embarassment

For those of you reading this series for the first time, it is a monthly journal that starts with April/May ’10.



January 2011



Tuesday, January 4, 2011



We were given a new software program to learn today, which is meant to provide us with all of the tools to profile our client’s in order to provide them the type of service that is beyond their expectations.



Although I am quite sure that I already am performing at that level, I did appreciate its ability to record all of my interactions to better remember the what, when, and where.



I resolved to record everything that happens between me and my assigned clients despite the embarrassment of having someone with access to the program be able to read about my little escapades.



Although the program was quite easy to understand and to operate, I decided to act as if I couldn’t understand it. It has been way too long since Mr. Von Elder has had me in his office.



Friday, January 7, 2011



I wasn’t disappointed for long as I was called into Mr. Von Elder’s office today, and told to bring my office laptop. He was not pleased with my progress learning the new program and told me that he would teach me himself.



I was asked, no, commanded to take off my skirt and once it was completely off, he told me to place my laptop on his desk and then to bend over the desk so I could work the keyboard.



I watched his expression change out of the corner of my eye as I unclasped and then unzipped my skirt pulling it provocatively down my legs revealing my virginal white panties that stretched tightly across my bottom along with matching white stockings.



I saw him shift his position as I imagined his pants were fitting a bit more snug then just a moment ago.







I was quite excited as I stretched my upper torso across his black marble desktop with my white nylon clad bottom facing up towards him.



The stone top was cold to the touch causing my nipples to immediately react to the change in temperature.







While he placed his hands on my hips, I was directed to begin the tutorial for the program and follow the instructions.



A wonderful vibration ran through me as his hands rested on my bare skin barely above the elastic of my teeny panties.



As Mr. Von Elder attempted to take me through the client program, I purposely made one user error after the other.



After what amounted to too many mistakes on my part with the program, Mr. Von Elder forcibly held my back down with one hand and smacked my barely covered bottom with his other.



“Finally!” I thought to myself as the stinging pain coursed through me eliciting the same welcoming pleasure that I felt the other night at “Knots”.



I was told that for every mistake that I made I would be spanked exponentially. So the first mistake received a smack on both checks, the second, two smacks on each cheek, the third mistake, four smacks on each cheek, then eight, then sixteen, etc.



I couldn’t wait as I realized that I personally controlled the amount of punishment as well as pleasure that I was to receive.



I strongly feigned my displeasure with him and his training techniques, but in reality I couldn’t wait to feel his firm hand repeatedly across my clenched lower cheeks.



After my fourth mistake my legs were kicking in the air and I was writhing in glorious pain as my movements pulled my gray cotton blouse well up my back. This only served to give Mr. Von Elder a better target as my teeny white bikini panties and red checks served as the perfect bull’s-eye.



Thank God, I was wearing my blouse and a bra. If I had been topless my very erect nipples would have left marks in his marble desktop. It seems that cold air and excitement are perfect stimulators for hard nipples.



I knew that I couldn’t fake my ignorance for too long and reluctantly started to learn the program.



Mr. Von Elder was leaning with both of his hands on my lower bare back and his groin pressed against my panty glad bottom watching me perform the simple instructions correctly now for the third time.



His satisfaction with my performance or was it something else, pressed firmly against my bottom.



I think he realized how physically turned on he was and suddenly told me to stand up and gather my laptop.



As I retrieved my skirt from the leather chair where it had been unceremoniously thrown, I know that Mr. Von Elder was admiring his work performed on my very red checks as well as the multitude of moisture prints formed by various parts of my body upon the marble top.



The smell of our sweat hung in the air. It was a combination from the very sexually charged situation along with Mr. Von Elder’s and mine own exertions. Mixed in with the overall scent was a distinctive odor of me. I mean that place between my legs was giving off a musky scent of sex.



Mr. Von Elder ended by telling me that I was the perfect employee for his demeanor and personality along with the high standards that he has set for his company.



I swear that I heard him say almost silently, “lithe, taut, supple, fit, and beautiful.



I smiled to myself as I exited his office and thought; “See you soon, I hope.”



I went immediately to the ladies room to gain my composure as well as to allow the stinging of my red checks to subside a little.



I lowered my skirt to rub my sore bottom and again noticed how wet my panties were. Some of it was sweat, but most of it was my own sexual juice.



His ability to fully excite me with a hard slap to my exposed bottom was a little disconcerting to me, but considering all that I was starting to learn about myself, it seemed to be a natural extension of my expanding sexuality.



Saturday, January 8, 2011



I find myself almost obsessing thinking about the specific details of my training experience.



I remember Mr. Von Elder’s eyes as having a steady and assertive gaze, as well as being sexually charged. His mind was made up as to the proper course of action and it was time to carry it out.



My look of supplication only served to increase his determination.



It was more like an act of sex, than any sort of reprimand.



The foreplay for both of us was his command to take off my skirt.



I still recall how he observed every minute detail in full anticipation of my imminent exposure.



I am sure that he saw the trembling of my fingers as I reached towards my hip and which specific fingers I used to unclasp and then unzip my skirt.



