Alice: Madness of the stage

Disclaimer: I do not own Alice Madness Returns; I am making no profit from this work of fiction.


When compared to some of Wonderland’s more fantastical impossibilities, Alice considered Dreary Lane Theatre to be somewhat conventional. It may have been a massive playhouse beneath the murky waters of the Deluded Depths, but with its lavish décor of silk curtains, thick columned boundaries and multi-level boxes fashioned with arched viewing decks; it could have easily passed for any of the Theatre Royals back in London. That was if it had had a ceiling of course.

Walking down the aisle between the rows of arena seats, Alice approached the immense theatre stage like a blushing bride on her wedding day. She could already see the Walrus, a leviathan sea creature bedecked in the colourful garb of a jester or clown, sleeping peaceful atop the water logged timbers. It was a humorous sight to behold and yet in some strange way, it reminded her of when she was young, before her family died when she and her sister would sit in the nursery, giggling and whispering amongst themselves as they watched there nanny sleeping in the rocking chair. But that had been long ago, now her family was dead and Nan Sharpe was facing the prospect of becoming a common whore to pay off her debts. And it was all because of her…

“Ah…Alice; it is wonderful to see you again my dear!” Announced a joyous voice, causing Alice to look up in surprise as an abnormally tall man with shockingly bright tufts of red hair and dressed in a dirty apron and torn overalls that didn’t cover the mangled peg leg that was in place of his left foot immerged out from behind the stage curtain. In his right hand was an immense hammer and he swung it from right to left as if he were a conductor and it his baton; leaving no doubt in her mind that this was Carpenter.

“Really, I don’t even know…” She stammered, surprised by his familiarity. Although she’d heard much about the infamous pair of fish devours since entering the Deluded Depths, this was the first time she’d met the Carpenter and yet he spoke to her as If they were old friends. However he seemed unbothered by her concerns and waved aside her objections before continuing just as jauntily as before.

“Your arrival is filled with fortunitality itself. My pregnant show is about to pop, and requires only a modicum moment of your time to play a momentous part.”

“Well I don’t have much experience,” Alice mumbled, embarrassed by his proposal and at having to admit her own failing to a stranger. There were more pressing matters they needed to discuss however, “but I do need to reconstruct my…”

“We can barter of course, I wager that a screwdriver or perhaps a nice hammer…” Carpenter suggested half-heartedly before jumping down from the stage to stand over her, twirling his oversized hammer around him as he did just to emphasize hiss point. Only Alice wouldn’t hear of it.

“There is a train that is corrupting wonderland and I’m looking for help to restrain or destroy it” That got Carpenter’s attention.

“Most vexitashious no doubt and we will approach the subject of that monstrosity directly, as to say eventually.” That last part the giant of a man murmured under his breath, as though he hoped the orphan wouldn’t hear his muttering as he began to pace the length of the stage in urgent contemplation. “But let us first mediate on the more important matter of the show. Due to some misconceptions about the brilliantly composed script; our stars, the tasteful and ever so tasty Oyster sisters, have failed to present themselves for our dress-rehearsal.”

“And you’d like me to collect them I suppose?” Alice snapped, growing angry with the Carpenter and his constant attempts to direct their conversation back to the matter of his stupid undersea performance. Didn’t he understand that if they couldn’t work together, there would be nothing to stop that infernal train from destroying wonderland and his precious Dreary Lane Theatre along with it?

“Why no dear Alice, I would never desire something so provincial of you.” Carpenter promised before ceasing his pacing and letting the hammer roll back to rest beside his temple as he lent back and cried out in woe. “You see while I trust the delectable sisters to preform splendidly, but alas without a dress-rehearsal I fear I cannot gauge whether the mood of our audience shall be in keeping with my show.” Then with a magnificent flourish, he turned on Alice and pointed his hammer at her almost accusingly. “And so Alice, I cordially invite you to star as my leading lady and preform an abstract piece of the shows wondrously enchanting burlesque dance.”

