sexual healing

We lay in each other’s arms, legs entwined for a couple of hours. Jolene’s tears continued, and at times she sobbed uncontrollably. Little was said. When I questioned her, she refused to talk. I was confused and more moved by Jolene’s tears than anything else. Do I love her? What the fuck is love? Why is she crying? Questions begging answers swirled around my head.



We still had Vaseline smeared on our body parts, so just when Jolene calmed down, I jumped up and pulled her off the bed onto her feet.



“What are you doing, Richie?”



“Come with me,” I said and pulled her into my parent’s bathroom. “It’s shower time.”



I caught Jolene’s image in the mirror as I reached in and turned on the shower. I scrutinized her as I adjusted the water temperature. Damn, she’s beautiful! I spun around, swept her in my arms and kissed her.



“Have I told you I love you?” I said.



“Stop. You’ll make me start crying again.”



“But why the tears, Jolene?”



Jolene pushed me through the shower door and slipped in next to me under the cascade of warm water. She wrapped her arms around me, and the shower spray beat against my back. We turned and let the warm water run over her. I grabbed a bar of soap, lathered it up in my hands and began washing Jolene’s body. She instantly relaxed as my hands, more like caressing than washing, glided in a sudsy film over her skin. I ran my hand between the cheeks of her butt and washed away the Vaseline.



“Talk to me,” I begged. She shook her head side to side.



I reached behind her and turned off the water. We stood there in silence. After a few minutes, I nuzzled her ear.



“Jolene,” I whispered. “Please.”



“I can’t,” she whispered and started crying again. “I just can’t.”



“Why?” She pushed me away, opened the shower door and stepped out.



“Because you’ll hate me that’s why! You won’t want to touch me ever again!!” She put her face in her hands and began to weep. I stepped out, took a towel and started drying her back. I pulled one arm away, dried it off and then dried the other arm. I knelt behind her and rubbed the towel over her cute butt. I followed up with each leg.



“Turn around, Jolene.” She obeyed and I finished toweling off the front of her body. As I gently dried her breasts, I began to speak.



“I have confession, Jolene.” I leaned in and gave one kiss to each nipple. “Bobby told me something, and I think it only fair you should hear what he said.” Jolene didn’t say a word, but she stopped crying. I wrapped the towel around my shoulders.



“He said…he heard…your mama and his mama talking. Your mama said you…ah…had been…raped by an uncle.” Jolene choked and her shoulders sagged. “I want you to know how sorry I am that happened to you.” I kissed her forehead. “I really do love you, Jolene. If you want or need to talk about it…I’m here for you.”



“Oh, God, Richie,” she sobbed and sagged against me. “I can’t. It’s so awful.”



“If you want, I’ll go find him and kill him.” She lightly punched me and laughed in spite of her tears. She took the towel and started drying me off. It seemed to help her, and by the time I was dry, she stopped crying. We sat down on the bathroom floor.



“Jolene, look at me.” I took her face in my hands. “I may be a dumb high school kid, but I took intro to psych and I read a lot about it. I can’t imagine what you went through, and it must have been hell. Have you ever talked to anybody about it?”



“Yes,” she said and nodded her head. “I talked to a therapist. It doesn’t change anything, Richie. It’s still there. Talk, talk, talk. It’s still there.” She started crying again.



“Jolene, it doesn’t have to be.”



“You don’t know what you’re saying. I can’t make it go away,” she sobbed. “I see him in my dreams. I feel him over and over again. It won’t go away.” I slid closer to her, and held her in my arms.



“Jolene, look at me.” She turned and looked up at me. Her tear streaked face broke my heart. In that moment, I realized what a mask her sensual, sexual side was. She hid a deep reservoir of pain underneath it. I also realized how fragile she really was, and how, so far, I’d taken advantage of those frailties. I felt like a real creep.



“You can let it go. You must let it go, Jolene. It’s a poison inside you.” I pulled up her head and looked her squarely in the face. “Jolene, you are smart and beautiful and your life can be anything you want it to be. We all have shitting things happen to us. Maybe this thing is worse than anything I could ever imagine, but if you don’t let it go, it will continue to make your life hell, and THAT is not acceptable to me.”



She looked at me with wide eyes as if she was seeing me for the first time.



“It wasn’t your fault.” As soon as I said that, she fell against me and started sobbing again. Crap!



“What if it was my fault,” she blubbered. “He said it was.”



