At home the next day I made a list of all the things I would need to buy in order to make the film. I started with the video equipment, searching the net to find the best deals I could get. I logged onto Which? and checked their reviews of audio-visual recording equipment, and spoke to a couple of experts in shops, all to make sure the equipment I bought would be the best of the best.
Video cameras x 6. I already had my parent’s expensive camcorder, and Anna had one as well, we would only need four others. These cost £400 each though.
20 multipacks of recording tape. 80 tapes in all, for over 120 hours of material. (£80)
Audio recording equipment, including lapel mics, three boom mics, and cables to track these back to the camcorder. (£500)
Brackets for wall mounting. (£50)
Video editing software. (£99)
Standing lights, scented candles, etc. (£200+)
Total price: at least £2489
This was going to be more expensive than I bargained for; how was I going to afford all this? I decided to worry about that later. I would find the money. Even if it meant taking a loan and then prostituting myself to get the money back. That last thought sparked a whole other fantasy that I had to curtail in order to complete the other lists.
Next came the list of all the sexier things we would need. All the lubricants, condoms and sex toys, not to mention the porn we might watch for ‘inspiration.’
Condoms. (Box of 48) £15
Lubricant (5 tubes) £10
3 Dildos of varying sizes. £20
3 Vibrators. A Rampant Rabbit, a sleek metallic bullet, and a long thin flexible one. £50
Anal beads. £10
3 Butt plugs £20
3 Cock rings £10
A strap-on harness and dildo. £50
A two way dildo for lesbian play. £40
‘How to’ sex books for men and women. £50
A selection of porn movies. £50
Total Price: £325
The longer I spent browsing the thousands of products on the internet, the more worked up I became. I read reviews and customer feedback, endlessly amazed by the breadth of products available. They all looked good too. After a week of browsing, I placed the order, and sat back to await the delivery, keeping my fingers crossed that my parents wouldn’t open the package when it arrived. They didn’t, and I spent a glorious evening examining them in my room.
The final list was for all the things I would need to do before August to ensure we would all be ready to make the movie when the time came. This included such practicalities as going on the pill, and making sure Anna and Natalie did too, lingerie shopping, purchasing train tickets, scouting a wooded location for the outdoor sex scenes, and, last but not least, getting a job to afford it all!
The first of these were achieved with minimal fuss. A trip to the doctors for each of us, followed by a group trip to La Senza. The train tickets I bought online, and handed to everyone personally to make sure they knew this was really going to happen.
I asked John and Owen to do the scouting, and received an email a few days later with pictures of their location half an hour walk from their house, at the bottom of a ravine which had once been dynamited and was now disused and difficult to get to. Perfect.
All that was left was getting a job. I distributed my CV, phoned around shops, and asked my parents if they had any contacts. I came home each day with sore feet, desperate for anything anyone would give me. In the end my dreams came true and I was offered a full-time position in a bookshop, to begin immediately once I finished my A-Levels in June. I did the maths in my head: nine weeks of fulltime work, paying £5.05 an hour, would be over £1700 in total. Added to my £2000 of savings, that gave me over £3500 to spend on equipment, which would be just about enough. Now I had to wait.
The summer flew by. I managed to find time in between masturbating to revise, and felt I had done well enough in my exams. Every day from then on I worked in the bookshop, finding it more satisfying than I imagined. Even the sore feet were proof of a job well done. From day one my new colleagues made me feel right at home. I found there was no better way to great a colleague in the morning than by asking what they had read the night before, or what their favourite books were. Shopwork was all about teamwork: whereas in an office everyone works in their own independent silo with their own desk and their own computer, in the bookshop we shared a working environment and could see everything each other did. But rather than creating an atomised, Big Brother Is Watching You atmosphere, it broke down that fear of failure and enabled us to help each other. I’ve had many jobs since and, that bookshop remains the best of the lot.
Bookselling also provided various opportunities to licentiousness. I invented games where I would act innocent and toy with the purvey old men who came in to ogle the erotic photography books. On one occasion a young man came in and asked if we had any copies of the Karma Sutra. When I showed him where to find it he grabbed it from my hand and nearly ran to the till to purchase it with a giant smile plastered across his face. I managed to offer a sly ‘enjoy your purchase’ as I gave him the receipt. No doubt he was off to try it all out, and that thought left me wet for the entire day.
Most of my time though I worked in the fiction section where, in-between helping customers purchase the latest celebrity-penned work of barely disguised biography, I found ways to sneak surreptitious readings of erotic classics. They were all there and I particularly loved Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus, and Leopold von Sacher-Mach’s Venus in Furs. But I read them all: Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer, and Tropic of Capricorn, John Cleland’s Fanny Hill, The Story of O, and a couple of books by the Marquis de Sade.
Added to these, there was a bay full of Black Lace erotic novellas to browse, with all sorts of sexy adventures to work my way through. There was one story about a young secretary being forced to have sex with three union bosses at the same time in order to reach a settlement and avert strike action. It ended with the revelation that this had been the imagination of the secretary as she sat in the real, and very boring, union discussions. That one really turned me on. I felt I knew exactly what the narrator was feeling as she fantasised. I would often drift off into such a fantasy while shelving, only to be disturbed by a customer and blush, struggling to regain my composure while I directed them to the right section.
In the health section I even found books about women’s sexual fantasies, which I read in quick snippets, while shelving. God, they were filthy! I was both delighted and impressed with the scope of fantasies by those of my gender. I was positively vanilla in comparison to some of them! I found myself staring at the women who purchased the books, trying to discern what wonderfully elicit thoughts went through their heads while they played with themselves or their partners. They were usually confident types, smartly dressed and well presented, who looked you in the eye as they handed over the books, daring you to show any sort of reaction. I was enthralled by them. I wanted to tell them that I loved those books too, and suggest another title they might enjoy, but couldn’t bring myself to do so. I had to satisfy myself with fantasising that I caught them masturbating in the shop toilets, and had to help them out.
In this way the weeks passed quickly. Sometimes at night Ben and I would tease each other with skimpy clothes or challenge how far we would go in the movie. I remained worried about what would happen between us, and what that might mean in the future. Sometimes it kept me up at night and I’d trudge off to work with barely an hours sleep behind me.
Ben was a great big brother, always protective and friendly towards me, always willing to give me time if I needed it. I was terrified that this movie might change that. My fears were those of any girl about to lose her virginity with someone: what if, once we’d had sex, he lost respect for me and that closeness was broken beyond repair? If that happened with John, or even Owen, I could probably have coped. Natalie too. But what I would do if I lost my friendship with Anna or Ben I had no idea. I wanted to make each of them happy, though. I wanted to use my whole body to raise him to the heavens and then bring him back down, to make those fantasies of his come true, but when it came to the practicalities my skin turned cold. What I needed was to talk to him about it, to creep downstairs at night and work through the problem together. But I couldn’t bring myself to do so.
And so the insomnia dragged on.
Anna and Natalie grew ever more friendly. I suspected that my controlling attitude to the movie’s development had made them natural bedfellows and that they had started to share things with each other rather than with me. But that was okay. It had to be that way. I had removed myself into a fantasy world, and didn’t want anything else to break in. When they stayed over I made it clear I didn’t want any group masturbation, because I wanted it to be extra special come the summer, and when they probed for answers to the movie plot, I refused to budge. I was still writing the actual script, and it was proving difficult. I had a composite image in my head, complete with sights and sounds and squelching smells and tastes and touches. It was lit not by real light but the power of my imagination, and depended not on the independent input of five actors, but the unreasoning compliance of fictional characters. When I tried to put it down on paper I couldn’t rectify these dichotomies. It was as though my imagination worked in luminescent hues, but I could only paint in watercolour. What I put on paper was but a pale reflection of what was in my mind.
What I was suffering, I now realise, were the old-as-time worries of the artist, the dark night of the soul. In my youthful arrogance I’d assumed I might be impervious to such problems and found the reality rather disappointing. Had it not been for the camaraderie of fellow writers at the bookshop, I might have found it even harder. In the end, I had to accept that erotic writing, unless much stylised, was never likely to be particularly ground-breaking. I would have to rely on the passions of the actors and imaginations of the viewers to turn a distinctly average script into that which resided in my mind.