For the longest time, Alice was stunned. Not quite sure if she should believe what he was proposing, she looked up at him with disbelieving eyes and anxiously waited for the punch-line; when it didn’t come she balled her fists at her sides and began to shake with furry until finally she couldn’t contain herself. “Are you insane Mr Carpenter? You wish me to dress and preform like a common harlot whiles the fate of wonderland is hanging in the balance. Would you have me prance like a pony too, or perhaps you’d disgrace me completely and take me to bed on your stage before the eyes of your precious audience.” She was so angry, the fires of her outrage were making the waters around her bubble and it was only when he appeared to raise his hands in defence that she began to settle down.

“Calm yourself dearest Alice, I have no intention of making a spectacle of you.” Carpenter insisted, his numerous piercings jingling a tuneless melody as he waved his hands in protest. “This shall merely be a dress-rehearsal and I your only audience. I beg only a dance from you and then I shall tell you all that you wish to know about that nuisance train.”

“And if I do this, you promise to help me destroy the train?”

“I give you my word as an orator, preform this dance for me and not even the jaws of a hundred sharks will stop my hammer.” He quickly mimed swinging his giant hammer into an invisible train before bowing before her submissively.

Alice was far from pleased with his proposal; however she needed the Carpenter’s help if she was to put an end to the Infernal Train for good and his proposition was certainly more favourable than venturing back out into the deluded depths in search of a miracle. With a reluctant shrug, she gave him an affirming nod.

“Wonderful, if you’d like to go through there,” He said before gesturing with his hammer to a door just on the right of the stage. “Your dressing room is the third door on the right; you’ll find your dress in there. Take as long as like to get changed while I prepare the stage for your grand debut performance.”


As if seeing herself for the first time, Alice looked at her reflection with pure disgust. Not since her plunge into insanity had she ever felt so unlike herself.

The so called dressing room had proved even more Spartan than the state of the Dreary Lane Theatre would suggest. Its walls were a drab shade of red and unadorned by anything that could be considered decorative except for the oddly formed clusters of lichen. There was nothing nonessential or lavish, only a very water damaged dressing table with a large, crudely shaped stone at its side that she guessed was meant to serve as a chair; and a faded mirror that had more than a few cracks running down its surface.

It was there she’d found her dress waiting for her, hanging from the mirror on a piece of stiffened seaweed which had long since rotted and turned black; and it was exactly as she had feared. The costume reminded her of something she’d once seen an east-end whore wearing, little more than a corset, it was black leather with red stripes that cut down its centre and the bowed bust was lined with red fauna that went all the way round to the lacings at the back and its black tulle tiered netting skirt would probably go no further than her knees. Beside it hung a pair of fishnet stockings and a matching set of fingerless gloves that would go all the way up to her elbows, on the floor below was a pair of high heeled black fish scaled shoes.

Alice had wanted to scream, to ball her fists and roar with savage fury and swear her vengeance upon the Carpenter until she was as blue in the face as the swirling waters around her. Yet she had given her word, and Alice was nothing if not true to her word. With a defeated sigh, she’d undone the lacings of her Siren’s dress and let the sea garment float down to pool around her feet. She’d tried to climb straight into the garment there and then, but it had been too tight and she’d been forced to remove both her bra and bloomers before climbing back into the suffocating corset. It hadn’t been much better, but at least she could breathe again.

It had taken all her courage to look at her reflection and now that had, Alice would have liked nothing more than to cut out her own eyes and burn the image from her memory. She looked like a common whore, there was no over way to say it. Shaking with repressed anger, she tried to admire the more positive parts of her reflected likeness; the way her long lustrous locks of rich black hair floated on the swaying tides, the pale glow of her alabaster skin, and the fierceness of her emerald eyes. There were few who’d say she was anything but beautiful, yet no matter how hard she tried, Alice Liddell could see herself only as a whore in this garment.

“How fine you look when dressed as a whore.” A familiar voice remarked, causing Alice to jump in fight before whirling round to find the ever grinning Cheshire Cat looking up at her with those wide mocking eyes. “But I’d beware if I were you; the Carpenter is a coiled viper waiting to strike at you should you walk this path.”

“What would you have me do?” Alice asked icily, turning back to look at her reflection and trying to ignore the way corset emphasised her breasts. She had to do this; there was no other way to save her precious Wonderland.

“Only the foolish believe there is just one way to achieving their ends, to find the light you must sometimes risk the darkness of a new road.”

