Louis, the last I heard you were out here in the mid-west, teaching at some college.”

“I’m in New Mexico now, just outside of Santa Fe. It’s a small university and I’m teaching math to undergrads and graduate students. They sent me there after I received my doctorate. I love it,” I said.

He smiled and said, “That explains why you look all tan and healthy. A doctorate? I’m really impressed. Tell me do I call you Doctor Sister Carol or Sister Doctor Carol?”

It felt good to see that he hadn’t changed, still a tease. I laughed, “Just Carol will be good.” Then I realized what I said and I closed my eyes, knowing what he was going to say.

I heard him laugh and then he said, “No, I won’t say what you are expecting…that would be too easy.”

He then gave me a big smile and said, “But it may be hard, you’ve always been Sister Carol, but I will try, Carol.”

“You still haven’t told me what you are doing here. Or is it classified, on a secret mission and I could have blown your cover.”

I rolled my eyes and then said, “I’m speaking at the Mathematicians Convention, I am also speaking tomorrow, but in the morning and that’s why I’m here tonight.”

I went on, “It’s really nice, they are paying for everything, my flight and the room. The only expense that I have is my meals. I’m on my own for that.”

Zack broke into a big grin and said, “That’s wonderful, now you won’t be able to turn down my invitation to dinner. I’m sure that the Order has you on a rather tight budget, so I have all intentions to take up the slack.”

“In fact I am meeting a couple of Army buddies tonight and…”

I started to laugh and interrupted, “Zack, you don’t want me along with a bunch of Army buddies.”

He held up his hand and said, “The bunch is two and they will have their wives with them, believe me you will fit right in. It will be a lot of laughs, you will think that you are back at Sing Sing.”

I rolled my eyes, “Zack, that’s not much of an incentive, now is it?”

He gave a little laugh, “I guess not, but it won’t be that bad…well maybe it won’t.”

We found a couple of chairs and sat talking while we waited for the Army to arrive. I told him about my travels since leaving St. Stephen’s and how I ended up in Santa Fe.

He told me that after he got out of the Army he got a job working at a ship building company that was owned by a friend’s uncle, in fact one of the guys that he was meeting tonight and how he and another young engineer had designed a keel for racing boats. That was why he was here; he was going to talk about the keel.

As we sat there, two rather large young men walked up and stood next to where we were sitting. They seemed to be arguing about something.

One was blonde and the other had black hair. The guy with the black hair was saying, “I’m telling you, Terry, that’s not him. That’s not Papa.”

The blonde argued, “Bobby that’s him. That’s Papa Swiss.”

Bobby wasn’t convinced, “No way, this guy is fat, out of shape and ugly…I mean really ugly. There was no way that Papa was this ugly.”

Terry continued to argue, ” Look Bobby, let me explain, and I know this stuff because I took a whole semester of psychology in college. Ya see, when you experience unbelievable ugliness and then it is taken away, like sent to the States and then thrown out of the Army, your mind being so delicate, can’t continue to remember that ugliness. What it does is pretty it up. So what your mind had done is pretty up your memory of Papa.”

Bobby shook his head and said, “There is no way that I could ever be friends with something that fat and ugly.”

I noticed that there were two very attractive women standing to the side. They were quietly laughing and shaking their heads.

Then Terry said, “Well, I guess that I will just have to prove it to you.”

He grabbed Zack’s arm and said, “Get up, I gotta prove something.”

He stood Zack between him and Bobby and blew at Zack’s chest. Bobby mimed like he was being hit by a gale force wind. When Terry stopped, Bobby grabbed Zack and gave him a huge bear hug, lifting him off the ground.

He practically screamed, “Holy shit, it is you PAPA.”

He dropped Zack and Terry grabbed him and hugged Zack. They stood there pounding each other on the back.

At this point the two beautiful women come over and pushed the guys away and wrapped their arms around Zack.

One of them, who I later learned was Miriam, said, “Leave Zack alone, he is ours now.” The two women then started to kiss Zack all over.

Terry turned to Bobby and said, “Uh, Bobby, do you think we should be worried?”

Bobby laughed, “Terry, that’s Papa. What’s to worry about?”

Then Bobby turned to me and in a voice so oily that could end our energy problems said, “And just who are you, my beauty?”

