sex life

I recently wrote a story for literotica called “How to Fuck Your Wife In The Ass.” It is a collection of points that I wish had been presented to me when I became interested in punching things up with anal sex. I think they would have saved me a lot of time and error. And given my sex life a kick in the ass (sorry). I’ve been rewarded with a great deal of positive feedback from that story, for which I am truly grateful.

One of the feedback emails I received contained the following poignant question:

“I’m counting my last days as a bachelor, and when I get married I’m surely going to use your tactics. But tell me one thing – is anal sex going to spoil a relationship if not done properly or if the wife is reluctant about it?”

This touching question got me to thinking about the nature of marriage and sex. I don’t claim to be a Ph.D. in the field of marital psychology or sex therapy. But I have been through the ups and downs of a married sex life. So have all my friends, and we’ve talked about it at length – still do. As a result, I’ve learned a great deal about what can be done to make married sex better – tons better. Who would you trust more, someone who reads about it or someone who lives it?

My second ‘disclaimer’ is that I don’t profess to know about sex at 50 or 60 years old or later. I know what I’ve learned in 43 years, and it’s been a lot. Lastly, my point of view is a male one – can’t help it. Though I always do my best to see things from both sides.

Now then, let’s get to it.

When you’re serious with a girl or engaged, sex is great. In point of fact, the sex may or may not actually be great, but just being intimate with someone you love is powerful enough to overcome a lot. For a while. And in your youth, you’re naïve enough to think that whatever shortcomings may be in your sex life will magically repair themselves, because that is what love’s all about. Sure it is.

In addition, many of you may think, as I did, that if you once had a sexually satisfying relationship in the past, that your current relationship would get there, too. That all relationships end up sexually satisfying, just at different rates of speed. This kind of rationalization is only made by those who are happy with the girl (or guy) but not the sex, and is usually either incredibly wishful thinking or just plain dead wrong. Think about it – why is it going to change? Because they’ll love you more? Because they’ll become more comfortable with you? If you’re not there on both counts already, then why on earth are you getting married?

In any case, let’s assume that you are married, and you’re moving along in your life, marriage and career. Ten years goes by – fast! Maybe you have a child or two – all wonderful. Then you wake up one day as if you’ve been in a coma with one overriding thought: “Holy cow – my sex life sucks! I thought it would get better, I thought it would take care of itself, I thought love would conquer all, I thought I’d stay firm without exercise and keep all my hair!” Sorry – you’re on the wrong train.

It’s at this point where men freak out a little and try to fix everything at once. We invariably blame our wives for everything (even the hair) and inform her that if things don’t get better, there’s going to be a real problem. Or we do one of two things, which are even worse.

1. We find a substitute, perhaps at work, and start an affair, which usually damages the marriage beyond repair. Or

2. We resign ourselves to having a crummy sex life and chalk it up to another aspect of our lost youth. We then replace the sex with something else, typically golf or home improvements.

In my case, I got very angry and frustrated. I didn’t have an affair or take up golf, though I did improve a few things at home. I had a frank discussion with my wife and found out many things. First, that she loved me and was still attracted to me. Second, that she didn’t have a clue herself about how to improve our sex life and third, the biggie – that she didn’t realize it was so bad.

This is so key. She’s got to know how you feel and visa versa. If she’s gained 100 pounds and just doesn’t float your boat, she’s got to know. If you’ve let yourself go as well, and loaf around the house in a ripped up unwashed t-shirt that makes her want to stay away from you, she’s got to tell you. Neither of you are mind readers. But you just can’t, and shouldn’t, suffer in silence. Have a candid discussion, using tact and a gentle, not blaming tone, to discuss how you feel about each other and the situation.

These points bear further scrutiny. The first thing I had to know was if her head was still in the marriage. If we had faded away somehow without knowing, then I didn’t want to waste both our efforts in mending something beyond repair. Perhaps she had lost her desire for me. I’m not the gorgeous young boy I used to be, I guess. I just needed the truth. The truth was, we were ok there.

Second, I found she didn’t realize that there had been a problem. Can you imagine? Talk about a communications gap. Yet it’s so incredibly common. My friends all agree. You see, no two people have the same sex drive. Mine happens to be very strong, while hers is probably average. Therefore, while I was drowning in my frustration, she thought our sex life was just fine.

Third, although she told me she’d be happy to try new things, she didn’t have the first idea of what to change or how. In short, it was up to me. That was just fine, I don’t mind doing a little research. But the salient issue here is that she was willing to improve our sex life. If she hadn’t, if she had been insulted that what we had wasn’t enough for me, then we would have had a much greater problem. Not insurmountable, but more significant.

So now I had my mandate – “OK, let’s improve our sex life.” But how? I personally can’t stand when people tell me all about the problem but offer no solution. Not me. So – here’s your blueprint, here’s what I did.

1. I discovered porn. Not gross, disgusting, boring porn, but hot adult entertainment with gorgeous girls, good looking guys and reasonable plots. The first time we watched one, my wife got so horny she could hardly control herself – and didn’t. This effect didn’t occur as strongly after a few videos, and you can’t go back to the well too often, but an occasional video is arousing as hell. More important, you can learn many great positions from these videos. If you really want specific recommendations, email me.

