baseball bat

To the reader: This very short story actually came from a dream I had. Yeah, I know I’m warped. Anyway I hope you enjoy it. Sorry, there’s not a lot of sex in it. Just remember, its fiction!

Thanks to jo for great editing, as usual.


I’ve known for some time that Jen was cheating on me. My so-called best friend Bob has been porking her just about every day for the last two weeks. The bastard works the evening shift down at the plant while I work days so while our son is at school he and my lovely wife spend the day heating up the sheets. How do I know this? Jen talks in her sleep.

I’ve never been much of a planner; I just react to what life throws my way. Sometimes it works okay and other times I get myself into hot water. In the case of my wife and Bob I just got to the boiling point and reacted. Part way through my shift I had a major pain in my gut, or so I told the shift supervisor, and left to go to the hospital. Instead of going directly there I took a little side trip to my house. I knew what I was going to find and sure enough there was Bob’s pickup truck parked out front. I went in the front door as quietly as I could and listened. I heard Bob’s voice coming from down the hall where my bedroom is.

“That’s it baby, suck it. Suck it good. Eat me, baby. Ah, you know what I like.”

Yep, I know what you like asshole but after today you won’t be getting any more of it. I’m pretty sure I won’t either. Creeping down the hall to my bedroom I kept hearing Bob’s voice.

“Baby, eat it good. Yeah, I love what you do to me.”

It was sickening. What was more sickening was what I saw through the crack in the bedroom door. There was Bob standing at the foot of the bed with his pants down around his ankles and his head thrown back with his eyes closed facing the ceiling fan. The stupid smile on his face spoke volumes about how close he was to exploding. Both of his hands were on the top of my lovely wife’s head. She was completely naked and kneeling in front of him sliding his cock in and out of her mouth with her hands behind her back. I’ve seen her in that position many times but never with someone else. It’s always been my cock in her lovely mouth.

I couldn’t watch their show for more than a few seconds. I came home to stop them once and for all, but how? I didn’t know what I was going to do when I left work and I still don’t. I took a couple steps back to think and realized that I was standing in front of my son’s room. I thought of my son and how what was going on would affect him. I walked into his room and looked around. All the time I could hear Bob encouraging my wife.

“Come on, a little bit more. Eat me up baby. Yeah!”

My son is nine and does every sport imaginable. He has little league baseball and football trophies on the shelf over his bed. He seemed to have every piece of sports equipment possible. I saw the soccer ball on the bed and flashed back to my years of playing soccer and the day my college football team recruited me to be the punter and place kicker. I was always a jock and my son is a spitting image of me. But my wife’s infidelity may ruin any chance of our being together as father and son. What can I do? What can I do?

“I’m almost there baby. Eat it good. I’m gonna come.”

It’s going to end right now, I thought. I grabbed one of the little league aluminum bats off the hook by the door and walked back into the hall. They were in the same position as a minute before except that Jen’s head was moving back and forth faster. Without thinking things through I pushed open the door and took two steps into the room to stand beside the two adulterers. With my right foot I threw a mighty kick between the two hitting my wife square under her chin. It was a kick that would have scored the winning points from fifty yards.

The sound of her mouth slamming shut and the bones in her lower jaw breaking was just about the ugliest sound I’ve ever heard. Her head snapped back and she fell away from me on all fours. She was choking and spitting and gagging like that old cat we had when she had a fur ball. Bob’s eyes were wide open now as was his mouth. He was just starting to scream when I brought the little bat down across the bridge of his nose. He fell back on the bed with his arms out like Jesus on the cross. Blood was starting to trickle down from each nostril. There was also blood pooling in between his legs, along with something else. A little white square sat on top of his pubic hair. It looked like a tooth. I turned my attention to my wife again and she was still trying to spit out that fur ball. Her back was to me with her ass in the air and every time she gagged or choked her little brown hole stretched out and back again to a pucker. I had a momentary thought to shove that little baseball bat up her ass but I didn’t. I think I made my point. I backed out of the room. On the way out to my truck I stopped long enough in my son’s room to put the bat back on its hook.

I drove to the hospital and sat in the ambulatory waiting area of the emergency room in a seat in the corner. After about fifteen minutes I went over to the desk and asked the nurse when somebody was going to see me. She couldn’t find my name on her list and looked at me like I was an idiot.

“I’ve been sitting right over there for about an hour,” I said pointing to the chair I just got up from. She apologized and said that somehow my name was not on her list. She got the information she wanted and I went back and sat down. Another hour later an orderly took me back to a cot where I waited some more. An hour after that a doctor checked me over and sent me home with some Pepto-Bismol. Instead of going home I went out to my favorite diner and ordered dinner. I wasn’t really hungry so I sat there moving everything around on the plate and thought about what I had done. I had a lot of screwed up emotions.

It was about six o’clock when my cell phone rang. It was Jen’s mother.

“Mort, we’ve got a problem,” she said with concern in her voice. “Jen’s in the hospital. She was attacked today outside the mall. She had surgery a little while ago and is now in the recovery room. You’ve got to get down here right away.”

Well, at least Jen was lying to everyone, not just me. As I drove back to the hospital I wondered how this one was going to play out. I found the surgical waiting area and Jen’s mother was in there watching TV. She said that Jen had a broken jaw and a herniated disk in her neck. Her mouth had been wired shut and she was being moved to a room. We both sat and watched TV. I did wonder how she got to the hospital and where asshole was. Whatever happened in the next few hours was going to be very interesting.