At that point, Terry seemed to have discovered me. “Wow, Papa, just where did you find this lovely creature.” He then took my hand and kissed it and in a disgustingly greasy voice continued, “For such a beauty, you sure don’t have any taste in men. I should warn you that Papa is just an old broken down soldier.”

Bobby chimed in with, “You should know that he a Army reject. Such a beautiful woman as you deserves a real man, a lot more than that patched up old gimp. You gotta realize that he is being held together with bailing wire and duct tape.”

I gave them my sweetest smile and said, “Gentlemen, I think that you should return to your wives.” Glancing over at them, I added, “That is…if they still want you.”

Bobby roared, “Holy Christ, I haven’t been put down that badly since I asked Miriam out the first time.”

The two women laughed and Miriam said, “Carol, I’m Miriam and this is Rachel. We are married to these two Neanderthals.”

Rachel then added, “You have to realize, we didn’t meet Zack until after we married these two bozos.”

Terry grabbed his chest and moaned, “Stabbed through my heart, by my one and only.”

Zack pushed him into a chair and said, “What are you talking about, you don’t have a heart.”

Terry just sat there and laughed.

Bobby stood there, looked at me and said, “If you think I worry about what they say, you have another thing coming. He is all yours…that is if your taste doesn’t improve.”

At this point, Miriam and Rachel come over and took my arms and dragged me away saying, “You are now ours.”

Miriam giggled and said, “Zack, you are in big trouble, we are going to tell this poor waif everything we know about you.”

Zack was laughing and yelled, “Carol, don’t believe a word they say.”

We went to a restaurant that Terry and Rachel knew. It was within walking distance of the hotel. As we had a few drinks, I told them that I had been Zack’s teacher in his senior year.

Miriam said, “You were just out of college, weren’t you.”

“Yes, it was my first job.”

“And he fell in love with you. And he is still in love with you. Now having met you, a lot of things are clear.”

“Zack has never gotten serious with anyone…and now we know why.”

I was shocked, could these women think that Zack was in love with me. I couldn’t believe it. Sure he had a schoolboy crush on me but LOVE. Never.

I laughed at them and said, “Look Zack may have had a crush on me but ladies you don’t know what you are talking about.”

They both laughed and Miriam went, “When we came in to the hotel lobby and saw the way that you were sitting and talking, we naturally assumed that you two were more than just friends or acquaintances.”

I was shocked and said, “Really?” she asked.

Rachel smiled, “Let me tell you something, girl, the way that Zack was looking at you, and I have to say the way you were looking back…”

“We all thought that you were lovers,” Miriam interrupted.

I gave them a small smile and said, “No that’s one thing we are not.”

“Well then you should be,” Rachel laughed. “You two make a beautiful couple.”

“It’s a bit complicated…” I said.

“You’re not married are you?” Miriam asked.

“No, I’m not…I’m a nun.”

They both looked at me like I had two heads. Rachel said, “Really…you don’t look like a Nun.”

I laughed and said, “We don’t wear the habits much any more. But let me assure I am really a Nun.”

Miriam laughed and said, “Well then you shouldn’t be. Now don’t take this wrong or as a criticism of you or your vocation, but I can’t understand what the Catholic’s obsession with chastity is. I’m Jewish and all of our Rabbis are married. I don’t see how the love for someone will effect your love for God.” She laughed and threw her hands up, saying, “I have said my piece and that all I will say.”

Rachel smiled and said, “I would have never taken you for a Nun. But then I have never known any Nuns before, I always thought you guys were like the Nun in The Blues Brothers. You know wearing the long black habit and gliding over the floor.”

Rachel gave me sort of sad smile and in a voice just loud enough for Miriam and I to hear, said, “I will say this and then stop; I think that Zack is in love with you, and I think that the feeling is mutual…”

I went to open my mouth, but she held up her hand stopping me from saying anything.

“Maybe you will never admit it, but I think that you have some very strong feelings for Zack. I can’t imagine what it’s like…loving someone who is unobtainable. I feel for the both of you.”

Rachel looked like she was going to cry and I realized that she was very serious and that both she and Miriam had very strong feelings for Zack.

Miriam was getting rather emotional, and she said, “Carol, all this aside, we love Zack more than you know…”

Rachel broke in and said, “If it wasn’t for Zack…we would both be widows. Zack brought both Terry and Bobby back after they had been hurt. Zack saved them.”

