Carnival is a little annual event in Austin. I was totally unprepared for the levels of unfettered abandon. This was where people could dress up and lose themselves. Perry was my date for the evening, he was a carnival veteran which put me at ease. At his urging, I was dressed up in a black and white corset and a poofy little skirt which made the most of my tits and ass.

Most of the night was spent wandering, drinking and dancing. At one point found myself on the dance floor with my tits completely free of the corset. Perry had thought it would be a good idea to share them with the world and I didn’t disagree. The highlight of our public debauchery displayed his proclivity to watch. We were talking to a pair of couples we’d just met when he decided to reach under my skirt and slip a finger up my ass. I’m sure I jumped a little at the unexpected penetration and I’m sure it was noticed. We continued our conversation as he thrust in and out. He was not being particularly gentle or discrete and I knew we were being watched. With he free hand, he pushed me towards Josh who grabbed me and started kissing me passionately. Perry took the opportunity to almost pound my ass with his fingers and I was moaning into the mouth of a complete stranger. We halted when one of the couples made a hasty departure, apparently they weren’t as open-minded as the rest of us. The rest of the night there was fairly uneventful and we made an early departure so we could continue our hedonism privately.

Upon our return to the hotel, we were greeted by Jane, a friend of Perry’s. This was a surprise to me, but a pleasant one. Upon our return to the room, I wasted no time stripping out of my corset, it was the first time I’d ever worn one and it had become quite constricting. I didn’t pay much mine to Jane, I knew she’d be seeing my body eventually, so why bother being shy.

I’ve always liked women like Jane, buxom and soft and comfortable in her own skin. And for some reason, these women always seem to be very complementary. She had seen pictures of me, but as soon as I was standing naked in front of her, her excitement became very obvious. I walked towards her and started kissing her. Deep, soft passionate kisses enveloped both of us. I began undressing her, bit by bit until I felt her warm naked skin against my own. She was shorter than me, and so my breasts almost rested on top of hers.

We lay down together and just kept kissing and caressing. It was not hurried or desperate, but instead tender and passionate. Perry had taken the opportunity to pull out his camera and had been taking shots of us the whole time. My hands explored all over her rubenesque figure, while my tongue danced with hers. I wanted to taste and suck and possess her.

I kissed my way down her neck, pausing to suck and nibble. Her sighs told me I needed to know and I continued. I filled my mouth with her hard pink nipple and suckled while my free hand lightly pinched the other. I increased my pressure on both until her moans told me it was enough. I soothed the slighted tissue with soft sweet kisses. My mouth found every inch of her torso, my hands kneading her thighs as I moved lower. I stopped just above her pussy and kissed her. I decided to tease a bit and made my way to those spots that are just close enough to tempt, but far away so as not to satisfy. The insides of her thighs felt my hot mouth. My arms were wrapped around her, displaying and holding her just how I wanted. Up and down the crease of her legs, across the top of her mound, even very gently across her cunt, but never reaching what she really wanted.

I could smell her arousal and it moistened my cunt even more. I wanted those sweet juices in my mouth and finally I could resist no more. I spread her lips and licked from clit to asshole greedily, like someone who’d been deprived of nourishment. I suppose I had, she was my first woman in quite some time. She was wet and hot, moaning as she receiving the touch shed been aching for. After I’d thoroughly coated my tongue with her essence and plunged it into her eager hole a time or two, I latched onto her clit. I sucked it hard while my tongue flicked across the top. Two of my fingers found her cunt and slid in easily.

I hadn’t really been paying attention to what Perry had been doing, but I realized pretty quickly when I felt his hard cock slid into my own dripping cunt. There is something sublime about receiving pleasure while giving it. I drowned my moans in the soft folds of her pussy. I knew it wouldn’t take me to cum and I wanted to feel her release at the same time. My fingers plunged in deeper and harder, filling her cunt while Perry’s cock did the same to me. My free hand was pinching and pulling one of her nipples, causing her screams to be more pronounced. Each of Perry’s thrusts pushed me deeper into Jane. I was holding myself back, yearning to feel and taste her relief. Harder, faster, deeper, I was pushing her pain tolerance past its comfort zone. She came suddenly and violently. After she finished I pulled back and left myself go as well. My pussy squeezing in Perry’s cock as Jane watched my face.