When August arrived, I bought the audio-visual equipment with my wages and tested each and every item to make sure I knew how to use it. Ben, Anna, and Natalie helped, and we split them between us to ensure that my parents didn’t notice the sudden influx of equipment.
A week before we were due to leave I got my hair cut, and bought new make-up and clothes. With every day that passed, I grew more excited. However the uncertainty continued, and finally, the night before we left I could take it no more. After lying awake for a couple of hours I got up and made my way to his bedroom. As usual, the light was on, flickering through the cracks in the door. I knocked lightly, and opened it up.
‘Amelia,’ he said.
‘Can’t you sleep?’
‘Not a wink.’ I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. You?’
‘I can’t quite believe this is actually going to happen.’
‘Are you having second thoughts?’
‘You seem quiet. Are you sure you are okay?’
‘Yes, I was just wondering about us.’
‘You know, what are we going to do in this movie if we have to do things together?’
He turned off his computer screen and came to sit next to me, taking my hand in his. ‘What do you want to do?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t want this weekend to get in the way of our being friends and you being my brother.’
He laughed. ‘Do you know why I agreed to be in this movie?’
‘Other than getting your end away?’
‘Yes, other than that. Sure, the idea of doing things with Anna and Natalie was irresistible. But more than anything I want to be there with you, to make sure you don’t get into any trouble. I know you, Amelia, and I’ve seen the silly things you do when you get horny; when you offer yourself on a plate hoping someone will take your gift. I’ve seen how people use you like that. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, and I don’t want others to take advantage of you either.’
A few tears escaped my eyes. ‘I’m okay Ben. I want to do this. And I trust everyone in it. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t. But it is good to know that you will be there to keep the guys in line!’
He lifted my chin to look me in the eye. ‘No matter what happens, you will always be my sister, and I will always love you.’
‘I’ll always love you too.’ The tears fell freely then and I let them come, burying my face in his shoulder and holding him tight. ‘What do you want to do?,’ I asked, when the tears started to ebb. ‘I want to make you happy. I’ll do whatever you want.’
‘You are the sexiest woman I have ever seen, and if you want to do things with me, then I will take it as a great honour.’
I smiled. ‘But what about incest, Ben. It’s illegal.’
‘I know, but I love you, and right now, the idea of sleeping with you feels right. It’s just sex. We’re not having a baby!’
‘You don’t think it will be weird?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t want you to feel any pressure to do anything with me. There’s Anna and Natalie for that and I suspect each of them on their own would be more than I can handle!’
‘I’m sure they will! But the idea of not getting to kiss you, not getting to taste you and make you cum is awful to me. You are right, I think you are sexy too, and it feels right that we should be together some time this weekend.’
‘Shall we play it by ear, and see what happens?’
‘And if the chance comes up, you wont mind if I pounce on you like a hungry leopard?’
I purred. ‘I hope you do.’
‘Then we are agreed. Come and give me a goodnight kiss, and then you better get off to bed. It’s your Big Day tomorrow.’
I hugged him close, pressing my face into his cheek and enjoying the safety of his arms around me. I was glad he was going to be there this weekend. I felt liberated knowing he’s keep me safe.
‘Thanks Ben, you get to bed too. I want you looking bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow.’
‘Yes Madam Director. Whatever you say.’
I turned to the door.
‘Sleep well Amelia. I’m going to stay here and think about the last time we visited John and Owen. I can’t wait to make your face look like it did then.’
‘Oh Ben. I want to stay here and give you a hand. I want to cuddle up in bed with you and feel safe tonight. Who knows, maybe after all this is over…’
I had to fight with every ounce of strength I had not to go to him then. It looked like he did too. ‘But for now, here’s a quick reminder.’ I pulled open my pink robe and flashed him my naked body beneath. For a second, maybe two, I let him stare at my boobs and shaven sex. Then I shut my robe, kissed him on the cheek, and made my way back to bed.
Soon I was fast asleep.
I woke before sunrise, more rested than I had felt for weeks. The house was cool all around me, like a cocoon from which I would soon have to emerge. My body shivered and stomach ached with anticipation of the world outside these walls. It was time.
I got up and showered, letting the hot water cool me down. After that I got dressed and checked through my suitcases for the umpteenth time. Then I went down for breakfast.
It was still early. The rest of the house only just waking around me. I sat and watched TV while I ate a couple of pieces of toast, and when my parents came down I sat with them in the kitchen. Dad left, and I sat for a while with my mum. Just having her nearby helped calm my nerves. What with my job and this project, it felt like ages since we had spent any time together.
‘Do you have plans for this weekend, honey?’
I wanted to tell her everything. ‘Not really. We might make a movie and go walking in the woods. That sort of thing.’
‘I’m pleased you all still get on together. You’ve always been such good friends.’
‘Yeah. It’ll be weird having Anna and Natalie along too though.’
‘They’ve all met before, haven’t they?’
‘Natalie hasn’t met John and Owen but otherwise we all know each other.’
‘It will be nice for you to have some girly company there, I imagine. It must get tiring being around three boys all the time.’
Mum went back to reading the newspaper.
‘Mum, can I ask you something?’
‘Sure, what is it sweetie.’
‘Well, you had boyfriends when you were younger right?’
‘Sure. Some, anyway.’
‘What was it like?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘How did you meet? And what sort of things did you do?’
‘Oh we met all sorts of places. But never those ones people said we’d meet in. Usually they were friends of my friends, or people I met doing sports or through work.’
‘How did you know you liked them though?’
‘Oh honey. Where has all this come from? Do you have someone in mind?’
‘I was just wondering. I want someone, you know. So did they always come up and ask you, or did you ask them out sometimes?’
‘It was usually them. Or friends setting us up. It was different every time.’
‘Did you ever make any terrible mistakes? Did any of them turn out to be total creeps?’
‘I made my share of bad decisions. Everyone does at some time in their lives. But the guys I dated were usually gentlemen. They’re just like us, you know. Deep down. Some are nicer than others, but when it comes down to it they just want love and affection like we do.’
‘Did you know you loved Dad before you dated him?’
‘No. Not at all. In fact, I thought he was a bit stuck up when I first met him. That’s why you need to give people a chance. Open up to them, let them open up to you. Then you know whether they are right or not. But you’ve got to give them a chance. I almost rejected him when he first asked me out.’
‘Why didn’t you?’
‘I was lonely. My friends were all pairing off together and I didn’t want to be left alone. And he made me laugh.’
‘And the rest is history?’
‘Exactly. Listen honey, I’ve got to get to work. But I’m always here if you want to talk some more. You can phone me tonight and we’ll finish this properly. Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine mum.’
‘Have a great weekend. And remember, just be yourself. Things will happen when you least expect them too.’
Ben came down for breakfast at 8.30 and Anna and Natalie arrived soon after. Their parents had been told that we were going away for a quiet girl’s weekend in the countryside, but that Ben would be with us to keep us safe. They seemed happy with this scenario and had even given them some much needed spending money that we could use to buy alcohol and food.
Our train was at 10.30.
We got a taxi to the station and got to Euston with plenty of time to spare. I bought a hot chocolate and we found a table to sit at, the four of us together. The journey was slow, each of us keeping to ourselves, hiding our gaze from each other, and pretending to read a book or listen to music. I kept looking over at Ben, remembering the last night’s conversation, and for the first time in a long time tried to put myself in his shoes. Was Mum right?: were boys just the same as girls? Here he was, travelling with three girls who he’d probably fuck within the next 72 hours. I had no idea what to say to them and they were my best friends. How much harder it must be for him. What was it like not even knowing how to talk to someone you were about to sleep with? Was he nervous about having to perform, or was he thanking every one of his lucky stars for this glorious opportunity? I had no idea what was going through his head, but I guessed he was at least as uncertain as I.
Anna and Natalie were easier to read, but their fixed faces and uncommunicative eyes hardly gave the impression that they felt comfortable with what was happening.
I sighed. It was exhausting trying to take care of them all and I hoped I wouldn’t have to pressurise them into going through with anything. I lay back, shut my eyes, and fantasised the day’s progress. I talked myself through exactly what I had to do. By the time the train pulled into the station, I was once more confident and composed.