I could see the tears in Miriam’s eyes. She said, “Bobby still gets upset about Zack loosing his knee because…”

I asked, “His knee…”

Rachel laughed and said, “You two have a lot to talk about.”

At this point the “boys” came back and the silliness started again. Dinner was just wonderful. All I could think about was what the women said. Did Zack love me?

All I could do was watch him. He was wonderful, he laughed and made the others laugh.

They all loved him. Not because of what he had done for them but for who he was. He loved them and I slowly came to realize that he loved me.

I sat back and watched him. He was really enjoying himself. Laughing and teasing, and they just loved it. The girls as well as the men. And I must say that I loved it also, but just how much and in what way?

After dinner we went to a nearby club. Zack asked me to dance. It was a fast one and I saw no problem, but the next one was a slow song. I stayed with Zack and we danced. He held me close and I held him. I have never felt so warm and comfortable. I liked what I was feeling.

We held each other close and I rested my head on his shoulder and pulled him to me. It felt so good and right. After the music stopped we went back to the others.

The silliness resumed. We left the club at a little after midnight. Amazingly, as I watched, Terry drank only sparkling water. He was the driver. For all the silliness they were responsible young men. I looked at them in an entirely different light. Zack was no longer the young student but a grown, responsible man as were Bobby and Terry.

As we left the club and went to their car, I could see that they didn’t want to part. It was like watching a family being forced to go their own way. They all loved each other. They had a connection that I don’t think anyone outside of the “Band of Brothers” could understand.

We said our goodbyes with hugs and kisses. It felt like I had known them for years. I hated to see them go. Just before they got into the car, Rachel and Miriam hugged me and Miriam smiled at me and said, “Listen, I don’t know what to say. He loves you and I believe that you love him. I will pray for you. I will pray that you both will find happiness.”

I just smiled and said, “Thank you, Miriam.”

Rachel leaned over to me and giggled, “I am probably going to hate myself in the morning, and I would never say this if I wasn’t drinking, but I hate the thought of you two not being together, give it some thought.”

Miriam looked at her and gasped, “Rachel, how could you say that?”

Rachel laughed and said, “I have said it…but girl don’t you ever tell me that you’re not thinking the same thing.”

Miriam just shook her head, “Maybe so, but I would never say it.”

We had one more hug and they got into the car. Zack and I watched as they drove off. I felt sad at losing these new friends. We had exchanged e-mail addressed and had promised to write.

As we turned to go back to the hotel, Zack tripped over something (I have no idea what).

I grabbed him and kept him from falling. I took his hand in mine and said, “Tell me Zack, is it me or do you trip over everything.”

Without missing a beat, he squeezed my hand and said, “It’s you.”

We walked the two blocks back to the hotel, hand in hand, in silence.

When we got back to the hotel we walked through to the lobby and into the elevator. When the elevator stopped at the seventh floor, Zack took me in his arms and he lowered his face to mine and kissed me. His lips were so soft on mine. They were warm and sweet. I liked it.

He pulled back from me. I looked into his eyes and I saw what I knew was love. Zachary, Zachary, Zachary Miller was in love with me.

I smiled at him and said, “Thank you for the perfect evening. I can’t remember ever enjoying an evening more than I have tonight. Nor do I remember enjoying being with anyone so much.”

Zack smiled at me and I turned and walked back to my room. I was walking on clouds, my head in the sky. As I undressed, I thought about the evening. This was dangerous territory. I was feeling things that I had never felt before. Things that a nun shouldn’t allow herself to feel.

I got on my knees and prayed. I asked my Lord for help, that he help me deal with this temptation. This temptation that I really didn’t want taken away. I asked for guidance, I needed to be shown what I should do.

Deep in my heart I knew what I should do. I knew that I should avoid Zack, I should avoid him like the plague. But, I also knew that I wouldn’t. Would I be able to see Zack and avoid temptation? I prayed for strength. I fell asleep praying.

I awoke just as the sun started to come up. Once again I prayed. I showered, dressed and left my room to down to the hotel lobby. I walked two blocks to the Catholic Church, St. Sebastian’s. I attended mass and again prayed for guidance. After mass I went back to the hotel and my room, again I prayed.