Poor girl was given no reprieve. Perry pulled out of me and walked around to where she was laying, head off the bed. She opened her mouth, but I don’t think she was expecting to be skull fucked. He held both sides of her face, and thrust deep down her throat, giving no regard to her choking and gagging. I wasn’t used to seeing him be so dominate and it instantly aroused me. I straddled her, idly grinding our cunts against each other, but focusing mostly on her tits. They were round and full with large, hard nipple. They were truly a sadists paradise and I used them as Perry used her mouth. I pulled until she screamed. Or tried to scream rather, her mouth was a bit full. She had become our little fuck toy to do with as we pleased. She gagged and moaned, but never protested. I have to hand it to her, the woman knew how to suck cock. Perry came just as I was pulling on her nipple with one hand and slapping at her stretched breast with the other. She swallowed every drop like the hungry cumslut she was.

As men are wont to do, Perry sat down to have a rest, but Jane was insatiable. The hesitant woman from earlier was gone and in her place was a sensuous, wanton woman. She laid me back and buried her face in my cum soaked cunt. She was as orally talented with me as she had been with Perry and I was enjoying myself quite thoroughly. I had the hand on top of her head, and I held her down, gently but firmly. She had no power her and it was paramount that she know that. I’d brought my bag of toys and she grabbed one of the dildos and stuck it in hard. I came inside of thirty seconds. Then it became a game of how many times she could bring me to orgasm. Once, twice, thrice, who the fuck really counts these things.

Once I’d regained some composure, I decided that she’d had enough time bending me to her will. I sat up and turned her onto her back. I straddled her face, and her tongue found my ass. I held my cheeks apart so she could push it in deeply. It’s difficult to have any dignity when you’re being forced to give a rim job. Perry, rejuvenated, walked around and pulled her legs apart. He was gracious enough to give her his cock. Jane, like myself, will cum often and vigorously from toys, fingers, a tongue or whatever else is around. But there is something different about a cock. I suppose it’s mostly that it’s attached to someone who is now possessing you. His intensity from earlier continued as he thrust into her hard. I was grinding her face, hardly allowing her to breathe. I toyed with her nipples, just seeming how much pain she could really take. I loved making her scream and then sealing off any attempted vocalizations. I caught Perry’s eye as he fucked her and smiled. He leaned forward and kissed me. One would think it difficult to be intimate with your lover when his cock is in someone else, but this was not. It was beautiful. We were drawn closer by the mutual use of a disposable piece of ass.

I decided to show some mercy and dismounted Jane’s face. I lay back and played with my cunt. Perry’s hand found her throat and I watched her eyes roll back as she came. I was surprised he’d allowed her to, it was the first care he’d given to her pleasure all night. But it was a short-lived concern as he drained himself into her for a short time. I’ll admit I was a wee bit jealous that she’d gotten all of him, so I walked over and cleaned his cock off. Everyone was smiling, the mark of a good threesome.

She dressed rather quickly afterwards and made her departure, not pausing or much small talk. This was fine with me, fuck toys shouldn’t really contribute much conversation anyway. I knew I’d never see her again, I doubt she’d ever let herself submit that much and it would be a while before she did again.

A big thing for me has always been eyes, so when he thrust me against the pillar on an almost abandoned subway platform at 157th and wrapped his right hand around my throat, I could read his right away. He was taking pleasure, not giving it. And I loved him for knowing that that was what I needed.

His face didn’t give any emotion away; if I didn’t know him so well, it would have been easy to believe that he wasn’t even turned on by what he was doing. The feeling of not being able to take a breath is different from the feeling of not getting air when you do. It leaves your body feeling empty, void not just of air, but of ability. It leaves you feeling like a shell, merely the casing of what you once were. Human, alive. It is such a perfect feeling.

I grabbed at his hands when I felt I could go on no longer without air. I grabbed at his hands when the world in the corners of my eyes became first blurry, then black. This is another thing I love to feel, my ability to see, my sense of sight, slowly disappearing. Me, slipping into nothingness. There is no better feeling than completely giving yourself over to a degree such that someone else controls even your senses.

He didn’t let go right away. He held fast, staring into my eyes as struggled to make sound and found (though I had already known) that I could not. My tongue tried to form words, but with a lack of air, my vocal chords were of no help. My arms fell (I am not sure whether they dropped or I could no longer make them move), and my body began to shake. I knew that I had orgasmed, but all that I could feel was a pulsing tingling. I wasn’t even sure if it was a result of my orgasm or of the loss of feeling throughout my body.

When he let me go, I collapsed into him. Ruffling my hair, he smiled and held me close. “Was that what you needed?” I hadn’t asked him for anything, and yet he had known. He knew that I knew, too. It all happened much faster than I can express to you. When I regained myself, he grasped my hand and led me up the subway steps.

After sometime, we found ourselves back underground, waiting for the 6 uptown to get back to Grand Central. He took me to a secluded part of the platform, behind the a stairwell where no one could see us and we could hear people coming.