My first sight of Owen was along the length of the station and my confidence flittered away as if it had never even been there. John and Owen waved at us as we alighted, but right then they were unknown to me as two men ever had been. I hadn’t talked about this with either of them in person, and it was only at that moment that I realised just how dangerous that could be. They were masculine, and physically unknown, as good as two men awaiting their mail-order brides for a night of wild passion ahead. Did they have a cellar in the basement? Or a house in the woods? It was like a fairy tale, a warped Angela Carter fairy tale. Blood red lips and pale faces drained of blood and confidence by the enormity of the weekend awaiting us. Very erotic. But terrifying too. I was so glad that Ben was with us.
After a quick hug and peck on the cheek I introduced them to Natalie and Anna, before we made our way to the car. Owen drove the 45 minutes from the station to their house, and I sit up front with him. We make small talk for a while, but soon run out of things to say. I reached over and tuned the radio to a run-of-the-mill chart station. That David Gray song, Babylon was playing, and I hummed along absent-mindedly. It was replaced by The Real Slim Shady and I realised this might be a good chance to break the tension. I rapped along abysmally to chuckles of laughter from the back. By the time it was replaced by Pure Shores, Anna and Natalie were singing along quietly with me.
It was a warm day, our windows were down, and our singing battled with the air rushing around the car. I noticed Owen looking over at me, and smiled back at him. The talk with Mum had made things seem so easy. But here I was without a clue how to reach over and tell Owen how much I wanted to be with him. I turned around and smiled at all my friends in the back. Being the centre of attention in a non-sexual scenario had never been something I was comfortable with, but for the rest of the journey I did my best to maintain a bright and breezy tone, singing badly, and encouraging others to join me. Sometimes they did, sometimes not, but at least they were smiling and laughing when the car pulled into the drive at John and Owen’s. I jumped from the car, and smelt the fresh country air.
The knots in my stomach were nothing compared to the tingling of my clitoris as I looked around at the quiet country lane and the strong, stone cottage.
‘You guys coming?’ I called over my shoulder, and followed Owen into the house.
I spent the next couple of hours unloading the car and setting up the equipment. It wasn’t heavy, but I had to screw the brackets into the walls which took a bit of effort. Downstairs I could hear the others cracking open the alcohol. It was not easy to find good places to locate the microphones, but after a bit of searching I managed to scatter 4 small, short distance ones around the bed and desk, and attach the overhead boom mic above the bed. The wires from these ran neatly back to the cameras located on each of the walls and pointing directly at the bed. I placed two large wall hanging lamps above the cameras to reduce shadow, and then did a quick test to make sure everything was working. It was, and I added the final finishing touches to each of the rooms – new red duvets and pillows and a fresh white sheet for the bed, red wall hangings for the rest of the room – made sure the bag of toys was at hand underneath the bed, and scattered red scented candles around the room. I switched on the cameras, and microphones and then moved on to the other three rooms in the house, where I affixed a camera and microphone in each of them, and changed the bedding.
With the rooms finished I went to the bathroom and changed into a new set of red lacy lingerie, low-cut top and short denim skirt. Before heading downstairs I stopped in front of the mirror to see I looked okay.
I barely recognised the girl who stared back at me. Her hair cascaded across her shoulders and down her back. Half her breasts were exposed, a deep canyon of cleavage visible between them. Her legs were long and toned, rising up to a pair of high hips that begged to be ridden. She looked nothing like the shy inexperienced girl I had felt myself to be every single day of my life. The girl in the mirror was a vixen, a temptress, some kind of sex-goddess who seemed to know not only what wanted but how to get it too.
They had loosened up while I was away: Ben and Owen were joking around, Anna was talking quietly with John, and Natalie was pouring a glass of wine.
‘I’ll have one if there’s spare,’ I said as I walked in, and felt all eyes turn to me. ‘Glad you are getting on.’
Natalie stood up and walked over to bring me my wine and mouthed ‘you look stunning,’ as she handed it to me. I smiled, and winked at her.
‘Well, the rooms upstairs are all ready.’
‘You work quickly,’ replied Ben.
‘Thanks,’ I laughed, and sat down on the floor, stretching my legs to make sure everyone could see as much skin as possible. I sipped my wine and listened to the conversations around me, thinking things through in my head. Anna was joking with Ben, and soon John joined in. Owen came up behind me.
‘How are you?’
‘Scared’ I replied. ‘You?’
‘The same. But excited too.’
What great words to hear. ‘Me too.’
‘What have you been doing this summer.’
The words came easily and we were soon chatting like the old friends we were. At one point his hand rested on my bare shoulder, and a strand of hair hung across his brow. I tried hard to focus on the conversation, but found it difficult to focus. I had fitted the best camera on the ceiling right above his bed, and within a few hours, should all go to plan, he would be penetrating me for the first time under its glare. It was enough to distract any girl.
‘Hey guys,’ Natalie called from the doorway and we turned to see her standing there in a red dress, hair flung around her shoulders, freshly changed and made up. I hadn’t even noticed she had left the room. There was a collective intake of breath: she looked stunning. I smiled brightly at her, and stood to cross the room and kiss her cheek, making sure to press my breasts lightly against hers. If they weren’t turned on already, they had to be now. Natalie crossed the room to sit in her chair at the table, but I stood where I was, aware that it was time to act. I took a deep breath and looked down at my feet.
‘I guess its time to get down to business.’
The room was silent.
‘The first thing I need to check is whether everyone is still up for this?’ I looked around the room, trying to be as non-threatening as possible. No-one quite caught my gaze, but no-one spoke out either.
‘I’ll take that as tacit consent. If anyone does want to pull out you should say so now.’
Again they were silent.
‘Now lets check out the nitty gritty. I have contracts here, which I need each of you to sign, saying that you consent to be in this movie, and that you give permission for your image to be caught on camera and used in any way the producers see fit. Please note, that if you sign this form, you are each agreeing to be naked in front of everyone in this room, and to engage in sexual activity with others in this room. There are no specifics of what you will be required to do, but it must be accepted that you are willing to have full intercourse, as well as both give and receive oral and manual sex. I know you are already aware of this, but if you have a problem with anything I have just said, please speak up now. If not, sign and date at the bottom.’
No-one said anything. I waited, trying to keep control of my nerves. Here we were. My fantasy all rested on these five decisions. I cast my gaze from face to face, as their eyes read down the page, and slowly, one by one, they signed the forms. Ben first, followed by Anna, John, Natalie, and finally Owen. I smiled, and couldn’t help but let out a yelp of excitement. A weight was lifted from my shoulders, and for the first time in my life I felt comfortable letting other people know that I wanted to be sexual with them. I wanted these people to know how much I wanted to make love to them; I wanted to open myself to their judgement.
They smiled back at me, and Ben laughed.
‘Oops. I guess I shouldn’t be open about that excitement!’
‘You go, girl,’ winked Anna.
‘I think we should take this up to the bedroom. Is that okay?’ Natalie stood and helped John up. Ben did the same for Natalie. ‘Now remember, this first day is all about getting to know each other and our bodies, it is about discovering what we like doing and having done to us, where our boundaries are, and what works best for our friends. It is about losing our inhibitions, and learning new techniques. Lets leave our doubt and uncertainty here, and go upstairs as 6 healthy eighteen year olds ready and eager to discover the joy of sex. Is everybody with me?’
‘You bet ya ass we are,’ called Ben.
‘Bring up that bottle,’ added John.
‘If anyone needs to change before we get started, now’s the time.’
From here on you’ve seen what happened. There’s plenty of sex: some of it hesitant and suffused with care and attention; some harder and faster; even some perverted experimentation later on. But these days I’m less sure whether what you see in the film provides sufficient understanding of what took place.
The eyes can be hungry organs, especially where sex is concerned. But their appetite tends to be rather short-sighted, satisfying the bodies’ lust for gratification and then moving on. They rarely connect the action with the thought and feeling driving it; lack the ability to see more than two dimensions.