“Okay, hold on a minute, Jolene. Just stop and look at me.” I held her gaze for a few moments until she stopped crying.



“Tell me exactly what happened. Nothing you can say will make me stop loving you.” We sat in silence for several minutes just staring at each other. Eventually she started shaking her head side to side.



“I’ve never told anyone everything,” she said and lowered her eyes. She leaned her head back against the bathroom cabinet. “I’m so ashamed.”



I kissed the back of her hands and smiled at her.



“Don’t be. Get it all out. Tell me everything. Set yourself free.” I continued to shock myself with the things I said. I sounded wiser and more mature than ever before. Maybe she did make me a man.



“Jolene,” I said with my most serious look. “You have done nothing in your life that will make me feel different about you. Come with me.” I stood up and pulled her to her feet. I lead her into the bedroom, pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders, covering her so that she wasn’t so exposed.



“Sit down and let this poison out of you.”



She smiled and tenderly laid her hand against my face.



“You are so sweet,” she said. “Thank you, Richie.” She squirmed a little and opened her mouth. “I…” She struggled to speak and pulled the blanket tighter around her. “I…spent a lot of time around my uncle. He was Aunt Pearl’s second husband, but I knew him most of my life. He had a bad leg and didn’t work. Aunt Pearl was the bread winner.” She stopped and looked at me.



“You look funny sitting there buck naked. Here, cover up under the blanket.” She held it open for me and we snuggled together, wrapped in a cocoon. It was a hot summer night, but it didn’t matter.



“They lived in town, and since the school bus didn’t travel all the way out to our farm, I’d get off and stay at my aunt and uncles’ house until mama or daddy picked me up. It was fun during my early years. He taught me how to play cards.



“But when I got older and started…you know…filling out. He started acting different. He’d say stuff like, ‘My your boobies are getting so lady like.’ and ‘You’re looking so sexy young woman.’



“Then one summer my boobs really took off. My butt got fat, and I had my first period. He picked right up on it. He came up behind me one day and…” She paused and stared into space reliving the scene in her mind’s eye.



“And…he put his arms around me and put his hands over…my titties and hugged me real tight. ‘You’ve become a fine woman, Jolene,’ he said squeezing my boobs. Telling me how pretty I was and how good I smelled. I was so scared. I wanted to break away, but he held me so tight.” She stopped and took several deep breaths. She never looked at me the whole time she had started talking, but now she turned her eyes on me. I smiled.



“You’re doing good, Jolene.” I leaned in and kissed her forehead. She tried to return my smile but then quickly looked away. Her eyes gazed back into that far away place as she started in again.



“‘Feel what you do to me, Jolene,’ he said. ‘When you shake these big titties and sashay that fine ass around here, you make me feel like a real man.’ He made sure I could feel his boner pressing against my fine ass.



“‘You want me to show you what a real man does with a hot, little woman to make her feel real good?’ His hands started roving all over me.” She let out a little sob and buried her face.



“No, no, no, Jolene. It’s okay.”



“How?!” She shouted at me. “In what fucked up world is that okay? Richie,” she grit her teeth and came close enough for our noses to touch. “I liked it. There, now you know what no one else knows. I liked it!” Jolene started to weep uncontrollably. She spoke between sobs occasionally blowing a snot bubble and wiping it across her face.



“I wanted to feel good…it felt good…I didn’t know what he was going to do. He was just touching me in ways that felt wonderful. And then…and then…and then he made me get on my knees and…he…he fucked me. It was awful…it hurt so bad. There was blood all over.” She looked at me with tears streaming down her cheeks.



“I didn’t do anything to stop him. Everything before he fucked me felt so good. I didn’t know…I didn’t know.” She buried her face in the blanket and sobbed. After she had cried herself out, she looked over at me, smiled and wiggled her arms through the blanket until she had them around me. I hugged her back and kissed the side of her damp face.



“So there I was, on my hands and knees with blood running down my legs and tears running down my face. Uncle Ned knelt behind me, his pecker in his hand jacking off staring at my fine ass, and daddy walks through the door.”



“Holy crap!” I said and stifled a giggle.



“Uncle Ned tried to blame me for wearing seductive clothes and shaking my ass at him, but he had the devil of a time making his case as daddy beat the shit out of him. We didn’t call the police. He left town right after he got out of the hospital.”



She stopped talking as if to say, that’s the end of the story. We sat there in silence. I guess I was waiting for something inspired to say. Finally I looked at her.