He watched as I slid my skirt down my thighs and allowed it to puddle at my feet.



I know that he remembers which leg I raised first to step out of my skirt as he told me to leave my heels on.



He would know how the sides of my white nylon panties stretched across my hips creating a perfect triangle of opaque fabric to cover my trimmed mound, and whether the elastic had cross-stitching or straight line stitching; how the tops of my stockings were stretched by my suspender clips and whether the clips were gold or silver colored; how long my appendix scar is and how it climbs across my lower abdomen like a vine out of my panties.







He would know how my panties only cover part of my checks as they stretch tightly across my bottom, how my lower back automatically arches when I am lying prone on a flat surface, and how my cheeks squeeze together in anticipation of each smack of his hand.







This is his foreplay.



The actual sexual act was the use of his power to compel a 40 year old, well educated, and competent woman to stretch herself across his desk with her panty clad bottom fully vulnerable to his will.



And finally the climax for both of us would be my own surrender to the pain and humiliation of being spanked until I could no longer keep myself from crying out as I flailed and flopped on top of his desk like a fish out of water.



I now fully understand the sexual tension that seems to hover in the air around the office, and why my own exhibitionist nature has been pushed to the forefront since I have started working here.



I am not sure where this is all going, as my desire for Mr. Von Elder’s attention and directives are becoming beyond my control.



I want him to push my limits forcing me to experience all of the facets of my over charged libido.



I know that he has much more to offer me than his tantalizing smacks across my panties and can’t wait to discover what it might be.



Does this put me at risk to ruin my marriage and reputation or provide me the means to enhance it?



I guess only time will tell.



I am vibrating from head to toe as I write this.



Monday, January 10, 2011



I am literally freaking.



I just received this email from Mr. Von Elder stating that he knows about my Internet activity including the stories and photos that I have been looking at on it.



I am really proud of the job you do as well as your ability to conform and reply to our client’s needs, however since our recent computer upgrade I was directed by our IT staff to review everyone’s Internet activity.



I now suspect that you must spend a lot of company time on the computer “amusing” yourself. I know through your on line Journal that you are masturbating at work.



I will be out of town on business for the week, so please take this time to reflect on your time here. I do appreciate your overall performance, but am concerned about the distractions you seem to be partaking in.



I would like a written report on your Internet activity including full disclosure of your activities below your waist upon my return.



He is gone this week, but I have to compose a report on my masturbating and submit it to him when he returns.



It never occurred to me that he would have full access to my office computer. Stupid, stupid me.



Undoubtedly he has read my Journal to this point and is now fully aware of every little thought and emotion that I have experienced since I started working here including my most recent entry of wanting to be pushed to my limits by him.



So is this his way of starting to push those limits as I intuitively expect or should I be concerned that this may be the end of my position with this company.



Why does he have to be gone for the entire week? Or is this also a part of his manipulation of me?



It occurs to me to quickly change the password for my Journal, but if indeed Mr. Von Elder is using the information found in it to explore my limits, then why take this tool away from him.



I can’t believe how scared and excited I feel at precisely the same time.



I shared the email with Linda and she obviously knew something as she acted like it really wasn’t a big deal and even offered to help me with my report while giving me a “cat eating the canary” type of grin.



Wednesday, January 12, 2011



Linda brought me a little surprise today as her little joke regarding my paranoia concerning my Mr. Von Elder report.



She bought me a vibrating egg that is supposed to be inserted in a woman’s vagina.



I can’t believe that I decided to try it considering all that is going on between Mr.Von Elder and myself; and I am recording it in my Journal.



I found that I can slip it up my skirt and squeeze it between my thighs where it sits quite comfortably between my legs, right up against my panties providing me a most exquisite and intense little shake, rattle and roll.



It sure helps me to forget the anxiety I feel every time I think about my report assignment.



Thursday, January 13, 2011



I can’t help myself with Mr. Von Elder gone and all of my client’s busy I am back on the Internet looking at photos and reading postings and stories about kinky and naughty little things.



I was surprised to find a drawing of a young woman stretched across her boss’ desk with her skirt off wearing teeny red string bikini panties with a matching garter belt and stockings. It was like looking at a drawing of myself lying across Mr. Von Elder’s desk and it flooded my mind with glorious memories of my most recent training session.



The woman in the drawing surprisingly has her hand reaching for the keyboard of a computer, which only added to the intensity of my memories.



The egg was applied and ridden quite effectively today.



So does this have to be included in my report?



Friday, January 14, 2011



Worked on my report for Mr. Von Elder, which is arousing and humiliating at the same time.



Admitting to him that I masturbate at work evokes such contradictory feelings.



He has got to know exactly what he is doing to me.



Monday, January 17, 2011



I submitted my report to Mr. Von Elder first thing this morning via email.



I have no idea what to expect, but I have a feeling that my limits are about to get stretched.



Funny how that excites me.



A Report on My Internet and Personal Activities



I am not quite sure how to start this report, but since you are now aware of my Internet activities as well as my Journal I guess I have very little to hide.