That’s where erotic literature comes in. Sex with another person is a holistic experience. It isn’t just about sight or taste or smell or sound or even the feel of two bodies coming together. It is the confluence of all of these senses within a sentient mind. What is truly remarkable about the brain is that it is able to experience things on a number of simultaneous levels. It can experience immediate pleasure, but even while giving itself totally to the sense bombarding it, be aware of where these sensations sit in the context of all that has gone before, and also to store them away to be reflected on and revisited at leisure.
Although it contained all the experimentation and boundary pushing that I fantasised, the sex that we shared that weekend was not the sex of a porn film. It was the sex of the first time, when every action, every touch, taste, smell, sound and sight contains within it our hopes and fears for the people we wish to be, the lives we wish to live. It brings together the anticipations and frustrations of many a long night alone with the immediacy of experiencing every sensation for the very first time. Responses are genuine rather than predicated upon past experience, even the effort to control responses is a response in itself.
And it is all suffused with the atmosphere of discovery. Like an explorer setting off to experience a new landscape for the first time, so to the virgin enters their first time eager to encounter things they have only hitherto imagined. And while Wordsworth may grieve in The Prelude for the usurping of reality on imagination, he fails to appreciate how empty that imagination may have grown without testing itself against reality. It is where reality and imagination come together, where fantasies are challenged to develop and evolve after genuine experience. That is the landscape in which the mind works best.
So even if you have seen this movie a million times, even if you can moan along with our every moan, and cum on demand at the same instant as each of us…even then read on, because the story behind the movie is a thousand times hotter than the movie itself.
The room in which we first congregated was generally used as a study, though it converted to a guest bedroom when there were visitors. It had a large double bed in it, but also bookshelves, a small sink, and a vast oak desk at the far end. Two windows looked out over the garden so that green light reflected in off foliage.
We arranged ourselves around the room while Anna took a few minutes to change and the boys made a hasty dash to freshen up. When at last we were all in the room – whatever Anna had changed into hidden beneath her everyday clothes – I took a swig of wine and positioned myself so that I was looking directly into one of the cameras.
‘The first thing to say is that you should all ignore the cameras and lighting. These are here so we get used to acting naturally around them. I need to learn how to get the best from the equipment so they need to be on, but none of this footage will be used in the final movie. Is that okay with everyone?’
‘I think it is best if we get used to speaking about ourselves sexually, and seeing each other as sexual people. Let’s start by introducing ourselves to each other and clarifying exactly what we have and haven’t done sexually and romantically in our lives.’
General nodding, though no replies.
‘Okay, I’ll go first. My name is Amelia, I am eighteen years old, and I am a virgin. I have never kissed anyone romantically, and no-one has ever touched me sexually. However, I masturbate regularly, and am pretty experimental with my own body. Everyone in this room has seen me masturbate and I’ve been lucky enough to have done so with both Anna and Natalie. I am bisexual and am incredibly turned on by each and every person in this room. When I masturbate, I often like to put a finger, or vibrator in my bum and, as well as many other things I particularly hope to try anal sex this weekend. I can’t wait to see what semen tastes like, and hope I can give you each as much pleasure as possible over the coming days.’
There were smiling faces looking at me, though no-one made to follow. ‘Who’s next?’
No-one volunteered so I nodded towards Anna as she stood nearest to me.
‘Well, okay, I guess…….’ she began falteringly. ‘How do I follow that!? My name is Anna, and I am eighteen too. And a virgin too. I have kissed a couple of boys, but nothing more than that. I…well, sure I masturbate too, though Amelia had to show me how before I enjoyed it. Now I like it a lot, and as she says, we have masturbated together a few times. I’m pretty much straight, though I do think girls looks sexy naked. I don’t know what else to say. Except, well. Okay. What we’re doing here is crazy. I mean totally crazy. If our parents knew about this they’d have a fit. But that’s why I wanted to do it. I don’t know if this makes sense or not, but it’s the crazyness that made me want to say yes to doing it. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I’d like to say thank you for whatever follows. Whatever else, it’ll be a once in a lifetime experience.’
I clapped and the others joined in. Then motioned for Owen to follow.
‘Hi, I’m Owen, and I too am an eighteen year old virgin. I have kissed one girl, and we fooled about a bit as well, but I have never been fully naked with anyone before…. Well, no that is a lie actually. I was almost fully naked with Amelia once. But apart from that, nothing. Of course I masturbate, and I have done it in the same room as other boys before, but not with them, if you know what I mean. I like…you know…the usual stuff, and I hope you guys enjoy this weekend. Oh, and I’m definitely straight.’
Another round of applause.
‘I’m John, and I’m straight too. My body is completely virgin territory. I’m twenty now, and had my first romantic kiss when I was about thirteen. I’ve made out with a few girls since then but the furthest I went with anyone was to touch their breasts. I have only started masturbating recently, and like most of the people here, it seems it was inspired by Amelia’s antics last time she was here. And in the interests of full disclosure, she has seen me naked as well. If this weekend is half as sexy as that time was, then we are all in for one hell of a treat. Wouldn’t you agree Ben?’
‘Sure would, John. I’m Ben, I’m Amelia’s brother, and I am a virgin too, technically. I have done stuff with girls, even had oral sex once. But that is as far as I have gone. I’m almost twenty now, and this all happened in the last year. I’ve kissed a few girls, but not had a real relationship or anything yet. Anyway, I grew up with Amelia, I’ve seen her naked many times, and the image of her masturbating here a few months ago remains indelibly marked upon my consciousness. I can’t believe we are here like this, and I don’t think anyone in the world other than Amelia could have found herself in this bizarre situation. But I know it’s going to be a lot of fun for us all and I can’t wait to get started.’
The tension had melted by now, there was barely time for a few claps before Natalie had started. ‘And I’m Natalie, I’m eighteen like Anna and Amelia and I don’t know any of you as well as you know each other, but I’m excited and nervous to be here today. I can’t believe this is actually going to happen, and I don’t know how I am going to do this. I’m a virgin, and don’t have a clue about what to do sexually, I hope you will all bear with me, and I hope I am good for you all. I definitely want to do this. I haven’t kissed anyone properly, and no-one has ever touched me or anything like that. But I have watched some pornography recently and I am totally fascinated with masturbating. I especially like it when I touch my nipples, and play with my breasts: if anyone wants to do that to me, I guess you can be my guest. I don’t know specifically what I am most looking forward to this weekend, though I do know that I get wet thinking about it, and that I can’t wait to get started. I don’t know whether I’m straight or bisexual, but I hope I get a chance to try everything with all of you. I went on the pill specifically for this weekend. Basically, I’m ready and willing. Treat me gently, okay?’
Final introduction done, we clapped us all.
‘Thanks Natalie. You’ve all got me a whole lot more excited. It’s nice that we all seem to be looking forward to this. I think it goes without saying that I am too, though like many of you I don’t know how I’ll react once things get under way. So I’d like to ask that right here and now we agree to a few ground rules. First, as Natalie said, be gentle. We are all new at this so take things slowly, and make sure you check regularly that whatever you are doing is enjoyable for the other person.’
Nods all round.
‘Secondly, and most importantly of all. Respect each other. Each of us has decided to be here because we want to discover more about ourselves and our sexualities, but that doesn’t mean anyone here is a slut or a player or any other term that imposes a power inequality on our interactions. We are six equals, and will remain so throughout. If anybody says no at any point, we will stop immediately and go from there. Okay?’
‘Finally, and most important of all: have fun. Sex is meant to be fun. So if something goes wrong and you cum too soon, or choke on something or fart or anything else, don’t worry. We’re all amateurs, we’re all liable to make mistakes. Just try to laugh as much as possible and I just know this will be the best weekend of our entire lives. Okay?’
‘I suggest we begin by showing each other our bodies. That way we each know what we have to work with, so to speak. Is that okay with everyone?’
More nods. They were willing, it seemed, but perhaps not willing leaders. Luckily I wanted to take charge.