Around seven forty-five I left the room and went to the elevator, as I got onto the elevator, I heard a voice call, “Please hold the elevator.” It was the conference coordinator, Margaret Zeigler. When she saw me her eyes lit up. “Oh Carol, I’m so glad I met you. You are the first speaker and I wanted to treat you to breakfast. Some of the other speakers will be meeting us down in the lobby and we are all going to have breakfast together.”

“Thank you so much. That’s nice of you.”

We got off at the lobby and walked across to the restaurant. We met a group of people outside the restaurant and introductions were made. As Margaret was making the introductions, I looked into the restaurant and saw Zack sitting with a group of people. He looked at me and waved, I waved back.

We had breakfast with our respective groups and after we finished I was standing out in the lobby. Zack came up and gave me a slight hug.

He smiled at me and said, “You look wonderful and I know that you will knock them dead.”

I put my forehead against his chest and in a low voice said, “Zack, I am so nervous. Margaret was talking about some of the people here and it’s like a Who’s Who of the Math Field. I will be talking to some of the greats.”

He laughed, “Well as far as I am concerned, you are the greatest of them all. And I am sure that you are prepared and hell, you know this stuff.”

I stood back and said, “Do you think that you could sit in?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Margaret came over to us and told me that they were waiting for me and that she would be with me in a moment.

As I walked away with her assistant, Joan, I heard Zack ask, “Do you think that it would be a problem if I sat in…”

“Of course not. Please find yourself a seat and enjoy,” Margaret answered.

Joan took me to the front of the conference hall and we waited until Margaret came. Then Margaret and I walked out and after welcoming everyone to the conference, she turned and said, “Now with the utmost pleasure I want to introduce Dr. Carol Williams, OSB. I am sure that you are all familiar with her work and will give her a warm welcome.”

There was some applause as I approached the podium. I looked out into the audience and spied Zack sitting in the back of the hall. He was smiling at me. All of a sudden, I felt very comfortable out here.

I placed my note card on the top and started to speak. I don’t use a lot of notes and I never read a speech. I write words on a card. The words let me know what a want to cover.

My father, who had been a trial attorney, told me that, people can always tell when you are reading something. It sounds stiff. You know what you want to say, just have the card to make sure that you cover everything and keep a sequence to your talk.

Once I started to talk and got over the initial case of nerves and it seemed to be going very smoothly. I was about half way through when a woman stood up and said, in a rather excited voice, “Do you mean…?”

She almost had it but not quite and I answered, “You’re close but what I was saying is …”

The woman gave a bit of a shriek and said, “Oh God, I see what you mean, you made it so clear…”

She then looked around and it was like she discovered where she was and in an embarrassed voice said, “Oh I’m so sorry, I just get so carried away sometimes, that I can’t help myself.”

I laughed and told her, “Don’t worry, I know what you mean, I get the same way.”

I then continued. I did glance over at Zack and saw that he was laughing and shaking his head. Once again, I felt good and comfortable.

I finished to a round of applause and then spent about a half an hour answering questions. Finally, there was some more polite applause and the hall began to empty. Margaret came over to me and thanked me saying that she couldn’t have picked a better speaker to start the conference with,

As I came off the stage, Zack was waiting for me. He came over to me and gave me a slight hug, saying, “You were wonderful, everyone loved you. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t want to be the guy who follows you. You set the bar so high that he is going to have to be an Olympic high jumper to even reach it.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Zack, you are absolutely crazy.”

He smiled and said, “You’re right,” and looking into my eyes “I’m crazy about you.” This was the first time he said that to me and after all these years, I am still not tired of hearing it.

But, at the time I just laughed and said, “What am I going to do with you?”

He was still smiling and answered, “Love me?”

And for the first time in my life, my mouth beat my brain and I said, “Zack, do you really have to ask that?”

Then as I looked into his eyes, I realized that I would have said that no matter what. I think that I was falling in love with him.

He grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s get some lunch.”

We walked out of the hotel hand in hand and found a small diner with a salad bar. We ate light. I wasn’t hungry, coming down from my adrenalin high and he was getting nervous about his talk.

I told him that he would be great, that he knew everything and it was something that he loved. “Don’t worry, you will be great.” I realized that I was doing what he had been doing for me, before I spoke. Once again I felt a warmth flow through my body. I really felt good.

