classy lady

I’ve a hell of a story to tell. It’s fucking unbelievable. I can hardly believe it now, after what’s happened to me, but I can assure you this shit did happen. It’s pretty freaky, pretty funny I guess, although for a long time (far too long, friendos) I didn’t see nothing funny about it at all. Oh, and it also gets pretty hot which is why I’m passing it onto you dudes and maybe if you like it some of you can send me in some advice about what to do next. I could sure do with it. I don’t want any ‘what you should have done’ jive either. I can do without that. I know what I should have done.

What I should have done was kick the fucker out the first time I clapped eyes on him, that’s what I should have done. Given him a kicking and kicked him out. But you don’t do that to old men do ya? Especially not to tiny old men, like a dwarf. You wouldn’t do that to someone like that would ya? Although I should have sussed something wasn’t right the day he walked into my shed, but then I was suffering a mighty head from the night before and I was fed up wrestling with a really fucking ancient brake master cylinder on one of my customer’s ancient fucking pick-ups. Why do these fucking things exist and why do they always end up in my workshop the day after the night before? I was not happy. My fingers were just not doing the business. I dunno how long I had been fucking around with the socket bar and cursing louder and louder when this cracked, wheezy voice burst out from nowhere all of a sudden.

‘How ’bout ye?’

What.The. Fuck? – was my first thought, and then my second thought was, who the fuck talks like that?

I rolled out from under the prehistoric number I was working on and sat up. I found myself face to face with the owner of the voice — that’s how short the fucker was. Couldn’t have been more’n two or three feet high. An old boy, the size of a toddler. The strangest fuckin apparition you have ever seen. Fucking weird. I should have known there and then that this weren’t right but the late night beer fug was heavy in my head and I wasn’t up to thinking things through, I was up to taking the easy route on things. It was as much as I could do not to laugh in the old badger’s face. Come to think of it, he did look a bit like a badger! He had one fuck of a wide, sloping nose with a pair of sharp grey eyes that just bored down his nose at you and made it hard for you to disagree with him. Maybe that’s why I didn’t laugh at him straight off, but mind you it was a close run thing there for a bit cos he just looked funny. I mean he was short, okay, with a gnarly, old face and all but he also had the most out of place clothes on as well. You know I’m no fucking historian or anything but what he had on looked like the sort of thing old boys wore a hundred years ago, shit, maybe two hundred years ago. It was a suit right out of history and to top it all he had on a pair of boots to match. They were of the sort that nobody wears anymore cos they just ain’t made anymore. They were tough looking, hardy and they went well up over the ankle – which I could tell cos of the cut of his ancient looking fucking trousers — and they were the sort of colour you just couldn’t name easily. I mean they weren’t brown, but they weren’t black either.

‘How ’bout ye?’ he barked at me again. I noticed that some of his teeth glinted and some were well black.

‘Woah……woah………not so fucking loud motherfucker!’ I replied as loud as my throb of a head would allow.

‘Motherfucking, huh? Is it the motherfucking you’re knowledgeable about is it?’ he sniffed in a knowing sort of way and then he winked. I can assure you now that it was not a trusting wink, it was not reassuring in any way.

‘Yessir! There’s many a man would like to do a bit of the motherfucking,’ he continued fixing his eyes on me, ‘oh ….they never come around to admitting it but I can tell you…, what’s your name son?’

‘Uhhhh…………….Craig’ I said without thinking about not giving him my name. See what I mean about not being able to say no to him and those eyes of his.

‘Craig, huh? Well I bet you’re like any other red blooded, well blooded man and there’s been many a time that you’d like to give your mama a good beefing up between her legs with your stiff un……lie her down and get her all juicy and then sli…’

‘What the fuck! Listen you old cunt if you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll wallop you outta her with the biggest fucking spanner I have.’

I gotta tell ya that I should have fucking lamped him there and then. What is it with these old fuckers? I was thinking to myself. Just the other week I’d had another old buzzard in here talking dirty. My workshop is well out of town but each summer, when visitors come into town then one or two would get out as far as my place and maybe idle the time of day before shuffling back on into the train station or bus station or wherever the fuck they came from. This one old boy had turned up each summer so I thought he was okay, harmless enough but the last time he was in he started bumming on about catching his neighbour’s daughter on in her garden getting her Alsation to fuck her on a hot day. Now, that is just weird shit ain’t it? Dirty weird, unwanted shit that a body just doesn’t need to hear. As far as I could tell the old fuck was living out some fantasy of his and I was fucked if I wanted to hear what got the old goat off. So I fucked him out good and quick and I won’t be seeing him again and if I do I shall fuck him out again. Anyway, here was another old bastard who was rapidly placing himself on the very same railroad.