By the way, the effects of port hold true regardless of the medium. So, reading stories from this website, or other erotic stories, can have the same effect. One of the most important and valuable aspects of adult entertainment of any variety is to help you switch gears from talking about how your day was or what the kids are doing, to thinking about and engaging is satisfying sex.

2. I bought her some sexy outfits. I know a lot of people think, “why buy them, they just come right off.” Well, do they have to? Can’t she wear it under a robe around the house? Or under her clothes when you’re out to dinner, a foreshadow of things to ‘cum’ later? The point of sexy lingerie is not how long it’s on, but how it makes her feel about herself. When your lady starts thinking about herself as a sexual person, only good things can come of it. Same goes for you. Are you still wearing those stained ‘tighty whities’ with the elastic coming out of the band? The kind you wore in summer camp 25 years ago? Get some new underpants man! Splurge on $5-10 a pair. Either nice tight briefs, boxer briefs or silk boxers – whatever you’re comfortable in. Buy a pair of each and ask her what she likes.

3. Change the scenery. We went away for a romantic weekend to kick off our new foray into romance and sexual adventure. We went to a B&B in the country, but it can be anywhere, as long as it’s time alone without distraction. It was as though we were on a new, exciting journey together. It has to be together.

4. We mastered anal sex, which is what the previous article is about, so I won’t repeat myself about that process. Suffice to say that once we got comfortable with it, anal sex spiced things up quite a bit.

5. We bought and leaned to use a few toys; such as a vibrator (there are many to choose from and I recommend you buy a few) a blindfold, perhaps some fur handcuffs. Look on the internet – get creative and have some fun.

6. We enjoy the arousing nature of ‘dirty talk.’ There’s nothing more stirring than to hear your wife say things like, “I love how your big cock feels inside me,” or “Fuck me baby, fuck me harder – slam into me, make me hurt, make me moan,” or even “That’s it, lick my pussy – I’m gonna cum so hard, I’m . . . gonna . . . cum . . .NOW!” Anything but “Wait a minute, did I forget to call my mother back?”

Now look, I know some women might think this is “faking it.” But who doesn’t fake things? When the boss says, “So how are we doing today?” does your wife reply “Shitty, asshole. I’m getting my period and I feel like crap, plus I’ve got a big, sore pimple on my butt – wanna see?” Is it real for a woman to wear makeup? Ask her this: what does she think most men would prefer, a girl who is dead silent because that’s what’s ‘real’, or a girl who moans, cries and talks like a porn star? Just ask her how much she really wants to satisfy you.

This goes for men as well. I’m sure it’s very satisfying for a women to hear, “It feels so nice to be inside of you, you’re so beautiful,” while making love. Of course other women may get more aroused hearing, “I’m gonna fuck you hard and long – I’m gonna make you scream my name.” It’s all individual preference of course. But surely you’ll agree that dead silence, or the occasional moan from an uncomfortable position, does not make for spirited lovemaking. Lastly, and this goes for both of you, it may seem a bit uncomfortable or unnatural at first. It will become second nature in a short time, and is very cool.

7. We tried a bit of fantasy/role playing. Did you ever hear about the nasty schoolgirl and the strict headmaster? How about the prison guard and the desperately horny prisoner? Let’s face it, it’s fun to pretend. Add sex to the mix, and it can be totally hot, erotic and memorable. The rules are – there are no rules. When some people think about fantasy, they think their wives are having sex with them while thinking about their ex boyfriends. First of all, if this is the case, there’s nothing you can do about it and you probably won’t know. Second, and the truth may hurt here, if it makes them hot and bothered, where’s the problem? They’re with you, right? People’s private thoughts are private, and that’s not what fantasy is about. It’s about creating a situation which promotes imaginative sex. Dressing up, or just acting a certain way that fulfills the fantasy can be fun and different. That’s what makes it great. Hey, sometimes you like the chicken barbecued, and sometimes you may like it breaded over rice with sauce. Viva la differences!

8. We found some good lubricants. Lubricants are used in several ways; for intercourse, both vaginal and anal, for massages on all parts of the body. Some women are real gushers once you get their juices flowing. Others are not. It doesn’t mean they’re not excited, it’s just their physical makeup. But it can make sex a little ‘dry’ and perhaps even painful for them unless and until they become wetter. But if you use a slippery lubricant, Astroglide for example, you cock will slide in like the proverbial hot knife through butter. It sure is more exciting to start slamming into a warm, lubricated vagina than to go slow and easy until she’s wetter, by which time a man may be ready to blast off.

I’m sure many more tips and techniques to enhance married sex than I’ve covered in this article. But you have to start somewhere! One of the wonderful things about this website is its member participation. If you have methods that have worked for you, I’m not just eager to hear them, I’m dying to hear them! Write your own article, or email me and I’ll write a follow up once I get enough information.

Good luck and please remember – trying something is better than giving up.

June 2018
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