A nurse told us that Jen was in a room on the fifth floor. We walked up to the nurse’s station and asked which room she was in. When we got the room number Jen’s mom said for me to go in to see her first and she would wait in the waiting room. I walked in and saw Jen lying in a bed with an IV in one arm. There were bandages on each side of her black and blue face. She had a cervical collar around her neck. The most impressive thing was all the metal showing in her mouth – a mouth that just a few hours before was sucking my ex-best friend’s cock. Her eyes were all bloodshot and she looked to be under the influence of something hanging next to the IV bag.

I just smiled down at her.

She tried to move but a bolt of pain shot up her spine. Her eyes looked exactly like Bob’s before I hit him with the little bat. Then she did the second stupidest thing of the day — she tried to talk. All that came out was mim bod dididid nooo. Gibberish. She couldn’t move her mouth and the drugs were still affecting her brain. I just shrugged and left the room. Her mother went in and I went home.

The mess in the bedroom was still there when I got home. I didn’t touch a thing. I wanted Jen to see everything when she came home. There was a note from Jen’s mom that she took my son over to her sister’s to stay until things got straightened out, if they ever did. I got a beer and sat in the recliner on the porch. Five minutes later I was asleep.

The next morning I called in to work and told my shift supervisor that I was feeling good enough to come back but my wife was now in the hospital and I needed another day off. I asked if Bob came to work last night and he checked and said that he was out sick. Yeah right, sick my ass.

I didn’t go back to the hospital until dinnertime. I didn’t know what to expect when I got there and was in no hurry to find out. Jen was sitting in a chair next to the bed and a nurse was trying to show her how to eat through a straw. When she saw me standing at the door she mumbled something to the nurse who got up and left. The expression in Jen’s eyes was that of a whipped dog. Not only were they black and blue but they were puffy and crusty with tears. She knew I knew.

Jen tried to talk again but all that came out was mumbling and gibberish. Finally she picked up a pad and pencil, wrote something, and handed the note to me.

“I’m sorry!” was all the note said.

She was writing another before I could respond.

This one said, “What’s going to happen now?”

“Where’s lover boy?” I asked as calmly as possible.

Scrawling another note she said, “The ambulance took him to another hospital.”

“Sorry you two can’t share a room,” I said sarcastically.

She wrote again. “I don’t want him, I want you!”

“Hell of a way to show it,” I stammered. “I’m not sure I want you anymore. I come home and find a bloody mess all over the house and you in the hospital. When they told me what you were doing when all this happened I almost went nuts. I’m not sure I want you to come home anymore.”

More writing. “But you got your revenge. You broke my jaw and my neck.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied. “I had to go to the hospital yesterday because I had a pain in my stomach. I was here all day until your mother called. I didn’t do anything to you.”

More writing. “But who?”

“Haven’t a clue. Maybe one of lover boy’s other daytime fuck friends.”

Another note. “It had to be you.”

“Did you see me?” I asked and hoped for the answer I wanted.

She shook her head, “No.”

“Did lover boy?”

Another note. “I haven’t talked to him.”

“Well, it wasn’t me. I would have done a whole lot more than break your jaw. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I had been there.”

She paused for a long time looking at me standing there. She wrote and paused and wrote some more. The note said, “I know it was you. I know when you’re lying.”

“Prove it,” I shot back. I turned to go and heard her mumbling and stomping her feet. I looked back and she held out another note.

I went back and took it. It said, “What did you do with it?”

“Do with what,” I asked.

She wrote and handed me another note. “You know what I’m talking about. His penis.”

With the biggest smile I’ve had since this whole thing hit the fan I said, “I didn’t touch it. You did exactly what he wanted you to do. He wanted you to eat him and you did.”

Jen’s eyes got wide with realization. Her cheeks bulged out and she started lurching forward in her seat. There was now an expression of panic on her face as her stomach erupted and vomit squirted out from between the metal bracing holding her jaws together and through the hole where the missing tooth should have been. It was under so much force that the vile liquid looked like tiny streams spewing from a lawn sprinkler. I just turned and walked away smiling.

I did stop at the nurse’s station and say, “Clean up on aisle five.” I pointed to Jen’s room and left.

Post mortem:

The trial had nationwide coverage. Reporters and spectators were constantly giggling as each person testified. Neither Jen nor Bob could say positively that they saw me in the room that day. They were too busy doing other things. They had to relive that day out loud in front of the judge and courtroom and to the national press. I sat with my arms crossed and didn’t say a word. I didn’t need to. Inside I was laughing up a storm. I was acquitted after two days of media scrutiny. So much for my fifteen minutes of fame.

Bob lives with a nub where his penis was. His wife filed for divorce. Everybody down at the plant now calls him Stumpy.

Jen lives with her mother now. Until final custody of our son can be worked out I won’t let her come to the house to visit. I take him to grandma’s every weekend. The metal cage in her mouth was removed but she still can’t talk right. Physical therapy doesn’t seem to be helping.

I still go to every one of my son’s sporting events. Each time he goes up to the plate with his little aluminum bat I yell “Eat ‘em up buddy.”

September 2018
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