I opened a Literotica account last September to post some stories and photos related to my work and client experiences without identifying our company or myself.



I was surprised at their popularity, particularly since I never considered myself good looking or a very good writer.



Soon I was writing stories of my teen and 20′s years when I was always wearing very sexy clothing and enjoyed showing off for my soon to be and then husband.



More and more people were finding my Literotica account and asking for more.



At the same time I started joining various discussion groups that shared fantasies or actual experiences with what I considered kinky activities.



I was addicted.



On days that were particularly not busy for me I wasn’t able to stay away for longer than an hour or two, which is why you have discovered my pattern of frequent access to the Internet at work and what web sites I am visiting all of the time.



As you now know, the majority of my recent story posts and photos occurred during my employment with you.



And I am aware that you have full access to my Journal as well.



This pretty much explains my “above the desk” activities.



My “below the desk” activities started shortly after I began work here. I can’t believe that I am telling you this, but I do masturbate at work.



I go on Literotica and other sites and find photos or discussion streams that describe situations that I have either experienced first hand or that I find very sexy.



Mostly the latter since I enjoy imagining fantasy situations.



I guess since you probably have looked at my favorites, you know what they are.



I would print any photos or drawings that I liked here at work and then sneak into that last stall in the ladies room and pleasure myself, while looking and imagining myself in certain situations.



As this habit became more and more risky for me, since Ms. Spencer did a fine job of keeping us busy, I figured out how to entertain myself at my desk.



First it involved pulling up a sexy photo on the computer and through the act of squeezing my thighs together as well as crossing and uncrossing them, I could climax quietly and discreetly at my desk.



Then I found how one of my children’s small rubber balls could be placed under my skirt and squeezed between my legs as well as rolled on and the climax would be even more intense.



I am so mortified by my actions and beg you not to fire me.



You now know all of my secrets along with my very recent use of a vibrating egg that has replaced my rubber ball for evoking exquisite sensations.



I most certainly do not want to lose my job, and plead with you to replace any thoughts of termination with a lesson that you feel may provide a lasting impression.



I am completely at your mercy.



Ms. E. Harley



Now it was in Mr. Von Elder’s hands to show me if this were a part of a game or a truly serious matter.



I was sure that if I wasn’t fired upon his return, that there was a very good potential that I was going to be propelled into new and unimagined areas of self-discovery.



I, also, strongly suspected Linda’s compliance with Mr. Von Elder, since she is the one who introduced me to the various web sites and kept telling me to loosen up.



I truly am at his mercy.



The thought filled me with anxiety as well as an incredible feeling of stimulation.



Tuesday, January 18, 2011



Mr. Von Elder called me into his office today. Basically his conversation with me went like this:



Good Morning E.



I have been a little backed up in my work since my time away and have not been able to read your report until last night. I want to commend you on the thoroughness of the report. I would like to discuss it with you in detail. Please be seated.



Regarding your Internet activities, I fully understand the attraction to using the Internet to satisfy ones’ curiosity as well as to communicate with people of like mind.



I won’t pretend that no one else does this including myself.



My concern is the posting of your stories and photos regarding your time here.



I would discourage your use of the Internet to share stories of your activities here at S&M regardless of how you conceal their true identity.



Please refrain from doing this in the future.



Your pre S&M stories, however, have been quite entertaining and have provided me with ideas for our future interaction.



(So I am not being fired.” I thought with a feeling of relief. Does that mean, “the game is afoot” according to Sherlock Holmes?)



I will require you to continue to post your Journal entries on your online Journal as I also find them quite helpful for planning your future with the company.



(I had already decided to do this anyway in my efforts to step “off the cliff” so to speak.)



I carefully reviewed your more personal activities, and find that a lesson might be in order.



When I inquired regarding them you must realize that I have no moral concerns about masturbation. Nor do I feel it is wrong if done in a work environment, providing discretion and decorum are maintained. You must feel the energy in our offices. I believe it is a direct result of our tolerance to allow our employees to let their creative juices flow, so to speak.



However in your case you have allowed it to get out of hand.



(“Did he use this choice of words on purpose?’ I mused.)



In order to provide a lesson to the other customer liaisons as well as to yourself, I am requiring you to read your report to the assembled S&M staff next week following lunch on Wednesday as well as to provide a demonstration of your masturbatory techniques.



I feel that will be an appropriate way to teach you the consequences of your behavior.



I returned to my desk realizing that this was a game and my Journal entry about wanting to have my sexual limits pushed by Mr. Von Elder was what had instigated it.



Obviously I wasn’t told this, but every nerve ending in my body confirmed that my intuition was right.



And I am positive that Linda is a part of it.



I believe that Mr. Von Elder is going to test me by giving me assignments or instructions to see when and if I hesitate or refuse.



What better way to push me or to control me?



The game is definitely afoot and I am just a token to be moved along the game board until I say “No”.



And the game starts next Wednesday after lunch in front of the entire company.



I can’t stop myself from shivering as the full magnitude of this realization washes over me.

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