“You know,” I said. “I kind of feel sorry for old Uncle Ned.” Jolene had a peculiar look on her face. “He’s such a sick bastard who deep inside must feel like hell all the time. He’ll go through his whole life, and never feel what I’m feeling right now.” I brought my hand up out of the blanket and brushed her hair back.



“I feel like the luckiest man on the face of the planet. In my arms is a woman I adore. She’s bared her soul to me, and I offer her my heart.” I kissed the side of her face.



“I feel sorry for any man who doesn’t get to feel how you make me feel.” I brushed my lips over hers.



“Uncle Ned is gone. It’s over and done with. No more nightmares. No need for it.” I kissed one of her eyes. “And good old Uncle Ned taught you a lesson and a pretty good one too.” She shot me that peculiar look again.



“Know when to say no and say it.” I smiled and started to chuckle. Jolene nodded her head. “All the rest, the guilt crap, that’s bull shit! You really didn’t know where it was going. It wasn’t your fault. Shit happens. So what? Let it go.” I suddenly remembered something my older sister had done to rid herself of “negative energy”. Sis was a died-in-the-wool hippie.



“I got it!” I jumped out of the blanket. “Don’t go any where.” Jolene giggled.



I ran down to the kitchen and brought a ceramic bowl, a piece of paper, a pencil and some matches up to the bedroom. I put the bowl down on the floor. Jolene watched in wide eyed wondered. I started writing on the piece of paper glancing over at Jolene between each word.



“This paper…represents…all of the crap…including the guilt…shame…anger…and fear…associated…with the molestation…experience…that Uncle Ned…put Jolene through. Come down here, Jolene.” I patted the carpet next to me. Jolene let the blanket fall, and she curled up next to me. God she’s so beautiful.



I handed her the paper with the written words that I had spoken. She read over them and looked up at me.



“Light a match,” I said and held them out to her. I took the paper from her hands and folded it into quarters. She struck the match. I held the paper over the bowl, and Jolene touched off one corner. It slowly began to burn, and as soon as it burst into flames, I dropped it in the bowl. We watched it turn to ashes. The smoke spiraled up and disappeared.



I followed with my finger one funnel of smoke. “Send it all up and out just like this smoke. Bye, bye. Uncle Ned? Bye, bye. Guilt? Bye, bye.” Jolene snuggled up to me and leaned her head on my shoulder.



“You are just the sweetest thing,” she whispered in her sexy voice. “Can I hold on to you for ever?”



“Only if you let go of all this crap.” I hugged her tightly and kissed the side of her face. “I love you, Jolene.”



“Oh, Richie. I love you too.” She turned her face and our lips melted into each other. It was a long, sweet kiss; not wet and sexy, but soft and tender.



“We better get dressed,” I said, seeing the clock over her shoulder. “Our movie is just about over.” She made a noise of protest and clutched me tighter. I inhaled the smell of Jolene, reveled in the feel of her soft skin against my body and ignored, probably for the first time in my life, the hard on that was developed between my legs.



“Come on, angel, we need to go,” I said as I stood. My boner bounced in front of her and she feigned a surprise reaction. Still sitting, Jolene wrapped a hand around it. She leaned in and planted a kiss on the swollen head.



“Ahhh, Jolene? We really need…” It disappeared into her mouth, and she went to work on it drawing her lips and tongue up and down the hardening shaft. It felt wonderful in spite of all the sex we had during the night, but I pulled away and dragged her to her feet.



“We have to go, love.”



“We have time,” she said and groped for my cock.



“Stop, Jolene,” I scolded her and pushed her hand away. She had a disappointed look on her face.



“I knew you weren’t going to like me any more,” she said sounding genuinely hurt.



“I love you. That’s precisely why I’m stopping you. Look, Jolene,” I said and pulled her down to a sitting position on the bed. “I want to prove to you, that I don’t love you for the great sex, and it is great. I love you because you are the most wonderful woman I’ve ever known. I love you because you are you, not because you are a great fuck, which you are, or that you give great head, which you do, or that your pussy is like custard pudding, which it is. Jolene…” I brushed her hair back and held her head in my hands.



“I love you because you have this cute little nose.” I tweaked her cute little nose. “I love your sense of humor and the sound of your laughter.” I kissed her nose. “I love your eyes.” I kissed them both. “I love lying on a bathroom floor sharing your deepest feelings.