‘Ssshh, sssshhh, sssshhh’ he wheezed. I eventually realized he was laughing. So then I did hit him. With the socket bar I still had in my hand. Well I told you I was only thinking of easy options, my head was in that mood. So I clubbed a three foot high old man cos he laughed at me. I know, I know……….I told you at the start that I didn’t give him a kicking and kicked him out. Well, I didn’t. I just clubbed him, that’s all.

It was a few seconds before I realized what I’d done. I looked at the bar in my hand for a few moments and then snorted and cleared my throat and wiped my nose greasily on my overalls. Fuck off, I told you I was suffering. Anyway, I ended up staring at the soles of his boots since they were the closest things to me. The nails that ran around the outside of them looked copper, or bronze which was different. In fact, some of them were well shiny the closer I looked, like they were gold or something………..uh, hold on a minute here, I thought, let’s get my shit together here this here old boy is something out of the ordinary but he ain’t that out of the ordinary. He is not a fucking leprechaun, Craig you moron of a mechanic, not a fucking leprechaun. You geddit, brother, not, not, not. They do not exist.

Then I noticed that his faded duds were green. You wouldn’t have noticed it at first but, now, with him lying there in a patch of sun coming through the skylight, I could see there was a colour to the suit he had on, like it was faded moss.

I took in a deep breath, held it and then puffed my cheeks out. I steadied my head a bit. There was no way he was a leprechaun. Where was his funny hat, they were supposed to wear, huh? Where was his little club stick thing he was supposed to have? Where was his fucking pipe, then? It was all a crock of shit. He was an old man, a dwarf and I had just laid him out, that’s all — and that was bad enough — but there was one sure thing. He was not a fuckin leprechaun. Then he groaned – thank fuck I hadn’t killed him – and he gave off to me.

‘Strike one of the little folk would ye?’

Fuck, I damned near freaked. He’s just using that term loosely, I thought, he is not a leprechaun.

‘I am a leprechaun’ he says and struggles up to his elbows.

This presented me with two problems. One, it sounded as if he could read my thoughts and two, it sounded like he was a fucking leprechaun even though they don’t exist. All I knew was that my morning had taken a turn for the worse and that I had better watch myself here cos to play safe I’d better look on the dark side. It’s a trick I’ve learned. It helps with work. I assume the worst case scenario. I always look on the dark side and then work according to that. It means that I always come out winning cos I never get to the lowest levels of the worst case scenario. What happens on the few occasions that I have encountered the rock bottom situation is that, because I am prepared, then I usually break out even.

So I was shifting my ground very, very quickly. I was prepared to accept that this old boy was a leprechaun just so I was not going to be caught out. I was ready for the old cunt. Mind you, if he could read my mind he knew that by now. I stared at his wrinkly face as he sat up to face me. Then I waited. Damn if I was gonna speak first and let him trip me up. Unfortunately, he was thinking the same so he just sat there staring right back at me with those pointy grey eyes of his. This went on for quite some time. We could hear each other’s breathing rhythms and I can tell you that mine were a lot more laboured than his. Must be cos I smoke……….ah, there’s an idea! That’ll pass the time. I fumbled in my top overalls pocket for my ciggys, taking my eye off him for a second. When I looked back, with my fag in my mouth, he was already setting a light to a pipe (fuck, no, nooo) that he now had stuck in his gob. One minu….wait…one second ago it wasn’t there and now there it was!

If I ever needed confirmation that he was what he claimed to be then the pipe was a pretty good sealer of the debate. It was, much like the rest of his appearance, the most outlandish article for the purposes of smoking you have ever seen. I mean, I know those bongs you get for smoking dope with all the pipes coming out and the decorations and all, I know they look pretty wild. But his pipe had the beating of that or anything. It looked like a fucking tree root, bent in an S shape and it had three bands of thin silver wrapped tight around it with some fine engraving work on them. A thick cloud of smoke was pumping out of the bell end of a funnel. It was a fucking wild pong.

