blow up doll
I was hungry as fuck. I opened up a kitchen cabinet and rummaged around. Ok, here we go. Cocoa Crackles. My favorite cereal. I opened the box and looked inside. There was exactly one cocoa crackle left. I put the box back where I found it and opened another cabinet. Inside was a sandwich bag filled with cereal. I couldn’t tell what kind. I must have packed it for a hike. I opened the plastic bag and dumped the cereal in a bowl. I poured milk over it and put a spoonful in my mouth. Instead of a satisfying crunch, I encountered stale chewiness. I thought about spitting it out but decided to eat it anyway. I needed something to steady myself after a rough night. I offered some to Backseat Betty. Backseat Betty is my inflatable sex doll. She declined of course. Backseat Betty can’t have liquids. I continued to wolf down the stale cereal and had almost finished the bowl when my cellular phone started to vibrate. I opened it up and saw a text from my girlfriend Sabrina.
The text said: Tell me more about Mike and Spike.
A cold feeling came over me. How did she know about THOSE guys??? It suddenly hit me. I had mentioned Mike and Spike last night when we were talking on the phone. I had eaten some mushrooms and was talking shit like I do when I’m high. Memories of the conversation piled up like a car wreck in my brain. I had told Sabrina everything I’d ever fantasized about doing to her sexually , and even came up with a few new things on the spot. To top it off I told her that I wanted to share her with two friends of mine, Mike and Spike. How she reacted to that, and what I said after, were too blurry to recall.
And now here she was, texting me for further clarification. I dialed her number and listened with bated breath as the phone rang.
Sabrina answered. “Hello?”
I cleared my throat. “Hey, I just got your text.”
“So who are Mike and Spike? Are they friends of yours?”
“All those things you were talking about last night — all the sexual stuff you said you wanted to do — was that for real? Or was that just something you said for my benefit?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t remember everything I said — the fact is that I was high on mushrooms — but, generally speaking, the shit I talk about when I’m high is for the purpose of feeding my own sexual demons. So the answer is no, it wasn’t for your benefit. It was me feeding my demons.”
“Ok. I figured as much. But who are Mike and Spike?”
“Mike and Spike are two characters I invented so I could fuck you harder.”
“What? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Remember the first time we had sex and you said you wanted it really rough? You told me that if things got too crazy you would just use the safe word. I said fine and started pouring on the heat. I was trying to get you to say the safe word. At one point I remember wishing I had some other guys with me so we could give you a gang bang. In my mind I pictured these two guys — real alpha-male sleazebag type guys — and named them Mike and Spike.”
“Hmm. That’s kinda weird.”
“Yeah, but it worked. I imagined how these guys would fuck you, and then I acted out the part. You told me later that it was the roughest sex you’d ever had. And, in case you forgot, you had to use the safe word. But not because I was hurting you. You told me it was because your orgasm was too intense. You needed me to slow down so that you wouldn’t cum too hard.”
“I remember it alright. You fucked me really good. But let me get this straight: When you were fucking me, you were pretending to be two guys?”
“Yeah. It was like a one-man gangbang.”
“That’s pretty hot.”
“Pretending to be Mike and Spike has come in handy a bunch of times since then. But now it’s turning into a problem.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because Mike and Spike don’t just come when I need them. They show up whenever I’m in a certain state of mind, like when I do mushrooms. And this worries me. Because while I consider myself a gentleman with sleazebag tendencies, Mike and Spike are sleazebags to the core.”
Sabrina paused. “Okay, so I’m just curious. What do you think Mike and Spike would do with me if they had the opportunity? Like if they could do whatever they wanted.”
“I couldn’t say. And I’m not trying to be evasive. The fact is that Mike and Spike aren’t in my brain right now. And to get them back I would have to eat a mushroom.”
Sabrina groaned. “Look. We both know that Mike and Spike are aspects of your own twisted psyche. So stop hiding behind excuses and just tell me what they would do with me.”
“I just told you, I can’t answer that question because they’re not here. And the only way I can bring them back is if I eat a mush…”
My eye fell to the half-eaten bowl of cereal on the counter. Instead of stale cereal I saw a bunch of motorcycle helmets floating in a sea of milk. I squinted. Oh shit. Those aren’t motorcycle helmets. Those are mushrooms. My heart skipped a beat. I had eaten a hundred dollars worth of mushrooms. About five times the normal amount. What the fuck was I going to do now???