‘I guess since it’s my fault we are all here in the first place, I better light the way, so to speak.’ I stood in the middle of the room, where there was enough space for everyone to get a good view. I thought back to the time at the swing, and for a minute I couldn’t believe I was back here, stripping for friends who may just as well back out as follow me. I wavered, for just a moment. There was no certainty that I wasn’t going to get naked and spread my legs, only to find myself being laughed at by the rest of the room, ridiculed and then perhaps humiliated. So far everything had gone disturbingly to plan, and they seemed keen and eager, but when push came to shove, I still had no idea whether I could trust the boys to be man enough to get their kit off. I was less worried about Anna and Natalie, for we had talked long about it, and I knew that even if they were nervous, they would try to support me. I realised then that despite all the books I had read, and all the fantasising I had done, I still knew remarkably little about mens’ minds. I couldn’t read them, and I certainly didn’t understand them. Was this an impasse? Or had I inadvertently stumbled again upon the reason for making this movie in the first place? I was no longer an innocent fifteen year old girl’s school student, but an adult, a grown woman. How could I be taken seriously in the world when I had understood so little about the minds’ of men; how could I take myself seriously when I knew, deep down, that I was nothing but an inexperienced, naive little girl still playing with the grown-ups? Maybe Mum was right. Maybe they were just the same as women, underneath all that bravado. I had spent my life fantasising about the world, watching it from afar like a princess trapped in a tower, and now it was time to climb down the turret, and find out for myself.
I looked over at Owen, and he smiled. More than anyone, I didn’t know how to read him: he kept his emotions and wants well hidden. Whether I would understand him any better when this weekend was through I had no idea. But it was worth a shot.
I lifted my head up high, pointed my chin, fingers, toes, breasts, and every other part of me which might be able to display poise, and began, ever slowly, to strip. I didn’t have many clothes on to begin with. First to go was my black strapless top, pulled up and over my head to reveal my brand new lacy red push-up bra. I had tried this on many times since I purchased it, amazed at the transformation it inspired in my chest. From nowhere I had cleavage, and my breasts seemed to grow at least an inch. When I looked up to see peoples faces, they were there in the bottom of my vision, pestering me to play with them. I smiled, and spread my arms to give everyone a clear view of my chest. Anna and Natalie were chuckling quietly to themselves, still seemingly surprised by my wanton exhibitionism. Owen looked sheepish and uncomfortable, while Ben and John seemed to have been transported into a strip club, and were raucously whistling and hooting for more. It sounds silly, but that was what I wanted. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be nothing more than a piece of meet.
I turned back to Owen, and fixed him with my eyes, telling him that in my mind it was him and me in the room together, and that I was stripping for him. This new lingerie was a ribbon around his present waiting to be unwrapped. Reaching down and unhooking the button on my skirt, popping the fly open, I stood straight and let it drop down my legs. My matching lacy French shorts barely concealed the shape of my pussy underneath. I pushed my breasts out, stood up straighter, and spun around to give everyone a good look at me.
The raucous behaviour from John and Ben was even louder now, and Anna was joining in as well. They stared at me: hungry, intent, rapt. I couldn’t imagine how they would react when I was fully naked. But I wasn’t ready for that yet.
‘Okay, that’s a hint of what you will all be feasting your eyes on in a few minutes time. But first I want you all to strip to your underwear too, so that I don’t feel so much like a hired stripper. If you are self conscious, you can all do it at the same time, but I’m not losing another garment until I see flesh.’
I put my hands on my hips and waited for them to strip. For a few seconds, no-one moved. They looked around at each other, avoiding eye contact and waiting to see who would take the lead. Eventually Ben peeled his t-shirt over his head to reveal his sexy chest. He kicked off his shoes and socks, and then pulled down his shorts, making sure to keep his boxers in place below. He was flaccid under that thin cotton, and came striding over to stand by me. And then there were two of us, standing facing each other, one boy and one girl, one man and one women, one brother and one sister.
‘Well come on people. Lets lose the clothes so we can see what Amelia’s hiding under her new outfit.’
That was all it took. In a matter of seconds everyone was down to their underwear. Owen and John had new underwear, tight boxers clinging like Clingfilm to the general bulge of their genitalia. Anna had a black push-up bra and thong set, sheer and shiny, which gave her figure a delightfully flirtatious aura. Natalie looked even more stunning, if that was possible, in a half-cup bra in a vibrant turquoise colour, and matching Brazilian briefs. Her breasts were almost spilling out of the bra, the nipples obvious through the material. She was not going to have trouble getting anyone to give attention to them!
Ben was the tallest of the boys: well built and with short blondish hair and a boyish face not unlike that of Matt Damon. John was tanned, with dark thick Jewish hair so at odds with Owen’s long surfer hair wet and wild about his face, dark brown eyes, smooth tanned skin and one freckle by his upper lip.
‘Thanks! I guess it’s me again!’
Five pairs of bulging eyes watched as I unclasped my bra, hunching my shoulders and letting it hang there for a second before dropping it to flutter like a leaf to the floor. A collective gasp escaped my friend’s taut bodies.
Without pausing I turned around and peeled my underwear down my legs, giving them all a quick glimpse of my bum and the stretched outline of my pussy. Having kicked the panties from my feet I stood up, turned around, and displayed my body before my friends. What they saw that day was an eighteen year old, 5’4′, with shoulder length light brown hair and blue eyes. My breasts were round and pert as only a teenagers could be, growing almost every day, the areolas small and milky white, the nipples standing out from them shockingly, obscenely pink, the same colour as the inside of my pussy.
I could feel the fingers of each of them straining to reach out and touch me, to feel my nubile body and taste my skin. But they had to get naked first. An atmosphere of hyper tense excitement had built up. No-one had any doubts anymore.
‘There I am. You can have a closer look later. I promise. But first everyone else has to get naked. And since there’s already one naked girl in this room, it seems only fair if the boys go first. Ben, do you mind?’
I sat down on the bed, and motioned for Anna and Natalie to sit on either side of me. First Ben, then John, and finally Owen each unabashedly pull down their underwear and release their concealed cocks. They were not yet fully hard, but the signs were there. Ben seemed to have the biggest tool, though John sported impressive girth. They all looked tasty to me.
‘Delicious. You are all very sexy men.’
‘Well, give us a spin,’ Natalie giggled and they obeyed, displaying their firm bums, strong shoulders and seductive arms. Their bodies were tight, athletic and slim. My mind was instantly awash with improper thoughts about what I was going to do with them.
‘Okay, girls, it’s your turn now.’
Anna stood and stripped away her tiny little wrapper. She had the cutest little upturned piggy nose and blonde curls which cascaded across her face, partially covering her blue eyes and the rosy cheeks shining now with excitement and vulnerability. Her breasts were smaller than mine, but with large areolas and small, round nipples which I had always desperately wanted to suckle. She turned around to remove her thong and gave us a beautiful view of her bum crack. Her pubic area was curly and thick, barely any pussy visible beneath the tufts. Ben, John, and Owen whistled their appreciation.
Natalie was the tallest of the girls, with long toned legs converging to reveal a trimmed bush of dark brown hair. The dimples in her cheeks made her smile look coy and her freckles stand out against flushed skin. She had long olive hair which possessed a shine of its own and she burst into nervous laughter at all the eyes feasting on her naked virgin body.
Without needing to be asked they each did a twirl. There were now three very firm cocks standing straight out in front of the three men, their hands occasionally reaching out to grab and hold them before self consciousness forced them to let go and set them bobbing like three vertical pendulums.
I opened my mouth to speak, only to find a lump the size of a tennis ball lodged in my throat. I gulped it down and tried again.
‘Oh my, you must be the five sexiest people I have ever seen in my life. You are all absolutely divine. Lets have another drink and get used to seeing each other without any clothes on.’
Natalie picked up the bottle of champagne and we passed it around the room, each taking small sips and trying not to stare too eagerly. I made sure I sat with my legs crossed, ensuring the top of my pussy was visible to anyone who wished to look. We made small-talk as best we could, everyone waiting expectantly for what was to come. When the bottle came around again I took a longer gulp,
‘I think it’s time to take a closer look at the human body…’
‘..starting, I think, with the female form.’
I moved to lie higher on the bed.
‘Now, the first thing to remember with sex is that no matter how good you are, lubrication will make everything a whole lot better. No matter whether you are masturbating alone at home, or about to make a porno, before you touch anyone, grab the lube and make sure your fingers are nice and wet.’