‘Fucking smells like horseshit you’re smoking’ I said, breaking our silence battle.

‘And ye would know what that smells like wouldn’t ye, ye big shite ye’ he replies, clearly back in shape. I have knocked men out for less and my hand reached out for the socket bar.

‘Ah, you don’t want to be hitting me again, it was bad enough for you the first time.’

‘You deserved that, talking dirty about my mother. Jesuuz, man what do you expect for that sort of talk? A shake of the hand? Here……what do you mean, it was bad enough for me the first time?’

He didn’t answer straight away. He took a long slow puff on that twig thing he was using for a pipe and his shifty eyes went shiftying around my workshop before they settled back on me.

‘Well, y’see now, any person that lays a hand, or weapon, upon one of the little people will end up being justly punished by the aforementioned little people, or little person, should he or she survive such an attack……..which I clearly have…….so I shall be seeking my revenge upon you’ and the little bastard grinned at me. Horrible grin it was, not good — it made ya want to be sick.

‘And ‘ow do you mean to get me back even though you asked for a whacking in the first place’ I demanded.

‘Secondly, I did not ask to be whacked and….’

‘You were well out of order saying what you said’ I interrupted.

‘You have a short temper’ he countered.

‘I have a hangover’

‘No excuse, and firstly I will not be telling you how I plan to get you back but here’s a clue……..I’ll find out your weakness and exploit it.’

‘You are a nasty wee cunt of an old man’

‘My name is McHaragarty’

‘I don’t care! Whoever or whatever you are! I don’t give a fuck about what you plan so just get out of my shop and leave me alone!!’ I shouted.

And do you know what? He did get out of my sight. Just like that. He disappeared before my eyes. There one minute…wait… second, and gone the next. I dropped the socket bar again — oh yes I had picked it up again ready to smack him, he was pissing me off so much. I puffed out the last of my cigarette and made a managerial decision. Fuck work, go to the Bar. I needed that hairy dog to calm my body and now my mind. Just forget about today it never happened.

So I left, locked up and went and got pissed again. It was the least I could do for myself and it erased the day. Unfortunately it was never going to be that easy.

It was a gradual thing. It was hard to pin down at first. Y’know the kinda thing where you think afterwards ‘was I imagining that?’ and you tell yourself that you were cos if you weren’t then the truth was uncomfortable. Sorry, that’s not a good explanation. Here’s the long and short of it. During the course of the next week or so, any woman that came into the workshop got all flirty with me. Well, duh Craig, how come you didn’t spot that and, also, what’s bad about that? Firstly, my little critical cubs, there ain’t too many women customers come all the way into a garage workshop. You get me? It is a male thing — the scuzzy car mechanics workshop. Oil, grease and a smutty calendar somewhere just out of view but you know its there. Women tend to stay outside and do business, sit in their cars, tell you the problem with car, pay quickly at the office window or pay sitting in the damn car. So I didn’t get too many in with me, see? Mostly, middle aged plump ones and a retired old goose or two. So, you see the answer to yer second question? I don’t get a whole lot of hot female customers and even if I did, I got a hot one I can see from time to time if I’m short of that sort to thing — Dee, down at the bar, who gives just about the best blowjob on this Earth. And a man can’t ask for more than that.

So whenever one of these customers had left the workshop I would be standing there wondering what the fuck was she just doing there with her arm all pressed up against me? Or was it me, or did she just come on to me? It was hard to tell. Until I got proof one day. Boy did I get proof that something was definitely going down.

Often I can expect a rush of customers dropping vehicles with me first thing and then rushing to get away to wherever they have to get to. This morning though, there was no-one until well after I had the big door open and the radio and kettle on. I heard the tyres on the hard core come to a halt — the engine sounded fine, no rattle. Then a high voice, young.

‘Craig? You in? I’m in a rush, school an’ I got a fuckin flat!’

I knew the owner then. There was all the information I needed. The Christie’s lived up the road, a mile or so. Big, rich house, nice enough people, the father a bit of a pain but never see him, the mother as hot as any woman you could hope to meet, and a couple of daughters in school, kinda nose in the air but not bad, could be much worse given the circumstances. You know what I mean, don’t ya? The rich really cannot behave properly with other people, they ain’t got the capability. The Christies, as I said, was sorta alright. This was the eldest daughter since she could drive being nineteen, though still in school, the last year. Yup, sure enough, I see it’s her as she steps through the door.