“You know another way to save wonderland?” Alice asked hurriedly, sounding more desperate than she’d intended as she gave in to hope and turned once again to look at the gremlin like feline; only to have her hopes dashed.

“I cannot everything, ask and it shall be given; just don’t ask me.” And then as quickly as he had come; the Cheshire Cat was gone.

“Damn that wretched Cat, why can he never give me a straight answer.” Alice grumbled while slipping her feet into the fish scale shoes. It wasn’t like she wanted to do this, time was of the essence and the Carpenter had promised her answers if she danced ad so dance she would. However as she leaving, something shiny caught her amongst the bundle of her clothes and she turned to see that it was her blood splattered butcher’s knife. The cat’s warning rang in her ears one more time and she tempted to take it with her; only she couldn’t think of anywhere to hide it and so was forced to leave it behind.

“Ah so good to see that you are finally ready my dear!” The carpenter announced as she walked back into the theatre house to find him waiting for her. “And that dress, it makes you look positively stunning! A darling Angelfish so stunning, the very sight of you makes my heart and stomach swell.”

“Well…Thanks…I suppose.” Alice muttered as she brushed past him, unsure of exactly how she should take his compliment; if indeed it was a compliment at all. Moving amongst the stalls, she was pleased to note that the Walrus was gone; however apart from a large armchair being placed on the edge of the stage; the theatre house was exactly as she had left it. “But nothing has changed?”

“And so the stage is set, the star has arrived, now at the show can begin.” The Carpenter declared, seeming to not hear her question as he effortlessly stepped upon to the stage and deposited the hammer by the chair whilst seating himself down in the worn leather’s embrace. “Come join me Alice and embrace the power of the stage!”

At that moment there was nothing Alice would have liked more than to run for her life, yet so much depended on her that she knew she couldn’t afford to be craven. Telling herself that she was doing this for Wonderland, Alice came forward and hoisted herself up onto the stage and came around to stand before the Carpenter.

Awaiting his instruction, her stomach felt as if it was alive with butterflies and she anxiously tried to reframe from twisting the decorative fauna as she waited, feeling more and more like a deer caught in a hunter’s sights with each passing second. However the Carpenter appeared to be in no rush and he made a lavishly exaggerated show of crossing his oversized legs before clapping his hands together. “Alright then my lovely, you begun this magnificent piece with long kick…”

And so it began, for over an hour Alice became the Carpenter’s marionette, dancing and twirling and kicking to his every word as though invisible strings were tied to her that he merely had to pull to make her sway to his tune. It was tiring work and she quickly felt her body grow hot against the chilled waters as she followed his hurried direction. There were so many commands, so many motions that every now and then she would miss a step or a kick and so the Carpenter would make her start all over again. Again and again she tried to master the awkward movements, to time the proactive kicks and arousing sways just right; and time after time she failed.

“Enough!” Carpenter finally declared, lurching up from his chair as for what seemed like the hundredth time she tripped over her own feet on fell across the stage. “This debacle is more than I can stand. I fear, Alice you have all the grace of an old donkey, so it is left up to me to guide you through the steps of this seductive melody.”

She wanted to retort, to tell him to go fuck himself like the certifiable pimp that he was. However before her exhausted brain could fathom the words, he reached beneath his apron and pulled from it a corked vial of purple liquid. Not sure what to make of this, she watched as he opened the vial and brought it up to his lips and drank it all in one go. He dropped the glass phial when the purple substance was all gone; it floated on the tides for a moment before sinking to the bottom but Alice wasn’t watching. Something incredible was happening to the Carpenter, his entire body had started to tremble and then began to shrink. It was almost as if he were a balloon deflating, first he lost a heads height and then an entire torso, it went on and on until he was half his original size and on par with her own.

Alice looked on as if she were seeing him for the first time; her rational mind not entirely sure what to make of his astounding display. He however was as collected as he had ever been, as if this shrinking act was much an everyday act for him as brushing his teeth and without so much as a bow, he came to stand beside her, his surprisingly powerful arms wounding around her waist as he seized her arms and made her assume the correct starting position. “Now let us start again…”

As she began to dance, the Carpenter’s hands ran across her body. She told herself they were merely guiding and supporting her through the motions, showing her body which to go and how to react so she wouldn’t fall on her arse again. Yet something about this didn’t fell right, the way his fingers were touching her; it were as if they were constantly searching out every tightly wound knot in her body before deft touches made her feel utterly at ease. It was so perverse and inappropriate, yet it just felt so good.