“Listen baby, I’ve got a real problem here. I just ate thirty mushrooms. I thought they were cereal. I think I need to go to the hospital.”
“Don’t worry,” Sabrina said. “I’ll be right there.” She hung up the phone.
I sat down and looked around the room. Shadows danced in the corners. Maybe it was a trick of the light but the shadows seemed to have heads topped with horns.
I don’t know how long I sat there but at some point a thunderclap shook the house. I went to the window to see if it was raining. It was totally dry outside. A second thunderclap rocked the foundation of the building. I realized then that it wasn’t thunder. It was someone knocking at the door. I walked down the hall. When I looked through the peephole I saw Sabrina’s face distorted in convex. When I opened the door I saw that she was wearing a trench coat. In my overly sensitive state of mind she was more than just beautiful. She was a magical being that radiated sexual energy.
“Have the mushrooms kicked in yet?” She asked with a spark in her eye.
Sabrina walked inside and said Hello to Backseat Betty, who was propped up against the wall. She put down her purse and unbuttoned her trench coat. Underneath it she was wearing high heels and panties and nothing else.
“Don’t worry sweetheart,” she said. “We’re gonna have a good time tonight. I’m going to let you live out your wildest fantasies. I’ve decided that you and your friends Mike and Spike are going to fuck me tonight.”
“Really?” I asked.
Sabrina flashed her beautiful smile. “I’ll do anything,” she said. “And I mean ANYTHING.” She pulled a joint out of her trench coat and a lighter. She flicked the lighter and a flame jumped up like a jack-in-the-box puppet. I watched her mouth as she sucked on the joint. She held in the air for a moment and then blew it in my face. The air from her lungs was warm and sweet. I felt my dick getting hard.
“Do that again,” I said.
Again, she exhaled, blowing the smoke in my face. I breathed in as she did. The whole time I was looking at her beautiful face and looking at her mouth in particular. God I love that mouth. I had lost all sense of courtesy. But Sabrina didn’t mind. She smiled and licked her lips.
“Do whatever you want to me.” Her voice betrayed her eagerness. “If you get too rough, I’ll use the safe word.”
I decided then and there that I would let nothing but my own selfish desires dictate how I treated this woman. If she enjoyed it, all the better. But from now on I would think only of myself. As odd as it may sound, what I wanted to do most in that moment, as I watched Sabrina’s mouth, was to simply kiss her. Not as a replacement for sex. But as a prelude to the evilest sex imaginable. A way of apologizing for the sins I was about to commit.
And so I did just that. I cupped the back of her neck in my hand and pressed my lips to hers. I tasted her delicious mouth. I ran my tongue over her teeth. I savored the taste of her saliva. I breathed in deep to gather as much as I could of her glorious smell. At some point she let her trench coat slide from her shoulders and fall to the floor.
I closed my eyes and thought about Mike and Spike.
Can you hear me Mike and Spike? Help me turn this beautiful woman into a cum-gargling whore.
I opened my eyes and looked at Sabrina’s mouth. It was just as beautiful as before, but it looked different. Instead of looking like a mouth, it looked like a fun house tunnel. Yes. This beautiful woman was a carnival ride for my amusement. I marveled at her pink tongue and the smooth interior of her throat. Even in the dim light of my bedroom I could see her epiglottis. I imagined all the twists and turns that followed. What was at the end of this fun house tunnel? Her dirty butthole of course. This thought warmed my soul.
I grabbed Sabrina by the back of her head and led her to my bed. I pushed her down on it so that her ass was sticking up in the air. An air of sleazy merriment had descended upon the scene. Sabrina, who would soon be enduring the brunt of my brutish desire, panted in anticipation.
I yanked down her panties. I was about to throw them on the floor but decided to sniff them first. I put my nose to the crotch of her panties and inhaled. Yellow flowers bloomed in my skull. Then I moved my nose to the part of her underwear that rubbed on her ass crack. I noticed a brown stain on the fabric. I put my nose to the stain and inhaled as deeply as my lungs would allow. A musky aroma took control of my brain. It ebbed through my system and saturated the very core of my being. Though an accurate description of this smell is impossible, since the realm of the truly perfect is beyond words, I can capture some hint of its essence by describing it as standing downwind from a chocolate factory while a master chef grills a shark on a bonfire made of skunk bones. I held the smell in my nose until my head throbbed and then expelled it in a stuttering wheeze.
Sabrina looked over her shoulder. “Are you smelling my panties?”