‘Hi Marie,’ I says, ‘got a flat, bring it on in and I’ll put air in or change it here for you.

‘Sure. Thanks’ and she skips out into the sunlight. I spotted her sister then, sitting in the front passenger seat. She gave a wave. Shit, what was her name? Gotta think. Selena! That was it.

‘Hi Selena!’ I said as the car pulled alongside. She was only a year younger than her sister. Their old man must have been banging his wife every single day twenty years ago, probably still does, she still that hot.

‘You girls can stay in there, I’ll be quick here’ I shouted at them as I ran the jack in underneath the front.

‘Oh, sure Craig, you take as looong as you want, honey’ one of them called out.

I suppose I should have copped on there and then. Cos that was a wild flirty voice if ever I heard one, and the Christie girls were never ever like that. Calling me honey? But I just wasn’t thinking, it being first thing in the morning and no visit yet to my system from Mr. Caffeine.

There was more than a bit of giggling going on in that car. Schoolgirls. What can you expect. I thought they got better at not fucking giggling as they got older but these two, though eighteen and nineteen, weren’t above that it seemed. Then the car bumped about a bit, more than once. Shit did they have a trampoline in there?

‘Girls, quit the trampoline in there, huh. I don’t want the car slipping on the jack’

‘Oh, we’ll get out then, Craig. Couldn’t have anything slippin on your jack now, could we?’

See what I mean? That was damn flirty! I heard both the car doors open and shut and heard their footsteps come around and stop by me.

‘Hmm, that is a big jack! What you think Marie? I wouldn’t like for that to get slippy?

‘Slippy big jack. U gotta a bigger jack than that Craig?’ asked Marie.

‘No, no. This is the biggest one I ha……’ and I’m afraid my voice tailed off just like that. I had made the mistake of looking up. Now prepare yourselves. But when I looked up to one side of me all I seen was the shapeliest pair of long legs known to man no more than a foot from my head. They just went on up from my vision to end up at a school skirt that I just knowed was not at regulation height. That Marie had hitched and folded it at the waistband or something and her naked thighs was all out on display. Plus! She had no tights on. Shit! I quickly looked away. Too enthusiastic like cos I turned my head right round to the other side of me — you know what’s coming doncha? — yeah, the other sister was just the same.

Oh boys, Oh girls. I knew then that some shit was going down. What were these two respectable girls doing all of a sudden? They had been messing with their clothes in that car and now they standing next to me, just sorta waving their legs at me. And though I like to think I am one sexy hunk of a guy, hell I ain’t that much of a pull. Get real. I had better get this tyre on and fixed or I am in deep trouble. Oh, fuck you, you dirty people. No, I am not gonna fool around with schoolgirls. Legal though they might be. It is just trouble with capital T.

Soon as I could I got the spare round and was on my hunkers working the and off the punctured tyre didn’t Marie only come and sit on the fucking bonnet right over where I’m working.

‘This alright, Craig? That jack won’t notice me sitting here will it?’

‘Nope, I don’t expect you weigh enough to trouble it’ I joked looking up at her. I quickly looked away again. She had the strangest far away look on her face that I found left me nervy and she was smiling in a mischief making way and that really fucking made me nervy. It weren’t right, not right at all. She din look right at all.. I worked the wrench on the nuts and tried to concentrate. Then the car shifted down a bit and Dee’s voice came from above me.

‘Alright if I sit up here and watch too Craig?’ Selena asked me.

‘Yep, yep. Fine. Just don’t be jumping around’ I really wanted to ignore them and get on with the job as quick as poss. But they weren’t letting me off that easy. First one set of bare legs appeared either side of the wheel arch and then another. Bare and white against the red paintwork. Goddamn, but they were fine looking pins. As I kept working both pairs of legs flicked out and back against the car. Then they flicked the sandals off their feet. I coughed and shifted them away from my work area.

‘Mind your feet there, girls, I’m working.’

‘Ah, don’t worry Craig, we know what we’re doing’ said one of them and they both giggled.

‘You do, huh?’