I reached under the pillow behind me and brought out the first of my many bottles of lube, squirted a blob on my palms, and set about warming it up.
I put on my very best teacher voice and straightened my index finger, to use as a pointing stick. ‘These are my breasts. You can also call them boobs, tits, or any one of a million other names. On them, you will find the areola, which is the small circle of skin around the nipple, and then the nipple. Notice how they are firm and pointy at the moment. This is a sign that I am aroused.’
As I named each of my intimate body parts, I pointed to them, rolling them in my fingers. I motioned for Owen to touch my breasts, and closed my eyes as he stretched over to fondle my right breast. He lingered there, then moved to the other. I had no desire for him to stop.
‘Now we move on to the female genitalia.’ A sharp scent of sex filled the air as I opened my legs and my hand moved down, fingers parting through my trimmed brown tuft.
‘The female genitalia consists of both external and internal organs. The internal genitalia includes the vagina, uterus and ovaries. The external genitalia are collectively described as the vulva. The vulva itself is made up of the clitoris and clitoral hood, the labia majora and minora, and the vaginal opening.’ With each scientific name I pointed to the area concerned and struggled to control the urge to abandon myself to wild masturbation. ‘The lips are called the labia, the vagina is the hole itself, and the clitoris is this little bud at the top of the vagina’ This scientific speech sounded clinical, cold and precise: it turned me on. ‘You will notice that there is a small covering over the clitoris which is known as the clitoral hood. Now boys,’ I turned to fix the guys with my eyes, ‘the clitoris is the most sensitive part of the female body, with about twice as many nerve endings as the head of your penis. It feels amazing when rubbed, sucked or licked and most girls orgasm best when the clitoris is directly stimulated. You can also lick the labia and vagina, or put your fingers, cocks, or other implements in the vagina itself. When the girl is aroused her vagina will secrete a lubricating substance which makes penetration easier. When you lick the female genitalia it is known as cunnilingus, when you stick your cock in the vagina it is intercourse.’
My lecture over, I stared proudly round at my students and their eager faces. ‘Any questions?’
‘Right then. Let’s get on with the demonstration. Owen, you are doing a great job. Keep playing with my breasts.
‘If you insist.’
‘John, I want you to run your fingers down my pussy. Yes, like that. Feel how wet I am?’ He nodded, dumbly. ‘That is how you can tell I am aroused, like I can tell you are aroused because your penis is erect.
The sun was shining through the window and a bird flew past outside, another pair of eyes feasting briefly on my naked body. I spread my legs even wider and used my right hand to hold myself open.
‘Now, I want you to put your finger inside my vagina, slowly. Feel how tight and muscular it is, how the folds are warm and wet? Imagine how that would feel wrapped around your cock?’
John stopped and I thought he was about to cum. But he controlled his sudden urge and resumed his exploration of my pussy. It felt odd, having someone else’s finger inside me for the first time. Colder than my own, less focused in its motions. I couldn’t guess what was going to happen next, and had to fight the urge to grab his hand in my own and force it to do what I wanted. He kept thrusting when I expected him to stroke, or stroke when I thought he would thrust. But I stayed still and soon learned to accept the lack of control. Soon it became the very best thing about his touch. I let my head fall back, shut my eyes and surrendered myself to the strange, wonderful new feeling.
After a minute, he added another finger, rhythmically pumping me towards orgasm. I had to control myself and regain composure. There was a lot more to get through in this lesson before I could let myself cum.
‘Now with your palm facing the ceiling, John, I want you to bend your finger as though you a motioning me to come hither, like that, about an inch inside.’ As he moved his fingestip. I felt a gently pleasant tickle and then suddenly there it was, the jump in my body as his finger slid over my g-spot. ‘YES!’ I called, breaking the rooms silence with my desire. ‘There, you feel that little spot there, that’s the G-spot, it feels absolutely amazing if you stimulate it, and is the principle means of a woman orgasming through vaginal stimulation alone. Being able to find it is a great technique to have.’
I turned to Ben, hoping to gage his thoughts. How would he react to the idea of touching his sister? John and Owen’s ministrations were wonderful, but it was all beginning to tumble out of control. I wanted him here. I needed him here. And the way he was watching my pussy it was clear that he was eager to get involved.
‘Ben, I want you to stroke my clit, softly though, like this.’ I took his hand in mine, and slowly pressed his index finger to me. His finger was warmer than John’s had been, softer too. I had never noticed before, but as I guided it around my body it struck me how incredibly soft Ben’s hands were. He was gentle, and loving with my body, and his hands felt like warm cotton.
‘When women masturbate, we tend to concentrate mostly on our clit. You may have seen pornos with women shoving giant toys inside them, and that can feel nice. But most women can only orgasm from direct clitoral stimulation. Knowing how to play with a clitty, how to massage and rub and toy with it is one of the best tools you can possess.’
As I grew used to having three men fondling my body, I guided Ben’s finger around my clit, the pace increasing steadily.
‘Oh yes, like that,’ I breathed, letting go of Ben’s hand and leaving him to do as he wished. I closed my eyes and savoured the new sensations about my body. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before.
‘Listen to my body. Pay attention to my breathing, and how I move. A woman’s body is like a musical instrument. You have to listen to the sounds it makes to know what to do. Blow too hard and she’ll screech like a banshee, too soft and she’ll become frustrated. But get it right and she’ll be putty in your hands. Like I am for you.’
John and Ben were increasing their pace, herding me towards orgasm. I had to stop speaking. I bucked my hips, licked my lips, trembled. Above me, Owen watched my face with a look of total satisfaction. His strong hands caressed my breasts, flicking the nipples between middle and ring fingers. I reached up and pulled his head to mine, brushing my palm against his cheek. Lips parted and barely an inch between us, we held each others gaze. His eyes were so warm they could have melted toffee. He had stopped playing with my breasts, though his hands still rested warmly against them. My back arched towards him. He brushed a strand of hair from my brow.
I yearned to kiss him more passionately than I had yearned for anything in my life. I was excited and terrified and needy all at once. I couldn’t have stopped now had I wanted to. Inch by glacial inch his lips descended.
When we touched it was like settling into a warm bath on a cold day. We came together and were stationary. His lips were thicker than I had expected. A slight bristle of stubble against my chin. Our first kiss. My first kiss. I was naked and being finger fucked by two other guys but if it wasn’t for the rapidly approaching orgasm they could have been on a different planet. I pressed my palms against the side of his face and clutched him to me.
The tip of his tongue pushed sweetly into my mouth, and ran softly around my top teeth. I wanted to devour him.
Feeling the bed bounce beneath me I opened my eyes to find Anna crawling on all fours towards us, boobs hanging low beneath her. Her hands took over playing with my breasts, allowing Owen to pull me to him. I was hot and cold at the same time, somehow. Electricity seemed to be sparking on my tongue and between my nipples, running down into my pussy. I was wetter than ever before.
‘MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh,’ I moaned into his mouth, completely forgetting where I was. ‘Oh, Owen, I’m going to come.’
Soon another pair of hands were at my breasts, and across my stomach. Five people with ten hands caressing me. It was overwhelming. I bucked against John’s fingers, ran my hands through Owen’s hair and clenched his scalp tight. Here it came.
My body went rigid.
I let out a long, howling moan into Owen’s mouth.
My whole body shook.
I saw stars of blue and black behind my eyelids. For the first time in my life I could feel every nerve ending in my entire body. Parts I never knew existed tingled as I trembled. The back of my knees, the inside of my wrists, the nape of my neck. My spine.
I could feel the gentle movements of my students, but it was as though the body they were touching were no longer my own.
As the orgasm waned I felt a wave of total comfort seeping over me. This was what I wanted. No regrets, no uncertainty. I had opened my body to my friends and they had embraced me as I only ever dreamed they would.
‘Wow,’ I gasped, when my breathing was once more under my control. ‘Thank you all for helping me demonstrate the female orgasm so comprehensively. You are all amazingly talented; that was the biggest orgasm I have ever had in my entire life.’