We sat and talked and when it was time we went back to the hotel. As we walked into the lobby, the director of the symposium approached us and said, “Mr. Miller, I think that we should get ready.”

Zack turned to me and said, “I’ll see you soon?”

“Of course,” I said. I wanted to add “My love,” But I just couldn’t.”

As Zack walked off with the director, his assistant asked me, “Would you like to sit in?”

I smiled my best and said, “Absolutely, I would love it.”

I was in the hall when Zack walked out and was introduced. “I would like to introduce Mr. Zachary Miller the developer of the Marston keel.”

Zack stood there looking as confident as ever. His was alive. He was in his element. He knew exactly what he was doing. He scanned the room and when his eyes met mine he smiled. It seemed that he looked into my soul. That he could see the love that I had for him. All of my secrets were open to him.

He started to talk, explaining exactly how he and Mark had developed the keel and what they were looking for and what they were trying to do. It seems that they were trying to do something else and this came as a notion out of the blue.

He was informative, without being boring and long winded, he made fun of himself and kept the talk light. After he finished, he spent another half hour answering questions. It seemed to everyone’s satisfaction.

I sat back in my seat and enjoyed. My student…no, not a student any longer, he was the teacher and I felt something inside that I had never felt before. A certain pride, happiness for him, joy in seeing Zack excelling. I don’t know. Could it be love, was I falling in love with him?

Whatever, I felt wonderful. I sat and watched the other engineers gather around him as he came down off the stage. Zack talked and joked with them, making then laugh. As I watched, one young very attractive, woman was standing and talking to Zack, she put her hand on his arm as she talked.

I felt a prick of jealousy, she was being a bit forward with him and I didn’t like it. But, Zack in a very casual way sort of side stepped and broke the contact. After a few moments they all left.

I got up and walked toward him. We were alone in the hall. He smiled at me and held his arms out saying, “Well teach, did I do okay?”

I went over and hugged him and he hugged me back. I looked into his eyes and moved closer. I lifted my face to his and our lips met. Softly at first, but then our arms tightened and our lips crushed together.

Then a door slammed shut and we jumped apart. Zack looked and me and gave a little laugh. I felt a little funny but just smiled. He took my hand and we walked out of the hall and then out of the hotel.

I just wanted to spend some time away from the conference and Mathematics. I wanted time to unwind, having been so wound up from the talk. I needed time to relax and I couldn’t think of anyone I would rather be with.

We walked a few blocks and found a small park. We sat on one of the benches and just talked. Zack told me of his time in the Army and how he met Terry, Bobby, Rachel and Miriam. He told me about his training, the tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. And a very sanitized version of loosing his knee. He made light what I am sure was a grueling time in training to be a Ranger and I am sure that I could never imagine what combat is like.

Zack could find humor and even see beauty in even the worse situations. I could see what the others saw in him. How they could love him so much.

We got up and walked, ending up at Busch Stadium, and we found that the Cardinals were playing the Reds. I grew up in Cincinnati and my Father and Mother were avid Red’s fans. I have been going to baseball games since I was an infant.

Zack insisted that we get tickets for that night’s game. I was thrilled. I hadn’t been to a major league baseball game in ages. We went to dinner at a small, lovely Italian restaurant and had a wonderful meal.

I think that the food was good, I really don’t remember. I was just enjoying my time with Zack. After dinner we walked to the stadium and got our seats. We were right along the third base line.

Just before the seventh inning stretch, Ken Griffey, Jr. hit a long ball right along the third base line and into the stands. Zack leapt and grabbed the ball with his bare hand. The crowd around us went wild. Zack held the ball up and then gave it to me.

Just like that, he gave it to me and said, “Let’s see if we can get him to sign it for you.”

I looked at him I surprise and said, “Zack, this it your ball. You caught it, you should keep it.”

He laughed, “What would an Oriel’s fan want with a homerun ball hit by a Cincinnati Red’s player?”

Needless to say, I was thrilled and I threw my arms around him and hugged him. The game had continued by this time and I don’t think that the TV cameras caught the hug, not that I cared or even thought about it.