‘Yeaaaahh we’re relaxing………see’

I guess, now with hindsight that I really shouldn’t have looked up, but how the fuck was I to know that at the time. When I raised my head I was greeted with the finest sight a man can rest his eyes on. They had both pulled their feet up onto the edge of the wing and that wasn’t all that was raised. Those skirts were just hiked up so far I couldn’t even see ‘em anymore. They had their calves folded back against their thighs and then angled out like big capital V’s and my eyes just followed their nakedness all down to the centre. They had no panties on. They was both shaved clean as a whistle. Sort of pink plums sitting there, slits moist and inviting.

‘What do you think?’ one of ‘em whispered, ‘good enough to lick, huh?’

‘Uh-huh’ I said slowly, not really thinking at all.

‘Why don’t you just go ahead, then’ she invited in an even quieter whisper. She placed her hands either side of her legs and rubbed herself backwards and forwards a little. I could see a steamy smear being left on the bonnet as she inched her pussy closer to me. It surely was the most crazy honey I had ever clapped eyes upon. She stopped right on the edge of the wing, so close I could smell her. Then her sister did the same except when she slid to the edge of the car she brought both hands around under her and slowly and firmly pulled at her inner thighs. Her pussy just opened up, the pink flesh juicing like the fresh fruit it was. Then the aroma hit me like a wall coming at ya.

‘Go ahead, Craig, anytime you want.’

I licked my lips. They had gone awful dry and so had my throat.

‘Just a minute, there, Marie……I have a thing or two to do here’ I managed to rasp. But I was having severe trouble, you gotta believe me, severe fucking trouble with my conscience, like I couldn’t could I? You should, shouldn’t you? No, I fuckin can’t. Yes, I fuckin can. This went on in my head for quite some minutes and all the time I kept on changing the wheel over cos I needed something to do, something solid and sure, not something unsure and flighty and downright dodgy in some way or other. I couldn’t analyse it but it felt dodgy.

By the time I had the second nut on and all but fully tightened there was already one pair of feet planted square on my shoulders. I looked up a few times and that was a severe hindrance, I can tell you. They was both frigging themselves with a whole lot of fingers and I don’t have to tell you that a garage is continually stinking of oil and stuff but all I had around my head was a cloud of pussy smell. They was so on heat I could see a double line of wetness making its way down the bodywork and a drip or two would eventually fall off the top of the wheel arch onto me as I worked. They was groaning somethin wild too, quiet like, but persistent, never ending.

How did I resist? I tell you how I resist. I fucking twigged somethin’ was up, it weren’t too hard to figure. No female makes that much of a push on for me, ‘specially ones so young and pretty and fresh. No sir. Never happened and never will. Some fuckin fishy shit was going on and I knew by the time I had that last wheel nut locked on tight that the little vermin monster old cunt McHaragarty was at the bottom of it. Somehow or other. Cos young Marie Christie and younger Selena Christie boning themselves with their fingers on the bonnet of their car after inviting me to tea on their daisies just ain’t in the natural order of things, know what I mean brothers and sisters?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not that good at behaving. When I finished I stood up and stepped back and got me an eyeful of them both lying there panting and moaning with their booty just sort of pulsing away before me. Hell, I was still as stone there for almost a minute getting me an eyeful! But I knew it was badness going on. And I knew if someone arrived and saw that then I was going to jail. I think. Or some bad shit. So I dropped my wrench with the loudest clang I could ring out of it.

‘Job done Marie!! You’re ready to go!!’ I bawled at her. It didn’t work. They never snapped out of anything. Shee-it. They was almost writhing on the bonnet, they been playing with themselves that hard.

What the fuck was I gonna do? That wee lep shithead was fuckin with me big time. Any minute now someone could just pull up and these two girls look like they are the victims of molestation or evil spiritual possession or….or something. It just was not a healthy scenario. Well. What would you do? I thought quickly. I decided on a course of action. I got my cock out.

Oh yes, that’s what you dirty whores wanted to hear isn’t it? But hold onto your own vitals. I told you I wuz above knobbin schoolgirls, legal age though they wuz. I walked on around the car to the side there heads were laying on the bonnet.

‘Look wot I got for you girls’ I sorta cooed. Their eyes snapped open and they both grinned really dirty like. One of ‘em, Marie I think, made a grab for my magic wand but missed. I pulled back and explained to them the deal.

