meditation

This story has very mild femdom/feminization.



If you copy it, please keep my name attached.



SuppleWriter




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My name was Steve, and it is time to tell my story.



Ten years ago I was 32, living a high-pressure life in Los Angeles, and doing yoga in my free time. Based on the people I met at work, I began to see that male attitudes were often destructive (and self-destructive). Women seemed to get things done in a smoother way, without testosterone-fuelled arguments, I thought. As part of my yoga studies, I came across such things as goddess worship, and the ancient Temple of the 64 Yoginis in India. (A yogini is a female yogi.) Obviously, the Internet was tremendously useful, and by following links to links, I came across some very strange web pages. Nevertheless I found myself drawn to them.



To give you some examples, I’m talking about the S.C.U.M. Manifesto (The Society for Cutting UP Men), feminization, and the Demale Society. However, I thought these were too extreme, and used violence to combat violence.



Around the same time, I came across a pamphlet in an esoteric bookshop, entitled ‘Life at Ashram 64′. Clearly this was an allusion to the temple of the 64 yoginis, but it was current, briefly describing the life of men and women at the ashram. Women had to be chosen, and in particular had to aspire to the life of a goddess. Men had also to be chosen, and had to aspire to serve the goddesses. One of the aims of the ashram was to release men back into society, to spread the word of the yoginis. After recent negative events with men at my work, this was intriguing, so I tried to make further enquiries.



It turned out that Ashram 64 was not on the Internet (I know there is an idea that anything not on the Internet does not exist.) I had to actually phone them, and each time I got a different voice and accent. Eventually, I learned that males were welcome, but the training was arduous and might take up to a year.



After weeks of indecision, I decided to abandon my life in L.A. and make the trip to India. I was through with rigid male attitudes, and a change was needed.



My journey to Ashram 64 in the state of Bihar involved plane, bus, taxi, and walking. Fortunately I was expected, and a tiny clean room had been set aside for me. It turned out than Ingrid, one of the yoginis, had been allocated to me for a couple of weeks to explain the life. She spoke very gently, and was very grateful for my journey. Though physically attracted to her (she wore very light robes and her lithe body was apparent) I knew I would have to rise above this if I was to stay. As it turned out, I would get lots of help in this area.



The following day, Ingrid explained the philosophy of Ashram 64, allowing me to ask questions. Below, I recount the main points.



Ashram 64 was created to change stereotypical gender viewpoints. It provided a place for yoginis to practice yoga, research and translate eastern philosophies, and create ‘new men’ who could eventually return to the world with a changed viewpoint, thus helping to disseminate the ideas.



My work here would involve an initial learning period, followed by a test. After this, I would work in farming, gardening, and generally assisting the yoginis to maintain the ashram. There was no charge, and no payment. Ingrid would instruct me initially, but then I was on my own. I would work alongside a few other males, but would get no further tuition. I was expected to be self-reliant, not consuming major periods of a yogini’s time.



Basically, the ashram’s concept was that the woman can be viewed as a superior being, and that the closest that males could get to this state of being was by becoming more feminine. Males could overcome testosterone urges with the aid of yoga and meditation, and could return to the world as examples of what is possible. The yoginis were well aware of ideas in forced feminization, the wearing of women’s clothes, but these were regarded as too culturally influenced (who would wear high heels and lipstick in an ashram?) and violent. If men were to become kind and gentle, then using force was counter-productive – a bad example.



More details were provided later. For the first three days, I was put on a juice fast, and instructed to give myself a daily enema with the equipment provided. For the rest of the time I could explore the neighbourhood and read spiritual tasks. The point of the cleanse was to remove the residue of meat products, which were regarded as bad. After the fast, my main diet would be flax seeds, soya milk (produced on the farm), and fruit. This ensured a good supply of phytoestrogens, which were thought to be important for feminization.



Several days later, Ingrid explained their concept of sexual control. Though women were to be worshipped, they were not to be regarded as sexual objects. Males had to grow above such base feelings. The western approach of orgasm denial or chastity was considered, but it was thought not to work, because males thought about orgasms more often when in such a state.



Instead, the ashram used a combination of four techniques. Cleansing (we might think of this a milking), clothing, postures, and meditation. The morning cleansing routine involved masturbation, shaving the body, cleaning the teeth and nasal passages, evacuation and bathing. The masturbation was to be done first, within one minute, and should involve as little pleasure as possible – however, it was important to have a full orgasm, not a ruined one, because the latter was unsatisfying and weighed on the mind excessively. The full orgasm reduced erections throughout the day, and lowered the libido in a natural way. When training under the guidance of Ingrid, I was to perform this behind a curtain. Then followed the other cleansing, as a form of ritual designed to distract the mind from what had just happened.



The second component involved wearing the langota – a traditional form of underwear made of cotton, which is tied around the waist and genitals. It provides support and controls erections.



The third component was two seated yoga postures. The first of these was siddhasana, which is a seated cross-legged pose. The left heel is pulled in close, and placed between the genitals and the perineum. Then, the right heel is placed on top of the penis. Thus, the penis is trapped between the two heels. The second pose was gomukhasana, in which the right heel is placed near the outside of the left buttock, and the left heel is placed near the outside of the right buttock. Thus, the knees are stacked. The important addition is that the penis must be pushed underneath the bottom leg before the top leg is placed. The penis is therefore trapped under both legs. It is inaccessible to the hands and cannot become erect.



The fourth aspect was meditation, which involves visualising sexual energy draining up the spine from the genitals, thus raising it to a higher level.



The seated postures and meditation were done together, of course. These were compulsory every day. The cleansing and the wearing of the langota might be reduced, depending on tests, if erections were not an issue.



After a few weeks, it was time for my test. After cleansing, putting on my langota, and seated meditation, I was presented to Ingrid. She greeted me warmly, and asked me to remove my langota, and wear baggy shorts instead. We sat down facing each other, both in lotus posture, and she removed the clothing from her midriff. I was then asked to focus on her navel, and to breathe deeply for a few minutes. I found her navel to be overwhelmingly attractive, and I soon had a visible erection. Ingrid observed this of course, and suggested that it was quite normal at this stage. All that was needed was a few more weeks of the four techniques, and the ‘base’ emotions expressed in my erection would elevate to a more spiritual response. This was disappointing for me, of course – a traditional male response after all my work.



However, after a few more weeks of training, plus soy and flax as a part of every meal, I was able to pass the erection test, and was allowed to remove my langota for most of the time. Daily masturbation could also be reduced.



My routine was now changed. It began alongside the other males, with yoga and meditation on the divine feminine, then work in the gardens. After the evening meal, there was more meditation. Once a week, meditation sessions were led by one of the yoginis – an event which we all looked forward to.



After many months of this life, I was called to see Ingrid. She explained that it was my time to return to my previous world, and spread the word by example. My new daily regime was to be a daily yoga and meditation class (alternatively, a ballet class could be swapped for yoga), brief regular masturbation, a diet of mostly soy and flax, with fruit, and a job that was beneficial to society. It was also recommended that I meet a woman for a relationship, but I was to worship her, and be totally honest with her about my life. If possible, the woman was to be encouraged to spend a year at the ashram for training.



Well reader, I’m now back in L.A., working in a health food shop. I love consuming masses of soy and flax, and I have a girlfriend who I worship, and who understands why my chosen lifestyle is necessary for me. She is a beginner yogini, and one day I hope to return with her to Ashram 64.

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