‘You’re welcome,’ said Owen, and bent down to kiss me once more. This time it was more passionate. Urgent. There was none of that hesitation that made the first one so delicious. I had to fight back the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I wanted him, now, inside me. His big cock fucking me, his body pressed against my own. No-one would have minded.
But I resisted. I wanted to talk to him before we had sex, I wanted our first time to be completely mind-blowing, and right now, I wasn’t in a position to make it anything at all.
When we broke apart a thin trail of saliva stretched between our mouths. His or mine I had no idea. I sat up on my elbows.
‘Now girls, I think we need a lesson in male anatomy. Do we have any volunteers?’
Three eager hands jumped sharply in the air – accompanied by three equally eager cocks. I wanted to pick Owen, every bone in my body urged me to do so. But I didn’t. I don’t know why. Maybe I was just too scared to touch him. I had never touched a man before, and after all the build up he would surely be expecting an expert, rather than the fumbling touch of a virgin like me.
‘Come here Ben. I want you to lie down on the bed and put your hands behind your head. No touching yourself okay?’
Twenty minutes earlier I wouldn’t even have considered choosing Ben over Owen, but the look of joy on his face convinced me it was the right decision. I could feel more comfortable doing this with him.
He nodded and his powerful body sank into the duvet, muscular arms like wings either side of his head, hairy armpits exuding masses of pheromones. In my post orgasmic state I stared at him with an air of detachment. I could look but not touch. For now.
Staring at a naked man for the first time in my life, I took a moment to appraise my canvas. I was amazed by how fleshy his penis was, how strong yet soft it appeared, and how it pulsed and jumped, waxed and waned, oozing copious quantities of pre-cum. How I was going to deliver that lecture without losing control or embarrassing myself I had no idea? It was ridiculous: there I was having never touched a man in my life, about to lecture three boys and two girls on the intimate details of the male sex, to teach them everything they needed to know to make a world class adult film.
Sitting up on my knees I moved to Ben’s side and motioned for the others to watch closely. ‘Now…’ I took a deep trembling breath and continued. ‘Now the male genitalia is in many ways less complicated than its female counterpart.’ I took my trembling hands – full of excitement and eagerly anticipated trepidation – and placed them on Ben’s thigh. His body twitched at my touch. My fingers were still wet with my own lubrication.
I looked to him for encouragement. He smiled back at me. The look that passed between us would take pages to discuss. His eyes said ‘please,’ his body said ‘please.’ Everything about him said ‘please touch me.’ But his eyes also said ‘I want you to touch me. I am happy to be here in your hands. I trust you completely.’ And my eyes in return were saying thank you, and I love you, and I promise I will make this experience utterly wonderful for you. I hoped I was able to tell him that my own orgasm meant nothing compared to making him happy, to doing whatever it took to demonstrate how much I loved him, and how grateful I was to him for being my brother. I licked my lips, hoping to tell him that there was nothing I wanted more than to reach out and touch him.
This was how I always wanted to feel: eager for the next moment in life, the next touch and the next imagination. Always on the edge of complete peace, always building to that next great release. For a split second I wondered if this is what religion was like, earthly heaven found in union of body and mind. I thought of Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials and the coming of earthly paradise brought about by the union of two young lovers. And I knew that he was right, that such love was the bedrock of communion with the world; that the natural world is in union all the time, and why shouldn’t humans follow suit?
Then I returned to business.
‘You have the testicles, which are located inside the scrotum, and the penis.’ With each term I again pointed at the requisite area, just the faintest contact between my index finger and Ben’s panting body. ‘The testicles hang below the body to keep them cool, for they are responsible for producing the sperm that makes babies. The testicles are extremely delicate and should not be squeezed too hard. Not unless the guy asks for it, anyway. However, I believe it feels nice if they are gently fondled, sucked and rolled around the hand.’
I fondled Ben’s balls, shifting them from hand to hand, feeling their weight, the odd scratch of stray hairs. John and Owen were fondling their own in time with me.
‘There you go, girls. I think that demonstrates clearly that men like to have their testicles played with.’ Anna and Natalie giggled, almost as eager to reach out and touch the boys as the boys were to be touched.
‘As with women, men also have an anus and perineum, but unlike us, men have a prostate gland inside the body which is something like a girls g-spot. If you run your fingers over the perineum – the area between the testicles and anus – he will feel a pleasurable sensation within. If you work your finger firmly into the area as though you are giving him a deep muscle massage he will experience an odd feeling of constriction. Often a man will experience more virile and firmer erections when having his prostate massaged. He can sometimes even cum through this alone. When you stimulate the prostrate, you have the effect of contracting the penis, and this is one of the main processes of orgasm.’
As if to illustrate my words, Ben’s penis rose in time with my massage. The head twitched, he sighed and pressed himself against my fingers. I continued to work at the area, stroking lightly up to the base of his testicles then rubbing harder as I get close to his anus, where I gently rub my finger round his rectum.
‘Now, there is another way of stimulating the prostate which many men find very pleasurable. Ben clearly enjoys external stimulation of his prostate, now lets see how he likes internal stimulation.’
‘What?’ Ben started.
At that age, familiar only with my own desires and perversions, I had no idea how pushy I was being with my anal obsession. I naively assumed that everyone wanted it. Or that everyone would enjoy it if they were given the opportunity to do so safely. Writing it here, my actions seem absurd. And yet…
I turned to him and patted his thigh. ‘I promise it wont hurt.’ My look tried to assure him that everything was fine, that I would stop if he asked me too; that I would never do anything to hurt him. And I think he understood that I needed to do this too, that I need to try out everything on the male body so that when I got to Owen my skills were honed and I was ready to make his body sing.
He nodded, slightly, still unsure what was going to happen. I rewarded him by pushing a couple of fingers into my pussy, getting them nice and lubricated. When I removed them there was a sheen of clear coating, the familiar smell of my sex clinging to the skin. With one hand I continued to stroke and roll Ben’s balls, while the other moved across him perineum towards his bum.
I had never seen a bum this close before; had never had my face a foot away and been able to see it opening and closing like a mouth breathing, the puckered hole and the short hairs surrounding it. Even more than with his cock and balls I felt I was on alien ground now, that I was out of my depth and had no idea what to do next.
I stroked he area gently, moving my finger up and down his crack, and around his opening. When he was used to this I pushed ever-so lightly at the entrance. I felt the tip of my finger move forward a millimetre and looked up to see Ben watching intently, an odd look on his face, somewhere between bewilderment and delight. With increased confidence I resumed pressure on his rectum, my finger pushing past the sphincter and up to my first knuckle.
Of course I had done this with my own bum many times, felt the pressure followed by the tentative release, the slow insertion and then the tightness, the feeling of fullness. But I had never seen it up close, never watched the sight of my finger slipping slowly into another persons bum, feeling the pulsing muscles contract around my finger without focusing on the intense excitement of the contracting muscles themselves. When my finger was inserted up to the second knuckle I wiggled it from side to side, backwards and forwards like they said to in the books I had bought and read over the past months.
‘The anus is very sensitive and even a little movement can produce big results.’ Ben’s squirming joyous face offered supporting evidence of this! ‘But perhaps the most pleasing thing to do is to push the finger up towards the testicles and penis, and directly massage the prostate.’
I mirrored the motion I had asked John to do to my g-spot, and stroked the inside of his shaft. His eyes shut, and his penis leapt in his lap. I was still stroking his balls, as I probed away inside him his breath grew ragged and I realised he was close to coming.
‘Oh no, Mr. You can’t cum quite yet.’
I stopped my movements, and removed my finger from Ben’s backside slowly, holding his cock tightly to stop him cumming. It was the first I had touched his cock, and it was firmer and warmer than I had imagined. He sighed. My finger came out with a light pop and his hole slowly contracted to return to its normal shape. Breathing again, in and out.
By now John and Owen had progressed to holding their cocks, stroking up and down while watching the events before them. Although they were watching Ben intently, there eyes could not help but flit back and forth from my body, to those of Anna and Natalie. Anna had her hand held to her crotch and Natalie was fondling her breasts and tweaking her impossibly long nipples. Nipples that I could not wait to suck
‘Before we move onto Ben’s penis, it is always a good idea to clean up after anal play. And you should never move from the butt to the pussy without washing thoroughly to remove any bacteria.’ I plucked a wet wipe from the tube and thoroughly cleaned my fingers.