After the game, I think that the Red’s won, I really don’t remember, we went to the players exit and were able to see Ken Griffey coming out of the park, he was with his wife. Zack and I approached and Zack said, “Excuse, me Mr. Griffey, would you sign this ball. It was the one that you hit out this evening and this lovely lady is a big fan.”

Johnny smiled and said, “You’re not a fan?”

Zack gave a sort of broken smile and said, “I’m from Baltimore.”

Ken’s wife laughed and said, “So am I…but I am a die hard Red’s fan. And always will be.”

I said, “I can understand why.”

He said, “Anything for a fan. Especially one who won’t change her loyalties for the one she loves.” He signed the ball and gave it to me.

His wife smiled, “I was always a Red’s fan, my mother was from Cincinnati. That’s why I married him.”

We all laughed and they got into the waiting limo and left. Zack and I walked back to the hotel hand in hand. The ball was in my pocket, I kept my hand on it all the way back.

When we got to the Hotel we went straight to the elevators. It was crowed, there were a lot of the people from the convention and the symposium going back to their rooms. A lot of them had been partying.

We were crammed into the elevator, I was standing very close to Zack and I put my arms around him and rested my head on his chest.

When we got to the seventh floor, Zack had to almost force his way out of the elevator. As he did one of the men grabbed his ass and gave it squeeze. Zack jumped and a number of people laughed.

When we got off and the doors closed, he took me in his arms. I put my arms around him and lifted my face to his. Our lips met and in a second were pressed against each other.

I felt his tongue slide across my lips and I opened my mouth gave it access. I welcomed his tongue into my mouth, I met it with mine and they caressed. It felt so wonderful and so right.

Then one of the other elevator bells rang and we jolted apart. The doors opened and Margaret walked out. Her eyes grew when she saw me. “Oh, Sister Carol, I was looking for you. I have a huge favor to ask.”

I gave her a questioning look and said, “A favor? Please tell me, what can I do for you?”

“Professor Morrison had to be taken to the hospital this evening and I doubt if he will be out before Thursday, when he is scheduled to give a talk. We were thinking of having a panel discussion and we would like you to be one of the panelists.”

“Of course, I would be honored to be on the panel,” I answered. “I had looked forward to hearing him talk and I actually had some questions. I read his paper and I’m not sure about how he came to certain points. That’s too bad.”

Margaret gushed, “Oh Carol, thank you so much, I was in a tizzy not knowing what to do. We couldn’t have an empty hour. And now thanks to you and the other panelists we won’t.”

I turned to Zack, he was smiling and he said, “Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Carol.”

Margaret turned and started to walk to her room and was talking about all of the problems that they were having. I started after her and then turned and once again looked back at Zack. He was still smiling and he mouthed, “I love you.”

Margaret then turned toward the elevators and said, “Oh please forgive me, Mr. Miller. Where are my manners, how are you? I heard that your presentation was a huge success. Congratulations, I have a feeling that you will be busy too.”

She continued to walk to her room going back to our pervious conversation. I looked back and watched Zack get on the elevator. I had a feeling of loss as he went in.

Margaret walked me to my door. She stopped and looked at me very seriously and said, “Mr. Miller is a very handsome young man.”

I was taken aback by her statement, but quickly recovered and said, “Yes he is and he is a wonderful person. I have known him a long time. I was his homeroom teacher in his senior year of high school.”

She gave me a warm smile, “But, he isn’t your student any more. He is a very good looking man. And I think that he still has a crush on his teacher.”

I could feel the blood rushing to my face and I stammered, “Yes he is…he has grown up…”

She was still smiling and she said, “You two make a very good looking couple. I think that you had better give this a lot of thought about what will make you happy. Please, don’t do anything without giving it a lot of thought.”

She then took my hands in hers and in a very soft voice, said, “Carol, I will pray for you tonight, I will pray that you make the right decision and whatever you do that you will be happy.”

Margaret gave me a big grin and sort of giggled, “Yes, my dear Sister, Jews can pray for Catholics.” She leaned over to me and kissed my cheek and went on, “I could never understand the Catholic fixation on celibacy. It seems like such a waste. Now I don’t want to get into a theological debate, just know that I hope the best for you.”

“I just think that you should be happy and if being with Zack will make you happy…what the heck. Now, I have said enough…probably too much, so goodnight.”

I smiled at her and said, “Thank you Margaret, for your concern and your prayers.”