I nodded with tears in my eyes.
“You’re disgusting,” she said in a voice that was simultaneously incredulous and bemused.
“You don’t know what disgusting is,” I laughed. “But you’ll soon find out.”
I threw her panties on the floor and spread her butt cheeks open. I gazed in rapturous desire at her puckered butthole and then put my nose in it. I experienced the same olfactory ecstasy but this time the funk was even stronger. After I took several deep sniffs I prepared to put my lips to her anus. But then I had an idea. I got off the bed and walked to where she’d left her purse. I opened it and found her lipstick. It looked like the color she had on. I uncapped the lipstick, spread her ass cheeks open, and drew a bright red circle around her butthole.
“Blow me a kiss.”
I heard a kissing sound come from her face.
“Not with your mouth. I want you to blow me a kiss with your ass.”
Sabrina strained. Her butthole opened and closed and let out a sonorous fart. I was impressed. Not only by the control that she had over her anus, but by her willingness to go along with my antics.
“Keep blowing me kisses with your ass.”
With each blown kiss of her anus a puff of air was expelled and with each closure a tiny draft was sucked back in. The impression I had was that her anus was breathing.
I picked up the half-smoked joint, along with Sabrina’s lighter, and lit it. I took a toke just to get the joint going and then I put the end at the opening of her anus. Her butthole closed around it like a puckered mouth. The tip glowed bright red. Her anus opened and let out a puff of fragrant smoke. Then I put it back in her asshole and her anus took another hit. I decided to do just as I’d done with the smoke that she exhaled from her mouth. I put my face near her asshole and inhaled. I breathed in the aroma and savored it like a cigar aficionado. It was the perfect blend of marijuana and her dirty ass.
I let her lipstick-covered butthole take one last puff and then put the joint out. At the risk of sounding maudlin, I found myself having the same sentimental thoughts that I’d experienced when she blew smoke in my face with her mouth. I wanted to make out with her anus. I stuck my tongue deep inside and savored the taste. I breathed in through my nose to gather as much as I could of her anal musk. I don’t know how long I tongue-fucked her asshole but it felt like hours.
“Is this “Gone with the Wind” or something?” Sabrina asked with annoyance in her voice.
She had grown restless. I pulled my tongue from her ass and sat back. She got up and walked naked into the kitchen. From the bed I could see her pour herself a glass of Jack Daniels. She came back, sat on the bed, and sipped her drink.
“What happened to Mike and Spike?”
She swirled the ice and stared at the glass with a glum face. I’d let her down. I had tried to be nasty but instead exposed myself as a low rent Romeo whose only outre tendency was a penchant for eating ass.
I was searching for some words when a deafening knock shook the door.
I wondered if the knock had been amplified by my drug-addled brain. But the stunned look on Sabrina’s face told me that it was as loud as I’d thought. Before I could do or say anything another knock boomed.
“Who the fuck is that?” she said anxiously, scrambling for her panties.
“I have a pretty good idea,” I said. “I better get the door.”
“Wait,” she whispered. “Are you sure we should answer that? Maybe we should just pretend we’re not home.”
I sighed. “Either I answer the door or they’ll knock it off the hinges. We could try hiding but I don’t think it’ll help.”
Sabrina swallowed a lump in her throat. Another knock boomed. It sounded like the wood frame of the door was cracking.
“Alright!” I yelled. “I’m coming!”
I walked to the door and opened it. In the shadows of the hallway stood two hulking shapes. They stepped forward into the light.
“Sorry we’re late.”
“No problem. What happened anyway?” I held the door open.
“Spike’s Harley broke down as we were riding through Sheol. Some unborn souls helped us replace the chains but it still took awhile. Whoa, hey there.”
“Mike, Spike, this is my girlfriend Sabrina.”
Sabrina reached out to shake Mike and Spike’s hands. She looked like a fairy princess shaking the hands of two giants.
“Sabrina wants all three of us to fuck her. She said we can do whatever we want.”
Mike and Spike nodded. “Okay then.”
“Hold up a minute fellas.” Sabrina cleared her throat. “I mean, there’s no rush, is there?”
Mike and Spike looked at each other and then back at Sabrina. “We’ve had a long day, lady. So with all respects, we’d just as soon get down to business.”
Sabrina looked at me. “Okay, um…dear, can I have a word with you alone?”
I said Sure and we withdrew to a corner. Sabrina leaned in so that she wouldn’t be heard. “I thought you said those guys were imaginary. I thought you said you pretended to be them when you wanted to fuck somebody really hard.”