“The sex is the best I’ve ever had. I know, I know, it’s the only sex I’ve had, but I’m quite certain there will never be any better than what I’ve experienced in your beautiful arms. Oh, ya. And I love your arms.” I pushed her down on the bed and started kissing her shoulders. Jolene laughed and shivered slightly as my kisses trailed down her arms. As I passed over her breasts moving from arm to arm, I couldn’t resist her nipples. I kissed one, and it instantly became erect and hard.



“Damn it, Jolene,” I said moving on top of her. “You and my penis are conspiring against me. I just wanted to prove to you…” I couldn’t finish. As I settled between her open legs, she hooked her feet around me and gently pulled me down arching her hips up. My cock slid inside her like a good soldier doing his duty. We both gasped.



“Richie, Richie, Richie,” she whispered into my ear. “I love you, baby. I want you inside me, like I’ve never wanted anyone inside me.” She rocked her hips up and down establishing the rhythm. The feeling of my cock sliding in and out of her was so sublime.



“Oh, god, Jolene. I’ll never stop loving you.” I leaned away, pulled her legs up and rested her heals on my shoulders. I looked down and watched my cock emerge, disappear and reemerge from her beautiful, hairless pussy.



“Fuck, mama, baby,” she said. I started driving my hips against her. She met me with a new found intensity. A slurping sound came from our genitals and the wetness flooding her vagina. My balls made the slapping sound as they beat against her butt. We both groaned and grunted. Jolene came first.



“Oooooo, Richie. Oh my god! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she screamed as her whole body arched and spasmed in a long, quaking orgasm. The muscles of her cunt clamped down on my cock. It sent me right over the edge, and I started pumping spurt after spurt of semen into her. It felt like it was coming from every cell in my body.



When we both finally relaxed, I collapsed on top of her. We were drenched in sweat. I looked into her eyes.



“I don’t want to know if this is the best sex ever, Jolene,” I said and kissed her. “I only want you.” I kissed her again and again. Tears flooded her eyes.



“Look what you’ve done,” she said. “You’ve made me cry again.”



“I’m sorry,” I said wiping her cheeks with my fingers.



“No. Don’t be sorry. I’m so happy, Richie. You make me so happy. Tell me you love me again.” I rolled off her and sat up. The clock read, 3:15. We needed to walk out of the theatre at four.



“Jolene, do you want to know how much I love you?” She nodded her head.



“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I looked at her. I believed she was truly the most gorgeous woman I’d ever see naked.



“Will you spend the rest of your life with me?”



“Richie…” She had such an angelic look on her face.



“Shhh,” I whispered and put my fingers over her lips. “Don’t answer that; not yet, any way. Jolene…let me show you how I feel about you. If you aren’t absolutely sure by the end of your vacation here, that I’m not crazy, hopelessly in love with you, then you can answer that question. Right now, we got to get crackin’.”



I jumped up, took her hand and pulled her to her feet.



“Well I have something to say,” she said. “I’ve never known anyone like you, Richie. I want to love you. I want to be your one and…” I stopped her by planting my lips against hers.



“Do you love me?” I asked, holding her tight against my chest. I ran my hands up and down her bare back and over her silky soft butt cheeks.



“I love you so much, Richie,” She said returning my hug.



“Then we don’t need to say anything more on that subject; for tonight anyway.” One more deeper kiss and I led her to the bathroom. “A quick shower to wash away the odor of rampant sex and we have to scoot.” Jolene laughed.



The shower was quick. We both wanted to play, but I hurried us along. We toweled off, dressed quickly and Jolene fussed with her hair until she finally got it right. We left the house in a mess, from the kitchen with its booze to the bedroom and bathroom disheveled.



Outside, dawn was still a couple of hours away, and we shuffled down the street holding hands toward the old Fox theatre down town. We took a short cut down the ally that runs behind the movie house, cut down a dark driveway on the side and stopped suddenly. Across the street, leaning against the wall of the drug store, was Jolene’s father. He stared intently at the front of the theatre. He hadn’t seen us. I pushed Jolene deeper into the shadows next to the building.



“Holy crap!” I whispered. “It’s your dad!”



“Oh my god,” Jolene gasped. “We can’t let him see us. What should we do?”



I looked around. An idea came to me.



“There’s a back door. Some people park their cars behind the theatre. Come on.” We stayed close to the theatre’s wall, carefully making our way to rear of the building. There was a dozen cars parked.



“When the door opens, we’ll slide in.”



“What if they stop us?”

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