‘The penis is made up of the shaft, the foreskin, and the glands. In an erect penis, or one which is circumcised, the foreskin pulls back to display the glands, but when the penis is flaccid, it covers most of the penis. As you can see, Ben here is clearly very horny, because his penis is absolutely erect. You can see the head is smooth and purple. Like the female clitoris, it is loaded with nerve endings, making it extremely sensitive to touch, particularly during arousal. It can be stroked and licked, but you need to be gentle with it.’ I grabbed the lube and squirted some into my palm, then rubbed my hands together to warm them.
‘The main way to make a man cum, is to stroke or pump the shaft, like so. Using a medium amount of pressure you take your hand or mouth and wrap it around the shaft to create an enclosed surface, and then you pump it up and down until the man ejaculates. However, simply pumping up and down is a boring for a man and one type of finger movement is on the clit. Change speeds, twist as well as pump, and stroke the head too. Is that right, Ben?’
‘Right, time for some audience participation.’
‘Ooh goody,’ said Anna. Natalie licked her lips.
‘Natalie, you get Ben’s cock. That’s right, don’t forget the lube. Now take it in your hand and do whatever comes naturally to you. I am sure Ben will let you know how you are getting on.’ Natalie reached out and took Ben’s cock like it was a sex toy in a shop and she couldn’t face going to pay for it at the counter. But soon she was holding it with more confidence, and Ben was moaning quietly to himself.
Anna had joined Natalie on the bed, and while Natalie stroked his cock – rhythmically, brashly, with a sense of confidence that was not there a minute ago – Anna rubbed his balls. It was a thrill to see them taking the initiative and for a minute I forget that I was still in charge.
‘Okay, good, Anna. Like that. You and Natalie look fantastic together. And I bet Ben is enjoying it too.’
‘Sure am,’ Ben confirmed.
I was about to give further directions when Anna stopped the attention she was giving to Ben’s balls and began crawling like a sultry tigress up his body, the tips of her nipples tracing lines across his chest as she moved. On reaching his head she cupped his face in her hand, brushed his brow softly while gazing longingly into his eyes, and dipped her face down, lips leading the way, magnetically attracted to his puckered lips. She took his bottom lip in her mouth and bit down, he ran his tongue around her gums. It was soft, seductive, explorative. It was loving and innocent, full of longing to discover each other and themselves. They moaned into each other, and we moaned with them.
As the kiss went on, Ben removed his hands from behind his head and placed them on the small of her back, then ran them up and down her body, all the way up to her hair and all the way down to the top of her butt.
There was real passion in their actions. They cared for each other. I may have been blind to it until then but no longer. It was beautiful to see the emotions spill out of them. I could have watched all day.
That was what the weekend was all about, contained within the one long kiss: being present at the birth of my friend’s sexual discovery, where eager minds excitedly learned to love each other and eager bodies reacted without pretence to their lustful whims. It was about discovery, and freedom. And love.
Ben was close now. Anna was stroking his chest and arms and stomach, and he was trembling, tingling. Natalie continued to pump his shaft, teasing him with slow strokes followed by quicker ones. He was fucking her hands, his buttocks rising and falling and he got closer and closer to coming.
When he exploded I was watching his face, though he had eyes only for Anna. As his cock spurted he looked to me and smiled, just for a second, before drawing Anna back to him.
Natalie continued stroking him as he came, her attention watching as his balls tightened, twitched, and exploded, sending ropes flying between them, landing on his stomach and legs. Then another twitch and another eruption, four times in all until it was just a trickle. Only when his cock had completed its explosive demonstration of virility did Natalie stop.
‘Wow. That was amazing.’ Looking to me for approval, Natalie touched the pool of cum on Ben’s stomach.
‘That’s right, Nat,’ I encouraged. ‘See what it feels like. Scoop some of it up with your finger and look at it closely. Smell it, too. And now taste it.’
Tentatively, Natalie licked her gooey finger, then smiled broadly. ‘It smells a bit like paste, but it tastes kind of good!’ she exclaimed. I mimicked her motions, and brought my brothers cum up to my own lips. It was thick and pungent and already cool. The taste reminded me of my own, but a little saltier.
‘I think there will be plenty more for us this weekend,’ Natalie joked.
Anna and Ben had been kissing all this time, but on hearing us discuss the merits of Ben’s cum, Anna lifted her face from his and came to join us.
‘Sorry, Ben. I’ve got to have a taste of this.’
We cheered as Anna bent down to his stomach and licked a pool of cum from his skin. She sucked him up into your mouth then turned to him and swirled it about her mouth before swallowing.
‘Ben you taste like heaven.’
She wiped another bit of cum from closer to his cock and brought it to her mouth. ‘Yum.’
‘You are so hot,’ Ben said behind her.
‘Fancy a taste?’
‘If it’s on your tongue…’
She draped her tongue once more across his stomach, and crawled up to great him. They kissed.
‘I’m not bad!’ he agreed.
Again we all laughed. I grabbed a bottle of water from the table and took the chance for some rehydration.
When I had finished, five expectant faces were looking to me.
‘Okay people, that was very, very good.’ My words slurred as I tried to convey how amazingly good it was. It felt as if my lips were coated in the thick globules of Ben’s cum, and it was hard to pronounce my words accurately.
‘Does anyone have any feedback? Ben, how was that for you?’
‘Amazing. Natalie you have hands of a Goddess. If I hadn’t been concentrating so hard on other things I think I would have cum in seconds.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t. You have a lovely cock.’
‘Do you always cum so much?’
‘Not usually, no. But then this was a lot hotter than when it’s just me and my dry hands!’
‘The lube made it better then?’
‘Much.’ Ben turned to John and Owen. ‘You guys are in for a treat.’
‘Which brings us nicely on to the next stage. Who’s next?’
Unsurprisingly there were four volunteers.
‘Natalie, lie down where Ben was. Owen, you lie next to her. Time for a bit more hands on experience, I think.’
Cautiously, Natalie lay down on the bed, her eyes betraying a certain amount of trepidation as well as arousal. She kept her legs closed but her clit was already engorged and, like her nipples, it was long and bright red. Her breasts heaved where they lay, spread like a picnic on her chest, and her hair flowed out behind her and off the bed.
Owen leapt onto the bed next to her. His golden locks dangled across his face. He had a devilish look on his face.
‘Be gentle. I don’t think I can last very long.’
My pussy drenched instantly. His cock was rigid, hard and angry it looked like it could explode at any minute.
‘Time for some uninstructed play now. Anna and Ben, Owen is your playground. John, you and I will get to play with Natalie.’
Ben’s face displayed uncertainty as he followed Anna to another man. Anna took his hand in hers, and smiled into his eyes. The language of her body told him he would be rewarded for his endeavours. And the look in his eyes said he would follow her to the ends of the earth. They sat down between Owen’s legs and Anna handed him his cock while she squirted a generous dollop of lube onto his bright purple head.
Back on our side of the bed John had anticipated what was coming and was sitting at Natalie’s feet, his rigid cock pounding between his legs as he feast his eyes on her body. She smiled at me and then down at John, though her face remained tight and worried. I smiled back.
‘Relax and enjoy yourself sweetie. Let John know what you want him to do.’
John placed his hand on Natalie’s thigh. Anna was already fondling Owen’s balls. I sat down beside John and took his hand in mine.
‘Let’s tantalise her a bit. See if we can have her begging us to touch her pussy.’
John nodded and we caressed her thighs, running our hands all the way down to her ankles and then back up the inside, stopping just below her lips. She responded with a squirm and spread her legs wider. She cupped her breast and pursed her lips.
‘She likes that. Listen to her breathing.’
‘You like that, don’t you Nat. Tell John how you like that. He’s enjoying your wonderful legs and soon he’s going to finger your cunt.’
She shifted down the bed, encouraging him to move up her body. ‘Your hands feel so nice, John. But my pussy feels like it is on fire. I need you to touch me there, John. Please.’
‘Hear her begging, John. She’s horny and she wants you to fuck her with your fingers.’