“I was trying to explain that. They used to be just figments of my imagination. But now they show up every time I do mushrooms.”
Sabrina groaned. “Well, what do you think they want to do with me?”
“I don’t know. Treat you like a whore maybe?”
Sabrina rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know sweetheart…”
“Is there a problem over there?” Mike’s baritone cut through the room.
“No,” I shouted back. “We’re just ironing out some details.”
“Okay,” Sabrina whispered. “I’ve never had sex with more than one man before, so wish me luck.”
“You’re not getting cold feet, are you?” Mike asked gruffly.
“Nope.” Sabrina said. “I’m ready to get fucked all night long.”
Mike and Spike smiled widely. “Great. Let’s get started!”
“Okay. But first,” Sabrina said firmly, “there are a few perimeters that we need to establish in regards to what you can and can’t do.”
Mike and Spike nodded.
“Okay,” she began, “in regards to roughness…I’m generally for it. But the two of you look like professional wrestlers so I’m going to give you some guidelines. I like it when men act like they can’t control themselves in my presence – it makes me feel sexy – but I don’t want you to lose control to the extent that you actually do me harm. So rule number 1 is ‘Don’t hurt me.’”
Mike and Spike nodded.
“Rule number 2. If things get too rough I’ll use a safe word. The safe word is the Eskimo word for palm tree.”
Mike scratched his head. “Do Eskimos even have a word for palm tree?”
Sabrina shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Well, how are you going to say it if you don’t know it?”
“I didn’t say the safe word was the actual word, I said it was ‘the Eskimo word for palm tree.’ Get me?”
Spike rubbed his chin. “So it’s more of a safe phrase than a safe word.”
“Safe phrase, safe word, what’s the difference. Alright fellas,” Sabrina shouted. “Let’s get started!”
I cleared my throat. Ahem. “There’s one more rule. Rule number 3, I guess.”
Mike, Spike, Sabrina and Sabrina all turned to look at me.
“I’m the only one who gets to fuck Sabrina up the ass.”
“What!” Mike and Spike both cried in unison.
“That’s right. Both of your dicks are enormous. If you buttfuck her then her ass is going to be stretched out. And that’s my favorite orifice. So stick to her pussy and her face and we’ll all be happy.”
Spike shook his head. “That’s bullshit!” he spat. “You’re telling me that we can’t fuck that beautiful ass? That’s more than half the reason we came tonight. You’re a selfish bastard, you know that?”
I slapped Spike hard across his face and then grabbed his ear and twisted it.
“Listen bitch. Did you forget who created you? Me, that’s who. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even be here. Do you get that?”
I was being a jerk but I couldn’t help it. I wanted Sabrina’s ass all to myself.
Spike’s eyes were watering with pain. “Yeah,” he said. “I get it.” He couldn’t nod because I was twisting his ear too hard.
I let him go. “Ok good, no hard feelings.” Spike rubbed his ear.
Sabrina seemed to take heart by witnessing my bold treatment of Spike. Perhaps she thought the two ruthless goons were under my control and that I could be counted on to act as the voice of reason if things went too far. I wish that were true. But the fact is that I took a huge risk by treating Spike that way just now. I had no idea whether he would obey my command or break me into a thousand pieces. That’s how strongly I felt about having Sabrina’s ass to myself. These big-dicked bastards would wreck her butthole permanently. I couldn’t have that on my conscience. I secretly worried that Sabrina had bitten off more than she could chew.
Sabrina, on the other hand, seemed to have gotten over her trepidation. She poured three more glasses of whiskey and handed them to Mike, Spike, and I. She topped her own drink off and lifted her glass in a toast to fun times. We all clinked glasses. Mike and Spike drank their drinks in one gulp. Mike belched. Spike clapped his hands together and said “Let’s party!”
The pair took off their clothes, letting their huge cocks flop out. Their pendulous members hung down as far as their knees. Without warning Mike picked Sabrina up and threw her onto the bed. Sabrina squealed with delight. I was glad that she was enjoying herself. I only hoped she had enough nerve to hold on for the rest of the ride.
She assumed her prone position once more and then reached back and spread her butt cheeks apart. Her lipstick-painted anus looked more inviting than ever. “Hey boys,” she said seductively. “Why don’t one of you come over here and lick my asshole?”
Mike and Spike looked at each other. “What does she think, that we’re trained monkeys or something?”