‘Up you get now and follow old Uncle Craig to the back if you want some of this’ and I shuffled away to the back door of the workshop, first waving my dick at them and then watching as they both slid of the bonnet and waltzed their way towards me. God damn if they both didn’t put their hands on their hips, underneath, their skirts so they held the garments way up, just leaving their business out their on display.

I got round the corner of the shop and punched the exit bar on the fire door and kicked her open. Outside the early morning summer sun was sparkling off the weeds out the back. I felt them both come up behind me. Then their breath either side of me. They each of em snaked a long, naked leg out around mine and pressed their hips in hard. I was sandwiched each side of my waist by hot, wet pussy. One of them put her hand on my shoulder. The other one put her hand down in front of me, and well, yeah, ok. I admit it, I let her do it. She slowly encircled my cock with thin, delicate fingers. She squeezed firmly once and then pulled back.

‘Aaahh’ shit it was my turn to groan.

‘When you gonna do us Craig’ one of ‘em said.

‘Right now!’ I replied and I quickly reached down, cupped me a good piece in both hands of pristine, white young woman buttock — and by all that’s holy, it did feel handsome — and I pushed and bucked Miss Christie and Miss Christie out the back door. Which I then kicked shut. I turned and put my back against it and breathed out one very, very long fuckin sigh.

I wasn’t sure if it was gonna work or not. I snuck around to the window, rubbed the grime from the corner with my cuff and peered out back. One of them had stumbled from the force of my push so the other sister was bending down to pull her up. They still had their skirts raked up so they had their butts naked to all the world. Then they stood up. They looked shocked. They started to say some things to each other then both stopped and pointed at each other. Then they hurriedly pulled their skirts down, they looked away from each other, then laughed a bit, then looked a bit puzzled. That was it. I moved quickly. My suspicions had been confirmed. No shit Sherlock. There was some hex on my building. It didn’t work outside the building. That old McHaragarty had fixed on my weakness. I love fucking. So he had done something to make every woman come into my shop to get the hots on me. He was figurin that sooner or later, whether or not I took advantage of my new found magnetism, I was gonna get into serious shit. And he was right. One thing my old man told me, in fact the only thing he told me of any worth, was ‘there’s two things get a man in trouble, his signature and his dick’ I been careful with both.

Speaking of which, I looked down and I was still fine and upstanding, yes siree, waving like a cobra about to strike. I put myself quickly back inside my overalls and rushed to the car, wanged the last nut on, jack down with a real thump, I jumped in, gunned her and reversed like a demon straight out into the bright sunlight. Them girls weren’t even in sight. Perfect. I stood just inside the shop pretending to be doing something. They appeared, didn’t see me, but saw the car fixed. They jumped in and after a few seconds I seen Selena, in the passenger seat reaching down and then holding up something to Marie. It was tights and panties. There was a bit of an argument, then they got right down to bustling. I waited until they finished putting their stuff back on. Just as Marie gunned the engine I stepped out and waved at them. She pulled the car up a bit and I walked around the side. She had the window down.

‘Thanks Craig. On account yea? Someone from the house will be down to sort you!’

‘That’s fine Marie. Don’t drive too hard’

She laughed, they both did, although I seen Selena cut short her smile and a puzzled look came on her. Then the car reversed and took off down the road with a tyre squeal. The tyre that I had just put on, thank you.

I flew into the toilet, popped all the poppers off my overalls in one sweep of the hand and clamped hold of my cock. I didn’t even have to pull once. It just shot out like a fuckin water cannon and I let out a groan like I hadn’t done since…. oohhh, lemme see, since the second time Deirdre gave me a blowjob…….in the bar toilets, if you please.

‘Ye-eess………funny coincidence that’ said a horribly familiar wheeze behind me. I whirled around to spot the horrible little man perched on the handbasin, his grotty boots swinging over the edge. I hastily tucked my tackle away from his leering eyes that were leering a bit too much at my crotch. Yeuuggh! Was there nothing nice about this old cunt?

‘What are you playing at you devil dwarf? What’s the game?’ I hissed at him.

‘Sssh, sshh,sssh,sssh’ which I had worked out was his way of laffin. ‘Ye worked it out for ye self, Craig! Ye struck me down so I’m getting me own back. Sooner or later yer old boner is gonna get ye into trouble. Then we’ll be even. Maybe ye’ll get to jail fer messin with underage, or maybe ye’ll get shot by some husband of the female customer that ye are bound tae pork. Ye won’t be able to help yeself!’