Carpenter smirked as he felt the girl relax against him, his skilled doings apparently having the desired effect as she all but came undone in his arms. This was proving easier than he could have ever imagined so with slightly less caution than might be considered wise, he let his hand travel down the curve of her spine to crease her lower back. As they moved and swayed to a silent song, he prodded and poked out all the tightly wound pools of stress in her young body until she had completely relaxed into his embrace and was deeply lost in their impassioning rhythm. There was no resistance in her now, she had become as loose and free as a water dancer; it was time.

“Now Alice, kick…”

She obeyed him immediately, her long leg come up in a swift arc that made the waters around them tremble, and he swopped down. Curling around her as he released his grip and fell to his knees, he moved effortless to kneel between her opening thighs. Delighted to find that she had removed her undergarments, he reached around and seized her full round buttocks in his hands and pulling to his waiting mouth. With a deftness refined by years of feasting on clams, he ran the tip of his tongue along her sex, feasting on her musky flavour before taking the nub of Alice’s clit between his lips and sucking it greedily.

“Ohhh… Carpenter, what are you…no….stop it!” Alice gasped, surprised not only by this fresh violation but also by the pleasure it sent shooting through her like bolts of lightning. This couldn’t be happening; she wasn’t some immoral streetwalker that would roll into anyone’s bed. So why then did his mouth feel so wonderfully good?

Giving no sign that he’d heard or even cared for her protestations, the Carpenter began attacking Alice’s bud with a carnal fury, gnawing it hungrily between his teeth before flicking it with his silver tongue stud. Her flavour was delicious and he delighted in drinking her essence in with his tongue’s every flick, until he could feel her body shaking against him in pleasure.

“No…I can’t….oh god…why does it feel so good?” She moaned as every nerve her body began to grow hot with pleasure and she began to wonder if she would be burnt alive in the white hot fires of ecstasy. Unable to suppress her moans of pleasure, she writhed and thrashed against him as his silver stud traced patterns across her clit.

“My dear you should learn to relax. If you’ll recall this is wonderland, the embodiment of your mind where all manner of enchantments exist, but they can never touch your physical self.” He murmured, but to immersed in his teasing to remove his lips from her person. “Besides nothing may happen here that you do not wish to happen, everything you see is fashioned from memory and everything we do you desire. Perchance you didn’t notice the bed we now lay upon now my delicious angelfish.”

No sooner had he said it then did Alice realise they were no longer standing and at some point a massive bed with a thick seaweed duvet had formed underneath them. Deep down, she must have wanted this but it was so dirty and depraved and just so…so good.

Sheer pleasure overtook her and she cried out with sudden abandon as his tongue abandoned her nerve filled bud to part her slick folds and plunge into her hidden depths. “Oh Carpenter what are you doing to me? It feels so wonderful… I’ve never… I think I’m going to go crazy.”

“Why I am eating you, my delectable little Siren.” He growled while twisting and thrusting his tongue inside her and drinking deep as her body arched in response to his thick muscle writhing inside her while she wantonly rolled her pelvis against his mouth. Suddenly her fingers were in the bright red tufts of his hair, holding his head tight to her flesh as his long tongue burrowed as deep in her quivering channel as it could go.

“Oh God, your mouth is sinful…” She cried, nearing a state of total and utter delirium as she felt his silvered stud scrapping her inner walls. Something was building within her; she could feel its pressure mounting in her womb and knew bliss was almost upon her. She wanted to savour every exquisite sensation Carpenter’s tongue was stirring but her desire to discover the untold pleasures was so great that one of her hands crept up her waist to cup her breasts through the fabric of her costume. Her nipples were already as hard as glass and were visibly poking through the dark leather as she squeezed her young tits, rolling and tweaking one of the pert buds between her thumb and forefinger. “Oh God…Yes eat me Carpenter…Eat me…eat me!”

September 2018
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