As she walked away I turned and went into my room. I sat on the bed and tried to make sense of it all. Did I love Zack? Was I willing to make a commitment and give up my life and start a new one.

He hasn’t asked me to. Could this be just a fling for him, just a lark? I didn’t think so. But what about me? Sure it felt wonderful to have this sweet, delightful young man admire me. Was I leading him on? Was I being fair to him, making him think that I was in love with him?

I got on my knees and prayed. I asked God for guidance. But I knew that all the guidance that I needed was in the vows that I took when I became a nun. What I had to do was make up my mind as to what I wanted to do.

Did I want to spend the rest of my life in the Benedictine Order, teaching and living according to their rules? The rules and life that I had chosen and the life that I loved, or did I want to spend the rest of my life with Zack, as a wife and possibly a mother? I truly didn’t know.

I continued to think about this and prayed, as I got ready for bed. I got into bed and I began to cry. Never before had I felt so conflicted. I was always so sure about what I wanted and how I would spend my life. Now???

I slept fitfully and woke up feeling very tired. But I got up and showered, it woke me up and I was feeling much better as I dressed and left the room. Again, I went to St. Sebastian’s for mass and I prayed.

I knew what I should do. But, I had to make up my mind. Did I want Zack or the Order. I really wasn’t sure. Then it hit me, once again I thought, was I reading too much into Zack’s actions toward me. I didn’t think so, but I really didn’t know.

After the service was finished and I was leaving the church, I stopped to speak to the parish priest. He was a jovial older man who gave me a wonderful welcome, even before I told him that I was a nun. We spoke about St. Louis and he told me that I couldn’t go back to New Mexico without visiting the Arch. “It’s truly a marvel and the view is to die for.”

I went back to the hotel and saw Zack sitting with some of the symposium officials. They were having breakfast. They looked like they wanted something from Zack, as they were looking a bit stressed and watched Zack with hope.

I met Margaret and we had breakfast. We talked about the conference, the symposium and how they just seemed to coincide. It seems that a lot of math teachers and professors and engineers were married or had significant others attending one or the other. It was so much easier to have the two groups together. This way both could go and it saved money for the attendees.

After we finished breakfast, again Margaret paid, I went and sat in the lobby. I was only there for a few minutes, when Zack came over. I immediately got up and we walked out of the hotel.

It was a warm day and we walked to the small park a few blocks away. We found a bench and sat. Zack took my hands in his and kissed my fingertips. He was making it look like he was tasting them, smacking his lips and saying “delicious.”

He then sat back and smiled at me. I leaned over to him, put my hands on the side of his face, pulled him to me and softly kissed him. We held the kiss for a long time, it was soft and loving.

He moved close to me and we talked. He told me that he was asked to do a question and answer session. He had set it up for Thursday, when I was having the panel discussion. I was sorry that I wouldn’t be able to see him, but we would both be busy at the same time.

I mentioned that I wanted to see the Arch, so we walked there. Zack insisted that we ride to the top and see the sights. He had his camera with him and of course it was a digital. “It can take thousands of pictures and you will have to look at them all,” he laughed.

As it was a Tuesday afternoon there was no one there. We were the only people in the elevator and there was only one other couple in the room at the top. We looked out the observation windows, with Zack taking pictures.

The views were fantastic, looking over the city and the Mississippi River. Zack really got excited when an old paddle wheel ship came by.

He set the camera on a ledge and put it on the timer and he came over to me and put his arm around me as the camera flashed. He set it up again and when he came over to me I grabbed him and mashed my lips against his. The camera flashed and I giggled, “See if it came out okay. If not we can keep trying until we get it right.

Zack didn’t even look at the picture, he just set the timer again and said, “It’s no good, we have to try again.”

We had to repeat the shot about ten times, when we finally got it right. Well, it was sort of decided for us, as an elevator of people came up and about a hundred kids got out. We took the next elevator down.

We walked back to the hotel hand in hand. I wanted to attend some talks in the afternoon, as did Zack, so after lunch we went to our respective talks.

Two of the three talks were great the other not so. But I did enjoy all of them and was glad for the time I spent there.

I met Zack at four o’clock. We went to our rooms and changed. I wanted to be in something a bit fancy, for dinner. We were going to go to dinner at a restaurant that Margaret recommended. When we arrived we met the director of the symposium.