This time, he pressed his entire body against mine. I shuddered, knowing full well what his intentions were. He traced his fingers around my neck and asked me if I was scared. It’s hard to explain how I feel in these situations. I am scared, scared out of my mind. But then, it is what I want: to be scared, to be hurt, to be used. I nodded, biting my lip.

I do that a lot. I chew my lip and look at the ground. I only ever meet his eyes when his hand is around my throat. He never instructed me to do so. In these situations, I feel less than him, less than human, and I would not dream of making such a bold move as meeting his eyes. He grabbed the front of my neck between his thumb and the side of his forefinger and pressed. This was new. It was new and wonderful. In some ways, it was less controlling than usual, but in other ways, it showed how little power he had to exert to put me in my place. It was godly, and it made me shake. I cried out softly when he did so. “Good,” he spoke, expressionless as always, “my fuckslut should be always afraid.” I can never stop my eyes pleading for him to let go. His eyes respond with mirth.

The only reason he let me go was a man come around the stairs to await the train. He held my arms against the wall above my head and leaned forward, softly kissing me. It was a show for the man — the strength in his hands never let me forget what was really going on. He put one hand under my chin, his fingers behind my jaw. He applied more and more pressure, forcing my jaw to jut forward, and stared into my eyes. I knew the threat that was there. The man got on the train and disappeared, looking, somewhat strangely, back at us. My pleasurable hell resumed again.

He thrust his hips hard into mine — so hard I could feel it in my bones. I asked him to use me. I begged him, told him that all I wanted him to do was to abuse me for his pleasure. I could see it this time. His face flickered with feeling for a moment, and his head tilted back. “Oh, I could cum from torturing you.” He took my hand and led me on the next train.

I pulled my feet up on the seat and leaned into him, my arms wrapped around on of his, my eyes closed. I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt completely safe. Some people say that this is sympathizing with the abuser. I disagree. He knew what I wanted.

We got to Grand Central and I trailed a step behind him as we made our way down an empty platform that was scheduled neither for arrivals nor departures. We walked to a stairwell in the back that led down to the tunnel that leads from platform to platform.

In no more than a moment, he had me thrust against the wall once more, his hand around my throat. When I asked him what would happen if someone caught us, he told me that they would see me for the whore that I was. And that was answer enough for me.

He leaned in and bit my neck, hard. He held fast as I squirmed beneath his weight, compulsively trying to push him off. I moaned and gasped, my muscles tightening and relaxing, not knowing which would get him off of me. And I loved it. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to keep from screaming.

He bit me so hard that he drew blood as I desperately moaned his name, my hands pushing against his chest. I had thought, perhaps, that it would make me more real to him, make him sympathize and stop. I think it made him hurt me worse. And god, it was good. He leaned his head back, still pressed into me. He dug his thumb into the wound on my neck and stretched his fingers their entire length across my throat.

He held me so hard that I thought I’d never breath again. It was all I could do to keep from screaming. Grabbing my nipple with his left hand, he twisted it, sending a sharp pain rocketing down my spine. I collapsed again, but he held me against the wall. His hand around my throat was, perhaps, all that saved me from toppling onto the tracks.

“Do you want it to stop?” he asked. A trick question. My body would have done anything to have it over with. But my mind, god, my mind. It was all I wanted, all I needed. He knew it, and he took advantage of it. I shook my head, somewhat ashamed. He thrust against me harder, yanked on my nipple, and pressed his thumb harder.

I squealed loudly, my entire body shaking beneath him. Pressing against him, I turned my head, trying to get away. “Don’t move.” This was an order.

And, lord, did I abide. I froze, my head turned away from his, looking, again, at the ground. I couldn’t tell if my feet were on the ground. I couldn’t tell which way was up. I couldn’t breath. There were intense, multicolored stabs of pain invading my body, webbing their way throughout my veins. And I came. I came harder than I knew I could. It took a moment for him to let up.

But he did, and I fell to the ground. My legs bent beneath me and splayed out to the sides, my arms dangled limp beside me. My head hung, my hair a mess on my face. I breathed, what I thought was breathing. All I could do, then, anyway. And he laughed. He laughed the most perfect, degrading laugh.

I whimpered. I cried, I was crying. I didn’t know when I had started to cry, but from how wet my face and hair was, it had been a while. He grabbed my arm and wrenched me up from the ground. A little reminder, one more stab of pain.

“Good slut,” he said. And he hugged me and straightened out my hair and face so no one would look twice. Then he took me to my train and leaned down, kissing me on my forehead. He stood waving as it pulled away.

September 2018
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