And pouf! He disappeared again.

I slumped down onto the bog and stared at the empty space where he had been. I stayed that way a long time. Eventually I worked the rest of the day with no further (ahem) events. I took myself down to the bar afterwards. It was only after the third beer was slippin down that I lightened up. Deirdre looked across from behind the bar and she moved up to me and said quiet like, so the others couldn’t hear.

‘That’s a real dirty grin you got on ya there soldier, care to share?’

‘Nah, not this time, Dee, not this time’

Truth is I couldn’t tell her or anyone what I was grinning over like a dirty demon. Oh, you think you know? Not quite, my compadres, not quite, but since I’m in a telling mode, then I’ll tell ya. Remember I fired those two girls out the back door, my hand on each of their perky asses? Well, when I looked out the window to see ‘em start coming back to reality and pulling their skirts down I couldn’t help but notice that both of ‘em had a black smutty handprint from yours truly sitting loud and proud on their buttocks. Shit, that might land me in trouble yet! But just at that point I didn’t care.

‘One more Dee, one more’ I called. Then I was going home and maybe take a holiday. Leave that bewitched fucking workshop for a week or so. Leprechauns? Fuck that shit.

Like I said, I was wise for the little old bastard’s game now. I could see the lie of the land and adjust my battle plan cos I knew one thing and that is if I gave into the temptation he was working on me then he was ready and waiting with some fuckin godawful revenge. And I wasn’t gonna let him have that.

I went back to work after 14 days. It was busy, seems their vehicles was just itching to do down with ailments cos I was away.

So I was managing alright until the third day. Just packing up almost key in the lock when she pulls up in that big jeep of hers. Mrs. Christie, Marie and Selena’s mother. Remember me telling ya she was the hottest woman around. She steps out so I see the miles of long legs before the rest of her. She’s in her early forties and those legs are fit and tight. Dark hair in a bob sort of thing, no messing, no nonsense sort of way about her always. She’s got on a tennis skirt and a sports top bra thing cos she must have been playing tennis — they got a court up at the big house. She’s also got on a real business like look on her face. Real business like. Usually has. There’s not too much fun about Mrs. Christie really. Everything must be just so. But I thought she looked kinda stern and pissed off as well as business like.

‘Craig!’ she called out. Like a pistol shot.

Shit, I thought. She is gonna get me. Does she know about her dearest daughters down here. Did they complain about what certainly appeared to be dirty mechanic pawprints on their backsides? And mama has come to bust me. She probably got the cops in tow. She marched up to me standing at the door. Her arms pumping so hard that her big bust was wobbling even within that tight sports bra top she had on. I tell ya I was crapping it so much that I forgot about the hex and the new regime I had employed to tackle it. Namely, that no female whatsoever crosses the threshold.

‘Mrs…Mrs. Christie?’ I jabbered like a kid done wrong and I stepped back a pace or two as she advanced with purpose. Oh, Craig, you dope. Wrong fuckin move. She kept on coming and walked into the shop. Then I knew my mistake. Her face just melted before me. It softened, her eyes narrowed, her lips pouted.

‘Craaaig’ she sort of breathed. ‘I owe you something don’t I?’

‘Tomorrow will do’ I blurted.

‘I want to settle with you further inside….now’ she commanded softly, ‘but I think we can do it different this time don’t you?’

‘I’m really not sure about that Mrs. Christie’

‘Oh no? You soon will be’ and with that I stood there mesmerised as she put her thumbs in under the straps on her shoulders and simply hoisted that sports bra top thing right down to her belly button.

Her tits were simply perfect, the almost red nipples sticking out at me in a sorta accusing way. She grabbed one of my hands and placed it on one of them. It was like cupping heaven. I didn’t let go. Well you wouldn’t would you? She smiled back at me.

‘Gooood,’ she crooned, ‘now my turn.’ And with that her head disappeared as she went down. Boy did she go down. With one sweep of her hand she had the overalls open and pulled my dick out like she was hooking a fish out of water. I wasn’t even properly hard but that did not remain an unchanged situation. She had those lips around me in no time and she didn’t fool around either. No kissing or blowing or licking. She just wrapped her mouth around and sucked hard like she had a pop in her mouth. I nearly came there and then, but she must have sensed that and she stood up.