He was elated to see Zack and made a big thing of telling me how Zack saved his hide by agreeing to do the Question/Answer session on Thursday. We had a very enjoyable dinner. They wanted us to join them at a party they were going to, but I looked at Zack and I knew that he wanted to be with me, not going to a party. He wanted to be with me alone. This is what I also wanted.

We left them and we walked, hand in hand all over downtown St. Louis. I felt so comfortable being with Zack. I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with him. That is…if he really wanted me.

We walked until around eleven o’clock and then returned to the hotel. We got into an extremely crowded elevator. When we got to the seventh floor, Zack forced his way out with me in his wake. We got onto the floor and we walked down the hall to my room.

When we got to my room we stopped. Zack took me in his arms and held me close. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into me and kissed him. I forced my tongue into his mouth and he opened his mouth and sucked it. He caressed my tongue with his and loved it.

After a lifetime our kiss broke. I looked into his eyes and made a decision. I wanted Zack, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I never wanted to be without him. I wanted Zack and I wanted him forever.

He was kissing my cheek, my jaw and my neck. I held him tight and in a soft voice said, “Zack, please stay with me…I need you tonight.”

He looked deep into my eyes and said, “Yes, my love, I’ll stay with you forever…if that’s what you want.”

I didn’t say anything, but I knew in my heart that this was want I wanted. To have him forever, to have him as mine and to be his. I turned and put the key card in the door and I turned the knob. I swung the door open and taking his hand in mine, walked in.

I didn’t turn on the light. The moonlight and the lights from the city gave the room a golden glow. Zack quietly closed the door. I turned toward him and he came into my arms. I held him tight and he kissed me, open-mouthed with our tongues snaking in and out, sliding against each other…loving.

I felt his erect penis pressing into me and it excited me. I began to undo the buttons on his shirt. I felt his hands slide all over my back and down to my rear. He softly caressed my ass and then pulled the zipper of my skirt down.

He pushed the skirt over my hips and it fell to the ground. I slipped his shirt off his shoulders. I was kissing his neck and shoulder as I ran my hands over his muscular chest. It was so hard and smooth beneath his t-shirt and I felt a growing excitement in my body.

Never before had I allowed this feeling of sexual excitement to go unabated. In the past when I started to experience such feelings, I would suppress them or engage in some activity to get my mind off of it.

But now I was reveling in the excitement, allowing these feelings to grow and flourish. And they did as Zack slowly undressed me. He was so slow and gentle as he removed my blouse and kissed my shoulders.

He unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and they fell to the floor. I took the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up and over his head, it joined the other clothes on the floor. In the dark I noticed a flash of silver and saw the silly charm, the glasses that I have given him after his graduation ceremony.

I put my hand on it and said, “Zack, you still have this?”

He smiled at me and said, “It hasn’t been off of me since I put it on the day you gave it to me. I will never take it off. I will take to my grave.”

I grabbed him in my arms and put my head against his chest. He held me tightly. “Oh Zack, I love you so much. I love you.”

Never before in my life had I felt so much love for someone, nor had I ever felt so loved by anyone. I knew in my heart that I would love Zachary Miller forever.

I looked up into his eyes and he lowered his face and our lips met. He kissed me, soft and lovingly. I felt a warmth like nothing I ever felt before flow through my body. I was so sure…so sure about everything. I knew in my heart that I was and would be happy.

I back stepped to the edge of the bed holding his hands, pulling him with me. When I got to the bed, I sat and then lay back on it. He just stood there looking at me. He was breathing deeply and just looking at me.

I held my arms out to him. In a soft voice, I said, “Zack?”

He came to me, in what seemed like slow motion. Everything seemed to move so slowly. Nothing was rushed. He came into my arms and I wrapped them around him. We kissed forever, holding our bodies together, pressing against the other.

I had never before been so close to anyone. I was practically naked, with an almost naked man in my arms and it felt so right. I wasn’t with just any man, I was with Zack, I was with the man I loved and the man who loved me. It was right.

When our lips parted, Zack continued to kiss my cheek, moving to my jaw and to my neck. He kissed me slowly and softly, like he was tasting me, savoring and relishing a delicious morsel.

September 2018
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