‘Now it’s your turn…….I bet I know what you’d love to do’ she said and with that she dropped her tennis skirt. She stood up, smile again and pushed her panties down. They made a hiss as they went down over her legs. She was now totally naked and unashamed. As I said she had a totally fit body and I drank the sight in. She smiled back at me as I lifted my gaze from her pussy. There was one of the neatest Brazilians I ever seen. I think it suited her cos it was business like. It was there to do a job.

‘Like that?’ she murmured, running her fingers over the smooth track of dark hair. She stopped and two fingers disappeared into her mound. I could only nod, like I was dumb.

‘I…….I think you should have some, Craig’

And with that she draped herself belly down on my bench. As I stood there she shifted her weight up onto the surface, reached her hands behind her, caught hold of her ankles and lifted her feet from the floor. She opened her legs out wide, wide and bent her legs back on themselves..

‘You go ahead now…….be as naughty as you want.’

I gulped. I moved closer, I couldn’t help it, I was sort of hypnotized. I lowered my head and must have breathed on her cos she sorta moaned.

‘Go on…..stick your tongue in somewhere.’

So I did. Her pink folds just opened like cushions to the pressure of my tongue. Hell, it was so sweet there I stuck my nose in for good measure. That made her groan some. I moved out and took a look and then I couldn’t really help myself, I just had to do it. I bent in again and run my tongue up her rear and over her star pinched anus. I felt it open up almost immediately and she gasped, ‘yessss, go on….in there’.

Now, I’ve never been one for the old dirtbox that much, just a touch of action now and then but there was something different about hers. She’d spent some time cleaning herself out for a start. It was lashed with some perfume but it couldn’t totally cover the earthy taste that was coming out, but that was more than made up for the tightness. I don’t think she’d had too many visitors that way, even though she was asking for it, so her anus was tight. I had to work some and she just loved that more. She was pushing my head in harder and groaning and getting so worked up that soon her ass was well opened up. I was starting to get two and then three fingers in her.

Eventually I stood up and worked my hand on her. It helped that I spotted my jar of hand cream on the bench so I soon had that lathered on her butt cheeks and worked that in. Christ, soon I had four fingers poking up her ass and she was still bucking her hips and widening her legs as if wanting more.

‘Tie me! Tie me!’ she groaned and she flailed her arms about behind her until she grabbed her feet. I couldn’t see what she meant.

‘My bands! You can use them!’ she gasped. Then I saw what she meant. She had sweat bands on both wrists. I pulled them out, gave them a twist and there was just enough of a tight loop left in ‘em for me to push her feet through. She had her limbs bound tight behind her now, I don’t think she could of ever got out on her own. The position meant her head and back was arched back to her feet in a bow.

‘You sure that’s what you want?’ I asked a bit worried.

‘Yesss….fuck my ass now Mr. Meccano Man!’

I have to confess that I didn’t need any more encouragement. Well would you? The finest woman of this town, or any other town for that matter, lying naked on my bench with her butt in the air quivering like a horses flanks after a gallop. Well, if you’ll excuse the pun I took up the offer of a ride.

I practically jumped out of my overalls and then stepped forward, my dick leading the way by what looked like ten feet. First, I ran my hands over her backside real slow. She moaned. I ran my fingers along her wetness and stopped to finger her lips apart. God, she groaned with a sound you never heard. It would have made a dead man come. Then I gave her ass a slap. She cried out, ‘yess’. So I did another. ‘Aaahhh….yesss’. Then I lifted her hips gently and pulled her back towards me. There was no weight to her, I told you she was fit in the figure.

I went for the front door first, so to speak, to get me some juice and let me tell you, her pussy was running free. She was open and easy and took me all in with a growling noise in her throat. Her anus though, that was a different story. That took more time, even though she wanted it. I slipped out of her and went pulled her cheeks apart some. She wriggled back on me, we found each other and both began to push real slow. I had to lie down on her and my head sat along with hers. Every so often she would murmur, ‘Now’ and I’d push a little more, and then a little more. We had the head of my cock in but it was taking some sweaty rubbing against each other to work any further. I reached under and pinched her nipples some and with my other hand went down and rubbed the top of her pussy. She panted, loud and then said, ‘Now, now’

September 2018
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